when lord roseberry makes a speech, even the journals of his own party report him in the first person and at full length; and this is said to be the politician’s supreme ambition. having reached such distinction, there is nothing left him but an honourable death and a public funeral in westminster abbey. now, the blackstable times accorded this honour to edward’s first effort; it was printed with numberless i’s peppered boldly over it; the grammar was corrected, and the stops inserted, just as for the most important orators. edward bought a dozen copies and read the speech right through in each, to see that his sentiments were correctly expressed, and that there were no misprints. he gave it to bertha, and stood over her while she read.
“looks well, don’t it?” he said.
“splendid!”
“by the way, is aunt polly’s address 72 eliot mansions?”
“yes. why?”
her jaw fell as she saw him roll up half-a-dozen copies of the blackstable times and address the wrapper.
“i’m sure she’d like to read my speech. and it might hurt her feelings if she heard about it and i’d not sent her the report.”
“oh, i’m sure she’d like to see it very much. but if you send six copies you’ll have none left—for other people.”
“oh, i can easily get more. the editor chap told me i could have a thousand if i liked. i’m sending her six, because i dare say she’d like to forward some to her friends.”
by return of post came miss ley’s reply.
my dear edward,—i perused all six copies of your speech with the greatest interest; and i think you will agree with me that it is high proof of its merit that i was able to read it the sixth time with as unflagging attention as the first. the peroration, indeed, i am convinced that no acquaintance could stale. it is so true that “every englishman has a mother” (supposing, of course, that an untimely death has not robbed him of her). it is curious how one does not realise the truth of some things till they are pointed out; when one’s only surprise is at not having seen them before. i hope it will not offend you if i suggest that bertha’s handiwork seems to me not invisible in some of the sentiments (especially in that passage about the union jack). did you really write the whole speech yourself? come, now, confess that bertha helped you.—yours very sincerely,
mary ley.
edward read the letter and tossed it, laughing, to bertha. “what cheek her suggesting that you helped me! i like that.”
“i’ll write at once and tell her that it was all your own.”
bertha still could hardly believe genuine the admiration which her husband excited. knowing his extreme incapacity, she was astounded that the rest of the world should think him an uncommonly clever fellow. to her his pretensions were merely ridiculous; she marvelled that he should venture to discuss, with dogmatic glibness, subjects of which he knew nothing; but she marvelled still more that people should be impressed thereby: he had an astonishing faculty of concealing his ignorance.
at last the polling-day arrived, and bertha waited anxiously at court leys for the result. edward eventually appeared, radiant.
“what did i tell you?” said he.
“i see you’ve got in.”
“got in isn’t the word for it! what did i tell you, eh? my dear girl, i’ve simply knocked ’em all into a cocked hat. i got double the number of votes that the other chap did, and it’s the biggest poll they’ve ever had.... aren’t you proud that your hubby should be a county councillor? i tell you i shall be an m.p. before i die.”
“i congratulate you—with all my heart,” said bertha drily; but trying to be enthusiastic.
edward in his excitement did not observe her coolness. he was walking up and down the room concocting schemes—asking himself how long it would be before miles campbell, the member, was confronted by the inevitable dilemma of the unopposed m.p., one horn of which is the kingdom of heaven, and the other—the house of lords.
presently he stopped. “i’m not a vain man,” he remarked, “but i must say i don’t think i’ve done badly.”
edward, for a while, was somewhat overwhelmed by his own greatness, but the opinion came to his rescue that the rewards were only according to his deserts; and presently he entered energetically into the not very arduous duties of the county councillor.
bertha continually expected to hear something to his disadvantage; but, on the contrary, everything seemed to proceed very satisfactorily; and edward’s aptitude for business, his keenness in making a bargain, his common sense, were heralded abroad in a manner that should have been most gratifying to his wife.
but as a matter of fact these constant praises exceedingly disquieted bertha. she asked herself uneasily whether she was doing him an injustice. was he really so clever; had he indeed the virtues which common report ascribed to him? perhaps she was prejudiced; or perhaps—he was cleverer than she. this thought came like a blow, for she had never doubted that her intellect was superior to edward’s. their respective knowledge was not comparable: she occupied herself with ideas that edward did not conceive; his mind was ever engaged in the utterest trivialities. he never interested himself in abstract things, and his conversation was tedious, as only the absence of speculation could make it. it was extraordinary that every one but herself should so highly estimate his intelligence. bertha knew that his mind was paltry and his ignorance phenomenal: his pretentiousness made him a charlatan. one day he came to her, his head full of a new idea.
“i say, bertha, i’ve been thinking it over and it seems a pity that your name should be dropped entirely. and it sounds funny that people called craddock should live at court leys.”
“d’you think so? i don’t know how you can remedy it—unless you think of advertising for tenants with a more suitable name.”
“well, i was thinking it wouldn’t be a bad idea, and it would have a good effect on the county, if we took your name again.”
he looked at bertha, who stared at him icily, but answered nothing.
“i’ve talked to old bacot about it and he thinks it would be just the thing; so i think we’d better do it.”
“i suppose you’re going to consult me on the subject.”
“that’s what i’m doing now.”
“do you think of calling yourself ley-craddock or craddock-ley, or dropping the craddock altogether?”
“well, to tell you the truth, i hadn’t gone so far as that yet.”
bertha gave a little scornful laugh. “i think the idea is perfectly ridiculous.”
“i don’t see that; i think it would be rather an improvement.”
“really, edward, if i was not ashamed to take your name, i don’t think that you need be ashamed to keep it.”
“i say, i think you might be reasonable—you’re always standing in my way.”
“i have no wish to do that. if you think my name will add to your importance, use it by all means.... you may call yourself tompkins for all i care.”
“what about you?”
“oh i—i shall continue to call myself craddock.”
“i do think it’s rough. you never do anything to help me.”
“i am sorry you’re dissatisfied. but you forget that you have impressed one ideal on me for years: you have always given me to understand that your pattern female animal was the common or domestic cow.”
edward did not understand what bertha meant, and it occurred to him dimly that it was perhaps not altogether proper.
“you know, edward, i always regret that you didn’t marry fanny glover. you would have suited one another admirably. and i think she would have worshipped you as you desire to be worshipped. i’m sure she would not have objected to your calling yourself glover.”
“i shouldn’t have wanted to take her name. that’s no better than craddock. the only thing in ley is that it’s an old county name, and has belonged to your people.”
“that is why i don’t choose that you should use it.”
