description of a modern magistrate.

before the knight would take any resolution for extricating himself from his present embarrassment, he desired to be better acquainted with the character and circumstances of the justice by whom he had been confined, and likewise to understand the meaning of his own detention. to be informed in this last particular, he renewed his dialogue with the turnkey, who told him through the grate, that ferret no sooner perceived him in the jail without his offensive arms, which he had left below, than he desired to be carried before the justice, where he had given information against the knight, as a violator of the public peace, who strolled about the country with unlawful arms, rendering the highways unsafe, encroaching upon the freedom of elections, putting his majesty’s liege subjects in fear of their lives, and, in all probability, harbouring more dangerous designs under an affected cloak of lunacy. ferret, upon this information, had been released, and entertained as an evidence for the king; and crabshaw was put into the stocks, as an idle stroller.

sir launcelot, being satisfied in these particulars, addressed himself to his fellow-prisoners, and begged they would communicate what they knew respecting the worthy magistrate, who had been so premature in the execution of his office. this request was no sooner signified, than a crew of naked wretches crowded around him, and, like a congregation of rooks, opened their throats all at once, in accusation of justice gobble. the knight was moved at this scene, which he could not help comparing, in his own mind, to what would appear upon a much more awful occasion, when the cries of the widow and the orphan, the injured and oppressed, would be uttered at the tribunal of an unerring judge, against the villanous and insolent authors of their calamity.

when he had, with some difficulty, quieted their clamours, and confined his interrogation to one person of a tolerably decent appearance, he learned, that justice gobble, whose father was a tailor, had for some time served as a journeyman hosier in london, where he had picked up some law terms, by conversing with hackney writers and attorneys’ clerks of the lowest order; that, upon the death of his master, he had insinuated himself into the good graces of the widow, who took him for her husband, so that he became a person of some consideration, and saved money apace; that his pride, increasing with his substance, was reinforced by the vanity of his wife, who persuaded him to retire from business, that they might live genteelly in the country; that his father dying, and leaving a couple of houses in this town, mr. gobble had come down with his lady to take possession, and liked the place so well, as to make a more considerable purchase in the neighbourhood; that a certain peer being indebted to him in the large way of his business, and either unable or unwilling to pay the money, had compounded the debt, by inserting his name in the commission; since which period his own insolence, and his wife’s ostentation, had exceeded all bounds; that, in the execution of his authority, he had committed a thousand acts of cruelty and injustice against the poorer sort of people, who were unable to call him to a proper account; that his wife domineered with a more ridiculous, though less pernicious usurpation, among the females of the place; that, in a word, she was the subject of continual mirth, and he the object of universal detestation.

our adventurer, though extremely well disposed to believe what was said to the prejudice of gobble, would not give entire credit to this description, without first inquiring into the particulars of his conduct. he therefore asked the speaker, what was the cause of his particular complaint. “for my own part, sir,” said he, “i lived in repute, and kept a shop in this here town, well furnished with a great variety of articles. all the people in the place were my customers; but what i and many others chiefly depended upon, was the extraordinary sale at two annual customary fairs, to which all the country people in the neighbourhood resorted to lay out their money. i had employed all my stock, and even engaged my credit, to procure a large assortment of goods for the lammas market; but, having given my vote in the election of a vestry-clerk, contrary to the interest of justice gobble, he resolved to work my ruin. he suppressed the annual fairs, by which a great many people, especially publicans, earned the best part of their subsistence. the country people resorted to another town. i was overstocked with a load of perishable commodities, and found myself deprived of the best part of my home customers, by the ill-nature and revenge of the justice, who employed all his influence among the common people, making use of threats and promises, to make them desert my shop, and give their custom to another person, whom he settled in the same business under my nose. being thus disabled from making punctual payments, my commodities spoiling, and my wife breaking her heart, i grew negligent and careless, took to drinking, and my affairs went to wreck. being one day in liquor, and provoked by the fleers and taunts of the man who had set up against me, i struck him at his own door; upon which i was carried before the justice, who treated me with such insolence, that i became desperate, and not only abused him in the execution of his office, but also made an attempt to lay violent hands upon his person. you know, sir, when a man is both drunk and desperate, he cannot be supposed to have any command of himself. i was sent hither to jail. my creditors immediately seized my effects; and, as they were not sufficient to discharge my debts, a statute of bankruptcy was taken out against me; so that here i must lie, until they think proper to sign my certificate, or the parliament shall please to pass an act for the relief of insolvent debtors.”

