once this idea of new york was fixed in his mind as a necessary step in his career, it was no trouble for him to carry it out. he had already put aside sixty dollars in a savings bank since he had given angela the ring and he decided to treble it as quickly as possible and then start. he fancied that all he needed was just enough to live on for a little while until he could get a start. if he could not sell drawings to the magazines he might get a place on a newspaper and anyhow he felt confident that he could live. he communicated to howe and mathews his intention of going east pretty soon and aroused in their respective bosoms the emotions which were characteristic of each. howe, envious from the start, was glad to have him off the paper, but regretful of the stellar career which his determination foreboded. he half suspected now that eugene would do something exceptional—he was so loose in his moods—so eccentric. mathews was glad for eugene and a little sorry for himself. he wished he had eugene's courage, his fire, his talent.
"you'll make good when you get down there," mathews said to him one afternoon when howe was out of the room, for he realized that the latter was jealous. "you've got the stuff. some of the work you have done here will give you a fine introduction. i wish i were going."
"why don't you?" suggested eugene.
"who? me? what good would it do me? i'm not ready yet. i can't do that sort of stuff. i might go down some time."
"i think you do good work," said eugene generously. he really did not believe it was good art, but it was fair newspaper sketching.
"oh, no, you don't mean that, witla," replied mathews. "i know what i can do."
eugene was silent.
"i wish when you get down there," went on mathews, "you would write us occasionally. i would like to know how you are getting along."
"sure, i'll write," replied eugene, flattered by the interest his determination had aroused. "sure i will." but he never did.
in ruby and angela he had two problems to adjust which were not so easy. in the one case it was sympathy, regret, sorrow for her helplessness, her hopelessness. she was so sweet and lovely in her way, but not quite big enough mentally or emotionally for him. could he really live with her if he wanted to? could he substitute her for a girl like angela? could he? and now he had involved angela, for since her return to tell him that she accepted him as her affianced lover, there had been some scenes between them in which a new standard of emotion had been set for him. this girl who looked so simple and innocent was burning at times with a wild fire. it snapped in her eyes when eugene undid her wonderful hair and ran his hands through its heavy strands. "the rhine maiden," he would say. "little lorelei! you are like the mermaid waiting to catch the young lover in the strands of her hair. you are marguerite and i faust. you are a dutch gretchen. i love this wonderful hair when it is braided. oh, sweet, you perfect creature! i will put you in a painting yet. i will make you famous."
angela thrilled to this. she burned in a flame which was of his fanning. she put her lips to his in long hot kisses, sat on his knee and twined her hair about his neck; rubbed his face with it as one might bathe a face in strands of silk. finding such a response he went wild, kissed her madly, would have been still more masterful had she not, at the slightest indication of his audacity, leaped from his embrace, not opposition but self protection in her eyes. she pretended to think better of his love, and eugene, checked by her ideal of him, tried to restrain himself. he did manage to desist because he was sure that he could not do what he wanted to. daring such as that would end her love. so they wrestled in affection.
it was the fall following his betrothal to angela that he actually took his departure. he had drifted through the summer, pondering. he had stayed away from ruby more and more, and finally left without saying good-bye to her, though he thought up to the last that he intended to go out and see her.
as for angela, when it came to parting from her, he was in a depressed and downcast mood. he thought now that he did not really want to go to new york, but was being drawn by fate. there was no money for him in the west; they could not live on what he could earn there. hence he must go and in doing so must lose her. it looked very tragic.
out at her aunt's house, where she came for the saturday and sunday preceding his departure, he walked the floor with her gloomily, counted the lapse of the hours after which he would be with her no more, pictured the day when he would return successful to fetch her. angela had a faint foreboding fear of the events which might intervene. she had read stories of artists who had gone to the city and had never come back. eugene seemed such a wonderful person, she might not hold him; and yet he had given her his word and he was madly in love with her—no doubt of that. that fixed, passionate, yearning look in his eyes—what did it mean if not enduring, eternal love? life had brought her a great treasure—a great love and an artist for a lover.
"go, eugene!" she cried at last tragically, almost melodramatically. his face was in her hands. "i will wait for you. you need never have one uneasy thought. when you are ready i will be here, only, come soon—you will, won't you?"
"will i!" he declared, kissing her, "will i? look at me. don't you know?"
