she stood by the window, looking out over the dreary landscape, a woman of some twenty-five years, with an earnest, even melancholy face, in which the wistful brown eyes were undoubtedly the redeeming feature. jones' hill, taken at its best, in full parade uniform of summer green, was not renowned for beauty or picturesqueness, and now, in fatigue dress of sodden brown stubble, with occasional patches of dingy white in ditches and hollows and along the edges of the dark pine woods, was even less calculated to inspire the beholder with enthusiasm. still, that would hardly account for the shadow which rested upon thirza bradford's face. she ought, in fact, to have worn a cheerful countenance. one week before she had been a poor girl, dependent upon the labor of her hand for her daily bread; to-day she was sole possessor of a farm of considerable extent, the comfortable old house at one of whose windows she was now standing, and all that house's contents.
one week before she had been called to the bed-side of her aunt, abigail leavitt. she had arrived none too soon, for the stern, sad old woman had[92] received her summons, and before another morning dawned had passed away.
to her great surprise, thirza found that her aunt had left her sole heiress of all she had possessed. why she should have been surprised would be difficult to explain. aunt abigail's two boys had gone to the war and never returned, her husband had been dead for many years, and thirza was her only sister's only child, and sole surviving relative. nothing, therefore, was more natural than this event, but thirza had simply never thought of it. she had listened, half in wonder, half in indifference, to the reading of the will, and had accepted mechanically the grudgingly tendered congratulations of the assembled farmers and their wives.
she had been supported in arranging and carrying out the gloomy details of the funeral by jane withers, a spinster of a type peculiar to new england; one of those persons who, scorning to demean themselves by "hiring out," go about, nevertheless, from family to family, rendering reluctant service, "just to accommodate" (accepting a weekly stipend in the same spirit of accommodation, it is to be supposed). with this person's assistance, thirza had prepared the repast to which, according to custom, the mourners from a distance were invited on their return from the burying-ground. aunt abigail had been stricken down at the close of a saturday's baking, leaving a goodly array upon the pan[93]try shelves, a fact upon which jane congratulated herself without any attempt at concealment, observing, in fact, that the melancholy event "couldn't have happened handier." in vain had thirza protested—jane was inflexible—and she had looked on with silent horror, while the funeral guests devoured with great relish the pies and ginger-bread which the dead woman's hand had prepared.
"mis' leavitt were a master hand at pie-crust," remarked one toothless dame, mumbling at the flaky paste, "a master hand at pie-crust, but she never were much at bread!" whereupon the whole feminine conclave launched out into a prolonged and noisy discussion of the relative merits of salt-risin's, milk-emptin's, and potato yeast.
that was three or four days ago, and thirza had remained in the old house with jane, who had kindly proffered her services and the solace of her companionship. there had been little to do in the house, and that little was soon done, and now the question of what she was to do with her new acquisition was looming up before her, and assuming truly colossal proportions. she was thinking of it now as she stood there with the wistful look upon her face, almost wishing that aunt abigail had left the farm to old jabez higgins, a fourth or fifth cousin by marriage, who had dutifully appeared at the funeral, with a look as if he had that within which passed showing, and doubtless he had, for[94] he turned green and blue when the will was read, and drove off soon after at a tearing pace.
jane, having condescended to perform the operation of washing up the two plates, cups, etc., which their evening meal had brought into requisition, entered presently, knitting in hand, and seated herself with much emphasis in a low wooden chair near the window. she was an erect and angular person, with an aggressive air of independence about her, a kind of "just-as-good-as-you-are" expression, which seemed to challenge the observer to dispute it at his peril. she took up the first stitch on her needle, fixed her sharp eyes upon thirza, and, as if in answer to her thoughts, opened on her as follows:
"ye haint made up yer mind what ye're a-goin' ter dew, hev ye?"
thirza slowly shook her head, without looking around.
"it's kind o' queer now how things does work a-round. there you was a-workin' an' a-slavin' in that old mill, day in an' day out, only a week ago, an' now you can jest settle right down on yer own place an' take things easy."
thirza vaguely wondered why aunt abigail had never "taken things easy."
"i shouldn't wonder a mite," went on jane, with increasing animation, "i shouldn't wonder a single mite if you should git a husband, after all!"
[95]
thirza's pale face flushed, and she made an involuntary gesture of impatience with one shoulder.
