the new rector—aunt maria tries to find him a wife—my father has a similar care for me
the stone that marks the burying-place of the andrewes family taught me the secret of the special love the rector bore me. it recorded the deaths of his wife margaret, and of his son reginald. the child was born in the same year as myself.
mr. jonathan andrewes came to dacrefield on business connected with his brother's affairs, and he accepted my father's hospitality at the hall. we seldom met afterwards, and were never intimate; but, slight as it was, our tie was that of friendship rather than acquaintance.
the next presentation to the rectory of dacrefield was in my father's gift. he held it alternately with the bishop, to whom he owed mr. andrewes. he gave it to my old tutor.
mr. clerke's appointment had the rare merit of pleasing everybody. after he had been settled with us for some weeks, my father said,
"mr. clerke is good enough to be grateful to me for presenting him to the living, but i do not know how to be grateful enough to him for accepting it. i really cannot think how i should have endured to see andrewes' place filled by some new broom sweeping away every trace of our dear friend and[205] his ways. clerke's good taste in the matter is most delicate, most admirable, and very pleasant to my feelings."
the truth is there was not a truer mourner for the old rector than the new one. "i so little thought i should never see him again," he cried to me. "i have often felt i did not half avail myself of the privilege of knowing such a man, when i was here. i have notes of more than a score of matters, on which i purposed to ask his good counsel, when we should meet again. and now it will never be."
"i feel so unworthy to fill his place," he would say. "my only comfort is in trying to carry out all his plans, and, so far as i can, tread in his steps."
in this spirit the new rector followed the old one, even to becoming an expert gardener. he bought the old furniture of the rectory. altogether, we were spared those rude evidences of change which are not the least painful parts of such a loss as ours.
with the parishioners, i am convinced, that mr. clerke was more popular than mr. andrewes had been. they liked him at first for his reverence for the memory of a pastor they had loved well. i think he persuaded them, too, that there never could be another rector equal to mr. andrewes. but in reality i believe he was himself more acceptable. he was much less able, but also less eccentric and reserved. he was nearer to the mental calibre of his flock, and not above entering into parish gossip after a discreet fashion. he was not less zealous than his predecessor.
when aunt maria came to visit us she gladly renewed acquaintance with mr. clerke, who was a[206] great favourite of hers. i think she imagined that he was presented to dacrefield on the strength of her approval. she used to say to me, "you know reginald, i always told your father that mr. clerke was a most spiritual preacher." but after seeing him as rector of dacrefield, she added, "he's getting much too 'high.' quite like that extraordinary creature you had here before. but it's always the way with young men."
uncle ascott did not publicly undertake mr. clerke's defence, but he told me:
"i don't pretend to understand these matters as maria does, but i can tell you i never liked any of our london parsons as i like clerke. there's something i respect beyond anything in the feeling he has for your late rector. and between ourselves, my dear boy, i rather like a nicely-conducted service."
so uncle ascott and mr. clerke were the very best of friends, and my uncle would go to the rectory for a quiet smoke, and was always hospitably received. (neither my aunt nor my father liked the smell of tobacco.) aunt maria's favour was a little withdrawn. she tried a delicate remonstrance, but though he was most courteous, it was not to be mistaken that the rector of dacrefield meant to go his own way: "the way of a better man than i shall ever be," he said. failing to change his principles, or guide his practice, my aunt next became anxious to find him a wife. "medical men and country parsons ought to be married," said she, "and it will settle him."
she selected a young lady of the neighbourhood, the daughter of a medical man. "most suitable," said my aunt (by which she meant not quite up to the standard she would have exacted for a son of[207] her own), "and with a little money." she patronised this young lady, and even took her with us one day to lunch at the rectory; but when she said something to mr. clerke on the subject, she found him utterly obdurate. "what does he expect, i wonder?" cried my aunt, rather unfairly, for the rector had not given utterance to any matrimonial hopes. she always said, "she never could feel that mr. clerke had behaved well to poor letitia ramsay," which used to make downright polly very indignant. "he didn't behave badly to her. it was mamma who always took her everywhere where he was; and how she could stand it, i don't know! he never flirted with her, regie."
the next few years of my life seemed to whirl by. they were very happy ones. my dear father lived, and our mutual affection only grew stronger as time went on.
then, when i was a man, it gradually dawned upon me, through many hints, that my father had the same anxiety for me that aunt maria had had for the rector. he wished me to marry. at one time or another my fancy had been taken by pretty girls, some of whom were unsuitable in every respect but prettiness, and some of whom failed to return my admiration. my dear father would not have dreamed of urging on me a marriage against my inclinations, but he would have preferred a lady with some fortune as his daughter-in-law.
"our family is an old one, my dear boy," he said, "but the estate is much smaller than it was in my great-grandfather's time. don't suppose that i would have you marry for money alone; but if the lady should be well portioned, sir, so much the better—so much the better."[208]
at last he seemed to set his heart upon my having one of aunt maria's daughters. people who live years and years on their own country estates without going much from home are apt sometimes to fancy that there is nothing like their own family circle. my father had a great objection, too, to what he called "modern young ladies." i think he thought that, as there was no girl left in the world like my poor mother, i should be safer and happier with one of my cousins. they were unexceptionably brought up, and would all have considerable fortunes.
but though i was very fond of my cousins, i had no wish to choose a wife from them. they had been more like sisters to me than cousins from our childhood. at one time, it is true, i was rather sentimental about helen. she was the only one of the sisters who was positively pretty, and her resolute character and unusual tastes roused a romantic interest in me for a while. when she was twelve years old, she was found one day by aunt maria in the bedroom of a servant who had fallen ill, and to whom she was attending with the utmost dexterity. she had a genius for the duties of a sick room, which developed as she grew up. there were no lady-doctors then, but helen was determined to be a hospital nurse. strongly did aunt maria object, and helen never defied her wishes in the matter. but she had all mrs. ascott's determination, with more patience. she waited long, but she followed her vocation at last.
none of the other girls had any special tastes. the laborious and expensive education of their childhood did not lead to anything worth the name of a pursuit, much less a hobby, with any one of them. of the happiness of learning, of the excit[209]ing interest of an intellectual hobby, they knew nothing. with much pains and labour they had been drilled in arts and sciences, in languages and "the usual branches of an english education." but, apart from social duties and amusements, the chief occupation of their lives was needlework. i have known many people who never received proper instruction in music or drawing, who yet, from what they picked up of either art by their own industry and intelligence, nearly doubled the happiness of their daily lives. but in vain had "the first masters" made my cousins glib in chromatic passages, and dexterous with tricks of effects in colours and crayons. they played duets after dinner, and aunt maria sometimes showed off the water-colour copies of their school-room days, which, indeed, they now and then recopied for bazaars; but for their own pleasure they never touched a note or a pencil. perhaps real enjoyment only comes with what one has, to a great extent, taught oneself. helen had been her own mistress in the art of nursing, and it was an all-absorbing interest to her.
they were very nice girls, and i do not think were entirely to blame for the small use to which they put their "advantages." they were tall and lady-like, aquiline-nosed and pleasant-looking, without actual beauty. it took a wonderful quantity of tarlatan to get them ready for a ball, a large carriage to hold them, and a small amount of fun to make them talkative and happy.
except maria, they all inherited my aunt's firmness and decision of character. maria, the oldest and largest, was the most yielding. she had more of uncle ascott about her.
