august 5.—a cloud of letters. a letter from caroline, another from mother; also one from each to my father.
the probability to which all the intelligence from my sister has pointed of late turns out to be a fact. there is an engagement, or almost an engagement, announced between my dear caroline and m. de la feste—to caroline’s sublime happiness, and my mother’s entire satisfaction; as well as to that of the marlets. they and my mother seem to know all about the young man—which is more than i do, though a little extended information about him, considering that i am caroline’s elder sister, would not have been amiss. i half feel with my father, who is much surprised, and, i am sure, not altogether satisfied, that he should not have been consulted at all before matters reached such a definite stage, though he is too amiable to say so openly. i don’t quite say that a good thing should have been hindered for the sake of our opinion, if it is a good thing; but the announcement comes very suddenly. it must have been foreseen by my mother for some time that this upshot was probable, and caroline might have told me more distinctly that m. de la feste was her lover, instead of alluding so mysteriously to him as only a friend of the marlets, and lately dropping his name altogether. my father, without exactly objecting to him as a frenchman, ‘wishes he were of english or some other reasonable nationality for one’s son-in-law,’ but i tell him that the demarcations of races, kingdoms, and creeds, are wearing down every day, that patriotism is a sort of vice, and that the character of the individual is all we need think about in this case. i wonder if, in the event of their marriage, he will continue to live at versailles, or if he will come to england.
august 7.—a supplemental letter from caroline, answering, by anticipation, some of the aforesaid queries. she tells me that ‘charles,’ though he makes versailles his present home, is by no means bound by his profession to continue there; that he will live just where she wishes, provided it be not too far from some centre of thought, art, and civilization. my mother and herself both think that the marriage should not take place till next year. he exhibits landscapes and canal scenery every year, she says; so i suppose he is popular, and that his income is sufficient to keep them in comfort. if not, i do not see why my father could not settle something more on them than he had intended, and diminish by a little what he had proposed for me, whilst it was imagined that i should be the first to stand in need of such.
‘of engaging manner, attractive appearance, and virtuous character,’ is the reply i receive from her in answer to my request for a personal description. that is vague enough, and i would rather have had one definite fact of complexion, voice, deed, or opinion. but of course she has no eye now for material qualities; she cannot see him as he is. she sees him irradiated with glories such as never appertained and never will appertain to any man, foreign, english, or colonial. to think that caroline, two years my junior, and so childlike as to be five years my junior in nature, should be engaged to be married before me. but that is what happens in families more often than we are apt to remember.
august 16.—interesting news to-day. charles, she says, has pleaded that their marriage may just as well be this year as next; and he seems to have nearly converted my mother to the same way of thinking. i do not myself see any reason for delay, beyond the standing one of my father having as yet had no opportunity of forming an opinion upon the man, the time, or anything. however, he takes his lot very quietly, and they are coming home to talk the question over with us; caroline having decided not to make any positive arrangements for this change of state till she has seen me. subject to my own and my father’s approval, she says, they are inclined to settle the date of the wedding for november, three months from the present time, that it shall take place here in the village, that i, of course, shall be bridesmaid, and many other particulars. she draws an artless picture of the probable effect upon the minds of the villagers of this romantic performance in the chancel of our old church, in which she is to be chief actor—the foreign gentleman dropping down like a god from the skies, picking her up, and triumphantly carrying her off. her only grief will be separation from me, but this is to be assuaged by my going and staying with her for long months at a time. this simple prattle is very sweet to me, my dear sister, but i cannot help feeling sad at the occasion of it. in the nature of things it is obvious that i shall never be to you again what i hitherto have been: your guide, counsellor, and most familiar friend.
m. de la feste does certainly seem to be all that one could desire as protector to a sensitive fragile child like caroline, and for that i am thankful. still, i must remember that i see him as yet only through her eyes. for her sake i am intensely anxious to meet him, and scrutinise him through and through, and learn what the man is really made of who is to have such a treasure in his keeping. the engagement has certainly been formed a little precipitately; i quite agree with my father in that: still, good and happy marriages have been made in a hurry before now, and mother seems well satisfied.
august 20.—a terrible announcement came this morning; and we are in deep trouble. i have been quite unable to steady my thoughts on anything to-day till now—half-past eleven at night—and i only attempt writing these notes because i am too restless to remain idle, and there is nothing but waiting and waiting left for me to do. mother has been taken dangerously ill at versailles: they were within a day or two of starting; but all thought of leaving must now be postponed, for she cannot possibly be moved in her present state. i don’t like the sound of haemorrhage at all in a woman of her full habit, and caroline and the marlets have not exaggerated their accounts i am certain. on the receipt of the letter my father instantly decided to go to her, and i have been occupied all day in getting him off, for as he calculates on being absent several days, there have been many matters for him to arrange before setting out—the chief being to find some one who will do duty for him next sunday—a quest of no small difficulty at such short notice; but at last poor old feeble mr. dugdale has agreed to attempt it, with mr. highman, the scripture reader, to assist him in the lessons.
i fain would have gone with my father to escape the irksome anxiety of awaiting her; but somebody had to stay, and i could best be spared. george has driven him to the station to meet the last train by which he will catch the midnight boat, and reach havre some time in the morning. he hates the sea, and a night passage in particular. i hope he will get there without mishap of any kind; but i feel anxious for him, stay-at-home as he is, and unable to cope with any difficulty. such an errand, too; the journey will be sad enough at best. i almost think i ought to have been the one to go to her.
august 21.—i nearly fell asleep of heaviness of spirit last night over my writing. my father must have reached paris by this time; and now here comes a letter . . .
later.—the letter was to express an earnest hope that my father had set out. my poor mother is sinking, they fear. what will become of caroline? o, how i wish i could see mother; why could not both have gone?
later.—i get up from my chair, and walk from window to window, and then come and write a line. i cannot even divine how poor caroline’s marriage is to be carried out if mother dies. i pray that father may have got there in time to talk to her and receive some directions from her about caroline and m. de la feste—a man whom neither my father nor i have seen. i, who might be useful in this emergency, am doomed to stay here, waiting in suspense.
august 23.—a letter from my father containing the sad news that my mother’s spirit has flown. poor little caroline is heart-broken—she was always more my mother’s pet than i was. it is some comfort to know that my father arrived in time to hear from her own lips her strongly expressed wish that caroline’s marriage should be solemnized as soon as possible. m. de la feste seems to have been a great favourite of my dear mother’s; and i suppose it now becomes almost a sacred duty of my father to accept him as a son-in-law without criticism.
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