"oh, ye needn't twist around so," said the undaunted spinster, dryly. "ye ain't no chicken, laws knows, but ye needn't give up all hopes. ye're twenty-five if ye're a day, but that ain't nothin' when a woman's got a farm worth three thousand dollars."
three thousand dollars! for the first time her inheritance assumed its monetary value before thirza's eyes. hitherto she had regarded it merely as an indefinite extent of pastures, woods, and swamps—but three thousand dollars! it sounded like a deal of money to her, who had never owned a hundred dollars at one time in her life, and her imagination immediately wandered off into fascinating vistas, which jane's prosaic words had thrown open before her. she heard, as in a dream, the nasal, incisive voice as it went on with the catalogue of her possessions.
"yes, it's worth three thousand dollars, if it's worth a cent! i heerd squire brooks a-tellin' orthaniel stebbins so at the funeral. an' then, here's the house. there ain't no comfortabler one on joneses' hill, nor one that has more good furnitoor an' fixin's in it. then there's aunt abigail's clo'es an' things. why, ter my sartain knowledge there's no less'n five real good dresses a-hangin' in the fore-chamber closet, ter say nothin' of the bureau full of under-clo'es an' beddin'." jane did not[96] think it necessary to explain by what means this "sartain knowledge" had been achieved, but continued: "there's a silk warp alpacky now, a-hangin' up there, why—it's e'en-a-most as good as new! the creases ain't out on't." (unsophisticated jane! not to know that the creases never do go out of alpaca.) "i don't see what in the name o' sense ye're a-goin' ter dew with all them dresses. it'll take ye a life-time ter wear 'em out. if i hed that silk warp alpacky now,"—she continued musingly, yet raising her voice so suddenly that thirza started; "if i hed that are dress, i should take out two of the back breadths for an over-skirt—yes—an' gore the others!" this climax was delivered in triumphant tone. then lowering her voice she continued, reflectively: "aunt abigail was jest about my build."
thirza caught the import of the last words.
"jane," said she, languidly, with an undertone of impatience in her voice (it was hard to be recalled from her pleasant wanderings by a silk warp alpaca!), "jane, you can have it."
"wh—what d'ye say?" inquired jane, incredulously.
"i said you could have that dress; i don't want it," repeated thirza.
jane sat a moment in silence before she trusted herself to speak. her heart was beating with delight, but she would not allow the smallest evi[97]dence of joy or gratitude to escape in word or look.
"wall," she remarked, coolly, after a fitting pause, "ef you haint got no use for it, i might take it, i s'pose. not that i'm put tew it for clo'es, but i allers did think a sight of aunt abigail——"
her remarks were interrupted by an exclamation from thirza. the front gate opened with a squeak and closed with a rattle and bang, and the tall form of orthaniel stebbins was seen coming up the path. orthaniel was a mature youth of thirty. for length and leanness of body, prominence of elbow and knee joints, size and knobbiness of extremities, and vacuity of expression, orthaniel would have been hard to match. he was attired in a well-preserved black cloth suit, with all the usual accessories of a rustic toilet. his garments seemed to have been designed by his tailor for the utmost possible display of the joints above mentioned, and would have suggested the human form with equal clearness, if buttoned around one of the sprawling stumps which were so prominent a feature in the surrounding landscape. on this particular occasion there was an air of importance, almost of solemnity, about his person, which, added to a complacent simper, born of a sense of the delicate nature of his present errand, produced in his usually blank countenance something almost amounting to expression.
[98]
at first sight of this not unfamiliar apparition, thirza had incontinently fled, but jane received the visitor with becoming impressiveness.
"good-evenin', mr. stebbins. walk right into the fore-room," she remarked, throwing open the door of that apartment of state.
"no need o' puttin' yourself out, marm; the settin'-room's good enough for me," graciously responded the gentleman.
"walk right in," repeated jane, throwing open one shutter, and letting in a dim light upon the scene—a veritable chamber of horrors, with its hideous carpet, hair-cloth chairs and sofa, the nameless abominations on its walls, and its general air of protest against the spirit of beauty and all that goes to make up human comfort.
mr. stebbins paused on the threshold. there was something unusually repellent about the room, a lingering funereal atmosphere, which reached even his dull senses. he would have infinitely preferred the sitting-room; but a latent sense of something in his errand which required the utmost dignity in his surroundings prevailed, and he therefore entered and seated himself on one of the prickly chairs, which creaked expostulatingly beneath him.
