what every boy expected to do, some time or other, was to run off. he expected to do this because the scheme offered an unlimited field to the imagination, and because its fulfilment would give him the highest distinction among the other fellows. to run off was held to be the only way for a boy to right himself against the wrongs and hardships of a boy's life. as far as the boy's town was concerned, no boy had anything to complain of; the boys had the best time in the world there, and in a manner they knew it. but there were certain things that they felt no boy ought to stand, and these things were sometimes put upon them at school, but usually at home. in fact, nearly all the things that a fellow intended to run off for were done to him by those who ought to have been the kindest to him. some boys' mothers had the habit of making them stop and do something for them just when they were going away with the fellows. others would not let them go in swimming as often as they wanted, and, if they saw them with their shirts on wrong side out, would not believe that they could get turned in climbing a fence. others made them split kindling and carry in wood, and even saw wood. none of these things, in a simple form, was enough to make a boy run off, but they prepared his mind for it, and when complicated[94] with whipping they were just cause for it. weeding the garden, though, was a thing that almost, in itself, was enough to make a fellow run off.

not many of the boys really had to saw wood, though a good many of the fellows' fathers had saws and bucks in their wood-sheds. there were public sawyers who did most of the wood-sawing; and they came up with their bucks on their shoulders, and asked for the job almost as soon as the wood was unloaded before your door. the most popular one with the boys was a poor half-wit known among them as morn; and he was a favorite with them because he had fits, and because, when he had a fit, he would seem to fly all over the woodpile. the boys would leave anything to see morn in a fit, and he always had a large crowd round him as soon as the cry went out that he was beginning to have one. they watched the hapless creature with grave, unpitying, yet not unfriendly interest, too ignorant of the dark ills of life to know how deeply tragic was the spectacle that entertained them, and how awfully present in morn's contortions was the mystery of god's ways with his children, some of whom he gives to happiness and some to misery. when morn began to pick himself weakly up, with eyes of pathetic bewilderment, they helped him find his cap, and tried to engage him in conversation, for the pleasure of seeing him twist his mouth when he said, of a famous town drunkard whom he admired, "he's a strong man; he eats liquor." it was probably poor morn's ambition to eat liquor himself, and the boys who followed that drunkard about to plague him had a vague respect for his lamentable appetite.

none of the boys ever did run off, except the son of one of the preachers. he was a big boy, whom my boy[95] remotely heard of, but never saw, for he lived in another part of the town; but his adventure was known to all the boys, and his heroism rated high among them. it took nothing from this, in their eyes, that he was found, homesick and crying in cincinnati, and was glad to come back—the great fact was that he had run off; nothing could change or annul that. if he had made any mistake, it was in not running off with a circus, for that was the true way of running off. then, if you were ever seen away from home, you were seen tumbling through a hoop and alighting on the crupper of a barebacked piebald, and if you ever came home you came home in a gilded chariot, and you flashed upon the domestic circle in flesh-colored tights and spangled breech-cloth. as soon as the circus-bills began to be put up you began to hear that certain boys were going to run off with that circus, and the morning after it left town you heard they had gone, but they always turned up at school just the same. it was believed that the circus-men would take any boy who wanted to go with them, and would fight off his friends if they tried to get him away.

the boys made a very careful study of the circus-bills, and afterwards, when the circus came, they held the performance to a strict account for any difference between the feats and their representation. for a fortnight beforehand they worked themselves up for the arrival of the circus into a fever of fear and hope, for it was always a question with a great many whether they could get their fathers to give them the money to go in. the full price was two bits, and the half-price was a bit, or a spanish real, then a commoner coin than the american dime in the west; and every boy, for that[96] time only, wished to be little enough to look young enough to go in for a bit. editors of newspapers had a free ticket for every member of their families; and my boy was sure of going to the circus from the first rumor of its coming. but he was none the less deeply thrilled by the coming event, and he was up early on the morning of the great day, to go out and meet the circus procession beyond the corporation line.

