duff green was a round, insincere, self-seeking, suave, smooth, porpoise-body of a personage, small of eye, hair age-streaked, a port wine voice, wide mouth, and nose of friendly hue. he had come to town the year before, poor and modest, and bartered himself into possession of the telegraph, a leading journal of the capital. he prospered, and prosperity had swollen him. nor was he without some tincture of shrewdness; for he owned the wit in the late elections to support the general, and now would wax pompous and come forward because of it. i did not like him, holding him selfish and withal weak; besides, his affable complacency offended me.

the general would defend duff green, although i am sure he had his measure from the start. the general, retorting to my charge of selfishness and vanity, would say: “of course, duff's selfish; that's why i enjoy him. i like selfish folk; they are easy to understand, easy to start or stop. one has but to bait his trap with their interest and, presto! there they are in the morning caught sharp and fast for his use. and again, your selfish folk are content with much less than will suffice your disinterested folk who truly love you.” this was one of the general's efforts at sarcasm, and delivered with the sly flicker of a smile.

“but the smug vanity of duff green!” i would urge. “i could wish you half so tremendous as he deems himself.”

“fie! major, fie!” would be the reply; “vanity is the powder in the gun, the impulse that sends the bullet home. it is the sails of the ship and the reason of motion to that hull of merit which might make no voyage without. vanity has won more battles than patriotism; wanting vanity, caesar would have crossed no rubicon, and napoleon would have begun, not ended, with waterloo.”

this fashion of bicker fell often forth between the general and myself; indeed, we were in frequent disagreement, he being one who, while holding notions of his own wisdom, was withal much imposed against by pretences on the false parts of men whom i saw through as through a ladder; and so i told him.

“ah! excellent evening, mr. president! excellent evening, major—ah!” exclaimed duff green, his friendly nose aflame, and port wine tones, satisfied and unctuous. coming forward, he took first the general's hand and then mine. for all the warmth of his countenance, his hand had the cold feel of a fish, and i did not, myself, insist on its retention beyond the plain limits of politeness. “excellent evening, mr. president,” he repeated, glowing the while, in anticipation doubtless of public printing to come.

“you are not hard to suit for your evening, duff,” returned the general, whose fault it was to be on terms too common with many unworthy of the honor. “now, i call this the scandalous evening of a scandalous day. i say 'scandalous' because muddy,” explained the general.

in the talk to follow it developed that the purpose of duff green's visit was no more noble than to just wring future patronage from the general. especially did our caller have his watery eye on the governorship of florida, a post, for its palms and orange groves and flowers and summer seas, and mayhap the social life of st. augustine—aristocratic, and still on spanish stilts—much quested; and the reason of a deal of court paid the general by rich ones who, having money, hungered for an opening to its display. duff green even suggested, tentatively, the name of a certain wealthy thick-skull. he said the notable in hand was a prime friend of calhoun; that his selection would be held vastly a compliment—a flower to his nose, indeed!—by the vice-president.

“why, sir!” observed the general, whose familiarity diminished as the place-hunting eagerness of the worthy duff green began to gain expression; “why, sir, the man you tell of lacks brains. it cannot be; say no more. we'll find some safer way to flatter the vice-president than by periling public service in the hands of a weakling.”

“weakling!” repeated duff green, while the friendly nose began to bleach; “weakling! mr. president, this gentleman—this friend of calhoun—is one of our richest people.”

“why, i believe he did inherit a fortune,” responded the general carelessly; “or perhaps a more proper phrasing would make the fortune inherit him. but that is scant reason why he should mismanage a gravely important trust. the governorship of florida is not all citron groves and mocking birds; there is responsible work to do; and the territory, i tell you, shall not be wasted by a fool. but cheer up, duff,”—the visitor was looking blue and the hue of friendship had quite departed his nose—“cheer thou up! perchance we may yet discover some office wherein your ambitious wittol of wealth—whom the vice-president loves!—may be great without being dangerous.”

duff green was no more urgent on the point of a florida governorship. he was not so dim but he saw his failure and accepted it with what grace he might.

“i don't know how the vice-president may take it!” he murmured at the close.