"i—ahem! is miss bradford in?"
this question was, of course, a mere form,—a ruse de guerre, as it were,—and mr. stebbins chuckled inwardly over his remarkable diplomacy.[99] he had seen thirza at the window, and witnessed her sudden flight; but, so far from feeling affronted by the act, it had rather pleased him. it indicated maiden shyness, and he accepted it as a flattering tribute to his powers of fascination. "she's gone to fix up her hair, or somethin'," he reflected.
when jane came to summon her, she found thirza sitting by the window of the fore-chamber, gazing thoughtfully out into the twilight again.
"thirzy!" whispered the spinster, as mysteriously as if mr. stebbins was within possible earshot, "orthaniel stebbins wants ter see yer. go right down!"
"jane, i—sha'n't!" answered thirza, shortly.
jane started, and opened her small gray eyes their very widest.
"wh-at?" she stammered.
"i mean i don't want to go down," said thirza, more politely. "i don't wish to see him."
"wall, if that don't beat the master!" exclaimed jane, coming nearer. "why, he's got on his sunday clo'es! 's likely 's not he's a-goin' ter propose ter ye!"
"you had better send him away, then," said thirza.
"ye don't mean to say ye wouldn't hev him!" gasped jane, with a look of incredulous amazement which, catching thirza's eye, caused her to burst into a laugh.
[100]
"i suppose i must go down," she said at last, rising. "if i don't, i shall have all jones' hill down upon me. oh dear!"
mr. stebbins would have been surprised to see that she passed the mirror without even one glance.
"hadn't ye better take off yer apron, an' put on a pink bow, or somethin'?" suggested jane; "ye look real plain."
thirza did not deign to reply, but walked indifferently away.
"wall!" ejaculated the bewildered spinster, "i hope i may never!" and then, being a person who believed in improving one's opportunities, she proceeded at once to a careful re-examination of the "silk-warp alpacky," which hung in straight, solemn folds from a nail in the closet; it had hung precisely the same upon aunt abigail's lathy form.
thirza went into the gloomy fore-room. it struck a chill to her heart, and she went straight past mr. stebbins, with merely a nod and a "good-evening," and threw open another shutter, before seating herself so far from him, and in such a position, that he could only see her face by an extraordinary muscular feat. mr. stebbins felt that his reception was not an encouraging one. he hemmed and hawed, and at last managed to utter:
[101]
"pleasant evenin', miss bradford."
"very," responded thirza. it was particularly cold and disagreeable outside, even for a new england april.
"i guess we kin begin plantin' by next week," continued the gentleman.
"do you really think so?" responded thirza, in an absent sort of way.
it was not much; but it was a question, and in so far helped on the conversation. mr. stebbins was re-assured.
"yes," he resumed, in an animated manner, "i actooally dew! ye see, miss bradford, ye haint said nothin' tew me about the farm, so i thought i'd come 'roun' an' find out what yer plans is."
"i haven't made any," said thirza, as he paused.
"oh—ye haint? well, ye know i've been a-workin' on't on shares fur yer aunt abigail, goin' on five year, an' i'm ready ter dew the same fur you; that is——" and here mr. stebbins hitched a little nearer, while a smile, which displayed not only all his teeth, but no little gum as well, spread itself over his bucolic features, "that is, if we can't make no other arrangements more pleasin'."
there was no mistaking his intentions now; they spoke from every feature of his shrewdly smiling countenance, from his agitated knees and[102] elbows, and from the uneasy hands and feet which seemed struggling to detach themselves from their lank continuations and abscond then and there.
thirza looked her wooer calmly in the face. her imperturbability embarrassed but did not dishearten him.
"thar ain't no use in foolin' round the stump!" he continued. "i might jest as well come out with it, plain an' squar! i'm ready an' willin' to take the hull farm off yer hands if you're agreeable. you jest marry me, thirzy, an' that settles the hull question slick as a whistle!" and mr. stebbins settled back in his chair with a look as if he had just elucidated a long-mooted problem in social science.
thirza rose: there was a little red spot on each cheek, and an unwonted sparkle in her soft eyes; but her manner was otherwise unruffled as she answered:
"you are really very kind, mr. stebbins, but i think i shall find some other way out of the dilemma. i couldn't think of troubling you."
