“how do you do?” i began.
the little fellow bowed and smiled and brought forth a scrap of paper and a pencil.
on the paper he wrote, “quite well thanks, how are you?” and added the words, “can i be of any service to you?”
i pondered a moment, and then recollected that he would be a capital medium of communication between the wallypug and myself.
“do you know where the stocks are?” i inquired.
mr. nobody nodded vigorously.
“his majesty the wallypug is there,” i ventured.
mr. nobody nodded again very energetically, and i could see that he knew all about it. moreover he wrote on his paper, “poor wallypug!” and looked most sympathetic.
“would you like to help him?” i inquired.
the little man nodded again, and seemed quite delighted at the prospect.
handing him the half of the gombobble which i had reserved for his majesty, i said, “take this to the wallypug immediately and, if he is quite alone, tell him to eat it all, and on no account to tell any one how he became possessed of it.”
mr. nobody nodded to show that he understood, and, taking the piece of gombobble, he squeezed through the bars of my cell, and was soon running off in the direction of the stocks.
i awaited his return with some anxiety, and was delighted to see when he did come back, that his face was beaming with delight.
“his majesty has regained his complexion, and is very grateful to you,” he wrote hurriedly, clapping his hands and capering about.
“now go and tell oom hi and the kangaroo, and if they come to the conclusion that his majesty’s complexion has been restored through using the stuff they call ‘wallypug’s blush,’ don’t say anything to the contrary; it will put them into a good temper and perhaps make them kinder to his majesty.”
mr. nobody seemed quite to understand and hurried off again. he did not come back, but about half an hour afterwards there was a noise at the door of my cell, and after a great deal of fumbling at the lock, oom hi and the kangaroo entered.
oom hi carried a basin and the kangaroo a bottle of vimbril, or wallypug’s blush, as it was now called.
they looked very amiable, and after some kind remarks about the weather oom hi cleared his throat and said in a sort of apologetic voice:
“er, we didn’t mean to be too severe, you know, and what we have done has been all for the best. you will be pleased to hear that my invaluable preparation, ‘wallypug’s blush,’ has proved perfectly satisfactory, and his majesty the wallypug is a living testimony to its worth. his beautiful complexion has entirely returned, and i have no doubt if we could persuade you to use it too it would be equally successful in your case. you will try it, won’t you?” he pleaded earnestly.
“of course if my complexion, such as it is, is restored, i shall be released from here?” i hazarded.
“oh! certainly,” said both animals at once, and so after surreptitiously devouring the remainder of the gombobble, i permitted the creatures to smear my face over with their precious rubbish on the distinct understanding that i should be allowed to have a good wash afterwards.
the gombobble acted perfectly, and the animals were delighted when they saw the result, as they of course put it down to the effect of their “wallypug’s blush.”
“go and fetch the cockatoo,” said oom hi, “she shall judge for herself.”
so the kangaroo went off to fetch her.
“wonderful preparation, isn’t it?” said oom hi, gazing affectionately at his bottle of “wallypug’s blush.”
“very!” i remarked.
“i knew it must be good for something or another,” he went on, “but of course we could not tell exactly what till we had tried. it very nearly cured a cold once, you know, when i called it broncho, though i am bound to admit that it was not exactly a success as vimbril. do you think ‘wallypug’s blush’ a good title,” he asked anxiously.
“it’s a very striking one,” i admitted.
“i shall advertise it well in the daily whyer, you know, and—oh! here comes the cockatoo,” he added, as that bird came bustling into the cell.
“now then, what’s this i hear?” she began, giving me a keen glance; “‘wallypug’s blush’ restored your complexion. why so it has, though i cannot say much for it even now. however, since you have no longer a blue face you are scarcely likely to be valuable as a curiosity, so you had better get about your business,” and, flinging open the door, the cockatoo motioned me out with her crutched stick.
you may be sure i was not long in availing myself of my liberty and hurrying to the spot where i had last seen his majesty.
the stocks were empty, but a little further off i found a. fish, esq., who seemed delighted to see me.
“well i dever!” he exclaimed; “i heard you were going to be exhibited as a freak. what stories people do tell, to be sure.”
i briefly explained what had happened and inquired if he knew where the wallypug was.
“oh yes, he’s gode back to the palace,” said a. fish, esq. “he’s id a rare way aboudt you.”
so i thought it best, in order to relieve his majesty’s anxiety, to seek him there.
it was now getting dusk, and seeing a light in his majesty’s private apartments, i went up and knocked at the door.
“come in!” cried a voice which i had no difficulty in recognizing, and on opening the door i found the good little man pacing to and fro in a state of great agitation.
“oh! it’s you,” he exclaimed in a relieved voice, and came forward to welcome me eagerly. “i was just wondering how on earth i could get you out of the cockatoo’s clutches; she’s a wretched creature, isn’t she?”
“well she is a trial, certainly,” i agreed, “and i think if i were you i should adopt some very strong measures for preventing her from interfering as she does.”
“hm! yes,” said his majesty, “let’s go and hear what the doctor-in-law has to say about it; he may be able to advise us as to the best way of putting her down, and though he will probably charge pretty stiffly for it, his advice is worth having sometimes.”
so we went together to the doctor-in-law’s room.
we were surprised to hear several voices talking excitedly within, and when in reply to a rather impatient “come in!” we opened the door, we were astonished to see the doctor-in-law in his dressing-gown and slippers, in busy consultation with oom hi, the kangaroo, and the cockatoo.
“i’ve been greatly interested in hearing of the success of ‘wallypug’s blush,’” said the little man, “and am just helping oom hi (ahem, for a consideration) to draw up a prospectus for turning it into a limited company. in consideration of the payment to me of several thousands of pounds, i am about to become a director, and am to be paid several thousands more for persuading the cockatoo to join the board too.”
“but,” i objected, “what do you claim that ‘wallypug’s blush’ does?”
“oh, it restores people with blue complexions to their natural color, you know.”
“but surely there will be a very limited sale,” i said; “there cannot be very many people with blue faces, you know.”
“oh, of course, you must try and spoil everything with your absurd objections,” said the cockatoo crossly.
“yes, i really don’t see that your contention has much weight,” said the doctor-in-law. “provided it is only advertised enough, the public will buy any rubbish, whether it does what it professes to do or not. and we shall simply call it ‘wallypug’s blush for the complexion,’ you know; besides, even if it doesn’t answer, we can turn it into something else, boot polish or hair wash, you know.”
and so seeing them so busily and enthusiastically engaged in the business of drawing up the prospectus, we said good-night and retired to our rooms.
