when mr wonka had finished reading the recipe, he carefullyfolded the paper and put it back into his pocket. 'a very, verycomplicated mixture,' he said. 'so can you wonder it took meso long to get it just right?' he held the bottle up high andgave it a little shake and the pills rattled loudly inside it, likeglass beads. 'now, sir,' he said, offering the bottle first tograndpa george. 'will you take one pill or two?'

'will you solemnly swear,' said grandpa george, 'that it will dowhat you say it will and nothing else?'

mr wonka placed his free hand on his heart. 'i swear it,' hesaid.

charlie edged forward. grandpa joe came with him. the twoof them always stayed close together. 'please excuse me forasking,' charlie said, 'but are you really absolutely sure you'vegot it quite right?'

'whatever makes you ask a funny question like that?' said mrwonka. 'i was thinking of the gum you gave to violetbeauregarde,' charlie said.

'so that's what's bothering you!' cried mr wonka. 'but don'tyou understand, my dear boy, that i never did give that gumto violet? she snatched it without permission. and i shouted,"stop! don't! spit it out!" but the silly girl took no notice ofme. now wonka-vite is altogether different. i am offering thesepills to your grandparents. i am recommending them. andwhen taken according to my instructions, they are as safe assugar-candy!'

'of course they are!' cried mr bucket. 'what are you waitingfor, all of you!' an extraordinary change had come over mrbucket since he had entered the chocolate room. normally hewas a pretty timid sort of person. a lifetime devoted toscrewing caps on to the tops of toothpaste tubes in atoothpaste factory had turned him into a rather shy and quietman. but the sight of the marvellous chocolate factory hadmade his spirits soar. what is more, this business of the pillsseemed to have given him a terrific kick. 'listen!' he cried,going up to the edge of the bed. 'mr wonka's offering you anew life! grab it while you can!'

'it's a delicious sensation,' mr wonka said. 'and it's very quick.

you lose a year a second. exactly one year falls away fromyou every second that goes by!' he stepped forward andplaced the bottle of pills gently in the middle of the bed. 'sohere you are, my dears,' he said. 'help yourselves!'

'come on!' cried all the oompa-loompas together.

'come on, old friends, and do what's right!

come make your

lives as bright as bright!just take a dose of this delight!thisheavenly magic dynamite!

you can't go wrong, you must go

right!

it's willy wonka's wonka-vite!'

this was too much for the old people in the bed. all three ofthem made a dive for the bottle. six scrawny hands shot outand started scrabbling to get hold of it. grandma georgina gotit. she gave a grunt of triumph and unscrewed the cap andtipped all the little brilliant yellow pills on to the blanket on herlap. she cupped her hands around them so the others couldn'treach out and snatch them. 'all right!' she shouted excitedly,counting them quickly. 'there's twelve pills here! that's six forme and three each for you!'

'hey! that's not fair!' shrilled grandma josephine. 'it's four foreach of us!'

'four each is right!' cried grandpa george. 'come on,georgina! hand over my share!'

mr wonka shrugged his shoulders and turned his back onthem. he hated squabbles. he hated it when people got grabbyand selfish. let them fight it out among themselves, hethought, and he walked away. he walked slowly down towardthe chocolate waterfall. it was an unhappy truth, he toldhimself, that nearly all people in the world behave badly whenthere is something really big at stake. money is the thing theyfight over most. but these pills were bigger than money. theycould do things for you no amount of money could ever do.

they were worth at least a million dollars a pill. he knewplenty of very rich men who would gladly pay that much inorder to become twenty years younger. he reached theriverbank below the waterfall and he stood there gazing at thegreat gush and splash of melted chocolate pouring down. hehad hoped the noise of the waterfall would drown the arguingvoices of the old grandparents in the bed, but it didn't. evenwith his back to them, he still couldn't help hearing most ofwhat they were saying.

'i got them first!' grandma georgina was shouting. 'so they'remine to share out!'

'oh no they're not!' shrilled grandma josephine. 'he didn't givethem to you! he gave them to all three of us!'

'i want my share and no one's going to stop me getting it!'

yelled grandpa george. 'come on, woman! hand them over!'

then came the voice of grandpa joe, cutting in sternlythrough the rabble. 'stop this at once!' he ordered. 'all three ofyou! you're behaving like savages!'

