i like best to think of him as he was at the height of his all-too-brief reputation and success, when, as the author and composer of various american popular successes ("on the banks of the wabash," "just tell them that you saw me," and various others), as a third owner of one of the most successful popular music publishing houses in the city and as an actor and playwright of some small repute, he was wont to spin like a moth in the white light of broadway. by reason of a little luck and some talent he had come so far, done so much for himself. in his day he had been by turn a novitiate in a western seminary which trained aspirants for the catholic priesthood; a singer and entertainer with a perambulating cure-all oil troupe or wagon ("hamlin's wizard oil") traveling throughout ohio, indiana and illinois; both end- and middle-man with one, two or three different minstrel companies of repute; the editor or originator and author of a "funny column" in a western small city paper; the author of the songs mentioned and a hundred others; a black-face monologue artist; a white-face ditto, at tony pastor's, miner's and niblo's of the old days; a comic lead; co-star and star in such melodramas and farces as "the danger signal," "the two johns," "a tin soldier," "the midnight bell," "a green goods man" (a farce which he himself wrote, by the way), and others. the man had a genius for the kind of gayety, poetry and romance which may, and no doubt must be, looked upon as exceedingly middle-class but which nonetheless had as much charm as anything in this world can well have. he had at this time absolutely no cares or financial worries of any kind, and this plus his health, self-amusing disposition and talent for entertaining, made him a most fascinating figure to contemplate.
my first recollection of him is of myself as a boy often and he a man of twenty-five (my oldest brother). he had come back to the town in which we were then living solely to find his mother and help her. six or seven years before he had left without any explanation as to where he was going, tired of or irritated by the routine of a home which for any genuine opportunity it offered him might as well never have existed. it was run dominantly by my father in the interest of religious and moral theories, with which this boy had little sympathy. he was probably not understood by any one save my mother, who understood or at least sympathized with us all. placed in a school which was to turn him out a priest, he had decamped, and now seven years later was here in this small town, with fur coat and silk hat, a smart cane—a gentleman of the theatrical profession. he had joined a minstrel show somewhere and had become an "end-man." he had suspected that we were not as fortunate in this world's goods as might be and so had returned. his really great heart had called him.
but the thing which haunts me, and which was typical of him then as throughout life, was the spirit which he then possessed and conveyed. it was one of an agile geniality, unmarred by thought of a serious character but warm and genuinely tender and with a taste for simple beauty which was most impressive. he was already the author of a cheap songbook, "the paul dresser songster" ("all the songs sung in the show"), and some copies of this he had with him, one of which he gave me. but we having no musical instrument of any kind, he taught me some of the melodies "by ear." the home in which by force of poverty we were compelled to live was most unprepossessing and inconvenient, and the result of his coming could but be our request for, or at least the obvious need of, assistance. still he was as much an enthusiastic part of it as though he belonged to it. he was happy in it, and the cause of his happiness was my mother, of whom he was intensely fond. i recall how he hung about her in the kitchen or wherever she happened to be, how enthusiastically he related all his plans for the future, his amusing difficulties in the past. he was very grand and youthfully self-important, or so we all thought, and still he patted her on the shoulder or put his arm about her and kissed her. until she died years later she was truly his uppermost thought, crying with her at times over her troubles and his. he contributed regularly to her support and sent home all his cast-off clothing to be made over for the younger ones. (bless her tired hands!)
as i look back now on my life, i realize quite clearly that of all the members of my family, subsequent to my mother's death, the only one who truly understood me, or, better yet, sympathized with my intellectual and artistic point of view, was, strange as it may seem, this same paul, my dearest brother. not that he was in any way fitted intellectually or otherwise to enjoy high forms of art and learning and so guide me, or that he understood, even in later years (long after i had written "sister carrie," for instance), what it was that i was attempting to do; he never did. his world was that of the popular song, the middle-class actor or comedian, the middle-class comedy, and such humorous æsthetes of the writing world as bill nye, petroleum v. nasby, the authors of the spoopendyke papers, and "samantha at saratoga." as far as i could make out—and i say this in no lofty, condescending spirit, by any means—he was entirely full of simple, middle-class romance, middle-class humor, middle-class tenderness and middle-class grossness, all of which i am very free to say early disarmed and won me completely and kept me so much his debtor that i should hesitate to try to acknowledge or explain all that he did for or meant to me.
imagine, if you can, a man weighing all of three hundred pounds, not more than five feet ten-and-one-half inches in height and yet of so lithesome a build that he gave not the least sense of either undue weight or lethargy. his temperament, always ebullient and radiant, presented him as a clever, eager, cheerful, emotional and always highly illusioned person with so collie-like a warmth that one found him compelling interest and even admiration. easily cast down at times by the most trivial matters, at others, and for the most part, he was so spirited and bubbly and emotional and sentimental that your fiercest or most gloomy intellectual rages or moods could scarcely withstand his smile. this tenderness or sympathy of his, a very human appreciation of the weaknesses and errors as well as the toils and tribulations of most of us, was by far his outstanding and most engaging quality, and gave him a very definite force and charm. admitting, as i freely do, that he was very sensuous (gross, some people might have called him), that he had an intense, possibly an undue fondness for women, a frivolous, childish, horse-playish sense of humor at times, still he had other qualities which were absolutely adorable. life seemed positively to spring up fountain-like in him. one felt in him a capacity to do (in his possibly limited field); an ability to achieve, whether he was doing so at the moment or not, and a supreme willingness to share and radiate his success—qualities exceedingly rare, i believe. some people are so successful, and yet you know their success is purely selfish—exclusive, not inclusive; they never permit you to share in their lives. not so my good brother. he was generous to the point of self-destruction, and that is literally true. he was the mark if not the prey of all those who desired much or little for nothing, those who previously might not have rendered him a service of any kind. he was all life and color, and thousands (i use the word with care) noted and commented on it.
when i first came to new york he was easily the foremost popular song-writer of the day and was the cause of my coming, so soon at least, having established himself in the publishing field and being so comfortably settled as to offer me a kind of anchorage in so troubled a commercial sea. i was very much afraid of new york, but with him here it seemed not so bad. the firm of which he was a part had a floor or two in an old residence turned office building, as so many are in new york, in twentieth street very close to broadway, and here, during the summer months (1894-7) when the various theatrical road-companies, one of which he was always a part, had returned for the closed season, he was to be found aiding his concern in the reception and care of possible applicants for songs and attracting by his personality such virtuosi of the vaudeville and comedy stage as were likely to make the instrumental publications of his firm a success.
