for a moment nobody spoke. the wallypug sat back in a huddled heap in his chair, looking up into madame’s face with a scared expression. a. fish unconcernedly began to eat some steaming porridge from a plate in front of him—and i sat still and waited events.
a band of musicians in the gallery at the end of the hall were playing somewhat discordantly, till madame turned around and called out in an angry voice:
“just stop that noise, will you? i can’t hear myself speak.”
for a moment nobody spoke. the wallypug sat back in a huddled heap in his chair, looking up into madame’s face with a scared expression. a. fish unconcernedly began to eat some steaming porridge from a plate in front of him—and i sat still and waited events.
a band of musicians in the gallery at the end of the hall were playing somewhat discordantly, till madame turned around and called out in an angry voice:
“just stop that noise, will you? i can’t hear myself speak.”
we were conducted to a kind of dock on one side of the bench, and on the other side appeared what afterwards transpired to be the witness box. the body of the hall was crowded with animals, craning their necks to catch a glimpse of us.
“silence in court,” screamed out a gaily-dressed ostrich, and the trial began.
“we’ll take the man creature first,” said the sister-in-law, regarding me contemptuously. “now then, speak up! what have you got to say for yourself?”
“there appears to be—” i began.
“silence in court,” shouted the ostrich, who was evidently an official.
“surely i may be allowed to explain,” i protested.
“silence in court,” shouted the bird again.
i gave it up and remained silent. “call the first witness,” remarked the sister-in-law impatiently, and the turtle, whom i had seen cleaning the steps in the morning, walked briskly up into the witness-box.
“well, turtle, what do you know about this man?” was the first question.
“so please your importance, i was cleaning my steps very early this morning, when the prisoner opened the door in a stealthy manner and crept out very quietly. ‘ho!’ thinks i, ‘this ’ere man’s up to no good,’ and so i keeps him in conversation a little while, but his language—oh!—and what with one thing and another and noticing that he hadn’t a hat, i told him he had better move on. i saw him walk over to the rose garden and afterwards join the wallypug and mr. fish. i think that’s all, except—ahem—that i missed a small piece of soap.”
“soap?” said the doctor-in-law, elevating his eyebrows. “this is important—er—er—what kind of soap?”
“yellow,” said the turtle. “fourpence a pound.”
“hum!” said the doctor-in-law, “very mysterious, but not at all surprising from what i know of this person—call the next witness.”
the next witness was the cockatoo, who scrambled into the box in a great fluster.
“he’s a story-teller, and a pickpocket, and a backbiter, and a fibber, and a bottle-washer,” she screamed excitedly, “and a heartless deceiver, and an organ-grinder, so there!” and she danced out of the witness-box again excitedly, muttering, “down with him, down with him, the wretch,” all the way back to her seat.
“ah, that will about settle him, i fancy,” remarked the doctor-in-law, putting down some figures on his slate and counting them up.
“what are you doing?” demanded the sister-in-law.
“summing up,” was the reply. “the judges always sum up in england, you know; that’s thirty-two pounds he owes. shall i collect it?”
“wait a minute till i pass the sentence,” said the sister-in-law.
“prisoner at the bar,” she continued, “you have since your arrival here been given every latitude.”
“and longitude,” interrupted the doctor-in-law.
“and have taken advantage of the fact to disobey the laws of the land in every possible way. you have heard the evidence against you, and i may say more clear proof could not have been given. it appears that you are a thoroughly worthless character, and it is with great pleasure i order you to be imprisoned in the deepest dungeon beneath the castle moat, and fined thirty-two pounds and costs.”
then pointing to me tragically, she called out, “officers! take away that bauble!” and i was immediately seized by two of the crocodiles, preparatory to being taken below.