'you keep out of this, joe, and mind your own business!' saidgrandma josephine.

'now you be careful, josie,' grandpa joe went on. 'four is toomany for one person anyway.'

'that's right,' charlie said. 'please, grandma, why don't you justtake one or two each like mr wonka said, and that'll leavesome for grandpa joe and mother and father.'

'yes!' cried mr bucket. 'i'd love one!'

'oh, wouldn't it be wonderful,' said mrs bucket, 'to be twentyyears younger and not have aching feet any more! couldn'tyou spare just one for each of us, mother?'

'i'm afraid not,' said grandma georgina. 'these pills arespecially reserved for us three in the bed. mr wonka said so!'

'i want my share!' shouted grandpa george. 'come on,georgina! dish them out!'

'hey, let me go, you brute!' cried grandma georgina. 'you'rehurting me! ow! … all right! all right! i'll share them outif you'll stop twisting my arm … that's better … here's fourfor josephine … and four for george … and four for me.'

'good,' said grandpa george. 'now who's got some water?'

without looking around, mr wonka knew that threeoompa-loompas would be running to the bed with threeglasses of water. oompa-loompas were always ready to help.

there was a brief pause, and then:

'well, here goes!' cried grandpa george.

'young and beautiful, that's what i'll be!' shouted grandmajosephine.

'farewell, old age!' cried grandma georgina. 'all together now!

down the hatch!'

then there was silence. mr wonka was itching to turn aroundand look, but he forced himself to wait. out of the corner ofone eye he could see a group of oompa-loompas, allmotionless, their eyes fixed intently in the direction of the bigbed over by the elevator. then charlie's voice broke thesilence. 'wow!' he was shouting. 'just look at that! it's … it'sincredible!'

'i can't believe it!' grandpa joe was yelling. 'they're gettingyounger and younger! they really are! just look at grandpageorge's hair!'

'and his teeth!' cried charlie. 'hey, grandpa! you're gettinglovely white teeth all over again!'

'mother!' shouted mrs bucket to grandma georgina. 'oh,mother! you're beautiful!

you're so young! and just look at dad!' she went on, pointingat grandpa george. 'isn't he handsome!'

'what's it feel like, josie?' asked grandpa joe excitedly. 'tell uswhat it feels like to be back to thirty again! … wait a minute!

you look younger than thirty! you can't be a day more thantwenty now! … but that's enough, isn't it! … i should stopthere if i were you! twenty's quite young enough! …'

mr wonka shook his head sadly and passed a hand over hiseyes. had you been standing very close to him you wouldhave heard him murmuring softly under his breath, 'oh, dearydeary me, here we go again …'

'mother!' cried mrs bucket, and now there was a shrill note ofalarm in her voice. 'why don't you stop, mother! you're goingtoo far! you're way under twenty! you can't be more thanfifteen! … you're … you're … you're ten … you're gettingsmaller, mother!'

'josie!' shouted grandpa joe. 'hey, josie! don't do it, josie!

you're shrinking! you're a little girl! stop her, somebody!

quick!'

'they're all going too far!' cried charlie. 'they took too much,'

said mr bucket.

'mother's shrinking faster than any of them!' wailed mrsbucket. 'mother! can't you hear me, mother? can't you stop?'

'my heavens, isn't it quick!' said mr bucket, who seemed to bethe only one enjoying it. 'it really is a year a second!'

'but they've hardly got any more years left!' wailed grandpajoe.

'mother's no more than four now!' mrs bucket cried out.

'she's three … two … one … gracious me! what's happeningto her! where's she gone? mother? georgina! where are you?

mr wonka! come quickly! come here, mr wonka! somethingfrightful's happened! something's gone wrong! my old mother'sdisappeared!'

mr wonka sighed and turned around and walked slowly andquite calmly back toward the bed.

'where's my mother?' bawled mrs bucket.

'look at josephine!' cried grandpa joe. 'just look at her! iask you!'

mr wonka looked first at grandma josephine. she was sittingin the middle of the huge bed, bawling her head off. 'wa! wa!

wa!' she said. 'wa! wa! wa! wa! wa!'

'she's a screaming baby!' cried grandpa joe. 'i've got ascreaming baby for a wife!'