i may as well say here that he had no more business skill than a fly. at the same time, he was in no wise sycophantic where either wealth, power or fame was concerned. he considered himself a personage of sorts, and was. the minister, the moralist, the religionist, the narrow, dogmatic and self-centered in any field were likely to be the butt of his humor, and he could imitate so many phases of character so cleverly that he was the life of any idle pleasure-seeking party anywhere. to this day i recall his characterization of an old irish washerwoman arguing; a stout, truculent german laying down the law; lean, gloomy, out-at-elbows actors of the hamlet or classic school complaining of their fate; the stingy skinflint haggling over a dollar, and always with a skill for titillating the risibilities which is vivid to me even to this day. other butts of his humor were the actor, the irish day-laborer, the negro and the hebrew. and how he could imitate them! it is useless to try to indicate such things in writing, the facial expression, the intonation, the gestures; these are not things of words. perhaps i can best indicate the direction of his mind, if not his manner, by the following:
one night as we were on our way to a theater there stood on a nearby corner in the cold a blind man singing and at the same time holding out a little tin cup into which the coins of the charitably inclined were supposed to be dropped. at once my brother noticed him, for he had an eye for this sort of thing, the pathos of poverty as opposed to so gay a scene, the street with its hurrying theater crowds. at the same time, so inherently mischievous was his nature that although his sympathy for the suffering or the ill-used of fate was overwhelming, he could not resist combining his intended charity with a touch of the ridiculous.
"got any pennies?" he demanded.
"three or four."
going over to an outdoor candystand he exchanged a quarter for pennies, then came back and waited until the singer, who had ceased singing, should begin a new melody. a custom of the singer's, since the song was of no import save as a means of attracting attention to him, was to interpolate a "thank you" after each coin dropped in his cup and between the words of the song, regardless. it was this little idiosyncrasy which evidently had attracted my brother's attention, although it had not mine. standing quite close, his pennies in his hand, he waited until the singer had resumed, then began dropping pennies, waiting each time for the "thank you," which caused the song to go about as follows:
"da-a-'ling" (clink!—"thank you!") "i am—" (clink!—"thank you!") "growing o-o-o-ld" (clink!—"thank you!"), "silve-e-r—" (clink!—"thank you!") "threads among the—" (clink!—"thank you!") "go-o-o-ld—" (clink! "thank you!"). "shine upon my-y" (clink!—"thank you!") "bro-o-ow toda-a-y" (clink!—"thank you!"), "life is—" (clink!—"thank you!") "fading fast a-a-wa-a-ay" (clink!—"thank you!")—and so on ad infinitum, until finally the beggar himself seemed to hesitate a little and waver, only so solemn was his rôle of want and despair that of course he dared not but had to go on until the last penny was in, and until he was saying more "thank yous" than words of the song. a passer-by noticing it had begun to "haw-haw!", at which others joined in, myself included. the beggar himself, a rather sniveling specimen, finally realizing what a figure he was cutting with his song and thanks, emptied the coins into his hand and with an indescribably wry expression, half-uncertainty and half smile, exclaimed, "i'll have to thank you as long as you keep putting pennies in, i suppose. god bless you!"
my brother came away smiling and content.
however, it is not as a humorist or song-writer or publisher that i wish to portray him, but as an odd, lovable personality, possessed of so many interesting and peculiar and almost indescribable traits. of all characters in fiction he perhaps most suggests jack falstaff, with his love of women, his bravado and bluster and his innate good nature and sympathy. sympathy was really his outstanding characteristic, even more than humor, although the latter was always present. one might recite a thousand incidents of his generosity and out-of-hand charity, which contained no least thought of return or reward. i recall that once there was a boy who had been reared in one of the towns in which we had once lived who had never had a chance in his youth, educationally or in any other way, and, having turned out "bad" and sunk to the level of a bank robber, had been detected in connection with three other men in the act of robbing a bank, the watchman of which was subsequently killed in the mêlée and escape. of all four criminals only this one had been caught. somewhere in prison he had heard sung one of my brother's sentimental ballads, "the convict and the bird," and recollecting that he had known paul wrote him, setting forth his life history and that now he had no money or friends.
at once my good brother was alive to the pathos of it. he showed the letter to me and wanted to know what could be done. i suggested a lawyer, of course, one of those brilliant legal friends of his—always he had enthusiastic admirers in all walks—who might take the case for little or nothing. there was the leader of tammany hall, richard croker, who could be reached, he being a friend of paul's. there was the governor himself to whom a plain recitation of the boy's unfortunate life might be addressed, and with some hope of profit.
all of these things he did, and more. he went to the prison (sing sing), saw the warden and told him the story of the boy's life, then went to the boy, or man, himself and gave him some money. he was introduced to the governor through influential friends and permitted to tell the tale. there was much delay, a reprieve, a commutation of the death penalty to life imprisonment—the best that could be done. but he was so grateful for that, so pleased. you would have thought at the time that it was his own life that had been spared.
"good heavens!" i jested. "you'd think you'd done the man an inestimable service, getting him in the penitentiary for life!"
"that's right," he grinned—an unbelievably provoking smile. "he'd better be dead, wouldn't he? well, i'll write and ask him which he'd rather have."
i recall again taking him to task for going to the rescue of a "down and out" actor who had been highly successful and apparently not very sympathetic in his day, one of that more or less gaudy clan that wastes its substance, or so it seemed to me then, in riotous living. but now being old and entirely discarded and forgotten, he was in need of sympathy and aid. by some chance he knew paul, or paul had known him, and now because of the former's obvious prosperity—he was much in the papers at the time—he had appealed to him. the man lived with a sister in a wretched little town far out on long island. on receiving his appeal paul seemed to wish to investigate for himself, possibly to indulge in a little lofty romance or sentiment. at any rate he wanted me to go along for the sake of companionship, so one dreary november afternoon we went, saw the pantaloon, who did not impress me very much even in his age and misery for he still had a few of his theatrical manners and insincerities, and as we were coming away i said, "paul, why should you be the goat in every case?" for i had noted ever since i had been in new york, which was several years then, that he was a victim of many such importunities. if it was not the widow of a deceased friend who needed a ton of coal or a sack of flour, or the reckless, headstrong boy of parents too poor to save him from a term in jail or the reformatory and who asked for fine-money or an appeal to higher powers for clemency, or a wastrel actor or actress "down and out" and unable to "get back to new york" and requiring his or her railroad fare wired prepaid, it was the dead wastrel actor or actress who needed a coffin and a decent form of burial.
