burke denby had never given any thought as to whether he were going to be a perfect husband or not. he had wanted to marry helen, and he had married her. that was all there was to it, except, of course, that they had got to show his father that they could make good.
so far as being a husband—good, bad, or indifferent—was concerned, burke was not giving any more thought to it now than he had given before his marriage. he was quite too busy giving thought to other matters—many other matters.
there was first his work. he hated it. he hated the noise, the smell, the grime, the overalls, the men he worked with, the smug superciliousness of his especial "boss." he felt abused and indignant that he had to endure it all. as if it were necessary to put him through such a course of sprouts as this! as if, when the time came, he could not run the business successfully without all these years of dirt and torture! was an engineer, then, made to build an engine before he could be taught to handle the throttle? was a child made to set the type of a primer before he could be taught his letters? of course not! but they were making him not only set the type, but go down into the mines and dig the stuff the type was made of[pg 76] before they would teach him his letters. yet they pretended it all must be done if he would ever learn to read—that is, to run the denby iron works. bah! he had a mind to chuck it all. he would if it weren't for dad. dad hated quitters. and dad was looking wretched enough, as it was.
and that was another thing—dad.
undeniably burke was very unhappy over his father. he did not like to think of him, yet his face was always before him, pale and drawn, as he had seen it at that first interview after his return. as the days passed, burke, in spite of his wish not to see his father, found himself continually seizing every opportunity that might enable him to see him. daily he found himself haunting doorways and corridors, quite out of his way, when there was a chance that his father might pass.
he told himself that it was just that he wanted to convince himself that his father did not look quite so bad, after all. but he knew in his heart that it was because he hoped his father would speak to him in the old way, and that it might lead to the tearing down of this horrible high wall of indifference and formality that had risen between them. burke hated that wall.
the wall was there, however, always. nothing ever came of these connivings and loiterings except (if it were during working hours) a terse hint from the foreman, perhaps, to get back on his job. how burke hated that foreman!
and that was another thing—his position among[pg 77] his fellow workmen. he was with them, but not of them. his being among them at all was plainly a huge joke—and when one is acting a tragedy in all seriousness, one does not like to hear chuckles as at a comedy. but, for that matter, burke found the comedy element always present, wherever he went. the entire town took himself, his work, and his marriage as a huge joke—a subject for gay badinage, jocose slaps on the back, and gleeful cries of:—
"well, denby, how goes it? how doth the happy bridegroom?"
and burke hated that, too.
it seemed to burke, indeed, sometimes, that he hated everything but helen. helen, of course, was a dear—the sweetest little wife in the world. as if any one could help loving helen! and however disagreeable the day, there was always helen to go home to at night.
oh, of course, he had to take that abominable flat along with helen—naturally, as long as he could not afford to put her in a more expensive place. but that would soon be remedied—just as soon as he got a little ahead.
this "going home to helen" had been one of burke's happiest anticipations ever since his marriage. it would be so entrancing to find helen and helen's kiss waiting for him each night! often had such thoughts been in his mind during his honeymoon trip; but never had they been so poignantly promising of joy as they were on that first day at the works,[pg 78] after his disheartening interview with his father. all the rest of that miserable day it seemed to burke that the only thing he was living for was the going home to helen that night.
"home," to burke, had always meant a place of peace and rest, of luxurious ease and noiseless servants, of orderly rooms and well-served meals, of mellow lights and softly blended colors. unconsciously now home still meant the same, with the addition of helen—helen, the center of it all. it was this dear vision, therefore, that he treasured all through his honeymoon trip, that he hugged to himself all that wretched first day of work, and that was still his star of hope as he hurried that night toward the dale street flat. if he had stopped to think, he would have realized at once that this new home of a day was not the old home of years. but he did not stop to think of anything except that for the first time in his life he was going home from work to helen, his wife.
burke denby never forgot the shock of that first home-going. he opened the door of his apartment—and confronted chaos: a surly janitor struggling with a curtain pole, a confusion of trunks, chairs, a stepladder, and a floor-pail, a disorder of dishes on a coverless table, a smell of burned milk, and a cross, tired, untidy wife who flung herself into his arms with a storm of sobs.
"home," after that, meant quite something new to burke denby. it meant helen, of course, but[pg 79]—
still it would be only for a little while, after all, he consoled himself each day. just as soon as he got ahead a little, it would be different. he could sell the stuff, then; and the very first thing to go would be that hideous purple pillow on the red plush sofa—for that matter, the sofa would follow after mighty quick. and the chairs, too. they were a little worse to sit on than to look at—which was unnecessary. as for the rugs—when it came to those, it would be his turn to select next time. at all events, he would not be obliged to have one that, the minute you opened the door, bounced into your face and screamed "hullo! i'm here. see me!" how he hated that rug! and the pictures and those cheap gilt vases—everything, of course, would be different in the new home.
nor did burke stop to think that this constant shifting, in one's mind, of things that are, to things that may some time be, scarcely makes for content.
still, burke could not have forgotten his house-furnishings, even if he had tried to do so, for he had to make payments on them "every few minutes," as he termed it. indeed, one of the unsolved riddles of his life these days was as to why there were so many more mondays (the day he paid his installments) than there were saturdays (the day the works paid him) in a week. for that matter, after all was said and done, perhaps to nothing was burke denby giving more thought these days than to money.[pg 80]
burke's experience with money heretofore had been to draw a check for what he wanted. true, he sometimes overdrew his account a trifle; but there was always his allowance coming the first of the month; and neither he nor the bank worried.
now it was quite different. there was no allowance, and no bank—save his pocket, and there was only fifteen dollars a week coming into that. he would not have believed that fifteen dollars a week could go so quickly, and buy so little. very early in the first month of housekeeping all that remained of his allowance was gone. what did not go at once to make payments on the furniture was paid over to helen to satisfy some of her many requests for money.
and that was another of burke's riddles—why helen needed so much money just to get them something to eat. true, of late, she had not asked for it so frequently. she had not, indeed, asked for any for some time—for which he was devoutly thankful. he would not have liked to refuse her; and he certainly was giving her all that he could afford to give, without her asking. a fellow must smoke some—though heaven knew he had cut his cigars down, both in quantity and quality, until he had cut out nearly all the pleasure!
still he was glad to do it for helen. helen was a little brick. how pretty she looked when she was holding forth on his "making good," and her not "dragging" him "down"! bless her heart! as if she[pg 81] could be guilty of such a thing as that! why, she was going to drag him up—helen was!
and she was doing pretty well, too, running the little home, for a girl who did not know a thing about it, to begin with. she was doing a whole lot better than at first. breakfast had not been late for two weeks, nor dinner, either. and she was almost always at the door to kiss him now, too, while at the first he had to hunt her up, only to find her crying in the kitchen, probably—something wrong somewhere.
oh, to be sure, he was getting a little tired of potato salad, and he always had abhorred those potato-chippy things; and he himself did not care much for cold meat. but, of course, after she got a little more used to things she wouldn't serve that sort of trash quite so often. he would be getting real things to eat, pretty soon—good, juicy beefsteaks and roasts, and nice fresh vegetables and fruit shortcakes, with muffins and griddle-cakes for breakfast. but helen was a little brick—helen was. and she was doing splendidly!