“as to that,” said the general, and his words fell with a suspicious sharpness, as from one smelling to a threat; “as to that, the vice-president must sustain himself very patiently. i know those who would hold other conduct on the vice-president's part as excessively misplaced. they might even teach the vice-president a similar conclusion. you should tell him that; since i see you act by his request and as his agent.”

here the general looked hard at duff green. already i caught a shadow of those jealous differences to come between the general and calhoun—differences that would seem, for the separation of the white house and the vice-presidency, constructed of the constitution. these offices never have agreed—never have been true friends in any administration. it was the less important in this instance, since, secretly and unknown to him, calhoun for over a decade had been the general's enemy. on that february evening which duff green so distinguished as “excellent” the general was by no means distant from the fact's discovery.

“you do wrong, mr. president,” faltered duff green, his affable nose as pale as paper now, “when you say i am calhoun's agent. the vice-president knows nothing of this. it was by accident i became aware of his anxiety touching the florida governorship. i give you my honor, mr. president; i give you my honor!”

“let it pass; it's of no mighty consequence.” then impatiently, “don't call me 'mr. president' until i'm president. it will be bad enough after inauguration, i take it.”

here poor duff green was visibly disturbed. i said nothing to relieve him. indeed, i didn't utter a dozen words while he remained; as i've told you, i misliked duff green, with his face the color of a violin and his airs of fussy consequence.

“but here, duff,” resumed the general, coming himself to the rescue of our visitor, who might be described as sinking for the third and last time in the deep waters of his own confusion, “here, duff, is something i much desire you to do. it is a list of the cabinet as i intend its construction on the hocks of my inaugural. there are reasons why it should be printed; the major”—here he indicated me, and with a dry note in his voice which i understood—“approves the names and thinks they should be given to the public. get them in the next telegraph. here, i'll read them.” and the general reached for his horn-framed glasses and began from a paper he'd taken from his pocket. “van buren, secretary of state; ingham, the treasury; eaton, for the war office.” i saw duff green look sharply up. somehow, while i found protest in his glance, i could not believe the promised cabinet selection of eaton unpleasant to him. from that moment i knew him for no well-wisher of the general—to be thus pleased with a prospect of hot water! the general drove ahead: “branch for the navy; berrien for the department of justice; and lastly, barry, postmaster general. there you have it. new york, pennsylvania, tennessee, north carolina, georgia, and kentucky; the north, the west, and the south—two each; and none for the yankee east, since to that hard region where men, to make them smart, are raised on foxes' ears and thistle tops, i owe no debts. there is the list. let me see it in print.” and the general placed the paper in duff green's hands.

the general turned to fill his infallible pipe; he would have it ready to shatter into smithereens should provocation come. duff green fingered the folded paper with timid air while the general fished for a coal with the little table tongs. for myself, i said nothing; since it was to be done, it might as well see ink—that cabinet list. as the general straightened his tall, slight form, his tobacco-lighting accomplished, duff green, breathing pursily from a dash of trepidation, could not forbear comment.

“i suppose you would like my thoughts on this list?” duff green took care to give his supposition the rising turn of query.

“and why do you suppose so?” said the general, his tone something grim.

“only because i supposed you'd like the thoughts of everybody.” duff green fawned with his voice in a half-fright. it is ill to pester a lion, being no lion-tamer. “i supposed you'd like the thoughts of everybody,” he repeated.

“quite right!” said the general, pretending return of sunshine. “and what are your thoughts?”

“the list will be welcome,” he answered, gaining confidence from the general's mollified features; “the list will be welcome save in one particular. the selection for your secretary of war, mr. president—”

here duff green came to a stop, utterance wholly at a halt. nor did i blame him, for now the general gloomed in truly savage sort. the general waved his pipe; but he did not break it. probably he did not think duff green worth a pipe.

“and what of mr. eaton?” demanded the general at last.

“it's mrs. eaton,” gasped the other, while his fear shook him until he quaked like a custard; “it's mrs. eaton. our society will not receive her; that is, our ladies won't. mr. president, she's a tavern-keeper's daughter—he kept this identical indian queen, as you must know. mrs. eaton's origin is too low for such station; and besides they say—and—and—mr. president, really, our ladies won't receive her into society.” duff green ran visibly aground and could go no further.