i do not really know how boys live through the wonder and the glory of such a sight. once there were two chariots—one held the band in red-and-blue uniforms, and was drawn by eighteen piebald horses; and the other was drawn by a troop of shetland ponies, and carried in a vast mythical sea-shell little boys in spangled tights and little girls in the gauze skirts and wings of fairies. there was not a flaw in this splendor to the young eyes that gloated on it, and that followed it in rapture through every turn and winding of its course in the boy's town; nor in the magnificence of the actors and actresses, who came riding two by two in their circus-dresses after the chariots, and looking some haughty and contemptuous, and others quiet and even bored, as if it were nothing to be part of such a procession. the boys tried to make them out by the pictures and names on the bills: which was rivers, the bare-back rider, and which was o'dale, the champion tumbler; which was the india-rubber man, which the ring-master, which the clown. covered with dust, gasping with the fatigue of a three hours' run beside the procession, but fresh at heart as in the beginning, they arrived with it on the commons, where the tent-wagons were already drawn up, and the ring was made, and mighty men were driving the iron-headed tent-stakes, and stretching the ropes[97] of the great skeleton of the pavilion which they were just going to clothe with canvas. the boys were not allowed to come anywhere near, except three or four who got leave to fetch water from a neighboring well, and thought themselves richly paid with half-price tickets. the other boys were proud to pass a word with them as they went by with their brimming buckets; fellows who had money to go in would have been glad to carry water just for the glory of coming close to the circus-men. they stood about in twos and threes, and lay upon the grass in groups debating whether a tan-bark ring was better than a sawdust ring; there were different opinions. they came as near the wagons as they dared, and looked at the circus-horses munching hay from the tail-boards, just like common horses. the wagons were left standing outside of the tent; but when it was up, the horses were taken into the dressing-room, and then the boys, with many a backward look at the wide spread of canvas, and the flags and streamers floating over it from the centre-pole (the centre-pole was revered almost like a distinguished personage), ran home to dinner so as to get back good and early, and be among the first to go in. all round, before the circus doors were open, the doorkeepers of the side-shows were inviting people to come in and see the giants and fat woman and boa-constrictors, and there were stands for peanuts and candy and lemonade; the vendors cried, "ice-cold lemonade, from fifteen hundred miles under ground! walk up, roll up, tumble up, any way to get up!" the boys thought this brilliant drolling, but they had no time to listen after the doors were open, and they had no money to spend on side-shows or dainties, anyway. inside the tent, they found it dark[98] and cool, and their hearts thumped in their throats with the wild joy of being there; they recognized one another with amaze, as if they had not met for years, and the excitement kept growing, as other fellows came in. it was lots of fun, too, watching the country-jakes, as the boys called the farmer-folk, and seeing how green they looked, and how some of them tried to act smart with the circus-men that came round with oranges to sell. but the great thing was to see whether fellows that said they were going to hook in really got in. the boys held it to be a high and creditable thing to hook into a show of any kind, but hooking into a circus was something that a fellow ought to be held in special honor for doing. he ran great risks, and if he escaped the vigilance of the massive circus-man who patrolled the outside of the tent with a cowhide and a bulldog, perhaps he merited the fame he was sure to win.

i do not know where boys get some of the notions of morality that govern them. these notions are like the sports and plays that a boy leaves off as he gets older to the boys that are younger. he outgrows them, and other boys grow into them, and then outgrow them as he did. perhaps they come down to the boyhood of our time from the boyhood of the race, and the unwritten laws of conduct may have prevailed among the earliest aryans on the plains of asia that i now find so strange in a retrospect of the boy's town. the standard of honor there was, in a certain way, very high among the boys; they would have despised a thief as he deserved, and i cannot remember one of them who might not have been safely trusted. none of them would have taken an apple out of a market-wagon, or stolen a melon from a farmer who came to town with[99] it; but they would all have thought it fun, if not right, to rob an orchard or hook a watermelon out of a patch. this would have been a foray into the enemy's country, and the fruit of the adventure would have been the same as the plunder of a city, or the capture of a vessel belonging to him on the high seas. in the same way, if one of the boys had seen a circus-man drop a quarter, he would have hurried to give it back to him, but he would only have been proud to hook into the circus-man's show, and the other fellows would have been proud of his exploit, too, as something that did honor to them all. as a person who enclosed bounds and forbade trespass, the circus-man constituted himself the enemy of every boy who respected himself, and challenged him to practise any sort of strategy. there was not a boy in the crowd that my boy went with who would have been allowed to hook into a circus by his parents; yet hooking in was an ideal that was cherished among them, that was talked of, and that was even sometimes attempted, though not often. once, when a fellow really hooked in, and joined the crowd that had ignobly paid, one of the fellows could not stand it. he asked him just how and where he got in, and then he went to the door, and got back his money from the doorkeeper upon the plea that he did not feel well; and in five or ten minutes he was back among the boys, a hero of such moral grandeur as would be hard to describe. not one of the fellows saw him as he really was—a little lying, thievish scoundrel. not even my boy saw him so, though he had on some other point of personal honesty the most fantastic scruples.

