bettina had been left to the lonely idleness of her own reflections but a few days when the monotony of her life was broken by one of those sudden events which, by the vastness of their consequences, seem not only to change the face of nature for us, and the aspect of all the world without, but also to change ourselves, in our spirits and minds, so that we can never be the same creatures that we were before. she received a telegram announcing that lord hurdly had been killed in the hunting-field.
poor bettina, with all her faults and limitations, had something of her mother’s noble nature in her, and this element of her somewhat complicated individuality had been the part of her which had expanded most of late. her first feelings, therefore, were unmingled pity and regret. she did not think of herself and of how all things would be changed for her. her whole thought was of him who so long had existed in [pg 119]her mind as the image of pride and indomitable self-will, but who had now become, in one moment, the object of her deepest pity. she had scarcely ever thought of death in connection with him. he had seemed as sound as steel. she had never heard him speak of the least symptom of illness, and now the paper in her hand informed her that he was dead.
how thankful she was that she had not spoken to him angrily in their last talk! how she wished that she had said just one kind word to him at parting! true, he had given her no opportunity; but if she had known—
suddenly she burst into violent weeping, and in this condition they found her, with the telegram on the floor at her feet.
“who would have thought my lady would have taken it so hard?” said mrs. parlett, when the exciting news was heard down-stairs. “they was that ’aughty to one another before people! but it’s them as feels the most, sometimes.”
this remark was addressed to nora, in the hope of eliciting a response, but nora excelled in the art of holding her tongue.
it was she alone who was admitted to her mistress’s apartments, where bettina remained, in deep agitation, while the preparations for the arrival [pg 120]of lord hurdly’s body were being made. after her profound emotion of pity for him, her next thought had been of horace. he was the heir and nearest of kin. it flashed upon her, with the suddenness of surprise, that he was lord hurdly now.
how strange, how absolutely bewildering, this new state of things seemed! her mind seemed unable to grasp the strangeness of these new conditions.
bettina saw no one but the rector of the parish. all that had to be done was so plain and simple, and there were so many capable hands to do it, that there was little need to consult with her. she begged the rector to act in her stead in giving all necessary directions. it was with a deep sense of relief that she reflected on the impossibility of horace’s arrival in time for the funeral. perhaps she could get away somewhere before he came.
those days when her husband’s body lay in the apartment near her, and the relations and friends assembled to do it an honor which in his lifetime they were scarcely suffered to express, marked the period of the real awakening of bettina’s soul. the sense of freedom which her position now secured to her, the power to do and [pg 121]be what she chose, was like wings to her spirit, and for the first time in her experience the woman and the hour were met.
when she had been free before to make her own life, her vision had been so limited, her aspiration so low, her interest in the heart-beats of the great humanity of which her little life was so small a part had been so uncomprehending, that she had cared only for the narrow issues which concerned herself. but now, in the hour which saw her free again, she was another woman, and this woman had a passionate purpose in her heart to make herself avail for the needs of others.
she resolved that the moment her affairs were settled her new life should begin. the period of her marriage had opened up before her vast opportunities, of which she was eager to take advantage. these would need money for their carrying out, but that she would have money enough she had never doubted. of course until the reading of the will it would not be known what provision had been made for her, but lord hurdly had always been extremely generous as to money, and she had no misgivings on that score.
at last the funeral was over and the house was [pg 122]rid of guests. various cousins and friends had shown their willingness to remain and bear her company, but bettina, with the rector’s aid, had managed to get rid of these. she wanted to be alone and to think out some course of future action, for she was still in a state of absolute unadjustment to her new situation.
it had turned out that lord hurdly had left her an income of one thousand pounds. her first realization of the smallness of this provision for her came from the rector’s comment, which was spoken in a tone as if reluctantly censorious.
“i should not have believed lord hurdly capable of such a thing,” he said. “i am sure that all who have cared for his honorable reputation must regret this as much on his account as on yours.”
“is it so little?” said bettina, too proud to show disappointment. “a thousand pounds a year seems a sufficient sum for the support of one woman.”
“for some women, perhaps,” was the answer, “but not for the woman who has once held the position of mistress of kingdon hall. i repeat that i would not have believed it of lord hurdly.”
[pg 123]
bettina did not hear his last emphatic words, or, at all events, took no conscious cognizance of them. she was absorbed in the contemplation of her new condition. how strange it seemed!
it was something more than strange. she had been too long in possession of the power and importance of being the reigning lady hurdly, so to speak, not to feel a real revolt at the idea of seeing herself laid on the shelf. it would not necessarily be so bad if she had had ample means, for she had made a place for herself in the world. but she was certain, from the air of commiseration with which not only the rector but others had regarded her, that she would be extremely curtailed in such opportunities as depended upon money; and she had sufficient insight into social affairs to know how the possession of money broadened opportunity, and the absence of it limited power.
there was no denying to herself the pain that it gave her to relinquish such a position. she had accommodated herself to greatness so naturally that it seemed incredible that she was to sink back into a life of obscurity. frankly, she did not like it.
and yet, on the other hand, she felt an unfeigned [pg 124]gladness that horace was to come to his own. she rejoiced that no child of hers would ever stand in his way. she had reason to hope that he would use his great position to great ends, for the residuum of all her turbid and agitating thoughts about him was an admiration for the man in his attitude toward the world, no matter how much she still resented his attitude toward herself. that this last was so, there needed no stronger proof than her eager resolution to get away from kingdon hall—out of the country, if possible—before the arrival of the man whose place her husband had once taken, and who, in another sense, was now to take his.
