“misery,—oh! misery,
this world is all too wide for thee!”
the very next day came a letter from india.
“oh, this beautiful, beautiful country!” wrote esther. “oh, the colouring, the life in everything! i cannot tell you how new, painfully new, australia seems compared with it. imagine a little perky, pretty cottage beside a grand old castle, whose walls bear the mark of centuries. india is the castle. or a nice, clean, healthy child in pinafores, very fond of play, and more than a little inclined to be spoilt, beside an old, old seer with a grand head grown white with wisdom, and wide eyes dim with staring at eternity. australia is the nice clean child.
“it is the age of the place that sobers me. i feel 229i ought to go about on tiptoe and speak in a whisper half the time. we are at ajmere just now: from the window here i can see a white temple on the peak of wild mountains. it is called taraghur, or the abode of the stars, and the mohammedans make pilgrimages to it. yesterday we rode (i wear a white linen habit and a helmet, girls) to pookur, twelve miles away. it is a spot considered sacred by the hindoos; indeed, it is one of the most sacred places in india. there is a lake lying in a basin among the hills, with its banks studded with buildings, old temples, and gardens, and in the centre a ruined fane i am afraid to say how many hundreds and hundreds of years old.
“to-morrow we go to musseerabad, where the garrison is that your father has to take notes about; then on to oodeypore; after that i am not certain of the programme, only—don’t all exclaim at once, or i shall hear even at this distance—we cannot possibly be back in the time we said. your father has written for two months’ extension, and really, though of course i want to see you all, and ache sometimes for a sight of my baby’s little dear dirty face, i shouldn’t like to come without seeing more. fancy if we had to come back without visiting the taj mahal! my only anxiety is that any one should be ill; but then, again, i don’t see why any one should 230be so inconsiderate,—you’ve all managed to keep in splendid health for years; just keep a clean bill till i get back, and then you shall all take it in turns if you like. dear meg, keep essie’s hands from picking and stealing. i dreamt the other night she ate a cocoanut and went in a fit. and peter, my precious son, don’t climb the pine tree till mum comes back—if you must break your dear little collar bone at least give me the satisfaction of seeing it done. of course there is no earthly reason why any of you should be ill, but i worry a little at times; i suppose it is because of the difficulty in getting letters. we never know where we are going next, so they can’t send on the mails from bombay to us till we write for them. i will send you, by the next mail, an address to write to: we have not decided yet whether we are going to hyderabad, madras, or calcutta. we are picking up presents for you all,—the loveliest chessmen for pip, a wonderful cabinet of bhoondee carving for meg, moonstones from ceylon for nell,—something for every one. such a box we shall have.
“good-bye, my chickies all; take care of yourselves, and have as good a time as you can. if you should be just a little extravagant with the housekeeping money, meg, i won’t scold you much; you can let bennett’s bill run if you like, and have a 231little garden party or jollification. every one kiss my little one daughter for me.
“your loving old mother,
“esther.”
it was only the last part they heeded. what were descriptions of old temples to them with that little tossing head on the pillow?
“oh, esther,—poor, poor esther!” meg said, with the first sob in her throat since alan had pronounced it to be the fever—“oh, if she knew!” but she was mercifully spared that knowledge. they held a grave consultation together, meg, nell, pip, and the family doctor, while alan stayed at the bedside. it really seemed useless to send for the travellers to come home. if it was only a slight attack the child would be quite well again by the time they returned; if—there was a catching of breaths—if even the very worst should happen, still they could not be home in time, and oh! what agony of mind they would have during the long voyage. it was even no use sending a cable until they received esther’s next letter, for they had no address.
the doctor decided the matter.
“don’t send,” he said; “please god we’ll have the little woman up and well in no time. i will 232send in a trained nurse, she shall have every care possible. mrs. woolcot could not do anything further if she were here herself. now about the other little folks.”
it had been decided at once to send the others away from fear of infection. pip had even suggested packing them off by the early morning train to yarrahappini.
but the doctor shook his head. there was the chance that they had the germs in their systems even now; it was neither fair to send them into other families, nor yet wise to allow them to go far from home nursing.
there was a furnished cottage about half a mile up the road: he advised that poppet, peter, and bunty should be removed there until all danger of infection was over.