the boys liked to be at the circus early so as to[100] make sure of the grand entry of the performers into the ring, where they caracoled round on horseback, and gave a delicious foretaste of the wonders to come. the fellows were united in this, but upon other matters feeling varied—some liked tumbling best; some the slack-rope; some bare-back riding; some the feats of tossing knives and balls and catching them. there never was more than one ring in those days; and you were not tempted to break your neck and set your eyes forever askew, by trying to watch all the things that went on at once in two or three rings. the boys did not miss the smallest feats of any performance, and they enjoyed them every one, not equally, but fully. they had their preferences, of course, as i have hinted; and one of the most popular acts was that where a horse has been trained to misbehave, so that nobody can mount him; and after the actors have tried him, the ring-master turns to the audience, and asks if some gentleman among them wants to try it. nobody stirs, till at last a tipsy country-jake is seen making his way down from one of the top-seats towards the ring. he can hardly walk, he is so drunk, and the clown has to help him across the ring-board, and even then he trips and rolls over on the sawdust, and has to be pulled to his feet. when they bring him up to the horse, he falls against it; and the little fellows think he will certainly get killed. but the big boys tell the little fellows to shut up and watch out. the ring-master and the clown manage to get the country-jake on to the broad platform on the horse's back, and then the ring-master cracks his whip, and the two supes who have been holding the horse's head let go, and the horse begins cantering round the ring. the little fellows are just sure the country-jake is going to[101] fall off, he reels and totters so; but the big boys tell them to keep watching out; and pretty soon the country-jake begins to straighten up. he begins to unbutton his long gray overcoat, and then he takes it off and throws it into the ring, where one of the supes catches it. then he sticks a short pipe into his mouth, and pulls on an old wool hat, and flourishes a stick that the supe throws to him, and you see that he is an irishman just come across the sea; and then off goes another coat, and he comes out a british soldier in white duck trousers and red coat. that comes off, and he is an american sailor, with his hands on his hips dancing a hornpipe. suddenly away flash wig and beard and false-face, the pantaloons are stripped off with the same movement, the actor stoops for the reins lying on the horse's neck, and james rivers, the greatest three-horse rider in the world nimbly capers on the broad pad, and kisses his hand to the shouting and cheering spectators as he dashes from the ring past the braying and bellowing brass-band into the dressing-room!

the big boys have known all along that he was not a real country-jake; but when the trained mule begins, and shakes everybody off, just like the horse, and another country-jake gets up, and offers to bet that he can ride that mule, nobody can tell whether he is a real country-jake or not. this is always the last thing in the performance, and the boys have seen with heavy hearts many signs openly betokening the end which they knew was at hand. the actors have come out of the dressing-room door, some in their everyday clothes, and some with just overcoats on over their circus-dresses, and they lounge about near the band-stand watching the performance in the ring. some of the people are already[102] getting up to go out, and stand for this last act, and will not mind the shouts of "down in front! down there!" which the boys eagerly join in, to eke out their bliss a little longer by keeping away even the appearance of anything transitory in it. the country-jake comes stumbling awkwardly into the ring, but he is perfectly sober, and he boldly leaps astride the mule, which tries all its arts to shake him off, plunging, kicking, rearing. he sticks on, and everybody cheers him, and the owner of the mule begins to get mad and to make it do more things to shake the country-jake off. at last, with one convulsive spring, it flings him from its back, and dashes into the dressing-room, while the country-jake picks himself up and vanishes among the crowd.

a man mounted on a platform in the ring is imploring the ladies and gentlemen to keep their seats, and to buy tickets for the negro-minstrel entertainment which is to follow, but which is not included in the price of admission. the boys would like to stay, but they have not the money, and they go out clamoring over the performance, and trying to decide which was the best feat. as to which was the best actor, there is never any question; it is the clown, who showed by the way he turned a double somersault that he can do anything, and who chooses to be clown simply because he is too great a creature to enter into rivalry with the other actors.