"yes! yes! yes!" she exclaimed, "of course i know. oh, yes! yes!"
the rest was a passionate embrace. and then they parted. he went out brooding over the subtlety and the tragedy of life. the sharp october stars saddened him more. it was a wonderful world but bitter to endure at times. still it could be endured and there was happiness and peace in store for him probably. he and angela would find it together living in each other's company, living in each other's embrace and by each other's kisses. it must be so. the whole world believed it—even he, after stella and margaret and ruby and angela. even he.
the train which bore him to new york bore a very meditative young man. as it pulled out through the great railroad yards of the city, past the shabby back yards of the houses, the street crossings at grade, the great factories and elevators, he thought of that other time when he had first ventured in the city. how different! then he was so green, so raw. since then he had become a newspaper artist, he could write, he could find his tongue with women, he knew a little something about the organization of the world. he had not saved any money, true, but he had gone through the art school, had given angela a diamond ring, had this two hundred dollars with which he was venturing to reconnoitre the great social metropolis of the country. he was passing fifty-seventh street; he recognized the neighborhood he traversed so often in visiting ruby. he had not said good-bye to her and there in the distance were the rows of commonplace, two family frame dwellings, one of which she occupied with her foster parents. poor little ruby! and she liked him. it was a shame, but what was he to do about it? he didn't care for her. it really hurt him to think and then he tried not to remember. these tragedies of the world could not be healed by thinking.
the train passed out into the flat fields of northern indiana and as little country towns flashed past he thought of alexandria and how he had pulled up his stakes and left it. what was jonas lyle doing and john summers? myrtle wrote that she was going to be married in the spring. she had delayed solely because she wanted to delay. he thought sometimes that myrtle was a little like himself, fickle in her moods. he was sure he would never want to go back to alexandria except for a short visit, and yet the thought of his father and his mother and his old home were sweet to him. his father! how little he knew of the real world!
as they passed out of pittsburgh he saw for the first time the great mountains, raising their heads in solemn majesty in the dark, and great lines of coke ovens, flaming red tongues of fire. he saw men working, and sleeping towns succeeding one another. what a great country america was! what a great thing to be an artist here! millions of people and no vast artistic voice to portray these things—these simple dramatic things like the coke ovens in the night. if he could only do it! if he could only stir the whole country, so that his name would be like that of doré in france or verestchagin in russia. if he could but get fire into his work, the fire he felt!
he got into his berth after a time and looked out on the dark night and the stars, longing, and then he dozed. when he awoke again the train had already passed philadelphia. it was morning and the cars were speeding across the flat meadows toward trenton. he arose and dressed, watching the array of towns the while, trenton, new brunswick, metuchen, elizabeth. somehow this country was like illinois, flat. after newark they rushed out upon a great meadow and he caught the sense of the sea. it was beyond this. these were tide-water streams, the passaic and the hackensack, with small ships and coal and brick barges tied at the water side. the thrill of something big overtook him as the brakeman began to call "jersey city," and as he stepped out into the vast train shed his heart misgave him a little. he was all alone in new york. it was wealthy, cold and critical. how should he prosper here? he walked out through the gates to where low arches concealed ferry boats, and in another moment it was before him, sky line, bay, the hudson, the statue of liberty, ferry boats, steamers, liners, all in a grey mist of fierce rain and the tugs and liners blowing mournfully upon great whistles. it was something he could never have imagined without seeing it, and this swish of real salt water, rolling in heavy waves, spoke to him as music might, exalting his soul. what a wonderful thing this was, this sea—where ships were and whales and great mysteries. what a wonderful thing new york was, set down by it, surrounded by it, this metropolis of the country. here was the sea; yonder were the great docks that held the vessels that sailed to the ports of all the world. he saw them—great grey and black hulls, tied to long piers jutting out into the water. he listened to the whistles, the swish of the water, saw the circling gulls, realized emotionally the mass of people. here were jay gould and russell sage and the vanderbilts and morgan—all alive and all here. wall street, fifth avenue, madison square, broadway—he knew of these by reputation. how would he do here—how fare? would the city ever acclaim him as it did some? he looked wide eyed, with an open heart, with intense and immense appreciation. well, he was going to enter, going to try. he could do that—perhaps, perhaps. but he felt lonely. he wished he were back with angela where her soft arms could shut him safe. he wished he might feel her hands on his cheeks, his hair. he would not need to fight alone then. but now he was alone, and the city was roaring about him, a great noise like the sea. he must enter and do battle.
