i went to the window; i drew up the blind, unlatching the sash, i threw it open; and clad, or, rather, unclad as i was, i clambered through it into the open air. i was not only incapable of resistance, i was incapable of distinctly formulating the desire to offer resistance. some compelling influence moved me hither and hither, with completest disregard of whether i would or would not.
and yet, when i found myself without, i was conscious of a sense of exultation at having escaped from the miasmic atmosphere of that room of unholy memories. and a faint hope began to dawn within my bosom that, as i increased the distance between myself and it, i might shake off something of the nightmare helplessness which numbed and tortured me. i lingered for a moment by the window; then stepped over the short dividing wall into the street; and then again i lingered.
my condition was one of dual personality,—while, physically, i was bound, mentally, to a considerable extent, i was free. but this measure of freedom on my mental side made my plight no better. for, among other things, i realised what a ridiculous figure i must be cutting, barefooted and bareheaded, abroad, at such an hour of the night, in such a boisterous breeze,—for i quickly discovered that the wind amounted to something like a gale. apart from all other considerations, the notion of parading the streets in such a condition filled me with profound disgust. and i do believe that if my tyrannical oppressor had only permitted me to attire myself in my own garments, i should have started with a comparatively light heart on the felonious mission on which he apparently was sending me. i believe, too, that the consciousness of the incongruity of my attire increased my sense of helplessness, and that, had i been dressed as englishmen are wont to be, who take their walks abroad, he would not have found in me, on that occasion, the facile instrument which, in fact, he did.
there was a moment, in which the gravelled pathway first made itself known to my naked feet, and the cutting wind to my naked flesh, when i think it possible that, had i gritted my teeth, and strained my every nerve, i might have shaken myself free from the bonds which shackled me, and bade defiance to the ancient sinner who, for all i knew, was peeping at me through the window. but so depressed was i by the knowledge of the ridiculous appearance i presented that, before i could take advantage of it the moment passed,—not to return again that night.
i did catch, as it were, at its fringe, as it was flying past me, making a hurried movement to one side,—the first i had made, of my own initiative, for hours. but it was too late. my tormentor,—as if, though unseen, he saw—tightened his grip, i was whirled round, and sped hastily onwards in a direction in which i certainly had no desire of travelling.
all the way i never met a soul. i have since wondered whether in that respect my experience was not a normal one; whether it might not have happened to any. if so, there are streets in london, long lines of streets, which, at a certain period of the night, in a certain sort of weather—probably the weather had something to do with it—are clean deserted; in which there is neither foot-passenger nor vehicle,—not even a policeman. the greater part of the route along which i was driven—i know no juster word—was one with which i had some sort of acquaintance. it led, at first, through what, i take it, was some part of walham green; then along the lillie road, through brompton, across the fulham road, through the network of streets leading to sloane street, across sloane street into lowndes square. who goes that way goes some distance, and goes through some important thoroughfares; yet not a creature did i see, nor, i imagine, was there a creature who saw me. as i crossed sloane street, i fancied that i heard the distant rumbling of a vehicle along the knightsbridge road, but that was the only sound i heard.
it is painful even to recollect the plight in which i was when i was stopped,—for stopped i was, as shortly and as sharply, as the beast of burden, with a bridle in its mouth, whose driver puts a period to his career. i was wet,—intermittent gusts of rain were borne on the scurrying wind; in spite of the pace at which i had been brought, i was chilled to the bone; and—worst of all!—my mud-stained feet, all cut and bleeding, were so painful—for, unfortunately, i was still susceptible enough to pain—that it was agony to have them come into contact with the cold and the slime of the hard, unyielding pavement.