there will be another performance in the evening, with real fights outside between the circus-men and the country-jakes, and perhaps some of the basin rounders, but the boys do not expect to come; that would be too much. the boy's brother once stayed away in the afternoon, and went at night with one of the jour[103] printers; but he was not able to report that the show was better than it was in the afternoon. he did not get home till nearly ten o'clock, though, and he saw the sides of the tent dropped before the people got out; that was a great thing; and what was greater yet, and reflected a kind of splendor on the boy at second hand, was that the jour printer and the clown turned out to be old friends. after the circus, the boy actually saw them standing near the centre-pole talking together; and the next day the jour showed the grease that had dripped on his coat from the candles. otherwise the boy might have thought it was a dream, that some one he knew had talked on equal terms with the clown. the boys were always intending to stay up and see the circus go out of town, and they would have done so, but their mothers would not let them. this may have been one reason why none of them ever ran off with a circus.

as soon as a circus had been in town, the boys began to have circuses of their own, and to practise for them. everywhere you could see boys upside down, walking on their hands or standing on them with their legs dangling over, or stayed against house walls. it was easy to stand on your head; one boy stood on his head so much that he had to have it shaved, in the brain fever that he got from standing on it; but that did not stop the other fellows. another boy fell head downwards from a rail where he was skinning-the-cat, and nearly broke his neck, and made it so sore that it was stiff ever so long. another boy, who was playing samson, almost had his leg torn off by the fellows that were pulling at it with a hook; and he did have the leg of his pantaloons torn off. nothing could stop the[104] boys but time, or some other play coming in; and circuses lasted a good while. some of the boys learned to turn hand-springs; anybody could turn cart-wheels; one fellow, across the river, could just run along and throw a somersault and light on his feet; lots of fellows could light on their backs; but if you had a spring-board, or shavings under a bank, like those by the turning-shop, you could practise for somersaults pretty safely.

all the time you were practising you were forming your circus company. the great trouble was not that any boy minded paying five or ten pins to come in, but that so many fellows wanted to belong there were hardly any left to form an audience. you could get girls, but even as spectators girls were a little too despicable; they did not know anything; they had no sense; if a follow got hurt they cried. then another thing was, where to have the circus. of course it was simply hopeless to think of a tent, and a boy's circus was very glad to get a barn. the boy whose father owned the barn had to get it for the circus without his father knowing it; and just as likely as not his mother would hear the noise and come out and break the whole thing up while you were in the very middle of it. then there were all sorts of anxieties and perplexities about the dress. you could do something by turning your roundabout inside out, and rolling your trousers up as far as they would go; but what a fellow wanted to make him a real circus actor was a long pair of white cotton stockings, and i never knew a fellow that got a pair; i heard of many a fellow who was said to have got a pair; but when you came down to the fact, they vanished like ghosts when you try to verify them. i believe the[105] fellows always expected to get them out of a bureau-drawer or the clothes-line at home, but failed. in most other ways, a boy's circus was always a failure, like most other things boys undertake. they usually broke up under the strain of rivalry; everybody wanted to be the clown or ring-master; or else the boy they got the barn of behaved badly, and went into the house crying, and all the fellows had to run.