"well, you know how it is, thee" (he nearly always addressed me thus), "when you're old and sick. as long as you're up and around and have money, everybody's your friend. but once you're down and out no one wants to see you any more—see?" almost amusingly he was always sad over those who had once been prosperous but who were now old and forgotten. some of his silliest tender songs conveyed as much.
"quite so," i complained, rather brashly, i suppose, "but why didn't he save a little money when he had it? he made as much as you'll ever make." the man had been a star. "he had plenty of it, didn't he? why should he come to you?"
"well, you know how it is, thee," he explained in the kindliest and most apologetic way. "when you're young and healthy like that you don't think. i know how it is; i'm that way myself. we all have a little of it in us. i have; you have. and anyhow youth's the time to spend money if you're to get any good of it, isn't it? of course when you're old you can't expect much, but still i always feel as though i'd like to help some of these old people." his eyes at such times always seemed more like those of a mother contemplating a sick or injured child than those of a man contemplating life.
"but, paul," i insisted on another occasion when he had just wired twenty-five dollars somewhere to help bury some one. (my spirit was not so niggardly as fearsome. i was constantly terrified in those days by the thought of a poverty-stricken old age for myself and him—why, i don't know. i was by no means incompetent.) "why don't you save your money? why should you give it to every tom, dick and harry that asks you? you're not a charity organization, and you're not called upon to feed and clothe and bury all the wasters who happen to cross your path. if you were down and out how many do you suppose would help you?"
"well, you know," and his voice and manner were largely those of mother, the same wonder, the same wistfulness and sweetness, the same bubbling charity and tenderness of heart, "i can't say i haven't got it, can i?" he was at the height of his success at the time. "and anyhow, what's the use being so hard on people? we're all likely to get that way. you don't know what pulls people down sometimes—not wasting always. it's thoughtlessness, or trying to be happy. remember how poor we were and how mamma and papa used to worry." often these references to mother or father or their difficulties would bring tears to his eyes. "i can't stand to see people suffer, that's all, not if i have anything," and his eyes glowed sweetly. "and, after all," he added apologetically, "the little i give isn't much. they don't get so much out of me. they don't come to me every day."
another time—one christmas eve it was, when i was comparatively new to new york (my second or third year), i was a little uncertain what to do, having no connections outside of paul and two sisters, one of whom was then out of the city. the other, owing to various difficulties of her own and a temporary estrangement from us—more our fault than hers—was therefore not available. the rather drab state into which she had allowed her marital affections to lead her was the main reason that kept us apart. at any rate i felt that i could not, or rather would not, go there. at the same time, owing to some difficulty or irritation with the publishing house of which my brother was then part owner (it was publishing the magazine which i was editing), we twain were also estranged, nothing very deep really—a temporary feeling of distance and indifference.
so i had no place to go except to my room, which was in a poor part of the town, or out to dine where best i might—some moderate-priced hotel, was my thought. i had not seen my brother in three or four days, but after i had strolled a block or two up broadway i encountered him. i have always thought that he had kept an eye on me and had really followed me; was looking, in short, to see what i would do as usual he was most smartly and comfortably dressed.
"where you going, thee?" he called cheerfully.
"oh, no place in particular," i replied rather suavely, i presume. "just going up the street."
"now, see here, sport," he began—a favorite expression of his, "sport"—with his face abeam, "what's the use you and me quarreling? it's christmas eve, ain't it? it's a shame! come on, let's have a drink and then go out to dinner."
"well," i said, rather uncompromisingly, for at times his seemingly extreme success and well-being irritated me, "i'll have a drink, but as for dinner i have another engagement."
"aw, don't say that. what's the use being sore? you know i always feel the same even if we do quarrel at times. cut it out. come on. you know i'm your brother, and you're mine. it's all right with me, thee. let's make it up, will you? put 'er there! come on, now. we'll go and have a drink, see, something hot—it's christmas eve, sport. the old home stuff."
he smiled winsomely, coaxingly, really tenderly, as only he could smile. i "gave in." but now as we entered the nearest shining bar, a christmas crowd buzzing within and without (it was the old fifth avenue hotel), a new thought seemed to strike him.
"seen e—— lately?" he inquired, mentioning the name of the troubled sister who was having a very hard time indeed. her husband had left her and she was struggling over the care of two children.
"no," i replied, rather shamefacedly, "not in a week or two—maybe more."
he clicked his tongue. he himself had not been near her in a month or more. his face fell, and he looked very depressed.
"it's too bad—a shame really. we oughtn't to do this way, you know, sport. it ain't right. what do you say to our going around there," it was in the upper thirties, "and see how she's making out?—take her a few things, eh? whaddya say?"
i hadn't a spare dollar myself, but i knew well enough what he meant by "take a few things" and who would pay for them.