'the other one's grandpa george!' mr bucket said, smilinghappily. 'the slightly bigger one there crawling around. he's mywife's father.'

'that's right! he's my father!' wailed mrs bucket. 'and where'sgeorgina, my old mother? she's vanished! she's nowhere, mrwonka! she's absolutely nowhere! i saw her getting smallerand smaller and in the end she got so small she justdisappeared into thin air! what i want to know is where's shegone to! and how in the world are we going to get her back!'

'ladies and gentlemen!' said mr wonka, coming up close andraising both hands for silence. 'please, i beg you, do not ruffleyourselves! there's nothing to worry about …'

'you call it nothing!' cried poor mrs bucket. 'when my oldmother's gone down the drain and my father's a howling baby…'

'a lovely baby,' said mr wonka.

'i quite agree,' said mr bucket.

'what about my josie?' cried grandpa joe.

'what about her?' said mr wonka.

'well …'

'a great improvement, sir,' said mr wonka, 'don't you agree?'

'oh, yes!' said grandpa joe. 'i mean no! what am i saying?

she's a howling baby!'

'but in perfect health,' said mr wonka. 'may i ask you, sir,how many pills she took?'

'four,' said grandpa joe glumly. 'they all took four.'

mr wonka made a wheezing noise in his throat and a look ofgreat sorrow came over his face. 'why oh why can't people bemore sensible?' he said sadly. 'why don't they listen to mewhen i tell them something? i explained very carefullybeforehand that each pill makes the taker exactly twenty yearsyounger. so if grandma josephine took four of them, sheautomatically became younger by four times twenty, which is …wait a minute now … four twos are eight … add a nought …that's eighty … so she automatically became younger by eightyyears. how old, sir, was your wife, if i may ask, before thishappened?'

'she was eighty last birthday,' grandpa joe answered. 'she waseighty and three months.'

'there you are, then!' cried mr wonka, flashing a happy smile.

'the wonka-vite worked perfectly! she is now precisely threemonths old! and a plumper rosier infant i've never set eyeson!'

'nor me,' said mr bucket. 'she'd win a prize in any babycompetition.'

'first prize,' said mr wonka.

'cheer up, grandpa,' said charlie, taking the old man's hand inhis. 'don't be sad. she's a beautiful baby.'

'madam,' said mr wonka, turning to mrs bucket. 'how old,may i ask, was grandpa george, your father?'

'eighty-one,' wailed mrs bucket. 'he was eighty-one exactly.'

'which makes him a great big bouncing one-year-old boy now,'

said mr wonka happily.

'how splendid!' said mr bucket to his wife. 'you'll be the firstperson in the world to change her father's nappies!'

'he can change his own rotten nappies!' said mrs bucket.

'what i want to know is where's my mother? where'sgrandma georgina?'

'ah-ha,' said mr wonka. 'oh-ho … yes, indeed … where ohwhere has georgina gone? how old, please, was the lady inquestion?'

'seventy-eight,' mrs bucket told him.

'well, of course!' laughed mr wonka. 'that explains it!'

'what explains what?' snapped mrs bucket.

'my dear madam,' said mr wonka. 'if she was onlyseventy-eight and she took enough wonka-vite to make hereighty years younger, then naturally she's vanished. she's bittenoff more than she could chew! she's taken off more yearsthan she had!'

'explain yourself,' said mrs bucket.

'simple arithmetic,' said mr wonka. 'subtract eighty fromseventy-eight and what do you get?'

'minus two!' said charlie.

'hooray!' said mr bucket. 'my mother-in-law's minus two yearsold!'

'impossible!' said mrs bucket.

'it's true,' said mr wonka.

'and where is she now, may i ask?' said mrs bucket.

'that's a good question,' said mr wonka. 'a very goodquestion. yes, indeed. where is she now?'

'you don't have the foggiest idea, do you?'

'of course i do,' said mr wonka. 'i know exactly where sheis.'

'then tell me!'

'you must try to understand,' said mr wonka, 'that if she isnow minus two, she's got to add two more years before shecan start again from nought. she's got to wait it out.'

'where does she wait?' said mrs bucket.

'in the waiting room, of course,' said mr wonka.

boom!-boom! said the drums of the oompa-loompa band.

boom-boom! boom-boom! and all the oompa-loompas, allthe hundreds of them standing there in the chocolate roombegan to sway and hop and dance to the rhythm of themusic. 'attention, please!' they sang.