“mark you this, duff green,” and the general's eyes sparkled, while he kept his voice in hand; “mark you this! if a 'low origin' be the social argument, then i am minded of no palace as the habitat of my own bringing up. but here i tell you: i've not come to the white house to be ruled. once i was set to the defence of new orleans. the society of that great city was against me, and i put society under martial law; a society legislature was thereby shocked, and i dissolved it; a society frenchman murmured against this, and i marched him out of town with two bayonets at his back; a society american denounced the expulsion, and i clapped him in irons; a society judge issued a writ of release, and i arrested him. incidentally, i beat pakenham and his english, and did what i was sent to do. now i've been ordered to washington by the public and given duties to perform. i look to find here conditions of sympathy and friendship and support. if they be not here, i'll construct them; if, being here, they fail me, i'll supply their places. notably, should i get up some morning to discover myself without a newspaper”—duff green sweats now and pricks up his ears—“there shall one grow instantly from the ground like any jonah's gourd. your ladies will not receive mrs. eaton whose 'origin is low!' and for that cogent reason mr. eaton must not be secretary of war! man, have i been lifted to a presidency to consult wives and gossips in picking my constitutional advisers? go; print that list—print it as i give it you;—go!”

the breath of the general's indignation carried duff green into the hall; and even when the door was closed behind him, i could follow by ear as he fled towards the stair with a fat shuffle that told of terror.

“the man exhausts me,” said the general, as he refilled his pipe.

“i think i'll write to frank blair.”

“why?” and the general looked up.

“we should have him ready to start a jackson paper in washington when duff green deserts.”

when i turned out on the next morning i found the fogs and mists of the day before departed and blown aside, and a bright sky overhead. there was no frost; but on the contrary a fine spring promise in the air that smelled in one's nostril like the breath of budding trees. the roads, too, were more in the way of reform, and here and there a dry spot showed in profert of what would be. altogether it was quite an april rather than a february morning. i finished shaving and dressing and called jim to brush my coat. a hostler before he became a valet, jim was used to accompany these brush-labors with an aspiration like unto the escape of steam; a sound held sovereign by him for giving a horse's coat a gloss, and therefore good for mine. i had gone forth in an earlier day to break jim of these stable tricks, but, making no headway, wisely gave it up, and jim hissed on unchecked. there be things your african won't learn; there be things he will learn; and effort to suppress in the one direction or excite enterprise in the other, is thrown away. aware on these points, i had taken years before the bridle of restraint off jim, and to give him his due he went the better with his head free.

when brushed to fit jim's notion of the spic and span, i settled my chin in my black stock and went to call upon the general. i would know how he held himself on the back of his bleedings and his wraths against duff green.

i found him over a bowl of coffee and with a pipe going; he had been up and breakfasted an hour before. also, he had gotten letters to please him and was in top spirits.

i recall looking at him as i entered his chamber, and thinking, as i noted his quick, game-cock air, full of life and resolution, how little he seemed that invalid who but the evening before was opening veins and lying ill with old wounds. the difference would have amazed any save myself, who had seen too much of him to be now astonished. the general could pull himself together like a watch-spring. moreover, he fed on sensation, and a glow at his heart's roots was better for him than a meal of victuals. i've borne witness as he rode into the wilderness to conquer weatherford and his creeks, with a month-old bullet in his shoulder and its fellow in his arm. he was so feeble and nigh death that he must be handed to his saddle like a sack of bran, and each hour the surgeons must bathe him over with sugar-of-lead water to keep life in his body. and yet, from the outset, and on bad food and with the ground for his bed, he began to mend. the man lived on sensation, i say, like a babe on milk. he would walk up and down a line of battle and be as drunk on rifle smoke as any other on brandy.

when i came into his room i found the general—pipe and coffee for the moment in retirement—to his own evident satisfaction, but in a rusty raven voice i fear, humming the star spangled banner. his eyes were closed. he was sitting by the fire, beating out the time of the music with pipe held like a baton in his claw-like hand, wearing meanwhile much the air of your critic at an opera. his notes slipped frequently into quavers, and there was constant struggle to keep from lapsing into the savage minor key.