"well, we'll have to hurry if we want to get anything now," i urged, falling in with the idea since it promised peace, plenty and good will all around, and we rushed the drink and departed. near at hand was a branch of one of the greatest grocery companies of the city, and near it, too, his then favorite hotel, the continental. en route we meditated on the impossibility of delivery, the fact that we would have to carry the things ourselves, but he at last solved that by declaring that he could commandeer negro porters or bootblacks from the continental. we entered, and by sheer smiles on his part and some blarney heaped upon a floor-manager, secured a turkey, sweet potatoes, peas, beans, a salad, a strip of bacon, a ham, plum pudding, a basket of luscious fruit and i know not what else—provender, i am sure, for a dozen meals. while it was being wrapped and packed in borrowed baskets, soon to be returned, he went across the way to the hotel and came back with three grinning darkies who for the tip they knew they would receive preceded us up broadway, the nearest path to our destination. on the way a few additional things were picked up: holly wreaths, toys, candy, nuts—and then, really not knowing whether our plan might not mis-carry, we made our way through the side street and to the particular apartment, or, rather, flat-house, door, a most amusing christmas procession, i fancy, wondering and worrying now whether she would be there.
but the door clicked in answer to our ring, and up we marched, the three darkies first, instructed to inquire for her and then insist on leaving the goods, while we lagged behind to see how she would take it.
the stage arrangement worked as planned. my sister opened the door and from the steps below we could hear her protesting that she had ordered nothing, but the door being open the negroes walked in and a moment or two afterwards ourselves. the packages were being piled on table and floor, while my sister, unable quite to grasp this sudden visitation and change of heart, stared.
"just thought we'd come around and have supper with you, e——, and maybe dinner tomorrow if you'll let us," my brother chortled. "merry christmas, you know. christmas eve. the good old home stuff—see? old sport here and i thought we couldn't stay away—tonight, anyhow."
he beamed on her in his most affectionate way, but she, suffering regret over the recent estrangement as well as the difficulties of life itself and the joy of this reunion, burst into tears, while the two little ones danced about, and he and i put our arms about her.
"there, there! it's all over now," he declared, tears welling in his eyes. "it's all off. we'll can this scrapping stuff. thee and i are a couple of bums and we know it, but you can forgive us, can't you? we ought to be ashamed of ourselves, all of us, and that's the truth. we've been quarreling, too, haven't spoken for a week. ain't that so, sport? but it's all right now, eh?"
there were tears in my eyes, too. one couldn't resist him. he had the power of achieving the tenderest results in the simplest ways. we then had supper, and breakfast the next morning, all staying and helping, even to the washing and drying of the dishes, and thereafter for i don't know how long we were all on the most affectionate terms, and he eventually died in this sister's home, ministered to with absolutely restless devotion by her for weeks before the end finally came.
but, as i have said, i always prefer to think of him at this, the very apex or tower window of his life. for most of this period he was gay and carefree. the music company of which he was a third owner was at the very top of its success. its songs, as well as his, were everywhere. he had in turn at this time a suite at the gilsey house, the marlborough, the normandie—always on broadway, you see. the limelight district was his home. he rose in the morning to the clang of the cars and the honk of the automobiles outside; he retired at night as a gang of repair men under flaring torches might be repairing a track, or the milk trucks were rumbling to and from the ferries. he was in his way a public restaurant and hotel favorite, a shining light in the theater managers' offices, hotel bars and lobbies and wherever those flies of the tenderloin, those passing lords and celebrities of the sporting, theatrical, newspaper and other worlds, are wont to gather. one of his intimates, as i now recall, was "bat" masterson, the western and now retired (to broadway!) bad man; muldoon, the famous wrestler; tod sloan, the jockey; "battling" nelson; james j. corbett; kid mccoy; terry mcgovern—prize-fighters all. such tammany district leaders as james murphy, "the" mcmanus, chrystie and timothy sullivan, richard carroll, and even richard croker, the then reigning tammany boss, were all on his visiting list. he went to their meetings, rallies and district doings generally to sing and play, and they came to his "office" occasionally. various high and mighties of the roman church, "fathers" with fine parishes and good wine cellars, and judges of various municipal courts, were also of his peculiar world. he was always running to one or the other "to get somebody out," or they to him to get him to contribute something to something, or to sing and play or act, and betimes they were meeting each other in hotel grills or elsewhere and having a drink and telling "funny stories."
apropos of this sense of humor of his, this love of horse-play almost, i remember that once he had a new story to tell—a vulgar one of course—and with it he had been making me and a dozen others laugh until the tears coursed down our cheeks. it seemed new to everybody and, true to his rather fantastic moods, he was determined to be the first to tell it along broadway. for some reason he was anxious to have me go along with him, possibly because he found me at that time an unvarying fountain of approval and laughter, possibly because he liked to show me off as his rising brother, as he insisted that i was. at between six and seven of a spring or summer evening, therefore, we issued from his suite at the gilsey house, whither he had returned to dress, and invading the bar below were at once centered among a group who knew him. a whiskey, a cigar, the story told to one, two, three, five, ten to roars of laughter, and we were off, over the way to weber & fields (the musical burlesque house supreme of those days) in the same block, where to the ticket seller and house manager, both of whom he knew, it was told. more laughter, a cigar perhaps. then we were off again, this time to the ticket seller of palmer's theater at thirtieth street, thence to the bar of the grand hotel at thirty-first, the imperial at thirty-second, the martinique at thirty-third, a famous drug-store at the southwest corner of thirty-fourth and broadway, now gone of course, the manager of which was a friend of his. it was a warm, moony night, and he took a glass of vichy "for looks' sake," as he said.
then to the quondam hotel aulic at thirty-fifth and broadway—the center and home of the then much-berated "hotel aulic or actors' school of philosophy," and a most impressive actors' rendezvous where might have been seen in the course of an evening all the "second leads" and "light comedians" and "heavies" of this, that and the other road company, all blazing with startling clothes and all explaining how they "knocked 'em" here and there: in peoria, pasadena, walla-walla and where not. my brother shone like a star when only one is in the sky.
over the way then to the herald building, its owls' eyes glowing in the night, its presses thundering, the elevated thundering beside it. here was a business manager whom he knew. then to the herald square theater on the opposite side of the street, ablaze with a small electric sign—among the newest in the city. in this, as in the business office of the herald was another manager, and he knew them all. thence to the marlborough bar and lobby at thirty-sixth, the manager's office of the knickerbocker theater at thirty-eighth, stopping at the bar and lobby of the normandie, where some blazing professional beauty of the stage waylaid him and exchanged theatrical witticisms with him—and what else? thence to the manager's office of the casino at thirty-ninth, some bar which was across the street, another in thirty-ninth west of broadway, an italian restaurant on the ground floor of the metropolitan at fortieth and broadway, and at last but by no means least and by such slow stages to the very door of the then mecca of meccas of all theater- and sportdom, the sanctum sanctorum of all those sportively au fait, "wise," the "real thing"—the hotel metropole at broadway and forty-second street, the then extreme northern limit of the white-light district. and what a realm! rounders and what not were here ensconced at round tables, their backs against the leather-cushioned wall seats, the adjoining windows open to all broadway and the then all but somber forty-second street.
