we were outspanned near some deep shaded water-holes, and at about three o’clock i took my rifle and wandered off in the hope of dropping across something for the larder and having some sport during the three hours before the evening trek would begin; and as there was plenty of spoor of many kinds the prospects seemed good enough.

we had been going along slowly, it may be for half an hour, without seeing more than a little stembuck scurrying away in the distance, when i noticed that jock was rather busy with his nose, sniffing about in a way that looked like business. he was not sure of anything; that was clear, because he kept trying in different directions; not as you see a pointer do, but very seriously silently and slowly, moving at a cautious walk for a few yards and then taking a look about.

the day was hot and still, as usual at that time of the year, and any noise would be easily heard, so i had stopped to give jock a chance of ranging about. at the moment we were in rather open ground, and finding that jock was still very suspicious i moved on towards where the bush was thicker and we were less likely to be seen from a distance. as we got near the better cover there was a rasping, squawky cry in a cockatoo’s voice, “go ’way; go ’way; go’ way!” and one of those ugly big-beaked go ’way birds came sailing up from behind and flapped on to the trees we were making for. no doubt they have another name, but in the bushveld they were known as go ’way birds, because of this cry and because they are supposed to warn the game when an enemy is coming. but they are not like the tick bird or the rhinoceros bird, who stick close to their friends and as soon as they see or hear anything suspicious flutter straight up filling the air with twittering cries of alarm; the go ’way birds do not feed on ticks and have nothing to do with the game; you find them where there is no game, and it always seemed to me that it is not concern for the game at all, but simply a combination of vulgar curiosity, disagreeableness and bad manners, that makes them interfere as they do.

the reason why i do not believe the go ’way birds care a rap about the game and only want to worry you is that often one of them will make up its mind to stick to you, and you can turn twist and double as many ways as you like, but as soon as you begin to walk on again the wretched thing will fly over your head and perch twenty yards or so in front of you, screeching out “go ’way” at the top of its voice. there it will sit ready to fly off again as you come on, its ugly head on one side and big hooked bill like an aggressive nose, watching you mercilessly, as vigilant as a hungry fowl and as cross as a tired nurse in a big family. they seem to know that you cannot shoot them without making more row and doing more harm than they do.

i stood still for a few minutes to give this one a chance to fly away, and when it would not do so, but kept on screeching and craning its neck at me, i threw a stone at it. it ducked violently and gave a choking hysterical squawk of alarm and anger as the stone whizzed close to its head; then flying on to another tree a few yards off, screamed away more noisily than ever. evidently the best thing to do was to go ahead taking no notice of the creature and trusting that it would tire and leave me alone; so i walked off briskly.

there was a slight rustling in the bush ahead of us as i stepped out, and then the sound of feet. i made a dash for the chance of a running shot, but it was too late, and all we saw was half a dozen beautiful koodoo disappearing among the tree stems.

i turned towards that go ’way bird. perhaps he did not like the look on my face or the way i held the rifle; for he gave one more snarling shriek, as if he was emptying himself for ever of his rage and spite, and flapped away.

jock was standing like a statue, leaning slightly forward but with head very erect, jaws tightly closed, and eyes looking straight in front, as bright as black diamonds.

it was a bad disappointment; for that was the first time we had fairly and squarely come upon koodoo. however, it was still early and the game had not been scared, but had gone off quietly; so hoping for another chance we started off at a trot along the fresh spoor.

a big koodoo bull stands as high as a bullock, and although they have the small shapely feet of an antelope the spoor is heavy enough to follow at a trot except on stony ground. perhaps they know this, for they certainly prefer the rough hard ground when they can get it. we went along at a good pace, but with many short breaks to make sure of the spoor in the stony parts; and it was pretty hot work, although clothing was light for hunting. a rough flannel shirt, open at the throat, and moleskin trousers dyed with coffee—for khaki was unknown to us then—was the usual wear; and we carried as little as possible. generally a water-bottle filled with unsweetened cold tea and a cartridge belt were all we took besides the rifle. this time i had less than usual. meaning to be out only for a couple of hours at most and to stick close to the road, i had pocketed half a dozen cartridges and left both bandolier and water-bottle behind.