"oh——" he stammered, "'tain't—no trouble—at all!"
but thirza was gone.
for a moment mr. stebbins doubted his identity. he stared blankly at the open door awhile, and then his eyes wandered vacantly over the carpet and wall, finally coming to rest upon the toes[103] of his substantial boots. he sat for some time thus, repeating thirza's words as nearly as he could recall them, endeavoring to extract the pith of meaning from the surrounding fibres of polite language. had she actually refused him? mr. stebbins, by a long and circuitous mental process, arrived at length at the conclusion that she had, and accordingly rose, walked out of the front door and down the narrow path, in a state of mind best known to rejected suitors. as he closed the gate he cast one sheepish look toward the house.
"i'll be darned!" he muttered, "i'll be darned if i hain't got the mitten!" and, discomfited and sore, the adonis of jones' hill disappeared in the evening shadows.
jane was watching his departure from behind the curtain of the sitting-room window. in all probability her gentle bosom had never been the scene of such a struggle as was now going on beneath the chaste folds of her striped calico gown. she could not doubt the object of mr. stebbins's visit, nor its obvious result. astonishment, incredulity, curiosity, in turn possessed her.
"waal!" she soliloquized, as the curtain fell from her trembling fingers, "the way some folks fly in the face of providence doos beat the master!"
thirza, too, had observed her suitor as he strode away, with an expression of scorn upon her face which finally gave way to one of amusement, end[104]ing in a laugh—a curious hysterical laugh. a moment later she had thrown herself upon the bed, and jane, who in a state of curiosity bordering on asphyxia, came up to the door soon after, heard a sound of sobbing, and considerately went away.
thirza had her cry out; every woman knows what that means, and knows, too, the mingled sense of relief and exhaustion which follows. it was fully an hour later when she arose and groped her way down into the sitting-room where jane sat knitting zealously by the light of a small lamp. that person's internal struggles commenced afresh, and a feeling of indignation quite comprehensible burnt in her much-vexed bosom as thirza, after lighting another lamp, bade her "good-night," and went out of the room, leaving her cravings for fuller information unassuaged.
once more in her room, thirza seated herself before the glass and began to loosen the heavy dark braids of her hair. upon the bureau lay an open letter, and leaving the soft tresses half undone, she took it up and re-read it. when she had finished she let it fall upon her lap and fell to thinking. the letter was from her cousin sue, and bore a foreign post-mark, and from thinking over its contents thirza fell into reflections upon the diversity of human fate, particularly her own and sue's. they had commenced life under very similar circumstances. both had been born about[105] the same time, and in the town of millburn. both were "only" children, the fathers of both were mechanics of the better class, and the girls were closely associated up to their fourteenth year, as play-fellows and school-mates. sue was an ordinary sort of a girl, with a rather pretty blonde face; thirza, a bright, original creature, with a mobile, dark face, which almost every one turned to take a second look at; a girl who, with a book, almost any book, became oblivious of all else. her father was a man of more than ordinary intelligence, of a dreamy, speculative turn of mind, and subject to periods of intense depression. when she was about fourteen years old, thirza went one evening to the barn to call her father to supper. receiving no answer to her call, she entered, and there, in a dim corner, she saw something suspended from a beam,—something she could never efface from her memory. a shaft of sunlight full of dancing motes fell athwart the distorted face, whose smile she must now forever miss, and across the rigid hands which would never again stroke her hair in the old fond, proud way. in that moment the child became a woman. she went to the nearest neighbor, and without scream or sob told what she had seen—then she went to her mother. soon after, the young girl whose school-life was thus early ended took her place at a loom in one of the great cotton-mills, and there she re[106]mained for more than ten years, the sole support and comfort of her weak, complaining mother, who from the dreadful day that made her a widow, sank into hopeless invalidism. one year previously to the commencement of this story she had been laid to rest. in the meantime sue had grown up, and married a "smart fellow," who after a few years of successful business life in new york, had been sent by some great firm to take charge of a branch establishment in paris.
thirza was thinking of these things now, as she sat with sue's gossipy letter on her lap—thinking of them wearily, and even with some bitterness. it seemed to her hard and strange that sue should have everything, and she only her lonely, toilsome life, and her dreams. these indeed remained; no one could forbid them to her—no amount of toil and constant contact with sordid natures could despoil her of her one priceless treasure, the power to live, in imagination, brief but exquisite phases of existence which no one around her ever suspected. books furnished the innocent hasheesh, which transported her out of the stale atmosphere of her boarding-house into realms of ever new delight.