it was wonderful, the loud clothes, the bright straw hats, the canes, the diamonds, the "hot" socks, the air of security and well-being, so easily assumed by those who gain an all too brief hour in this pretty, petty world of make-believe and pleasure and pseudo-fame. among them my dearest brother was at his best. it was "paul" here and "paul" there—"why, hello, dresser, you're just in time! come on in. what'll you have? let me tell you something, paul, a good one—". more drinks, cigars, tales—magnificent tales of successes made, "great shows" given, fights, deaths, marvelous winnings at cards, trickeries in racing, prize-fighting; the "dogs" that some people were, the magnificent, magnanimous "god's own salt" that others were. the oaths, stories of women, what low, vice-besmeared, crime-soaked ghoulas certain reigning beauties of the town or stage were—and so on and so on ad infinitum.
but his story?—ah, yes. i had all but forgotten. it was told in every place, not once but seven, eight, nine, ten times. we did not eat until we reached the metropole, and it was ten-thirty when we reached it! the handshakes, the road stories—"this is my brother theodore. he writes; he's a newspaper man." the roars of laughter, the drinks! "ah, my boy, that's good, but let me tell you one—one that i heard out in louisville the other day." a seedy, shabby ne'er-do-well of a song-writer maybe stopping the successful author in the midst of a tale to borrow a dollar. another actor, shabby and distrait, reciting the sad tale of a year's misfortunes. everywhere my dear brother was called to, slapped on the back, chuckled with. he was successful. one of his best songs was the rage, he had an interest in a going musical concern, he could confer benefits, favors.
ah, me! ah, me! that one could be so great, and that it should not last for ever and for ever!
another of his outstanding characteristics was his love of women, a really amusing and at times ridiculous quality. he was always sighing over the beauty, innocence, sweetness, this and that, of young maidenhood in his songs, but in real life he seemed to desire and attract quite a different type—the young and beautiful, it is true, but also the old, the homely and the somewhat savage—a catholicity of taste i could never quite stomach. it was "paul dearest" here and "paul dearest" there, especially in his work in connection with the music-house and the stage. in the former, popular ballad singers of both sexes, some of the women most attractive and willful, were most numerous, coming in daily from all parts of the world apparently to find songs which they could sing on the american or even the english stage. and it was a part of his duty, as a member of the firm and the one who principally "handled" the so-called professional inquirers, to meet them and see that they were shown what the catalogue contained. occasionally there was an aspiring female song-writer, often mere women visitors.
regardless, however, of whether they were young, old, attractive or repulsive, male or female, i never knew any one whose manner was more uniformly winsome or who seemed so easily to disarm or relax an indifferent or irritated mood. he was positive sunshine, the same in quality as that of a bright spring morning. his blue eyes focused mellowly, his lips were tendrilled with smiles. he had a brisk, quick manner, always somehow suggestive of my mother, who was never brisk.
and how he fascinated them, the women! their quite shameless daring where he was concerned! positively, in the face of it i used to wonder what had become of all the vaunted and so-called "stabilizing morality" of the world. none of it seemed to be in the possession of these women, especially the young and beautiful. they were distant and freezing enough to all who did not interest them, but let a personality such as his come into view and they were all wiles, bending and alluring graces. it was so obvious, this fascination he had for them and they for him, that at times it took on a comic look.
"get onto the hit he's making," one would nudge another and remark.
"say, some tenderness, that!" this in reference to a smile or a melting glance on the part of a female.
"nothing like a way with the ladies. some baby, eh, boys?"—this following the flick of a skirt and a backward-tossed glance perhaps, as some noticeable beauty passed out.
"no wonder he's cheerful," a sour and yet philosophic vaudevillian, who was mostly out of a job and hung about the place for what free meals he could obtain, once remarked to me in a heavy and morose undertone. "if i had that many women crazy about me i'd be too."
and the results of these encounters with beauty! always he had something most important to attend to, morning, noon or night, and whenever i encountered him after some such statement "the important thing" was, of course, a woman. as time went on and he began to look upon me as something more than a thin, spindling, dyspeptic and disgruntled youth, he began to wish to introduce me to some of his marvelous followers, and then i could see how completely dependent upon beauty in the flesh he was, how it made his life and world.
one day as we were all sitting in the office, a large group of vaudevillians, song-writers, singers, a chance remark gave rise to a subsequent practical joke at paul's expense. "i'll bet," observed some one, "that if a strange man were to rush in here with a revolver and say, 'where's the man that seduced my wife?' paul would be the first to duck. he wouldn't wait to find out whether he was the one meant or not."
much laughter followed, and some thought. the subject of this banter was, of course, not present at the time. there was one actor who hung about there who was decidedly skillful in make-up. on more than one occasion he had disguised himself there in the office for our benefit. coöperating with us, he disguised himself now as a very severe and even savage-looking person of about thirty-five—side-burns, mustachios and goatee. then, with our aid, timing his arrival to an hour when paul was certain to be at his desk, he entered briskly and vigorously and, looking about with a savage air, demanded, "where is paul dresser?"
the latter turned almost apprehensively, i thought, and at once seemed by no means captivated by the man's looks.