i had been stopped on the opposite side of the square,—that nearest to the hospital; in front of a house which struck me as being somewhat smaller than the rest. it was a house with a portico; about the pillars of this portico was trelliswork, and on the trelliswork was trained some climbing plant. as i stood, shivering, wondering what would happen next, some strange impulse mastered me, and, immediately, to my own unbounded amazement, i found myself scrambling up the trellis towards the verandah above. i am no gymnast, either by nature or by education; i doubt whether, previously, i had ever attempted to climb anything more difficult than a step ladder. the result was, that, though the impulse might be given me, the skill could not, and i had only ascended a yard or so when, losing my footing, i came slithering down upon my back. bruised and shaken though i was, i was not allowed to inquire into my injuries. in a moment i was on my feet again, and again i was impelled to climb,—only, however, again to come to grief. this time the demon, or whatever it was, that had entered into me, seeming to appreciate the impossibility of getting me to the top of that verandah, directed me to try another way. i mounted the steps leading to the front door, got on to the low parapet which was at one side, thence on to the sill of the adjacent window,—had i slipped then i should have fallen a sheer descent of at least twenty feet to the bottom of the deep area down below. but the sill was broad, and—if it is proper to use such language in connection with a transaction of the sort in which i was engaged—fortune favoured me. i did not fall. in my clenched fist i had a stone. with this i struck the pane of glass, as with a hammer. through the hole which resulted, i could just insert my hand, and reach the latch within. in another minute the sash was raised, and i was in the house,—i had committed burglary.
as i look back and reflect upon the audacity of the whole proceeding, even now i tremble. hapless slave of another’s will although in very truth i was, i cannot repeat too often that i realised to the full just what it was that i was being compelled to do—a fact which was very far from rendering my situation less distressful!—and every detail of my involuntary actions was projected upon my brain in a series of pictures, whose clear-cut outlines, so long as memory endures, will never fade. certainly no professional burglar, nor, indeed, any creature in his senses, would have ventured to emulate my surprising rashness. the process of smashing the pane of glass—it was plate glass—was anything but a noiseless one. there was, first, the blow itself, then the shivering of the glass, then the clattering of fragments into the area beneath. one would have thought that the whole thing would have made din enough to have roused the seven sleepers. but, here, again the weather was on my side. about that time the wind was howling wildly,—it came shrieking across the square. it is possible that the tumult which it made deadened all other sounds.
anyhow, as i stood within the room which i had violated, listening for signs of someone being on the alert, i could hear nothing. within the house there seemed to be the silence of the grave. i drew down the window, and made for the door.
it proved by no means easy to find. the windows were obscured by heavy curtains, so that the room inside was dark as pitch. it appeared to be unusually full of furniture,—an appearance due, perhaps, to my being a stranger in the midst of such cimmerian blackness. i had to feel my way, very gingerly indeed, among the various impedimenta. as it was i seemed to come into contact with most of the obstacles there were to come into contact with, stumbling more than once over footstools, and over what seemed to be dwarf chairs. it was a miracle that my movements still continued to be unheard,—but i believe that the explanation was, that the house was well built; that the servants were the only persons in it at the time; that their bedrooms were on the top floor; that they were fast asleep; and that they were little likely to be disturbed by anything that might occur in the room which i had entered.
reaching the door at last, i opened it,—listening for any promise of being interrupted—and—to adapt a hackneyed phrase—directed by the power which shaped my end, i went across the hall and up the stairs. i passed up the first landing, and, on the second, moved to a door upon the right. i turned the handle, it yielded, the door opened, i entered, closing it behind me. i went to the wall just inside the door, found a handle, jerked it, and switched on the electric light,—doing, i make no doubt, all these things, from a spectator’s point of view, so naturally, that a judge and jury would have been with difficulty persuaded that they were not the product of my own volition.
in the brilliant glow of the electric light i took a leisurely survey of the contents of the room. it was, as the man in the bed had said it would be, a study,—a fine, spacious apartment, evidently intended rather for work than for show. there were three separate writing-tables, one very large and two smaller ones, all covered with an orderly array of manuscripts and papers. a typewriter stood at the side of one. on the floor, under and about them, were piles of books, portfolios, and official-looking documents. every available foot of wall space on three sides of the room was lined with shelves, full as they could hold with books. on the fourth side, facing the door, was a large lock-up oak bookcase, and, in the farther corner, a quaint old bureau. so soon as i saw this bureau i went for it, straight as an arrow from a bow,—indeed, it would be no abuse of metaphor to say that i was propelled towards it like an arrow from a bow.
it had drawers below, glass doors above, and between the drawers and the doors was a flap to let down. it was to this flap my attention was directed. i put out my hand to open it; it was locked at the top. i pulled at it with both hands; it refused to budge.