it was not long before we came upon the koodoo again; but they were on the watch. they were standing in the fringe of some thick bush, broadside on but looking back full at us, and as soon as i stopped to aim the whole lot disappeared with the same easy movement, just melting away in the bush.

if i had only known it, it was a hopeless chase for an inexperienced hunter: they were simply playing with me. the very things that seemed so encouraging to me would have warned an old hand that running on the trail was quite useless. when they moved off quietly, it was not because they were foolhardy or did not realise the danger. when they allowed us to catch up to them time after time, it was not because they did not expect us. when they stood on the edge of thick bush where we could see them, it was not stupidity. when they could disappear with an easy bound, it was not accident. it was all part of the game. they were keeping in touch with us so that we could not surprise them, and whenever they stopped it was always where they could see us coming through the thinner bush for a long way and where they themselves could disappear in the thick bush in a couple of strides. moreover, with each fresh run they changed their direction with the object of making it difficult for us to follow them up, and with the deliberate purpose of eventually reaching some favourite and safe haunt of theirs.

an old hand might have known this; but a beginner goes blindly along the spoor—exactly where they are expecting him. the chase was long and tiring, but there was no feeling of disappointment and no thought of giving it up: each time they came in sight we got keener and more excited, and the end seemed nearer and more certain. i knew what the six animals were—four cows, one young bull, and a magnificent old fellow with a glorious head and great spiral horns. i carried his picture in my eye and could pick him out instantly wherever he stood and however motionless; for, incredibly difficult as it is to pick out still objects in the bush before your eye becomes accustomed to it, it is wonderful what you can do when your eye is in and you are cool and intent and know what you are looking for. i had the old bull marked down as mine, and knew his every detail—his splendid bearing, strong shaggy neck with mane to the withers and bearded throat, the soft grey dove-colour of the coat with its white stripes, the easy balancing movement in carrying the massive horns as he cantered away, and the trick of throwing them back to glide them through the bush.

the last run was a long and hard one; and the koodoo seemed to have taken matters seriously and made up their minds to put a safe distance between us and them. the spooring was often difficult and the pace hot. i was wet through from the hard work, and so winded that further effort seemed almost impossible; but we plodded away—the picture of the koodoo bull luring me on, and jock content with any chase. without him the spoor would have been lost long before; it was in many places too faint and scattered for me to follow, but he would sniff about quietly, and, by his contented looks back at me and brisk wagging of that stumpy tail, show that he was on it again, and off we would go on another tired straggling trot. but at last even his help was not enough: we had come to the end of the chase, and not a spoor, scratch, or sign of any sort was to be seen.

time had passed unnoticed, and it was only when it became clear that further search would be quite useless that i looked at my watch and found it was nearly five o’clock. that was rather a shock, for it seemed reasonable to think that, as we had been out for pretty nearly two hours and going fast for most of the time, it would take almost as long to get back again.

i had not once noticed our direction or looked at the sun, yet when it came to making for camp again the idea of losing the way never occurred to me. i had not the slightest doubt about the way we had come, and it seemed the natural thing to go back the same way.

a short distance from where we finally gave up the chase there was a rise crowned by some good-sized rocks and bare of trees; it was not high enough to be fairly called a kopje, but i climbed it on chance of getting a view of the surrounding country—to see, if possible, how far we had come. the rise was not sufficient, however, to give a view; there was nothing to be seen, and i sat down on the highest rock to rest for a few minutes and smoke a cigarette.

it is over twenty years since that day, but that cigarette is not forgotten, and the little rise where we rested is still, to me, cigarette kopje. i was so thoroughly wet from the heat and hard work that the matches in the breast pocket of my shirt were all damp, and the heads came off most of them before one was gently coaxed into giving a light. five minutes rest was enough. we both wanted a drink, but there was no time then to hunt for water in such a dry part as that, so off we started for camp and jogged along for a good time, perhaps half an hour. then little by little i began to feel some uncertainty about the way and to look about from side to side for reminders.