"that's mr. dresser there," explained one of the confederates most willingly.
the stranger turned and glared at him. "so you're the scoundrel that's been running around with my wife, are you?" he demanded, approaching him and placing one hand on his right hip.
paul made no effort to explain. it did not occur to him to deny the allegation, although he had never seen the man before. with a rising and backward movement he fell against the rail behind him, lifting both hands in fright and exclaiming, "why—why—don't shoot!" his expression was one of guilt, astonishment, perplexity. as some one afterwards said, "as puzzled as if he was trying to discover which injured husband it might be." the shout that went up—for it was agreed beforehand that the joke must not be carried far—convinced him that a hoax had been perpetrated, and the removal by the actor of his hat, sideburns and mustache revealed the true character of the injured husband. at first inclined to be angry and sulky, later on he saw the humor of his own indefinite position in the matter and laughed as heartily as any. but i fancy it developed a strain of uncertainty in him also in regard to injured husbands, for he was never afterwards inclined to interest himself in the much-married, and gave such wives a wide berth.
but his great forte was of course his song-writing, and of this, before i speak of anything else, i wish to have my say. it was a gift, quite a compelling one, out of which, before he died, he had made thousands, all spent in the manner described. never having the least power to interpret anything in a fine musical way, still he was always full of music of a tender, sometimes sad, sometimes gay, kind—that of the ballad-maker of a nation. he was constantly attempting to work them out of himself, not quickly but slowly, brooding as it were over the piano wherever he might find one and could have a little solitude, at times on the organ (his favorite instrument), improvising various sad or wistful strains, some of which he jotted down, others of which, having mastered, he strove to fit words to. at such times he preferred to be alone or with some one whose temperament in no way clashed but rather harmonized with his own. living with one of my sisters for a period of years, he had a room specially fitted up for his composing work, a very small room for so very large a man, within which he would shut himself and thrum a melody by the hour, especially toward evening or at night. he seemed to have a peculiar fondness for the twilight hour, and at this time might thrum over one strain and another until over some particular one, a new song usually, he would be in tears!
and what pale little things they were really, mere bits and scraps of sentiment and melodrama in story form, most asinine sighings over home and mother and lost sweethearts and dead heroes such as never were in real life, and yet with something about them, in the music at least, which always appealed to me intensely and must have appealed to others, since they attained so wide a circulation. they bespoke, as i always felt, a wistful, seeking, uncertain temperament, tender and illusioned, with no practical knowledge of any side of life, but full of a true poetic feeling for the mystery and pathos of life and death, the wonder of the waters, the stars, the flowers, accidents of life, success, failure. beginning with a song called "wide wings" (published by a small retail music-house in evansville, indiana), and followed by such national successes as "the letter that never came," "i believe it, for my mother told me so" (!), "the convict and the bird," "the pardon came too late," "just tell them that you saw me," "the blue and the grey," "on the bowery," "on the banks of the wabash," and a number of others, he was never content to rest and never really happy, i think, save when composing. during this time, however, he was at different periods all the things i have described—a black-face monologue artist, an end- and at times a middle-man, a publisher, and so on.
i recall being with him at the time he composed two of his most famous successes: "just tell them that you saw me," and "on the banks of the wabash," and noting his peculiar mood, almost amounting to a deep depression which ended a little later in marked elation or satisfaction, once he had succeeded in evoking something which really pleased him.
the first of these songs must have followed an actual encounter with some woman or girl whose life had seemingly if not actually gone to wreck on the shore of love or passion. at any rate he came into the office of his publishing house one gray november sunday afternoon—it was our custom to go there occasionally, a dozen or more congenial souls, about as one might go to a club—and going into a small room which was fitted up with a piano as a "try-out" room (professionals desiring a song were frequently taught it in the office), he began improvising, or rather repeating over and over, a certain strain which was evidently in his mind. a little while later he came out and said, "listen to this, will you, thee?"
he played and sang the first verse and chorus. in the middle of the latter, so moved was he by the sentiment of it, his voice broke and he had to stop. tears stood in his eyes and he wiped them away. a moment or two later he was able to go through it without wavering and i thought it charming for the type of thing it was intended to be. later on (the following spring) i was literally astonished to see how, after those various efforts usually made by popular music publishers to make a song "go"—advertising it in the clipper and mirror, getting various vaudeville singers to sing it, and so forth—it suddenly began to sell, thousands upon thousands of copies being wrapped in great bundles under my very eyes and shipped express or freight to various parts of the country. letters and telegrams, even, from all parts of the nation began to pour in—"forward express today —— copies of dresser's 'tell them that you saw me.'" the firm was at once as busy as a bee-hive, on "easy street" again, as the expression went, "in clover." just before this there had been a slight slump in its business and in my brother's finances, but now once more he was his most engaging self. every one in that layer of life which understands or takes an interest in popular songs and their creators knew of him and his song, his latest success. he was, as it were, a revivified figure on broadway. his barbers, barkeepers, hotel clerks, theatrical box-office clerks, hotel managers and the stars and singers of the street knew of it and him. some enterprising button firm got out a button on which the phrase was printed. comedians on the stage, newspaper paragraphers, his bank teller or his tailor, even staid business men wishing to appear "up-to-date," used it as a parting salute. the hand-organs, the bands and the theater orchestras everywhere were using it. one could scarcely turn a corner or go into a cheap music hall or variety house without hearing a parody of it. it was wonderful, the enormous furore that it seemed to create, and of course my dear brother was privileged to walk about smiling and secure, his bank account large, his friends numerous, in the pink of health, and gloating over the fact that he was a success, well known, a genuine creator of popular songs.
it was the same with "on the banks of the wabash," possibly an even greater success, for it came eventually to be adopted by his native state as its state song, and in that region streets and a town were named after him. in an almost unintentional and unthinking way i had a hand in that, and it has always cheered me to think that i had, although i have never had the least talent for musical composition or song versification. it was one of those delightful summer sunday mornings (1896, i believe), when i was still connected with his firm as editor of the little monthly they were issuing, and he and myself, living with my sister e——, that we had gone over to this office to do a little work. i had a number of current magazines i wished to examine; he was always wishing to compose something, to express that ebullient and emotional soul of his in some way.
"what do you suppose would make a good song these days?" he asked in an idle, meditative mood, sitting at the piano and thrumming while i at a nearby table was looking over my papers. "why don't you give me an idea for one once in a while, sport? you ought to be able to suggest something."
"me?" i queried, almost contemptuously, i suppose. i could be very lofty at times in regard to his work, much as i admired him—vain and yet more or less dependent snip that i was. "i can't write those things. why don't you write something about a state or a river? look at 'my old kentucky home,' 'dixie,' 'old black joe'—why don't you do something like that, something that suggests a part of america? people like that. take indiana—what's the matter with it—the wabash river? it's as good as any other river, and you were 'raised' beside it."
i have to smile even now as i recall the apparent zest or feeling with which all at once he seized on this. it seemed to appeal to him immensely. "that's not a bad idea," he agreed, "but how would you go about it? why don't you write the words and let me put the music to them? we'll do it together!"