“you make grewsome music for a bright morning, general,” said i; “it sounds dolefully like a wail.”

“that's a majestic tune, major,” he replied, opening his eyes. “it never fails to stir me, and would bear comparison with old hundred, albeit one tells of religion and the other of patriotism. after all, what should be the separation between true patriotism and true religion?”

“last evening,” i retorted, “you fell upon me hip and thigh because i said you were not a politician but a president; you would have it that the two were synonyms for each other. also, you declared that no one might be both a politician and a christian. now you talk of no separation between patriotism and religion. general, you go to bed in one frame and get, up in another; you are not consistent.”

“i'll not quarrel with you,” said he, “though to say, as you would seem to, that a president and a patriot are ever the same, is begging the question and a far shot from the truth. i still stick for it, however, that the star spangled banner comes close to religion in its influence; i've heard it given while the big guns were speaking at the front, and i may tell you, sir, it brought water to my eyes.”

i could well believe this, for the general was as soon to shed tears as a woman; and withal so readily excited that on least occasion his hand would shake like a leaf in a ripple of wind. he said the latter was from coffee and tobacco and not from natural nervousness. he was half right and half wrong. this tremble of the hands was the vibration of that mighty machinery of the man when the belts were thrown on for utter action. however, this is all aside the story.

the promulgation in duff green's valued imprint of the general's designs had made a stir, i warrant you. the capital community seized on the list of coming cabineteers with wondrous relish. delighted day by day over the tattle of office, the local public sat up, one and all, and chattered of the printed names like unto a coop of catbirds. particularly, i might add, were the eatons tossed from tongue to tongue; folk took sides, and some assailed while others defended, and no little heat found generation. the general admired the buzz and clash—for his ears were open and he heard of it—being as fond of storms as a petrel; and for myself, i was well enough pleased. it was prior to my interview with peg, you are to remember, and i not yet her partisan; i half hoped those resentful clamors against the eatons would stay the general at the eleventh hour.

“it's not yet too late,” said i, “to have white for the war portfolio and leave eaton in his senate seat. i repeat, there's the country to think of.”

the general was blandly immovable. said he, “i have told you how it's a war on me as much as a war on peg. they fight really against me; they attack her good name in their criminal strategy. besides, major, you do the country insult.” here he gave me a smile. “the country is larger than you would admit and not to be easily shaken or over-set. nor are you and i of such import as we think. the worst that both of us might do of public evil would hardly serve to rock the boat. and though the common interest should dip gunwale a trifle, to this side or to that, are we to throw overboard a girl on an argument of trimming ship? i say to you for the last time, i'm no such mariner.”

the latter sentences were vivid of spirit, and it was clear the general had given the eatons a deal of consideration since the night before, with the result of stiffening his first determination.

“you'll find more folk than myself,” i observed at last, “to differ with concerning this business. i do not believe the town is like to sit down quietly with the arrangement.”

“we will cross that river,” said he, “when we come to it. but why, major, should you and i continue whirling flails over this old straw? it was between us most thoroughly threshed last evening. i think you are right about the town, however, and that's why i'm waiting now in my apartment. mud or no mud, i would else be in the saddle for a morning ride. i'm in momentary hope of visitation by a delegation of society redsticks, who, i understand, connive a descent upon me. they propose at the coming pow-wow to demand my eaton intentions, and to make protest against them should their most worshipful fancy disapprove.” the term “redsticks,” which the general employed, was a kind of border slang and the name given to the creek hostiles in weatherford's war. “you must stand to my back, major, when the enemy arrives.” this, with a glance of humor which showed the general as not attaching vast emphasis to the invasion or what might grow from it.

“i will abide the shock of your redsticks' charge,” i said, smiling with him, “unless they bring a reserve of women to the field. with the first dire swish of warlike crinoline i shall abandon you to the fate you've invited. i have stood to odds; but my courage is not proof against an angry woman.”

the general beamed in his droll fashion and, shifting our ground of talk, said he had letters to write and needed my help. it may as well be known, for soon or late it is bound to escape into notice, that i wrote most of the general's letters. he was a perilous hand with a pen, and no more a speller than a poet.

but there would be no letters written that day; for when we were in the very act and article of beginning, augustus came in with a card.