the start back had been easy enough: that part of the ground where we had lost the spoor had been gone over very thoroughly and every object was familiar; but further back, where we had followed the spoor at a trot for long stretches and i had hardly raised my eyes from the ground before me, it was a very different matter. i forgot all about those long stretches in which nothing had been noticed except the koodoo spoor, and was unconsciously looking out for things in regular succession which we had passed at quite long intervals. of course, they were not to be found, but i kept on looking out for them—first feeling annoyed, then puzzled, then worried. something had gone wrong, and we were not going back on our old tracks. several times i looked about for the koodoo spoor as a guide; but it might be anywhere over a width of a hundred yards, and it seemed waste of precious time to search the dry grass-grown and leaf-strewn ground for that.

at the first puzzled stop i tried to recall some of the more noticeable things we had passed during the chase. there were two flat-topped mimosas, looking like great rustic tables on a lawn, and we had passed between them; there was a large ant-heap, with a twisty top like a crooked mud chimney, behind which the koodoo bull had calmly stood watching us approach; then a marula tree with a fork like a giant catapult stick; and so on with a score of other things, all coming readily to mind.

that was what put me hopelessly wrong. i began to look for particular objects instead of taking one direction and keeping to it. whenever a flat-topped thorn, a quaint ant-heap, a patch of tambookie grass, or a forked marula came in sight, i would turn off to see if they were the same we had passed coming out. it was hopeless folly, of course; for in that country there were hundreds and thousands of such things all looking very much alike, and you could walk yourself to death zigzagging about from one to another and never get any nearer home: when it comes to doing that sort of thing your judgment is gone and you have lost your head; and the worst of it is you do not know it and would not believe it if any one could tell you so. i did not know it; but it was nevertheless the fact.

as the sun sank lower i hurried on faster, but never long in one line—always turning this way and that to search for the particular marks i had in mind. at last we came to four trees in a line, and my heart gave a great jump, for these we had certainly passed before. in order to make quite sure i hunted for koodoo spoor; there was none to be seen, but on an old molehill there was the single print of a dog’s foot. “ha, jock’s!” i exclaimed aloud; and jock himself at the sound of his name stepped up briskly and sniffed at his own spoor. close beside it there was the clear mark of a heeled boot, and there were others further on. there was no doubt about it, they were jock’s and mine, and i could have given a whoop of delight; but a chilly feeling came over me when i realised that the footprints were leading the same way as we were going, instead of the opposite way. what on earth did it mean?

i laid the rifle down and sat on an old stump to think it out, and after puzzling over it for some minutes came to the conclusion that by some stupid blunder i must have turned round somewhere and followed the line of the koodoo, instead of going back on it. the only thing to be done was to right about face and go faster than ever; but, bad as the disappointment was, it was a certain consolation to know that we were on the track at last. that at any rate was a certainty; for, besides the footprints, the general appearance of the country and many individual features were perfectly familiar, now that i took a good look at them from this point.

at that moment i had not a shadow of doubt about the way—no more, indeed, than if we had been on the road itself: no suspicion of the truth occurred to me; yet the simple fact is we were not then on the koodoo trail at all, but, having made a complete circle, had come on to our own trail at the molehill and were now doing the circle the second time—but the reverse way now.

the map on the opposite page is an attempt to show what happened; the details are of course only guesswork, but the general idea is correct. the koodoo themselves had moved in a rough circle and in the first attempt to return to the waggons i had started back on their trail but must have turned aside somewhere, and after that, by dodging about looking for special landmarks, have made a complete circle. thus we eventually came back to the track on which we had started for home, and the things that then looked so convincingly familiar were things seen during the first attempt to return, and not, as i supposed, landmarks on the original koodoo trail. jock’s footprints in the molehill were only a few hundred yards from the cigarette kopje and about the same distance from where we had lost the koodoo spoor; and we were, at that moment, actually within a mile of the waggons.