"but i can't," i replied. "i don't know how to do those things. you write it. i'll help—maybe."
after a little urging—i think the fineness of the morning had as much to do with it as anything—i took a piece of paper and after meditating a while scribbled in the most tentative manner imaginable the first verse and chorus of that song almost as it was published. i think one or two lines were too long or didn't rhyme, but eventually either he or i hammered them into shape, but before that i rather shamefacedly turned them over to him, for somehow i was convinced that this work was not for me and that i was rather loftily and cynically attempting what my good brother would do in all faith and feeling.
he read it, insisted that it was fine and that i should do a second verse, something with a story in it, a girl perhaps—a task which i solemnly rejected.
"no, you put it in. it's yours. i'm through."
some time later, disagreeing with the firm as to the conduct of the magazine, i left—really was forced out—which raised a little feeling on my part; not on his, i am sure, for i was very difficult to deal with.
time passed and i heard nothing. i had been able to succeed in a somewhat different realm, that of the magazine contributor, and although i thought a great deal of my brother i paid very little attention to him or his affairs, being much more concerned with my own. one spring night, however, the following year, as i was lying in my bed trying to sleep, i heard a quartette of boys in the distance approaching along the street in which i had my room. i could not make out the words at first but the melody at once attracted my attention. it was plaintive and compelling. i listened, attracted, satisfied that it was some new popular success that had "caught on." as they drew near my window i heard the words "on the banks of the wabash" most mellifluously harmonized.
i jumped up. they were my words! it was paul's song! he had another "hit" then—"on the banks of the wabash," and they were singing it in the streets already! i leaned out of the window and listened as they approached and passed on, their arms about each other's shoulders, the whole song being sung in the still street, as it were, for my benefit. the night was so warm, delicious. a full moon was overhead. i was young, lonely, wistful. it brought back so much of my already spent youth that i was ready to cry—for joy principally. in three more months it was everywhere, in the papers, on the stage, on the street-organs, played by orchestras, bands, whistled and sung in the streets. one day on broadway near the marlborough i met my brother, gold-headed cane, silk shirt, a smart summer suit, a gay straw hat.
"ah," i said, rather sarcastically, for i still felt peeved that he had shown so little interest in my affairs at the time i was leaving. "on the banks, i see."
"on the banks," he replied cordially. "you turned the trick for me, thee, that time. what are you doing now? why don't you ever come and see me? i'm still your brother, you know. a part of that is really yours."
"cut that!" i replied most savagely. "i couldn't write a song like that in a million years. you know i couldn't. the words are nothing."
"oh, all right. it's true, though, you know. where do you keep yourself? why don't you come and see me? why be down on me? i live here, you know." he looked up at the then brisk and successful hotel.
"well, maybe i will some time," i said distantly, but with no particular desire to mend matters, and we parted.
there was, however, several years later, a sequel to all this and one so characteristic of him that it has always remained in my mind as one of the really beautiful things of life, and i might as well tell it here and now. about five years later i had become so disappointed in connection with my work and the unfriendly pressure of life that i had suffered what subsequently appeared to have been a purely psychic breakdown or relapse, not physical, but one which left me in no mood or condition to go on with my work, or any work indeed in any form. hope had disappeared in a sad haze. i could apparently succeed in nothing, do nothing mentally that was worth while. at the same time i had all but retired from the world, living on less and less until finally i had descended into those depths where i was in the grip of actual want, with no place to which my pride would let me turn. i had always been too vain and self-centered. apparently there was but one door, and i was very close to it. to match my purse i had retired to a still sorrier neighborhood in b——, one of the poorest. i desired most of all to be let alone, to be to myself. still i could not be, for occasionally i met people, and certain prospects and necessities drove me to various publishing houses. one day as i was walking in some street near broadway (not on it) in new york, i ran into my brother quite by accident, he as prosperous and comfortable as ever. i think i resented him more than ever. he was of course astonished, shocked, as i could plainly see, by my appearance and desire not to be seen. he demanded to know where i was living, wanted me to come then and there and stay with him, wanted me to tell him what the trouble was—all of which i rather stubbornly refused to do and finally got away—not however without giving him my address, though with the caution that i wanted nothing.
the next morning he was there bright and early in a cab. he was the most vehement, the most tender, the most disturbed creature i have ever seen. he was like a distrait mother with a sick child more than anything else.
"for god's sake," he commented when he saw me, "living in a place like this—and at this number, too!" (130 it was, and he was superstitious as to the thirteen.) "i knew there'd be a damned thirteen in it!" he ejaculated. "and me over in new york! jesus christ! and you sick and run down this way! i might have known. it's just like you. i haven't heard a thing about you in i don't know when. well, i'm not going back without you, that's all. you've got to come with me now, see? get your clothes, that's all. the cabby'll take your trunk. i know just the place for you, and you're going there tomorrow or next day or next week, but you're coming with me now. my god, i should think you'd be ashamed of yourself, and me feeling the way i do about you!" his eyes all but brimmed.
i was so morose and despondent that, grateful as i felt, i could scarcely take his mood at its value. i resented it, resented myself, my state, life.
"i can't," i said finally, or so i thought. "i won't. i don't need your help. you don't owe me anything. you've done enough already."
"owe, hell!" he retorted. "who's talking about 'owe'? and you my brother—my own flesh and blood! why, thee, for that matter, i owe you half of 'on the banks,' and you know it. you can't go on living like this. you're sick and discouraged. you can't fool me. why, thee, you're a big man. you've just got to come out of this! damn it—don't you see—don't make me"—and he took out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes. "you can't help yourself now, but you can later, don't you see? come on. get your things. i'd never forgive myself if i didn't. you've got to come, that's all. i won't go without you," and he began looking about for my bag and trunk.
i still protested weakly, but in vain. his affection was so overwhelming and tender that it made me weak. i allowed him to help me get my things together. then he paid the bill, a small one, and on the way to the hotel insisted on forcing a roll of bills on me, all that he had with him. i was compelled at once, that same day or the next, to indulge in a suit, hat, shoes, underwear, all that i needed. a bedroom adjoining his suite at the hotel was taken, and for two days i lived there, later accompanying him in his car to a famous sanitarium in westchester, one in charge of an old friend of his, a well-known ex-wrestler whose fame for this sort of work was great. here i was booked for six weeks, all expenses paid, until i should "be on my feet again," as he expressed it. then he left, only to visit and revisit me until i returned to the city, fairly well restored in nerves if not in health.