but to-night she could not dream. the interview with mr. stebbins had been a rude shock, a bitter humiliation to her. she had held herself so proudly aloof from the men of her acquaintance[107] that none had ever before ventured to cross the fine line of reserve she had drawn about her; and now, this uncouth, mercenary clown had dared pull down the barrier, and trample under foot the delicate flowers of sentiment she had cherished with such secrecy and care. her first wooer! not thus, in the idle dreams which come to every maiden's heart, had thirza pictured him. that other rose before her now, and strangely enough, it took on the semblance, as it often had of late, of one she had almost daily seen—a handsome face, a true and good one, too; and yet the hot blood surged into her cheeks, and she tried to banish the image from her mind. it would not go at her bidding, however, and, as if to hide from her own eyes in the darkness, thirza arose and put out the light.
there was no time for dreaming after this, for the question of her inheritance must be settled. so, after a day or two of reflection, thirza drove into town and held a long consultation with squire brooks, the result of which was that the farm was announced for sale. it was not long before a purchaser appeared, and in due course of time thirza found herself, for the first time in her life, in possession of a bank-book!
she returned to her place in the mill, notwithstanding, and was secretly edified in observing the effect which her re-appearance produced upon the[108] operatives. the women watched her askance, curiously and enviously, indulging in furtive remarks upon her unchanged appearance. as an heiress something had evidently been expected of her in the way of increased elegance in dress, and its non-appearance excited comment. on the part of the men there was a slight increase of respect in their mode of salutation, and in one or two instances, an endeavor to cultivate a nearer acquaintance, an endeavor, it is needless to say, without success.
but if there was no outer change in thirza, there was an inner change going on, which became at length a feverish restlessness, which disturbed her night and day. she found herself continually taking down from her shelves certain fascinating books, treating of foreign scenes and people; reading and re-reading them, and laying them aside with strange reluctance. then she fell into a habit of taking her little bank-book, and figuring assiduously upon the covers. three thousand dollars! enough, she bitterly reflected, to keep her from the almshouse when her hands became too feeble to tend the loom, but a paltry sum, after all! many persons, even in millburn, spent far more than that yearly.
all at once a thought flashed upon her, a thought which took away her breath and set her brain to whirling. and yet it was not an abso[109]lutely new thought. it had haunted her under various disguises from the moment when jane withers, by a few words, had transmuted the barren pastures and piney woods of her farm into actual dollars; and now, after hovering about all this time, it had found a moment,—when some fascinating book had thrown her off her guard,—to spring upon and overpower her. for a moment she was stunned and overwhelmed—then she calmly closed the little bank-book, and said: "i will do it!"
in one week the whole town knew that thirza bradford was going to travel, and all former discussions of her affairs sank into nothing in comparison with the importance they now assumed. among her immediate acquaintances there was considerable excitement, and their opinions were freely, if not elegantly, expressed. the men, almost without exception, pronounced her "a fool," as did the elder women, whose illusions, if they had ever entertained any, had long since been dispelled. but among the younger women there was a more or less repressed feeling of sympathy, amounting to envy. poor girls! they, too, no doubt, indulged in secret longings which their prosaic work-a-day world failed to satisfy; and doubtless those who had themselves "aunt abigails," or any other "expectations" of a like nature, were led into wild and wicked speculations upon the[110] tenure of human life, for which, it is to be hoped, thirza will not be held accountable.
it is the fashion of the day to ascribe our more objectionable peculiarities and predilections to "hereditary taint," and there is something so comforting and satisfactory in this theory, that it has attracted many adherents not otherwise of a scientific turn of mind. millburn was not scientific; but even millburn fell into the same way of theorizing.
"bill bradford," said public opinion, "was an oneasy sort of a chap,—a half crazy, extravagant critter,—and thirzy is a chip o' the old block."
when the news reached jones' hill,—which it shortly did by the never-failing means of jane withers, who was accommodatingly helping orthaniel's mother through a course of "soap-bilin',"—the comments were severe. orthaniel received the tidings as he was about starting for the cow-yard, with a milk-pail in each hand. he listened, with fallen jaw, unto the bitter end. then, giving his blue overalls an expressive hitch, he remarked ungallantly:
"that gal hain't got no more sense 'n a yaller dog!"—and he, at least, may be pardoned for so thinking.