“this young lady might go to look after them,” he said, laying his hand on nellie’s shoulder. “they will want some one, of course, and miss margaret will be quite sufficient to help the lady i shall send in.”
nellie lifted great beseeching eyes, rimmed with the shadows of a sleepless night.
“oh, let me stay! oh, i must stay,—it would kill me to have to go!” she said, with a great sob.
“of course you will have to go, nellie,” pip said 233hastily; “don’t make extra trouble by being tiresome,—surely you have done enough.”
“oh, hush!” said meg.
pip knew now how the infection had been brought, and could not find any excuse for his sister.
but meg saw the wince of pain that his words caused the poor girl, and knew a little what an agony of remorse she was suffering.
“she’ll be out of the danger, too,” pip added, a little ashamed of himself when he saw the beautiful, miserable eyes.
out of the danger! and the girl was in such a 234frenzy of repentance and grief, she would gladly have laid down her life just to see essie go flying down the drive in a losing race with flibbertigibbet.
she caught the doctor’s arm.
“i would watch night and day—i would do anything in the world, anything—oh! let me stay,” she said.
“poor little girl!” he answered, and patted her bright head; he had learnt something of the heart apart from its physiological formation during his long practice. “poor little girl! standing still is very hard work, isn’t it? but all soldiers can’t fight at the same time, you know.
“‘yours not to reason why,
yours but to do or die.’
that’s not for sword-soldiers only, little girl.”
poor nellie! no punishment on earth could have been harder for her. to die—that would be quite easy, pleasant even; but to remain passive—oh! it needed greater courage than hers.
to go away, to leave the house, and not even venture past the gates again for weeks, not to see the little sweet sister upon whom her wilfulness alone had brought this suffering, not even to have the relief of spending her strength in nursing! to go away, and eat and sleep and pass the time doing 235ordinary things, and trying to keep bunty, and poppet, and peter comfortable and happy!
no one would ever know quite what it cost the girl, but it had to be done.
“mayn’t i just see her for one minute, meg?” she said, her courage failing her at the last minute.
it almost made meg cry to see the utter despair and misery on her face, and to have to refuse her.
“alan shall tell you every day how she is. dear nell, you know i dare not let you go into the room.”
then she went away to take up her post with the nurse. and nellie, with that unutterable ache at her heart; had to go and collect the clothes they would all need, the books, playthings,—everything.
she and poppet, with bunty’s help, were to do the work of the cottage between them. at first, meg had thought of letting martha go with them, but afterwards it occurred to her it might be better to let nellie cook, wash up, and see to everything, just to keep her time occupied.
bunty was to go to school daily, but miss monson relinquished her duties for a time. she had two little sisters and a baby brother at home; no one could say that peter or poppet would not sicken personally, and she dare not run the risk. “but nellie can easily manage the little ones,” she said, 236“and even keep up her own studies; she will have plenty of time.”
the little sick child was put into esther’s room, and a bed made up on the sofa for meg or the nurse. the window looked straight to the gate, and could be seen through a gap in the acacias. they arranged a code of signals to be waved by meg through it three times a day. she kept a walking-stick of the captain’s just near the window, and with it a white towel, an old red dressing-gown of poppet’s, and a black wool shawl belonging to martha. the black signal meant “better,”—not for worlds would they have used the black for “worse”; the white meant “no change”; the red, “not so well.”
and when that was settled, and every other little matter, and the dogcart filled and sent off with the luggage, then the four sorrowful little figures walked slowly down the drive, waved with wet eyes to meg at the window, and disappeared round the bend in the road.
and misrule, strangely quiet for days and days, saw only the silent-footed nurse in her grey dress and cap, and poor meg with her young shoulders weighed down with the responsibility; the two doctors, alan and the old one, on occasion, and the maids. nobody shouted in the nursery or quarrelled and laughed along the passages; no little girls ran 237lightly down the stairs; no boys tramped up with muddy boots. no ringing voices floated from the grounds through the open windows; no flying figures and yelping dogs went down the drive.
meg’s face grew grave and old-looking those long, slow, silent days when there was so little to be done and so much to fight for. she lost her old trick of dimpling when she smiled—she almost lost the trick of smiling at all. always there was a picture before her eyes,—esther coming towards her, radiant with the happiness of home-coming, esther with outstretched arms and bright eyes with no shadow of suspicion in them.
always the picture was speaking—
“meg, where is essie?—what have you done with my baby, meg?”
