in reality, what the young man had been doing was thinking it over beneath his ancestral oaks and beeches. his countenance showed this,—showed it more than miss bernardstone could have liked. he looked like a man who was crossed, not like a man who was happy, in love. i was no more disposed than before to help him out with his plot, but at the end of ten minutes we were articulately discussing it. when i say we were, i mean he was; for i sat before him quite mute, at first, and amazed at the clearness with which, before his conscience, he had argued his case. he had persuaded himself that it was quite a simple matter to throw over poor joscelind and keep himself free for the expiration of lady vandeleur’s term of mourning. the deliberations of an impulsive man sometimes land him in strange countries. ambrose tester confided his plan to me as a tremendous secret. he professed to wish immensely to know how it appeared to me, and whether my woman’s wit could n’t discover for him some loophole big enough round, some honorable way of not keeping faith. yet at the same time he seemed not to foresee that i should, of necessity, be simply horrified. disconcerted and perplexed (a little), that he was prepared to find me; but if i had refused, as yet, to come to his assistance, he appeared to suppose it was only because of the real difficulty of suggesting to him that perfect pretext of which he was in want. he evidently counted upon me, however, for some illuminating proposal, and i think he would have liked to say to me, “you have always pretended to be a great friend of mine,”—i hadn’t; the pretension was all on his side,—“and now is your chance to show it. go to joscelind and make her feel (women have a hundred ways of doing that sort of thing), that through vandeleur’s death the change in my situation is complete. if she is the girl i take her for, she will know what to do in the premises.”
i was not prepared to oblige him to this degree, and i lost no time in telling him so, after my first surprise at seeing how definite his purpose had become. his contention, after all, was very simple. he had been in love with lady vandeleur for years, and was now more in love with her than ever. there had been no appearance of her being, within a calculable period, liberated by the death of her husband. this nobleman was—he didn’t say what just then (it was too soon)—but he was only forty years old, and in such health and preservation as to make such a contingency infinitely remote. under these circumstances, ambrose had been driven, for the most worldly reasons—he was ashamed of them, pah!—into an engagement with a girl he did n’t love, and did n’t pretend to love. suddenly the unexpected occurred; the woman he did love had become accessible to him, and all the relations of things were altered.
why should n’t he alter, too? why should n’t miss bernardstone alter, lady emily alter, and every one alter? it would be wrong in him to marry joscelind in so changed a world;—a moment’s consideration would certainly assure me of that. he could no longer carry out his part of the bargain, and the transaction must stop before it went any further. if joscelind knew, she would be the first to recognize this, and the thing for her now was to know.
“go and tell her, then, if you are so sure of it,” i said. “i wonder you have put it off so many days.”
he looked at me with a melancholy eye. “of course i know it’s beastly awkward.”
it was beastly awkward certainly; there i could quite agree with him, and this was the only sympathy he extracted from me. it was impossible to be less helpful, less merciful, to an embarrassed young man than i was on that occasion. but other occasions followed very quickly, on which mr. tester renewed his appeal with greater eloquence. he assured me that it was torture to be with his intended, and every hour that he did n’t break off committed him more deeply and more fatally. i repeated only once my previous question,—asked him only once why then he did n’t tell her he had changed his mind. the inquiry was idle, was even unkind, for my young man was in a very tight place. he did n’t tell her, simply because he could n’t, in spite of the anguish of feeling that his chance to right himself was rapidly passing away. when i asked him if joscelind appeared to have guessed nothing, he broke out, “how in the world can she guess, when i am so kind to her? i am so sorry for her, poor little wretch, that i can’t help being nice to her. and from the moment i am nice to her she thinks it’s all right.”
i could see perfectly what he meant by that, and i liked him more for this little generosity than i disliked him for his nefarious scheme. in fact, i did n’t dislike him at all when i saw what an influence my judgment would have on him. i very soon gave him the full benefit of it. i had thought over his case with all the advantages of his own presentation of it, and it was impossible for me to see how he could decently get rid of the girl. that, as i have said, had been my original opinion, and quickened reflection only confirmed it. as i have also said, i had n’t in the least recommended him to become engaged; but once he had done so i recommended him to abide by it. it was all very well being in love with lady vandeleur; he might be in love with her, but he had n’t promised to marry her. it was all very well not being in love with miss bernardstone; but, as it happened, he had promised to marry her, and in my country a gentleman was supposed to keep such promises. if it was a question of keeping them only so long as was convenient, where would any of us be? i assure you i became very eloquent and moral,—yes, moral, i maintain the word, in spite of your perhaps thinking (as you are very capable of doing) that i ought to have advised him in just the opposite sense. it was not a question of love, but of marriage, for he had never promised to love poor joscelind. it was useless his saying it was dreadful to marry without love; he knew that he thought it, and the people he lived with thought it, nothing of the kind. half his friends had married on those terms. “yes, and a pretty sight their private life presented!” that might be, but it was the first time i had ever heard him say it. a fortnight before he had been quite ready to do like the others. i knew what i thought, and i suppose i expressed it with some clearness, for my arguments made him still more uncomfortable, unable as he was either to accept them or to act in contempt of them. why he should have cared so much for my opinion is a mystery i can’t elucidate; to understand my little story, you must simply swallow it. that he did care is proved by the exasperation with which he suddenly broke out, “well, then, as i understand you, what you recommend me is to marry miss bernardstone, and carry on an intrigue with lady vandeleur!”