seems incredible that one could be so near and not see or understand. why should one walk in circles instead of taking a fairly straight line? how was it possible to pass cigarette kopje and not recognise it, for i must have gone within fifty yards or less of it? as for not seeing things, the answer is that the bush does not allow you to see much: the waggons, for instance, might as well have been a hundred miles away. as for cigarette kop—things do not look the same unless seen from the same point; moreover there are heaps of things easily visible which you will never see at all because you are looking only for something else: you carry a preconceived idea, a sort of picture in your eye, and everything that does not fit in with that is not noticed—not even seen. as for walking in circles, it is my belief that most people, just like most horses, have a natural leaning or tendency towards one side or the other, and unless checked unconsciously indulge it. when riding in the veld, or any open country, you will notice that some horses will want to take any turn off to the right, others always go to the left, and only very few keep straight on. when out walking you will find that some people cannot walk on your right hand without coming across your front or working you into the gutter; others ‘mule’ you from the left. get them out in open country, walk briskly, and talk; then give way a little each time they bump you, and in a very little while you will have done the circle. if you have this tendency in the bushveld, where you cannot see any distant object to make for as a goal, any obstacle straight in front of you throws you off to the side you incline to; any openings in the trees which look like avenues or easy ways draw you; and between any two of them you will always choose the one on your favourite side. finally, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing in the veld, as elsewhere. when you know enough to recognise marks without being able to identify or locate them—that is, when you know you have seen them before but are not sure of the when and the where—goodness only knows what conclusion you will come to or what you will do.

i had passed cigarette kopje, it’s true; but when coming towards it from a new side it must have looked quite different; and besides that, i had not been expecting it, not looking for it, not even thinking of it—had indeed said good-bye to it for ever. when we turned back at the molehill, beginning to do the circle for the second time, we must have passed quite close to cigarette kopje again, but again it was from a different opening in the bush, and this time i had thought of nothing and seen nothing except the things i picked out and recognised as we hurried along. to my half-opened beginner’s eyes these things were familiar: we had passed them before; that seemed to be good enough: it must be right; so on we went, simply doing the same circle a second time, but this time the reverse way. the length of my shadow stretching out before me as we started from the molehill was a reminder of the need for haste, and we set off at a smart double. a glance back every few minutes to make sure that we were returning the way we had come was enough, and on we sped, confident for my part that we, were securely on the line of the koodoo and going straight for the waggons.

it is very difficult to say how long this lasted before once more a horrible doubt arose. it was when we had done half the circle that i was pulled up as if struck in the face: the setting sun shining into my eyes as we crossed an open space stopped me; for, as the bright gold-dust light of the sunset met me full, i remembered that it was my long shadow in front of me as we started from the molehill that had urged me to hurry on. we had started due east: we were going dead west! what on earth was wrong? there were the trees and spaces we had passed, a blackened stump, an ant-bear hole; all familiar. what then was the meaning of it? was it only a temporary swerve? no! i tested that by pushing on further along the track we were following, and it held steadily to the west. was it then all imagination about having been there before? no, that was absurd! and yet—and yet, as i went on, no longer trotting and full of hope but walking heavily and weighted with doubt, the feeling of uncertainty grew until i really did not know whether the familiar-looking objects and scenes were indeed old acquaintances or merely imagination playing tricks in a country where every style and sample was copied a thousand times over.

a few minutes later i again caught sight of the sunset glow—it was on my direct right: it meant that the trail had taken another turn, while i could have sworn we were holding a course straight as an arrow. it was all a hopeless tangle. i was lost then—and knew it. it was not the dread of a night out in the bush—for after many months of roughing it, that had no great terrors for me—but the helpless feeling of being lost and the anxiety and uncertainty about finding the road again, that gnawed at me and made me feel tucked-up and drawn. i wondered when they would begin to look for me, if they would light big fires and fire shots, and if it would be possible to see or hear the signals. the light would not last much longer; the dimness, the silence, and the hateful doubts about the trail made it more and more difficult to recognise the line; so i thought it was time to fire a signal shot.

