one day while i wuz in new york i sed to a feller, now whar kin i find one of them stores whar they hav purty near everything to sell what thar is on earth, and he sed "i guess you mean a department store, don't you?" i sed, wall i don't know bout that; they may sell departments at one of them stores, but what i want to git is some muzlin and some caliker. wall he showed me which way to go, and i started out, and wuz walkin' along down the street lookin' at things, when some feller throwed a bananer peelin' on the sidewalk. wall now i don't think much of a man what throws a bananer peelin' on the sidewalk, and i don't think much of a bananer what throws a man on the sidewalk, neether. wall, by chowder, my foot hit that bananer peelin' and i went up in the air, and cum down ker-plunk, and fer about a minnit i seen all the stars what stronomy tells about, and some that haint been discovered yit. wall jist as i wuz pickin' myself up a little boy cum runnin' cross the street and he sed "oh mister, won't you please do that agin, my mother didn't see you do it." wall i wish i could a got my hands on that little rascal fer about a minnit, and his mother would a seen me do it.
i found one of them stores finally, and i got on the inside and told a feller what i wanted, and he sent me over to a red-headed girl, and she sent me over to a bald-headed feller; she sed he didn't have anythin' to do only walk the floor and answer questions. wall i went up to him and i sed, mister i'm sort of a stranger round here, wish you'd show me round 'til i do a little bargainin'. and he sed "oh you git out, you've got hay seed in your hair." wall i jist looked at that bald head of hisn, and i sed, wall now, you haint got any hay seed in your hair, hav you? everybody commenced a laffin', and he got purty riled, so he sed, smart like, "jist step this way, please." wall he showed me round and i bought what i wanted, and when i cum to pay the feller what i had to pay, it didn't look as though i wuz a goin' to git any of my money back. i handed him a ten dollar bill, and he jist took it and put it in a little baskit and hitched it onto a wire, and the durned thing commenced runnin' all over the store. wall now you can jist bet your boots i lit out right after it; i chased it up one side and down the other, i knocked down five or six wimmin clerks, and i upset five or six bargain counters; i took a wrastle out of that bald-headed feller, and jist then some one commenced to holler "cash" and i sed yep, that's what i'm after. wall i chased that durned little baskit round 'til i got up to it, and when i did i was right thar whar i started from. gee whiz, i never felt more foolish in all my life.
prosperity—consists principally of contentment; for the man
who is contented is prosperous, in his own way of thinking,
though his neighbors may have a different opinion.
—punkin centre philosophy.