so this was the lock i was, if necessary, to practise the arts of a thief to open. i was no picklock; i had flattered myself that nothing, and no one, could make me such a thing. yet now that i found myself confronted by that unyielding flap, i found that pressure, irresistible pressure, was being put upon me to gain, by any and every means, access to its interior. i had no option but to yield. i looked about me in search of some convenient tool with which to ply the felon’s trade. i found it close beside me. leaning against the wall, within a yard of where i stood, were examples of various kinds of weapons,—among them, spear-heads. taking one of these spear-heads, with much difficulty i forced the point between the flap and the bureau. using the leverage thus obtained, i attempted to prise it open. the flap held fast; the spear-head snapped in two. i tried another, with the same result; a third, to fail again. there were no more. the most convenient thing remaining was a queer, heavy-headed, sharp-edged hatchet. this i took, brought the sharp edge down with all my force upon the refractory flap. the hatchet went through,—before i had done with it, it was open with a vengeance.
but i was destined on the occasion of my first—and, i trust, last—experience of the burglar’s calling, to carry the part completely through. i had gained access to the flap itself only to find that at the back were several small drawers, on one of which my observation was brought to bear in a fashion which it was quite impossible to disregard. as a matter of course it was locked, and, once more, i had to search for something which would serve as a rough-and-ready substitute for the missing key.
there was nothing at all suitable among the weapons,—i could hardly for such a purpose use the hatchet; the drawer in question was such a little one that to have done so would have been to shiver it to splinters. on the mantelshelf, in an open leather case, were a pair of revolvers. statesmen, nowadays, sometimes stand in actual peril of their lives. it is possible that mr lessingham, conscious of continually threatened danger, carried them about with him as a necessary protection. they were serviceable weapons, large, and somewhat weighty,—of the type with which, i believe, upon occasion the police are armed. not only were all the barrels loaded, but, in the case itself there was a supply of cartridges more than sufficient to charge them all again.
i was handling the weapons, wondering—if, in my condition, the word was applicable—what use i could make of them to enable me to gain admission to that drawer, when there came, on a sudden, from the street without, the sound of approaching wheels. there was a whirring within my brain, as if someone was endeavouring to explain to me to what service to apply the revolvers, and i, perforce, strained every nerve to grasp the meaning of my invisible mentor. while i did so, the wheels drew rapidly nearer, and, just as i was expecting them to go whirling by, stopped,—in front of the house. my heart leapt in my bosom. in a convulsion of frantic terror, again, during the passage of one frenzied moment, i all but burst the bonds that held me, and fled, haphazard, from the imminent peril. but the bonds were stronger than i,—it was as if i had been rooted to the ground.
a key was inserted in the keyhole of the front door, the lock was turned, the door thrown open, firm footsteps entered the house. if i could i would not have stood upon the order of my going, but gone at once, anywhere, anyhow; but, at that moment, my comings and goings were not matters in which i was consulted. panic fear raging within, outwardly i was calm as possible, and stood, turning the revolvers over and over, asking myself what it could be that i was intended to do with them. all at once it came to me in an illuminating flash,—i was to fire at the lock of the drawer, and blow it open.
a madder scheme it would have been impossible to hit upon. the servants had slept through a good deal, but they would hardly sleep through the discharge of a revolver in a room below them,—not to speak of the person who had just entered the premises, and whose footsteps were already audible as he came up the stairs. i struggled to make a dumb protest against the insensate folly which was hurrying me to infallible destruction, without success. for me there was only obedience. with a revolver in either hand i marched towards the bureau as unconcernedly as if i would not have given my life to have escaped the dénouement which i needed but a slight modicum of common sense to be aware was close at hand. i placed the muzzle of one of the revolvers against the keyhole of the drawer to which my unseen guide had previously directed me, and pulled the trigger. the lock was shattered, the contents of the drawer were at my mercy. i snatched up a bundle of letters, about which a pink ribbon was wrapped. startled by a noise behind me, immediately following the report of the pistol, i glanced over my shoulder.
the room door was open, and mr lessingham was standing with the handle in his hand.