there was no answer. it was silly to hope for one; for even if it had been heard they would only have thought that i was shooting at something. yet the clinging to hope was so strong that every twenty yards or so i stopped to listen for a reply; and when, after what seemed an eternity, none came, i fired another. when you shoot in the excitement of the chase the noise of the report does not strike you as anything out of the way; but a signal shot when you are alone and lost seems to fill the world with sound and to shake the earth itself. it has a most chilling effect, and the feeling of loneliness becomes acute as the echoes die away and still no answer comes.

another short spell of tip-toe walking and intent listening, and then it came to me that one shot as a signal was useless; i should have fired more and at regular intervals, like minute-guns at sea. i felt in my pocket: there were only four cartridges there and one in the rifle; there was night before me, with the wolves and the lions; there was the food for to-morrow, and perhaps more than to-morrow! there could be no minute-guns: two shots were all that could be spared, and i looked about for some high and open ground where the sound would travel far and wide. on ahead of us to the right the trees seemed fewer and the light stronger; and there i came upon some rising ground bare of bush. it was not much for my purpose, but it was higher than the rest and quite open, and there were some rocks scattered about the top. the same old feeling of mixed remembrance and doubt came over me as we climbed it: it looked familiar and yet different. was it memory or imagination?

but there was no time for wonderings. from the biggest rock, which was only waist high, i fired off two of my precious cartridges, and stood like a statue listening for the reply. the silence seemed worse than before: the birds had gone to roost; even the flies had disappeared; there was no sound at all but the beat of my own heart and jock’s panting breath.

there were three cartridges and a few damp matches left. there was no sun to dry them now, but i laid them out carefully on the smooth warm rock, and hoped that one at least would serve to light our camp fire. there was no time to waste: while the light lasted i had to drag up wood for the fire and pick a place for the camp—somewhere where the rocks behind and the fire in front would shelter us from the lions and hyenas, and where i could watch and listen for signals in the night.

there was plenty of wood near by, and thinking anxiously of the damp matches i looked about for dry tindery grass so that any spark would give a start for the fire. as i stooped to look for the grass i came on a patch of bare ground between the scattered tufts, and in the middle of it there lay a half-burnt match; and such a flood of relief and hope surged up that my heart beat up in my throat. where there were matches there had been men! we were not in the wilds, then, where white men seldom went—not off the beaten track: perhaps not far from the road itself.

you must experience it to know what it meant at that moment. it drew me on to look for more! a yard away i found the burnt end of a cigarette; and before there was time to realise why that should seem queer, i came on eight or ten matches with their heads knocked off.

for a moment things seemed to go round and round. i sat down with my back against the rock and a funny choky feeling in my throat. i knew they were my matches and cigarette, and that we were exactly where we had started from hours before, when we gave up the chase of tie koodoo. i began to understand things then: why places and landmarks seemed familiar; why jock’s spoor in the molehill had pointed the wrong way; why my shadow was in front and behind and beside me in turns. we had been going round in a circle. i jumped up and looked about me with a fresh light; and it was all clear as noonday then. why, this was the fourth time we had been on or close to some part of this same rise that day, each time within fifty yards of the same place; it was the second time i had sat on that very rock. and there was nothing odd or remarkable about that either, for each time i had been looking for the highest point to spy from and had naturally picked the rock-topped rise; and i had not recognised it, only because we came upon it from different sides each time and i was thinking of other things all the while.

all at once it seemed as if my eyes were opened and all was clear at last. i knew what to do: just make the best of it for the night; listen for shots and watch for fires; and if by morning no help came in that way, then strike a line due south for the road and follow it up until we found the waggons. it might take all day or even more, but we were sure of water that way and one could do it. the relief of really understanding was so great that the thought of a night out no longer worried me.