“ah! colonel towson, u. s. a.,” read the general. “show him up.” this last to augustus. “the redsticks would seem to have dwindled to one,” observed the general, turning to me. “this colonel towson was to be their spokesman. now he comes alone. he is a very brave or a very ignorant man.” and the general sniffed dangerously, and yet in manner comic, as recognizing the elements of a farce.

colonel towson, i must needs say, was a poor feature of a man, with a trivial face in which the great expression was a noble opinion of himself. he was of the cavalry, as i judged by the facings on his regimentals, for our visitor appeared in full uniform, and for part of his regalia dragged a clattering saber and wore fierce spurs to his heels. plainly he was one of your egregious fops; and his breast was trussed outward and upward with the fullness of a pigeon's by dint of some vain contrivance inside his garments. as he brought his heels together, and stood with a deal of splendor just inside the door, the general ran him over with questioning eye that took in everything from the wax on his moustache to the gilt on his spurs.

“what do you want, sir?” demanded the general, as blunt as a hammer.

“i am colonel towson, mr. president; the paymaster of the forces.”

pigeon-breast spoke in high, affected tones, and would clip his words and slur his “r's” in a mincing fashion beyond imitation.

“of what forces?”

the voice was calculated to plant dismay in the other's youthful ears. i was aware how the general's ferocity was assumed, and that deep in his throat he was laughing. i should have laughed myself, but managed instead to establish a firm gravity.

“of the army, mr. president.”

the high tone began to squeak from agitation. and no marvel! the general's frown was enough to abash a lion.

“are you come to me on duty?”

“no, sir, mr. president, i—”

“then why do you wear your side arms?” the general could throw an expression into his face before which a hostile council of red indians had been known to shrink and turn gray beneath the paints wherewith they were tallowed. the hapless pigeon-breast was shaking in the shadow of one of the general's most hateful looks. when the other made no response, the general resumed:

“note this, sir; i am not in the habit of being terrorized by the military forces of the nation. never again presume to come into my presence armed and spurred, unless required by the regulations.”

“i'll retire, mr. president, and change my apparel.”

this was feebly piped, and poor pigeon-breast came nigh to wrinkling his coat in attempts to bow conciliation and apology.

“state your errand, sir, now you are here,” commanded the general. “i've no time for two visits from you.”

pigeon-breast took what confidence he might from the general's brusque permission, and drew from his cuff a memorandum; as it were, the heads of a speech. clearing his throat and collecting himself, he began what may have been a most lucid and eloquent discourse. its effect was lost in the delivery, however; for what with the high thin tones, and what with the orator's lady-like affectations, neither the general nor myself could make more of it than of the laughter of a loon. for his own careless part, i don't think the general paid even slight attention. if pigeon-breast were uttering thunder, then it was summer thunder and high and harmless, far above his head; he minded it no more than the scraping of a fiddle at a tavern dance. in the midst, pigeon-breast was made to halt. the general waved his hand as demanding silence..

“we will shorten this. for whom do you come to me?”

“i was asked to see you on behalf of mrs. calhoun and the ladies of washington.”

the general glanced in my direction. of course we well understood that the mighty purpose of pigeon-breast was to protest against eaton's selection. indeed, we had caught enough of his oratory to teach us that much. moreover, pigeon-breast had at one stage read aloud the article from duff green's paper as the reason of his coming, and received the general's word that the list therein set forth was authorized.

but we had caught no word of mrs. calhoun, and her name, when it did fall, came as a surprise. the vice-president's wife was the head of capital fashion—the stately queen of the little court. both she and her husband, however, had called on the eatons just following their wedding; and now to discover the lady in the enemy's van owned a sinister as well as unexpected side. it looked like a change of front, and much sustained the general's surmise that this was to be a war on him rather than the eatons; that its purpose was politics while its source was a plot.

“did i not tell you that here was an intrigue?” asked the general. i continued blowing my tobacco smoke in silence by the fire. then, with utter suavity, the general returned to pigeon-breast. “i must treat the messenger with politeness because of his fair principals. let me understand: you come from 'mrs. calhoun and the ladies of washington'?”

pigeon-breast bowed as profoundly as he might with his armor on and gasped assent.