'attention, please! attention, please!don't dare to talk! don'tdare to sneeze!

don't doze or daydream! stay awake!your

health, your very life's at stake!ho-ho, you say, they can'tmean me.

ha-ha, we answer, wait and see.

did any of you

ever meeta child called goldie pinklesweet?who on herseventh birthday wentto stay with granny down in kent.atlunchtime on the second day

of dearest little goldie's stay,

granny announced, "i'm going downto do some shopping inthe town."(d'you know why granny didn't tellthe child tocome along as well?she's going to the nearest innto buy

herself a double gin.)so out she creeps. she shuts the door.

and goldie, after making surethat she is really by herself,goes quickly to the medicine shelf,and there, her little greedyeyessee pills of every shape and size,

such fascinating colours

too —

some green, some pink, some brown, some blue."allright," she says, "let's try the brown."she takes one pill andgulps it down."yum-yum!" she cries. "hooray! what fun!

they're chocolate-coated, every one!"she gobbles five, shegobbles ten,she stops her gobbling only whenthe last pill'sgone. there are no more.

slowly she rises from the floor.she

stops. she hiccups. dear, oh dear,

she starts to feel a trifle

queer.

you see, how could young goldie know,for nobody hadtold her so,that grandmama, her old relation,suffered fromfrightful constipation.this meant that every night she'd giveherself a powerful laxative,and all the medicines that she'dboughtwere naturally of this sort.the pink and red and blueand greenwere all extremely strong and mean.but far morefierce and meaner still,was granny's little chocolate pill.itsblast effect was quite uncanny.it used to shake up evengranny.in point of fact she did not dare

to use them more

than twice a year.so can you wonder little goldiebegan to feela wee bit mouldy?

inside her tummy, something stirred.a

funny gurgling sound was heard,and then, oh dear, from deepwithin,the ghastly rumbling sounds begin!they rumbilate androar and boom!they bounce and echo round the room!thefloorboards shake and from the wallsome bits of paint andplaster fall. explosions, whistles, awful bangswere followed bythe loudest clangs.(a man next door was heard to say,"athunderstorm is on the way.")but on and on the rumblinggoes.

a window cracks, a lamp-bulb blows.

young goldie

clutched herself and cried,"there's something wrong with myinside!"

this was, we very greatly fear,the understatement ofthe year.

for wouldn't any child feel crummy,with loud

explosions in her tummy?

granny, at half past two, came in,

weaving a little from the gin,but even so she quickly sawtheempty bottle on the floor."my precious laxatives!" she cried."idon't feel well," the girl replied.

angrily grandma shook her

head."i'm really not surprised," she said."why can't you leavemy pills alone?"

with that, she grabbed the telephoneand

shouted, "listen, send us quickan ambulance! a child is sick!

it's number fifty, fontwell road!come fast! i think she mightexplode!"we're sure you do not wish to hear

about the

hospital and wherethey did a lot of horrid thingswithstomach-pumps and rubber rings.let's answer what you wantto know:did goldie live or did she go?the doctors gatheredround her bed."there's really not much hope," they said.

"she's going, going, gone!" they cried."she's had her chips!

she's dead! she's dead!""i'm not so sure," the child replied.

and all at once she opened wide

her great big bluish eyes and

sighed,and gave the anxious docs a wink,and said, "i'll beokay, i think."so goldie lived and back she wentat first togranny's place in kent.her father came the second dayandfetched her in a chevrolet,and drove her to their home indover.but goldie's troubles were not over.

you see, if someone

takes enoughof any highly dangerous stuff,one will invariablyfindsome traces of it left behind.

it pains us greatly to relate

that goldie suffered from this fate.

she'd taken such a massive

fillof this unpleasant kind of pill,it got into her blood andbones,it messed up all her chromosomes,it made herconstantly upset,and she could never really getthe beastlystuff to go away.and so the girl was forced to stayfor sevenhours every day

within the everlasting gloomof what we call

the ladies room.and after all, the w.c.is not the gayestplace to be.so now, before it is too late,take heed of goldie'sdreadful fate.

and seriously, all jokes apart,do promise us

across your heartthat you will never help yourselfto medicinefrom the medicine shelf