there was enough wood gathered, and i stretched out on the grass to rest as there was nothing else to do. we were both tired out, hot, dusty, and very very thirsty; but it was too late to hunt for water then. i was lying on my side chewing a grass stem, and jock lay down in front of me a couple of feet away. it was a habit of his: he liked to watch my face, and often when i rolled over to ease one side and lie on the other he would get up when he found my back turned to him and come round deliberately to the other side and sling himself down in front of me again. there he would lie with his hind legs sprawled on one side, his front legs straight out, and his head resting on his paws. he would lie like that without a move, his little dark eyes fixed on mine all the time until the stillness and the rest made him sleepy, and he would blink and blink, like a drowsy child, fighting against sleep until it beat him; and then—one long-drawn breath as he rolled gently over on his side, and jock was away in snoozeland.

in the loneliness of that evening i looked into his steadfast resolute face with its darker muzzle and bright faithful eyes that looked so soft and brown when there was nothing to do but got so beady black when it came to fighting. i felt very friendly to the comrade who was little more than a puppy still; and he seemed to feel something too; for as i lay there chewing the straw and looking at him, he stirred his stump of a tail in the dust an inch or so from time to time to let me know that he understood all about it and that it was all right as long as we were together.

but an interruption came. jock suddenly switched up his head, put it a bit sideways as a man would do, listening over his shoulder with his nose rather up in the air. i watched him, and thinking that it was probably only a buck out to feed in the cool of the evening, i tickled his nose with the long straw, saying, “no good, old chap; only three cartridges left. we must keep them.”

no dog likes to have his nose tickled: it makes them sneeze; and many dogs get quite offended, because it hurts their dignity. jock was not offended, but he got up and, as if to show me that i was frivolous and not attending properly to business, turned away from me and with his ears cocked began to listen again.

he was standing slightly in front of me and i happened to notice his tail: it was not moving; it was drooping slightly and perfectly still, and he kept it like that as he stepped quietly forward on to another sloping rock overlooking a side where we had not yet been. evidently there was something there, but he did not know what, and he wanted to find out.

i watched him, much amused by his calm businesslike manner. he walked to the edge of the rock and looked out: for a few minutes he stood stock-still with his ears cocked and his tail motionless; then his ears dropped and his tail wagged gently from side to side.

something—an instinct or sympathy quickened by the day’s experience, that i had never quite known before—taught me to understand, and i jumped up, thinking, “he sees something that he knows: he is pleased.” as i walked over to him, he looked back at me with his mouth open and tongue out, his ears still down and tail wagging—he was smiling all over, in his own way. i looked out over his head, and there, about three hundred yards off, were the oxen peacefully grazing and the herd boy in his red coat lounging along behind them.

shame at losing myself and dread of the others’ chaff kept me very quiet, and all they knew for many months was that we had had a long fruitless chase after koodoo and hard work to get back in time.

i had had my lesson, and did not require to have it rubbed in and be roasted as buggins had been. only jock and i knew all about it; but once or twice there were anxious nervous moments when it looked as if we were not the only ones in the secret. the big zulu driver, jim makokel’—always interested in hunting and all that concerned jock—asked me as we were inspanning what i had fired the last two shots at; and as i pretended not to hear or to notice the question, he went on to say how he had told the other boys that it must have been a klipspringer on a high rock or a monkey or a bird because the bullets had whistled over the waggons. i told him to inspan and not talk so much, and moved round to the other side of the waggon.

that night i slept hard, but woke up once dreaming that several lions were looking down at me from the top of a big flat rock and jock was keeping them off.

jock was in his usual place beside me, lying against my blankets. i gave him an extra pat for the dream, thinking, “good old boy; we know all about it, you and i, and we’re not going to tell. but we’ve learned some things that we won’t forget.” and as i dropped off to sleep again i felt a few feeble sleepy pats against my leg, and knew it was jock’s tail wagging “good night.”