the next person who presented himself in the crowd of accusers was a meagre figure, with a green apron, who told the knight that he had kept a public-house in town for a dozen years, and enjoyed a good trade, which was in a great measure owing to a skittle-ground, in which the best people of the place diverted themselves occasionally. that justice gobble, being disobliged at his refusing to part with a gelding which he had bred for his own use, first of all shut up the skittle-ground; but, finding the publican still kept his house open, he took care that he should be deprived of his licence, on pretence that the number of ale-houses was too great, and that this man had been bred to another employment. the poor publican being thus deprived of his bread, was obliged to try the staymaking business, to which he had served an apprenticeship; but being very ill qualified for this profession, he soon fell to decay and contracted debts, in consequence of which he was now in prison, where he had no other support but what arose from the labour of his wife, who had gone to service.

the next prisoner who preferred his complaint against the unrighteous judge was a poacher, at whose practices justice gobble had for some years connived, so as even to screen him from punishment, in consideration of being supplied with game gratis, till at length he was disappointed by accident. his lady had invited guests to an entertainment, and bespoke a hare, which the poacher undertook to furnish. he laid his snares accordingly overnight, but they were discovered, and taken away by the gamekeeper of the gentleman to whom the ground belonged. all the excuses the poacher could make proved ineffectual in appeasing the resentment of the justice and his wife at being thus disconcerted. measures were taken to detect the delinquent in the exercise of his illicit occupation; he was committed to safe custody, and his wife, with five bantlings, was passed to her husband’s settlement in a different part of the country.

a stout squat fellow, rattling with chains, had just taken up the ball of accusation, when sir launcelot was startled with the appearance of a woman, whose looks and equipage indicated the most piteous distress. she seemed to be turned of the middle age, was of a lofty carriage, tall, thin, weather-beaten, and wretchedly attired; her eyes were inflamed with weeping, and her looks displayed that wildness and peculiarity which denote distraction. advancing to sir launcelot, she fell upon her knees, and, clasping her hands together, uttered the following rhapsody in the most vehement tone of affliction:—

“thrice potent, generous, and august emperor; here let my knees cleave to the earth, until thou shalt do me justice on that inhuman caitiff gobble. let him disgorge my substance which he hath devoured; let him restore to my widowed arms my child, my boy, the delight of my eyes, the prop of my life, the staff of my sustenance, whom he hath torn from my embrace, stolen, betrayed, sent into captivity, and murdered! behold these bleeding wounds upon his lovely breast! see how they mangle his lifeless corse! horror! give me my child, barbarians! his head shall lie upon his suky’s bosom—she will embalm him with her tears. ha! plunge him in the deep!—shall my boy then float in a watery tomb? justice, most mighty emperor! justice upon the villain who hath ruined us all! may heaven’s dreadful vengeance overtake him! may the keen storm of adversity strip him of all his leaves and fruit! may peace forsake his mind, and rest be banished from his pillow, so that all his days shall be filled with reproach and sorrow, and all his nights be haunted with horror and remorse! may he be stung by jealousy without cause, and maddened by revenge without the means of execution! may all his offspring be blighted and consumed, like the mildewed ears of corn, except one that shall grow up to curse his old age, and bring his hoary head with sorrow to the grave, as he himself has proved a curse to me and mine!”

the rest of the prisoners, perceiving the knight extremely shocked at her misery and horrid imprecation, removed her by force from his presence, and conveyed her to another room; while our adventurer underwent a violent agitation, and could not for some minutes compose himself so well as to inquire into the nature of this wretched creature’s calamity.

the shopkeeper, of whom he demanded this satisfaction, gave him to understand that she was born a gentlewoman, and had been well educated; that she married a curate, who did not long survive his nuptials, and afterwards became the wife of one oakley, a farmer in opulent circumstances. that after twenty years’ cohabitation with her husband, he sustained such losses by the distemper among the cattle, as he could not repair; and that this reverse of fortune was supposed to have hastened his death. that the widow, being a woman of spirit, determined to keep up and manage the farm, with the assistance of an only son, a very promising youth, who was already contracted in marriage with the daughter of another wealthy farmer. thus the mother had a prospect of retrieving the affairs of her family, when all her hopes were dashed and destroyed by a ridiculous pique which mrs. gobble conceived against the young farmer’s sweetheart, mrs. susan sedgemoor.

