i stood at the barred window for some time, watching the doctor-in-law rushing about with his papers, and then started back as a huge and disreputable-looking black crow settled on the stone ledge outside.
i soon recognized him as being the bird who had behaved so impertinently to me on my first arrival at why.
“well!” he exclaimed, squeezing himself through the iron bars, and staring at me over the tops of his spectacles. “you have got yourself into a pretty muddle now, i must say. i should think you are thoroughly ashamed of yourself, aren’t you?”
“indeed, i’m not,” i replied. “i’m not conscious of having done anything to be ashamed of, and as for that trial, why it was a mere farce, and perfectly absurd,” and i laughed heartily at the recollection of it.
“h’m! i’m glad you find it so amusing,” remarked the bird sententiously. “you won’t be so light-hearted about it to-morrow if they treat you as the papers say they purpose doing.”
“why, what do they intend to do then?” i exclaimed, my curiosity thoroughly aroused.
“execute you,” said the crow solemnly. “and serve you jolly well right, too.”
“what nonsense!” i cried, “they can’t execute me for doing nothing.”
“oh, you think so, do you? didn’t you instigate the wallypug to become a traitor, and sell the kingdom for the sake of a horse?” said the crow, referring to his paper.
“certainly not!” i cried emphatically.
“well, they say you did, anyhow,” said the crow, “and they intend to chop off your head and the wallypug’s too. it won’t matter you not having a hat then,” he continued grimly.
“but you don’t mean it, surely!” i exclaimed. “they certainly can’t be so ridiculous as to treat the affair seriously.”
“well, you see,” said the bird, “things without doubt look very black against you. in the first place what did you want to come here at all for?”
“i’m sure i wish i hadn’t,” i remarked.
“just so! so does every one else,” said the crow rudely. “then, when you did come, you were without a hat, which is in itself a very suspicious circumstance.”
“why?” i interrupted.
“respectable people don’t go gadding about without hats,” said the bird contemptuously, turning up his beak. “and then, the first morning[86] after your arrival you must needs go prowling about the grounds before any one else was up.”
“what are you going to leave me in your will?” he continued insinuatingly.
“nothing at all,” i declared. “and besides, i’m not going to make a will. i don’t intend to let them kill me without a good struggle, i can tell you.”
“h’m, you might as well let me have your watch and chain. it will only go to the doctor-in-law if you don’t. he is sure to want to grab everything. i expect he will want to seize the throne when the wallypug is executed. i saw him just now trying on the crown, and smirking and capering about in front of the looking-glass.”
“the doctor-in-law is an odious little monster,” i exclaimed.
“oh, very well,” cried the crow, wriggling through the bars, “i’ll just go and tell him what you say. i’ve no doubt he will be delighted to hear your opinion of him—and perhaps it will induce him to add something to your punishment. i hope so, i’m sure—ha—ha!”
and the wretched ill-omened bird flew away laughing derisively.
i could not help feeling rather uncomfortable at the turn which events had taken, for there was no knowing to what lengths the extraordinary inhabitants of this remarkable place might go, and if it had really been decided that the poor wallypug and myself should be executed on the morrow, then there was no time to be lost in our efforts to effect an escape.
i was puzzling over the matter, and wondering what was best to be done, when i heard a bell ringing at the other end of the apartment.
“ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling,” for all the world like the ring of a telephone call bell.
i ran across the room, and sure enough, there was a telephone fitted up in the far corner. i hastily put the receiver to my ears, and heard a squeaky voice inquiring:
“are you there? are you 987654321?”
“yes,” i called out, for i thought that i might as well be this number as any other.
“well,” the voice replied, in an agitated way, “aunt kesiah has done it at last.”
“what?” i shouted.
“proposed to the curate, and so all those slippers will be wasted. don’t you think we had better—”
but i rang off and stopped the connection, for i felt sure that the communication was not intended for me.
presently there was another ring at the bell, and this time i found myself connected with the exchange. i knew that it was the exchange, because they were all quarreling so.
“it was all your fault!” “no it wasn’t.” “yes it was.” “well, you know a. fish, esq., is 13,579—so there.” “yes, and he wanted to be connected with the west tower in the palace.”
“connect me with 13,579, please,” i called.
and a moment or two afterwards i heard a well-known voice sounding through the instrument, and i knew that a. fish, esq., was at the other end.
“are you there?” he cried.
“yes; what is it?” i asked.
“there isn’t a biddit to spare,” he gasped; “lift up the loose stode dear the fireplace, ad you will find a secret staircase leadig to the dudgeod, where the wallypug is ibprisod; hurry for your life, he has discovered a way of escape.”
i dropped the receiver, and flew to the fireplace. yes, sure enough, there was the loose stone that a. fish, esq., had spoken of, and having raised it with some difficulty i found a narrow spiral staircase beneath, leading down into mysterious depths.
i plunged into the darkness, and after walking round and round, and down and down, for a considerable time i saw a faint light at the other end. i hurried forward as quickly as i could, and found myself in a dimly-lighted dungeon. the wallypug was here alone, and was busily cramming everything he could lay his hands on into an enormous carpet-bag.
“thank goodness, you have come!” he exclaimed, in a terrible fluster, when he saw me. “i was afraid you would be too late. we must escape at once if we would save our necks. fortunately, i have just remembered that this dungeon is connected with the shute which the late wallypug had constructed between here and ling choo, in china, which is on the other side of the world—it is enormously long and very steep, but quite safe—we must use it in order to get away. we are to be executed in the morning if we stay here, so i am informed; therefore, we must lose no time. i have just finished packing up. ah! what’s that?” he exclaimed, listening intently.
“quick! they are coming!” he cried, as sounds were heard in the passage outside the dungeon door; and touching a spring, an enormous opening appeared in the wall. his majesty gave me a sudden push, which sent me sprawling on to a smooth and very steep incline, and jumping down himself, we slid rapidly away into the unknown.
that we were only just in time was evidenced by the cries of rage and disappointment which pursued us from the dungeon, as the doctor-in-law and the other creatures saw us escape from their clutches, and we could hear the cockatoo’s shrill cries grow fainter and fainter as we sped swiftly down the shute towards ling choo.