he knew perfectly that i recommended nothing of the sort, and he must have been very angry to indulge in this boutade. he told me that other people did n’t think as i did—that every one was of the opinion that between a woman he did n’t love and a woman he had adored for years it was a plain moral duty not to hesitate. “don’t hesitate then!” i exclaimed; but i did n’t get rid of him with this, for he returned to the charge more than once (he came to me so often that i thought he must neglect both his other alternatives), and let me know again that the voice of society was quite against my view. you will doubtless be surprised at such an intimation that he had taken “society” into his confidence, and wonder whether he went about asking people whether they thought he might back out. i can’t tell you exactly, but i know that for some weeks his dilemma was a great deal talked about. his friends perceived he was at the parting of the roads, and many of them had no difficulty in saying which one they would take. some observers thought he ought to do nothing, to leave things as they were. others took very high ground and discoursed upon the sanctity of love and the wickedness of really deceiving the girl, as that would be what it would amount to (if he should lead her to the altar). some held that it was too late to escape, others maintained that it is never too late. some thought miss bernardstone very much to be pitied; some reserved their compassion for ambrose tester; others, still, lavished it upon lady vandeleur.
the prevailing opinion, i think, was that he ought to obey the promptings of his heart—london cares so much for the heart! or is it that london is simply ferocious, and always prefers the spectacle that is more entertaining? as it would prolong the drama for the young man to throw over miss bernardstone, there was a considerable readiness to see the poor girl sacrificed. she was like a christian maiden in the roman arena. that is what ambrose tester meant by telling me that public opinion was on his side. i don’t think he chattered about his quandary, but people, knowing his situation, guessed what was going on in his mind, and he on his side guessed what they said. london discussions might as well go on in the whispering-gallery of st. paul’s. i could of course do only one thing,—i could but reaffirm my conviction that the roman attitude, as i may call it, was cruel, was falsely sentimental. this naturally did n’t help him as he wished to be helped,—did n’t remove the obstacle to his marrying in a year or two lady vandeleur. yet he continued to look to me for inspiration,—i must say it at the cost of making him appear a very feeble-minded gentleman. there was a moment when i thought him capable of an oblique movement, of temporizing with a view to escape. if he succeeded in postponing his marriage long enough, the bernardstones would throw him over, and i suspect that for a day he entertained the idea of fixing this responsibility on them. but he was too honest and too generous to do so for longer, and his destiny was staring him in the face when an accident gave him a momentary relief. general bernardstone died, after an illness as sudden and short as that which had carried off lord vandeleur; his wife and daughter were plunged into mourning and immediately retired into the country. a week later we heard that the girl’s marriage would be put off for several months,—partly on account of her mourning, and partly because her mother, whose only companion she had now become, could not bear to part with her at the time originally fixed and actually so near. people of course looked at each other,—said it was the beginning of the end, a “dodge” of ambrose tester’s. i wonder they did n’t accuse him of poisoning the poor old general. i know to a certainty that he had nothing to do with the delay, that the proposal came from lady emily, who, in her bereavement, wished, very naturally, to keep a few months longer the child she was going to lose forever. it must be said, in justice to her prospective son-in-law, that he was capable either of resigning himself or of frankly (with however many blushes) telling joscelind he could n’t keep his agreement, but was not capable of trying to wriggle out of his difficulty. the plan of simply telling joscelind he couldn’t,—this was the one he had fixed upon as the best, and this was the one of which i remarked to him that it had a defect which should be counted against its advantages. the defect was that it would kill joscelind on the spot.
i think he believed me, and his believing me made this unexpected respite very welcome to him. there was no knowing what might happen in the interval, and he passed a large part of it in looking for an issue. and yet, at the same time, he kept up the usual forms with the girl whom in his heart he had renounced. i was told more than once (for i had lost sight of the pair during the summer and autumn) that these forms were at times very casual, that he neglected miss bernardstone most flagrantly, and had quite resumed his old intimacy with lady vandeleur. i don’t exactly know what was meant by this, for she spent the first three months of her widowhood in complete seclusion, in her own old house in norfolk, where he certainly was not staying with her. i believe he stayed some time, for the partridge shooting, at a place a few miles off. it came to my ears that if miss bernardstone did n’t take the hint it was because she was determined to stick to him through thick and thin. she never offered to let him off, and i was sure she never would; but i was equally sure that, strange as it may appear, he had not ceased to be nice to her. i have never exactly understood why he didn’t hate her, and i am convinced that he was not a comedian in his conduct to her,—he was only a good fellow. i have spoken of the satisfaction that sir edmund took in his daughter-in-law that was to be; he delighted in looking at her, longed for her when she was out of his sight, and had her, with her mother, staying with him in the country for weeks together. if ambrose was not so constantly at her side as he might have been, this deficiency was covered by his father’s devotion to her, by her appearance of being already one of the family. mr. tester was away as he might be away if they were already married.