as for thirza, her decision once made, she troubled herself little about the "speech of people." from the moment when she had closed her little bank-book with the words "i will do[111] it," she became, not another woman, but her real self. she went serenely about her simple preparations for her departure in a state of quiet exultation which lent a new charm to her dark face and a new grace to her step.
squire brooks arranged her money affairs for her,—not without remonstrance, however. it seemed to the close-fisted, elderly man a wild and wanton thing to do; but there was something in the half-repressed enthusiasm of the girl which caused the wise, prudential words to die upon his lips. when she left his office, on the evening before her departure, he watched the light-stepping figure out of sight, and then walked up to the dingy office mirror and surveyed his wrinkled visage on all sides. carefully brushing up the sparse gray locks which had been ordered to the front, as it were, to fill the gaps created by time's onslaughts, he shook his head deprecatingly, and with a sigh walked away from the glass, humming softly "mary of argyle."
as thirza, absorbed in thought, turned into the long, shaded street which led down to her boarding-house, she was startled out of her reverie by the sound of her own name, pronounced in a friendly tone. looking up, she saw a gentleman approaching. her heart gave a quick leap as she recognized warren madison, son of the richest manufacturer of millburn. he was no recent ac[112]quaintance. in her school days, when social distinctions weighed but little, there had been a childish intimacy and fondness between them. time and separation, and the wide difference in their position,—which she, at least, felt most keenly,—had estranged them. since the young man's return, after years of study and travel, to become his father's partner, she had met him very often, both in the mill and outside of it, and he had constantly shown a disposition to renew their former friendship. but poor, proud thirza had rejected all his advances. even now, although her cheeks tingled and her hands trembled nervously, she would have passed him with a simple nod; but somehow, before she realized it, young madison had secured her hand and a smile, too; and, to her surprise, she found herself walking by his side, talking with something of the familiarity of the old school days.
"i have been absent for some time, and only heard to-day that you are going away," he said.
"yes," responded thirza. "i am going away—to europe."
"to seek your fortune?" said he, with a smile.
"no—to spend it," said thirza, in the same manner. "i suppose that you, like parson smythers and the rest of millburn, consider it an 'extry-ordinary proceeding,'"—this with a fair imitation of the reverend gentleman's peculiar drawl.
[113]
madison smiled.
"don't count me among your judges, i beg of you, thirza," he responded, more gravely. "perhaps i understand you better than you think."
she glanced quickly up into his face,—a handsome face, frank and noble in its expression.
"understand me?" she repeated; "i don't think any one understands me. not that they are to blame—i am hardly worth the trouble, i suppose. i know," she continued, moved by an impulse to unburden her heart to some one, "i know that people are discussing and condemning me, and it does not trouble me at all to know it; but i don't mind saying this much to you." she caught the last two words back between her lips, but not before they had reached the young man's ears. he glanced quickly into her downcast face, with a look full of eager questioning; but this thirza did not see, for she had turned her eyes away in confusion. "you know what my life has been," she went on impetuously. "i have never had any youth. ever since i was a child, i have toiled to keep body and soul together. i have succeeded in feeding the one; but the other has starved. i have weighed everything in the balance. i am all alone in the world—all i had to live for is—up there." she pointed over her shoulder toward the old burying-ground. "i may be foolish,—even selfish and wicked,—but i can't help it! i am going[114] to leave everything behind me, all the work and all the worry, and give myself a holiday. for one whole year i am going to live—really live! after that, i can bear the old life better—perhaps!"
the girl was almost beautiful as she spoke, with the soft fire in her eyes and her cheeks aglow. her voice was sweet and full, and vibrated like a harp-string. the young man beside her did not look at her. he walked steadily forward, gazing straight down into the dusty road, and striking out almost savagely with his cane at the innocent heads of the white clover which crowded up to the road-side.
"i think i know how you feel," he said, after a while. "why, do you know, i have often had such thoughts myself. better one year of real life, as you say, than a century of dull routine!"
by this time they had reached the door of thirza's boarding-house. there were faces at almost every window of the much-windowed establishment, to say nothing of those of the neighboring houses; but neither thirza nor her companion was aware of this.
they stood on the steps a moment in silence; then he held out his hand. as she placed her own within it, she felt it tremble. their eyes met, too, with a swift recognition, and a sharp, sweet pain went through her heart. she forced herself to turn her eyes away, and to say quietly:
[115]
"good-evening and good-bye, mr. madison."
the young man dropped her hand and drew a quick breath.
