v
in the hills
when she at length returned to felix and, squeezing through the outer rings of gladiators against chance, touched him delicately on the shoulder, he faced her with a bright youthful smile, and without any surprise--it was plain to her that he had recognized her from the light touch of her finger.
"do you want me to stop?"
she nodded.
he gathered his counters together and rose with alacrity.
"you came in the nick of time," he said. "but, of course, you would! i've been playing wild and i've made a thousand francs into rather more than six thousand. it was the very moment to flee from the wrath that was coming. let's run, run, to the change-desk before i change my mind and decide to begin to lose. that's the only insurance--getting rid of the counters, because when you've got rid of 'em you're too ashamed with yourself to get more."
he was quite uplifted, so gaily preoccupied with his achievement that he noticed nothing strange in her mien. she was glad that he noticed nothing; and yet also she was sorry; she would have liked him, after a single glance at her, to have said in his curt, quiet, assured manner: "what's wrong?"
she kept thinking, but not of felix: "he must be very fickle and capricious. i'm certain he was making love to her. he happens to see me and off he runs after me! he can't be any good, with his debts and things. i was right to give him the bird. but he's terribly nice, and i don't care. i don't know what on earth's the matter with me. i think i must be a bit mad, and always was. if i wasn't, should i be here?"
transiently she viewed herself as, for example, gertie jackson would have viewed her. and then she saw another and a worse self and viewed that other self as lilian the staid and constant friend of felix would naturally view such an abandoned girl. she was afraid of and disgusted by the possibilities discovered in the depths of her own mind.
at the desk the dancing girl whom felix had indicated as inhabiting their hotel hurried up passionately and forestalled them. she threw down two green counters, as it were in anger.
"can i play with that!" she exclaimed in cockney english.
the changer handed her two hundred-franc notes, which she crumpled in her hand.
"i must find a hundred thousand francs from somewhere!" she cried, departing. she was talking to herself. as she moved away a stout, oldish man with a thick lower lip, pearl studs in his shirt-front, and a gleaming white waistcoat, joined her, and they disappeared together.
lilian stared after her in amazement. felix's winnings suddenly seemed very insignificant. still when he received six fine fresh thousand-franc notes, besides some small notes, in exchange for valueless discs, and handed to her one of the fine fresh notes--"that's for saving me from myself!"--she was impressed anew. a palace of magic, the baccarat rooms! the real thing, gambling!
"what do you want to do now?" he asked. "dance? no? well, i'll do anything you like, anything, the most absurd thing. is that talking?"
they were moving somewhat aimlessly down the grand staircase.
"felix, darling," she murmured, "let's go for a motor run in the hills. there's a lovely moon. i should so love it." she desired to be alone with him precisely as she had been alone with him in the taxi after their first dinner. she had a fancy for just that and nothing else. she pictured them together in the car, in the midst of gigantic nature and in the brilliant night.
"but it will be cold!" he protested.
"it wasn't cold when we came in here--it was quite warm--you said so," she replied softly. "but just as you please. i don't mind." and into the acquiescent charm of her voice she dropped one drop of angelic resentment--one single drop; not because he objected to gratifying her, but because she knew he was merely fussing himself about his throat and his health generally.
"we'll go, by all means. it won't take long," he yielded affectionately, without reserve.
she pressed his arm. she had won. he began to suspect that she was overwrought--perhaps by the first sight of the spectacle of gambling on a great scale--and he soothed her accordingly. half a dozen automobiles were waiting and willing to take them into the hills.
before lilian had regained full possession of herself they were clear of the town, and continually ascending, in long curves. the night was magnificent; through the close-shut windows of the car could be seen, not the moon, which was on high, but the strong moonlight and sharp shadows, and the huge austere contours of the hills; and here and there a distant, steady domestic lamp. lilian sat in her corner and felix in his, and a space separated them because of the width of the car. she felt a peculiar constraint and could not reach the mood she wanted.
"felix," she said, "you heard that girl say she must have a hundred thousand francs, how will she get it? how can she get it?"
"she'll just disappear for a day or two, and then she'll come back with it. i dare say she owes most of it already to the casino."
"but who will give it her?"
"ah! that's her secret. there's always somebody in the background that these charmers have made themselves indispensable to. when this particular charmer tackles the particular man or men that she's indispensable to, she'll have what she needs out of them if they've got it to give. that's a certainty. if a man has hypnotized himself into the belief that a girl's body is paradise, he'll win paradise and keep paradise. he'll steal, commit murder, sell his wife and children, abandon his parents to the workhouse; there's nothing he won't do. and he'll do it even if she'll only let him kiss her feet. of course, all men aren't like that, but there are quite a few of 'em, and these charmers always find 'em out. trust them."
"i couldn't see that there was anything very extraordinary in her."
"neither could i. but perhaps we're blind to what that fellow who's going to fork out the hundred thousand francs sees. i dare say if i were to dance with her i might have glimpses of his notion of her. anyhow, you bet she's a highly finished product; she's got great gifts and great skill--must have--and she knows exactly what she's about--and she looks eighteen and isn't above twenty-five. you must remember she's on the way to being a star in the most powerful profession in the world. they've made practically all the history there is, even in the east, and they're still making it--making it this very night."
there was a considerable silence, and then lilian shot across the seat and leaned heavily against felix and clasped his neck.
"darling," she said, "i know i'm going to have a baby!"
they could just see each other. felix paused before replying.
"very well! very well," he said calmly. "we shall see who's right." her thoughts concerning lord mackworth now seemed utterly incredible to her in their mad aberration.
the next moment the car swerved unexpectedly to the side of the mounting road and the engine stopped; the chauffeur jumped down, opened the bonnet, unstrapped one of the side lamps and peered with it into the secrets under the bonnet. felix, loosing himself from lilian, rapped sharply on the front window, but got no response from the bent chauffeur. then impatiently he tried to let down the window and could not. he lifted it, shook it, rattled it, broke the fragile fastening of the strap. suddenly the window fell with a bang into its slit, and there was a tinkling of smashed glass.
"damn it! i ought to have opened the door, but i was afraid of too much cold."
the icy air of the hills rushed like an assassin into the interior of the car, felix shivered, unlatched the door and got out. the chauffeur proved to be an italian, with no more french than sufficed to take orders and receive fares and tips. he could give no intelligible explanation of the breakdown, but he smiled optimistically. the car was absolutely alone on the road, and the road was alone in the vast implacable landscape. no light anywhere, except the chilly, dazzling moon and the stars, and the glitter of a far range of god-like peaks, whence came the terrible wind. the scene and situation intimidated. the inhuman and negligent grandeur of nature was revealed. felix returned into the car and shut the door, but could not shut out the cold. lilian covered his chest with her warm bosom. gently he pushed her away.
"no, no!"
"let me, darling!"
"it's no use. i shall suffer for this."
after a few minutes the engine was throbbing again, and they had begun the descent. but no device could conjure away the ruthless night air. back at the hotel felix took brandy and hot water, accepted lilian's hot water bag in addition to his own, and was in bed and thickly enveloped in no time at all. lilian kissed him guiltily and left him. he bade her good night kindly but absently, engrossed in himself.