this young woman chancing to be at a country assembly, where the gravedigger of the parish acted as master of the ceremonies, was called out to dance before miss gobble, who happened to be there present also with her mother. the circumstance was construed into an unpardonable affront by the justice’s lady, who abused the director in the most opprobrious terms for his insolence and ill manners; and retiring in a storm of passion, vowed revenge against the saucy minx who had presumed to vie in gentility with miss gobble. the justice entered into her resentment. the gravedigger lost his place; and suky’s lover, young oakley, was pressed for a soldier. before his mother could take any steps for his discharge, he was hurried away to the east indies, by the industry and contrivance of the justice. poor suky wept and pined until she fell into a consumption. the forlorn widow, being thus deprived of her son, was overwhelmed with grief to such a degree, that she could no longer manage her concerns. everything went backwards; she ran in arrears with her landlord; and the prospect of bankruptcy aggravated her affliction, while it added to her incapacity. in the midst of these disastrous circumstances, news arrived that her son greaves had lost his life in a sea engagement with the enemy; and these tidings almost instantly deprived her of reason. then the landlord seized for his rent, and she was arrested at the suit of justice gobble, who had bought up one of her debts in order to distress her, and now pretended that her madness was feigned.

when the name of greaves was mentioned, our adventurer started and changed colour; and, now the story was ended, asked, with marks of eager emotion, if the name of the woman’s first husband was not wilford. when the prisoner answered in the affirmative, he rose up, and striking his breast, “good heaven!” cried he, “the very woman who watched over my infancy, and even nourished me with her milk! she was my mother’s humble friend. alas! poor dorothy! how would your old mistress grieve to see her favourite in this miserable condition.” while he pronounced these words, to the astonishment of the hearers, a tear stole softly down each cheek. then he desired to know if the poor lunatic had any intervals of reason; and was given to understand that she was always quiet, and generally supposed to have the use of her senses, except when she was disturbed by some extraordinary noise, or when any person touched upon her misfortune, or mentioned the name of her oppressor, in all which cases she started out into extravagance and frenzy. they likewise imputed great part of the disorder to the want of quiet, proper food, and necessaries, with which she was but poorly supplied by the cold hand of chance charity. our adventurer was exceedingly affected by the distress of this woman, whom he resolved to relieve; and in proportion as his commiseration was excited, his resentment rose against the miscreant, who seemed to have insinuated himself into the commission of the peace on purpose to harass and oppress his fellow-creatures.

thus animated, he entered into consultation with mr. thomas clarke concerning the steps he should take, first for their deliverance, and then for prosecuting and punishing the justice. in result of this conference, the knight called aloud for the jailor, and demanded to see a copy of his commitment, that he might know the cause of his imprisonment, and offer bail; or, in case that he should be refused, move for a writ of habeas corpus. the jailor told him the copy of the writ should be forthcoming. but after he had waited some time, and repeated the demand before witnesses, it was not yet produced. mr. clarke then, in a solemn tone, gave the jailor to understand, that an officer refusing to deliver a true copy of the commitment warrant was liable to the forfeiture of one hundred pounds for the first offence, and for the second to a forfeiture of twice that sum, besides being disabled from executing his office.

indeed, it was no easy matter to comply with sir launcelot’s demand; for no warrant had been granted, nor was it now in the power of the justice to remedy this defect, as mr. ferret had taken himself away privately, without having communicated the name and designation of the prisoner. a circumstance the more mortifying to the jailor, as he perceived the extraordinary respect which mr. clarke and the captain paid to the knight, and was now fully convinced that he would be dealt with according to law. disordered with these reflections, he imparted them to the justice, who had in vain caused search to be made for ferret, and was now extremely well inclined to set the knight and his friends at liberty, though he did not at all suspect the quality and importance of our adventurer. he could not, however, resist the temptation of displaying the authority of his office, and therefore ordered the prisoners to be brought before his tribunal, that, in the capacity of a magistrate, he might give them a severe reproof, and proper caution with respect to their future behaviour.