but could one ever forget the mingled sadness and fervor of his original appeal, the actual distress written in his face, the unlimited generosity of his mood and deed as well as his unmerited self-denunciation? one pictures such tenderness and concern as existing between parents and children, but rarely between brothers. here he was evincing the same thing, as soft as love itself, and he a man of years and some affairs and i an irritable, distrait and peevish soul.
take note, ye men of satire and spleen. all men are not selfish or hard.
the final phase of course related to his untimely end. he was not quite fifty-five when he died, and with a slightly more rugged quality of mind he might have lasted to seventy. it was due really to the failure of his firm (internal dissensions and rivalries, in no way due to him, however, as i have been told) and what he foolishly deemed to be the end of his financial and social glory. his was one of those simple, confiding, non-hardy dispositions, warm and colorful but intensely sensitive, easily and even fatally chilled by the icy blasts of human difficulty, however slight. you have no doubt seen some animals, cats, dogs, birds, of an especially affectionate nature, which when translated to a strange or unfriendly climate soon droop and die. they have no spiritual resources wherewith to contemplate what they do not understand or know. now his friends would leave him. now that bright world of which he had been a part would know him no more. it was pathetic, really. he emanated a kind of fear. depression and even despair seemed to hang about him like a cloak. he could not shake it off. and yet, literally, in his case there was nothing to fear, if he had only known.
and yet two years before he did die, i knew he would. fantastic as it may seem, to be shut out from that bright world of which he deemed himself an essential figure was all but unendurable. he had no ready money now—not the same amount anyhow. he could not greet his old-time friends so gayly, entertain so freely. meeting him on broadway shortly after the failure and asking after his affairs, he talked of going into business for himself as a publisher, but i realized that he could not. he had neither the ability nor the talent for that, nor the heart. he was not a business man but a song-writer and actor, had never been anything but that. he tried in this new situation to write songs, but he could not. they were too morbid. what he needed was some one to buoy him up, a manager, a strong confidant of some kind, some one who would have taken his affairs in hand and shown him what to do. as it was he had no one. his friends, like winter-frightened birds, had already departed. personally, i was in no position to do anything at the time, being more or less depressed myself and but slowly emerging from difficulties which had held me for a number of years.
about a year or so after he failed my sister e—— announced that paul had been there and that he was coming to live with her. he could not pay so much then, being involved with all sorts of examinations of one kind and another, but neither did he have to. her memory was not short; she gave him the fullness of her home. a few months later he was ostensibly connected with another publishing house, but by then he was feeling so poorly physically and was finding consolation probably in some drinking and the caresses of those feminine friends who have, alas, only caresses to offer. a little later i met a doctor who said, "paul cannot live. he has pernicious anæmia. he is breaking down inside and doesn't know it. he can't last long. he's too depressed." i knew it was so and what the remedy was—money and success once more, the petty pettings and flattery of that little world of which he had been a part but which now was no more for him. of all those who had been so lavish in their greetings and companionship earlier in his life, scarcely one, so far as i could make out, found him in that retired world to which he was forced. one or two pegged-out actors sought him and borrowed a little of the little that he had; a few others came when he had nothing at all. his partners, quarreling among themselves and feeling that they had done him an injustice, remained religiously away. he found, as he often told my sister, broken horse-shoes (a "bad sign"), met cross-eyed women, another "bad sign," was pursued apparently by the inimical number thirteen—and all these little straws depressed him horribly. finally, being no longer strong enough to be about, he took to his bed and remained there days at a time, feeling well while in bed but weak when up. for a little while he would go "downtown" to see this, that and the other person, but would soon return. one day on coming back home he found one of his hats lying on his bed, accidentally put there by one of the children, and according to my sister, who was present at the time, he was all but petrified by the sight of it. to him it was the death-sign. some one had told him so not long before!!!
then, not incuriously, seeing the affectional tie that had always held us, he wanted to see me every day. he had a desire to talk to me about his early life, the romance of it—maybe i could write a story some time, tell something about him! (best of brothers, here it is, a thin little flower to lay at your feet!) to please him i made notes, although i knew most of it. on these occasions he was always his old self, full of ridiculous stories, quips and slight mots, all in his old and best vein. he would soon be himself, he now insisted.
then one evening in late november, before i had time to call upon him (i lived about a mile away), a hurry-call came from e——. he had suddenly died at five in the afternoon; a blood-vessel had burst in the head. when i arrived he was already cold in death, his soft hands folded over his chest, his face turned to one side on the pillow, that indescribable sweetness of expression about the eyes and mouth—the empty shell of the beetle. there were tears, a band of reporters from the papers, the next day obituary news articles, and after that a host of friends and flowers, flowers, flowers. it is amazing what satisfaction the average mind takes in standardized floral forms—broken columns and gates ajar!
being ostensibly a catholic, a catholic sister-in-law and other relatives insistently arranged for a solemn high requiem mass at the church of one of his favorite rectors. all broadway was there, more flowers, his latest song read from the altar. then there was a carriage procession to a distant catholic graveyard somewhere, his friend, the rector of the church, officiating at the grave. it was so cold and dreary there, horrible. later on he was removed to chicago.
but still i think of him as not there or anywhere in the realm of space, but on broadway between twenty-ninth and forty-second streets, the spring and summer time at hand, the doors of the grills and bars of the hotels open, the rout of actors and actresses ambling to and fro, his own delicious presence dressed in his best, his "funny" stories, his songs being ground out by the hand organs, his friends extending their hands, clapping him on the shoulder, cackling over the latest idle yarn.
ah, broadway! broadway! and you, my good brother! here is the story that you wanted me to write, this little testimony to your memory, a pale, pale symbol of all i think and feel. where are the thousand yarns i have laughed over, the music, the lights, the song?
peace, peace. so shall it soon be with all of us. it was a dream. it is. i am. you are. and shall we grieve over or hark back to dreams?