there were only two kinds of show known by that name in the boy's town: a nigger show, or a performance of burnt-cork minstrels; and an animal show, or a strolling menagerie; and the boys always meant a menagerie when they spoke of a show, unless they said just what sort of show. the only perfect joy on earth in the way of an entertainment, of course, was a circus, but after the circus the show came unquestionably next. it made a processional entry into the town almost as impressive as the circus's, and the boys went out to meet it beyond the corporation line in the same way. it always had two elephants, at least, and four or five camels, and sometimes there was a giraffe. these headed the procession, the elephants in the very front, with their keepers at their heads, and then the camels led by halters dangling from their sneering lips and contemptuous noses. after these began to come the show-wagons, with pictures on their sides, very flattered portraits of the wild beasts and birds inside; lions first, then tigers (never meaner than royal bengal ones, which the boys understood to be a superior breed), then leopards, then pumas and panthers; then bears, then jackals and hyenas; then bears and wolves; then kangaroos, musk-oxen, deer, and such harmless cattle; and then ostriches, emus, lyre-birds, birds-of-paradise and all the rest.[106] from time to time the boys ran back from the elephants and camels to get what good they could out of the scenes in which these hidden wonders were dramatized in acts of rapine or the chase, but they always came forward to the elephants and camels again. even with them they had to endure a degree of denial, for although you could see most of the camels' figures, the elephants were so heavily draped that it was a kind of disappointment to look at them. the boys kept as close as they could, and came as near getting under the elephants' feet as the keepers would allow; but, after all, they were driven off a good deal and had to keep stealing back. they gave the elephants apples and bits of cracker and cake, and some tried to put tobacco into their trunks; though they knew very well that it was nearly certain death to do so; for any elephant that was deceived that way would recognize the boy that did it, and kill him the next time he came, if it was twenty years afterwards. the boys used to believe that the miami bridge would break down under the elephants if they tried to cross it, and they would have liked to see it do it, but no one ever saw it, perhaps because the elephants always waded the river. some boys had seen them wading it, and stopping to drink and squirt the water out of their trunks. if an elephant got a boy that had given him tobacco into the river, he would squirt water on him till he drowned him. still, some boys always tried to give the elephants tobacco, just to see how they would act for the time being.

a show was not so much in favor as a circus, because there was so little performance in the ring. you could go round and look at the animals, mostly very sleepy[107] in their cages, but you were not allowed to poke them through the bars, or anything; and when you took your seat there was nothing much till herr driesbach entered the lions' cage, and began to make them jump over his whip. it was some pleasure to see him put his head between the jaws of the great african king of beasts, but the lion never did anything to him, and so the act wanted a true dramatic climax. the boys would really rather have seen a bare-back rider, like james rivers, turn a back-somersault and light on his horse's crupper, any time, though they respected herr driesbach, too; they did not care much for a woman who once went into the lions' cage and made them jump round.

if you had the courage you could go up the ladder into the curtained tower on the elephant's back, and ride round the ring with some of the other fellows; but my boy at least never had the courage; and he never was of those who mounted the trick pony and were shaken off as soon as they got on. it seemed to be a good deal of fun, but he did not dare to risk it; and he had an obscure trouble of mind when, the last thing, four or five ponies were brought out with as many monkeys tied on their backs, and set to run a race round the ring. the monkeys always looked very miserable, and even the one who won the race, and rode round afterwards with an american flag in his hand and his cap very much cocked over his left eye, did not seem to cheer up any.

the boys had their own beliefs about the different animals, and one of these concerned the inappeasable ferocity of the zebra. i do not know why the zebra should have had this repute, for he certainly never did[108] anything to deserve it; but, for the matter of that, he was like all the other animals. bears were not much esteemed, but they would have been if they could have been really seen hugging anybody to death. it was always hoped that some of the fiercest animals would get away and have to be hunted down, and retaken after they had killed a lot of dogs. if the elephants, some of them, had gone crazy, it would have been something, for then they would have roamed up and down the turnpike smashing buggies and wagons, and had to be shot with the six-pound cannon that was used to celebrate the fourth of july with.

another thing that was against the show was that the animals were fed after it was out, and you could not see the tigers tearing their prey when the great lumps of beef were thrown them. there was somehow not so much chance of hooking into a show as a circus, because the seats did not go all round, and you could be seen under the cages as soon as you got in under the canvas. i never heard of a boy that hooked into a show; perhaps nobody ever tried.

a show had the same kind of smell as a circus, up to a certain point, and then its smell began to be different. both smelt of tan-bark or saw-dust and trodden grass, and both smelt of lemonade and cigars; but after that a show had its own smell of animals. i have found in later life that this is a very offensive smell on a hot day; but i do not believe a boy ever thinks so; for him it is just a different smell from a circus smell. there were two other reasons why a show was not as much fun as a circus, and one was that it was thought instructive, and fellows went who were not allowed to go to circuses. but the great reason of all was that[109] you could not have an animal show of your own as you could a circus. you could not get the animals; and no boy living could act a camel, or a royal bengal tiger, or an elephant so as to look the least like one.

of course you could have negro shows, and the boys often had them; but they were not much fun, and you were always getting the black on your shirt-sleeves.