they were accordingly led through the street in procession, guarded by the constable and his gang, followed by crabshaw, who had by this time been released from the stocks, and surrounded by a crowd of people, attracted by curiosity. when they arrived at the justice’s house, they were detained for some time in the passage; then a voice was heard, commanding the constable to bring in the prisoners, and they were introduced to the hall of audience, where mr. gobble sat in judgment, with a crimson velvet night-cap on his head; and on his right hand appeared his lady, puffed up with the pride and insolence of her husband’s office, fat, frouzy, and not over-clean, well stricken in years, without the least vestige of an agreeable feature, having a rubicund nose, ferret eyes, and imperious aspect. the justice himself was a little, affected, pert prig, who endeavoured to solemnise his countenance by assuming an air of consequence, in which pride, impudence, and folly were strangely blended. he aspired at nothing so much as the character of an able spokesman; and took all opportunities of holding forth at vestry and quarter sessions, as well as in the administration of his office in private. he would not, therefore, let slip this occasion of exciting the admiration of his hearers, and, in an authoritative tone, thus addressed our adventurer:—

“the laws of this land has provided—i says as how provision is made by the laws of this here land, in reverence to delinquems and malefactors, whereby the king’s peace is upholden by we magistrates, who represents his majesty’s person, better than in e’er a contagious nation under the sun; but, howsomever, that there king’s peace, and this here magistrate’s authority cannot be adequably and identically upheld, if so be as how criminals escapes unpunished. now, friend, you must be confidentious in your own mind, as you are a notorious criminal, who have trespassed again the laws on divers occasions and importunities; if i had a mind to exercise the rigour of the law, according to the authority wherewith i am wested, you and your companions in iniquity would be sewerely punished by the statue; but we magistrates has a power to litigate the sewerity of justice, and so i am contented that you should be mercifully dealt withal, and even dismissed.”

to this harangue the knight replied, with a solemn and deliberate accent, “if i understand your meaning aright, i am accused of being a notorious criminal; but nevertheless you are contented to let me escape with impunity. if i am a notorious criminal, it is the duty of you, as a magistrate, to bring me to condign punishment; and if you allow a criminal to escape unpunished, you are not only unworthy of a place in the commission, but become accessory to his guilt, and, to all intents and purposes, socius criminis. with respect to your proffered mercy, i shall decline the favour; nor do i deserve any indulgence at your hands, for, depend upon it, i shall show no mercy to you in the steps i intend to take for bringing you to justice. i understand that you have been long hackneyed in the ways of oppression, and i have seen some living monuments of your inhumanity—of that hereafter. i myself have been detained in prison, without cause assigned. i have been treated with indignity, and insulted by jailors and constables; led through the streets like a felon, as a spectacle to the multitude; obliged to dance attendance in your passage, and afterwards branded with the name of notorious criminal.—i now demand to see the information in consequence of which i was detained in prison, the copy of the warrant of commitment or detainer, and the face of the person by whom i was accused. i insist upon a compliance with these demands, as the privileges of a british subject; and if it is refused, i shall seek redress before a higher tribunal.”

the justice seemed to be not a little disturbed at this peremptory declaration; which, however, had no other effect upon his wife, but that of enraging her choler, and inflaming her countenance. “sirrah! sirrah!” cried she, “do you dares to insult a worshipful magistrate on the bench? —can you deny that you are a vagram, and a dilatory sort of a person? han’t the man with the satchel made an affidavy of it?—if i was my husband, i’d lay you fast by the heels for your resumption, and ferk you with a priminery into the bargain, unless you could give a better account of yourself—i would.”

gobble, encouraged by this fillip, resumed his petulance, and proceeded in this manner:—“hark ye, friend, i might, as mrs. gobble very justly observes, trounce you for your audacious behaviour; but i scorn to take such advantages. howsomever, i shall make you give an account of yourself and your companions; for i believes as how you are in a gang, and all in a story, and perhaps you may be found one day in a cord.—what are you, friend? what is your station and degree?”—“i am a gentleman,” replied the knight.—“ay, that is english for a sorry fellow,” said the justice. “every idle vagabond, who has neither home nor habitation, trade nor profession, designs himself a gentleman. but i must know how you live?”—“upon my means.”—“what are your means?”—“my estate.” “whence does it arise?”—“from inheritance.”—“your estate lies in brass, and that you have inherited from nature; but do you inherit lands and tenements?”—“yes.”—“but they are neither here nor there, i doubt. come, come, friend, i shall bring you about presently.” here the examination was interrupted by the arrival of mr. fillet the surgeon, who chancing to pass, and seeing a crowd about the door, went in to satisfy his curiosity.