“and their objections are to mr. eaton in the cabinet—really to mrs. eaton?”

another bow and gasp from the bold pigeon-breast.

“sir, give my compliments to 'mrs. calhoun and the ladies of washington.' say i much regret that i must disregard their wishes. say, also, they do grave wrong, a wrong greater than mere injustice, to one who in all that stands best is their equal. being ladies, they should receive her as one of themselves; being women, they should feel for her as an innocent maligned; being christians, they should come to her succor as one borne upon by troubles. these would be graceful courses, and make for the glory of 'mrs. calhoun and the ladies of washington.' on the point of their protest, however, describe me as saying that mr. eaton will be of my cabinet; i shall tender him the portfolio of war and he has signified his readiness to accept. i do not know what this may imply socially; i do not decide that, but leave it to the better and more experienced tastes of 'mrs. calhoun and the ladies of washington.' also, you are to do me this favor, sir.”

pigeon-breast, who was flattered by the general's long harangue, and inclined to congratulate himself over a polite finale to what as an interview at one moment was stricken of a storm, here aroused himself smartly.

“believe me, mr. president, any favor in my power.”

pigeon-breast touched his brow with prodigious military eclat, and then slapped his leg with his hand like cracking off a pistol.

“why, then, the favor is simple. tell every enemy of mine, and especially every friend of henry clay, my decision touching mr. eaton. i want the news to travel fast and far. my friends will sustain mr. eaton; and as for my foes, it shall go hard but i discover ways to deal with them. you may depart, sir.” |

pigeon-breast saluted with flattered chin in air, and went his way, and presently we heard his saber on its jingling journey down the stair.

“i do not understand that word about the calhouns,” observed the general, when we were alone. “the calhouns have already visited the eatons and professed friendship. as for myself, i've supposed calhoun my supporter. and why should he be otherwise?” the general shook his head as one puzzled. “we must, i fear, count as against us more than henry clay and his rogues of bargain and corruption. well, so be it; a fight is like a frolic in so far that 'the more, the merrier,' as a proverb, applies with equal force to both.”.

now that pigeon-breast was gone, and we being alone, i remonstrated with the general for that he had entertained our caller and submitted to his anti-eaton speech. i said it disparaged his dignity; that he had already listened to duff green, which was bad enough, but now he must stand with half-patient ear while yon clanking popinjay reeled off his high-pitched opposition and that of those befeathered dames whom he professed to represent. it was a poor beginning for a president.

“why, sir,” retorted the general, “you, yourself, are wont to hector me at will; i may not buy a coat without you finding fault. major, i fear me you are the proud one. to be sure, i stoop when i listen to such as duff and our martial visitor just here. but you must know what franklin said of stooping: 'the world is like a tunnel, dark and low of roof. he who stoops a little as he passes through will save himself many a thump.'”

“oh, if it were to be,” said i, “an argument of saw and proverb and slips of dried wisdom, i might quote you not a few and redden your ears. what i say is, you sacrifice dignity; you know it full well at that.”

the general laughed. “but i had my reasons, major. i sent him whom you term 'pigeon-breast' forth to be a poultice to this eaton inflammation. i want to draw it to a head. duff green wouldn't do; he'd keep our talk to himself, since my harshness hurt his self-love, and he's too vain to tell a tale against himself. and again, he would be made silent with thoughts of my possible resentment. with pigeon-breast the cards fall differently. did you not remark how well i flattered? at the outset he was afraid of me. in the end i packed his timidity in cotton-batting and sang it to sleep; i rocked his cradle and warmed his milk for him. i called up his pride and made him my messenger. he will tell the eaton story to all, and give me as his authority; that is what i seek. it is a business that will be the sooner over by setting folk's mouths to the quarrel at once. and we should make it short for peg's sake. poor peg; it's her tavern origin that kindles patrician wrath, and it is their aristocratic method to blow calumny upon her. slander, major,”—here the general donned his manner of philosopher—“slander, major, is as much the resource of your true aristocrat as poison of your turk.”