"good-bye, thirza," he said; "may you find it all that you anticipate. good-bye."
and the score or more pairs of inquisitive eyes at the surrounding windows saw young mr. madison walk calmly away, and miss bradford, with equal calmness, enter her boarding-house.
the next morning thirza went away, and, the nine days' wonder being over, she was dropped almost as completely out of the thoughts and conversation of the people of millburn as if she had never existed.
we will not accompany her on her travels. there was a time when we might have done so; but alas, for the story-writer of to-day! picture-galleries, palaces, and chalets, noble, peasant, and brigand, gondolas, volcanoes, and glaciers,—all are as common and familiar to the reader of the period as bonbons. it is enough to say that thirza wandered now in reality, as she had so often in fancy, through the storied scenes which had so charmed her imagination; often doubting if it were indeed herself, or if what she saw were not the baseless fabric of a vision, which the clanging of the factory bell might demolish at any moment.
sue's astonishment when thirza, after two months in england and scotland, walked one day[116] into her apartment in paris, quite unannounced, can be imagined. she wondered and conjectured, but, as her unexpected guest was neither awkward nor badly dressed, accepted the situation gracefully, and ended by really enjoying it. after delightful paris days, came italy, germany, and switzerland, and then more of paris, and at last came a time when inexorable figures showed thirza plainly that she must think of returning to america.
"thirza," protested sue, "you really mustn't go."
for answer thirza held up to view a travel-stained porte-monnaie.
"perhaps we can arrange it somehow," persisted her cousin, vaguely. "you might take a situation as governess, you know;" these words were uttered doubtfully, and with a deprecating glance at the face opposite.
"thank you!" responded thirza. "i don't feel a call in that direction. i think, on the whole, i'd prefer weaving cotton."
"you'll find it unendurable!" groaned sue.
"well, que voulez-vous?" responded her cousin, lightly; a quick ear would have noted the slight tremor in her voice. "i have had a glorious holiday."
"but the going back will be simply dreadful," persisted sue. "i wish i were rich—then you shouldn't go!"
[117]
"i hardly think that would make any difference, my dear cousin. i don't think i am eminently fitted to become a parasite," laughed thirza.
"do you know what you are eminently fitted for?" cried sue, energetically.
"sue!" cried thirza, warningly.
"i don't care," sue continued, daringly; "you are so set on going back to america that i half suspect——"
"don't, sue, please!" interrupted thirza, with such evident signs of genuine displeasure, that sue, who stood somewhat in awe of her cousin, ceased to banter, mentally vowing that she was "the queerest girl she had ever met with."
thirza arose and went out into the flower-adorned balcony. she sought distraction, but somehow the surging, chattering crowd in the street below, the brilliant illumination, the far-off strains of music, did not bring her what she sought.
"if only sue wouldn't!" she reflected, and then, between her and the sea of heads, and the lights and the flowers rose a face—the face that had troubled her meditations on jones' hill, that had followed her in all her wanderings, the noble face, with its blue eyes bent upon her so earnestly, so eloquently. had she read aright, even if too late, the meaning of those eyes as they met hers at parting? the same sweet, sharp pain that was[118] not all pain, shot through her heart, and a consciousness of something blindly missed, something perversely thrown away, came over her. sighing, she arose, and in response to sue's call, went in and dressed for a gay party, in which, in her present mood, she felt neither pleasure nor interest. "if people here knew what a pitiful fraud i am—what a despicable part i am acting!" she said to herself, as, well-dressed and handsome, she entered the brilliant salon.
it was all over in a few days, and thirza was sailing homeward as fast as wind and wave and steam could carry her. the year that had passed had brought little outward change in the girl. she looked fairer and fresher, perhaps, and certain little rusticities of dress and speech and manner had disappeared—worn off, as had the marks of toil from the palms of her slender hands. but to all intents and purposes, the tall figure in its close-fitting brown suit, which during the homeward voyage sat for the most part in the vessel's stern, gazing back over the foaming path, was the same which had watched a year before with equal steadiness from the steamer's bow. the very same, and yet—the girl often wondered if she were indeed the same, and lost herself in speculations as to how the old life at millburn would seem to her now. she recalled with inflexible accuracy the details of her existence there, and tried to look her future[119] undauntedly in the face. but all her philosophy failed her when in imagination she found herself upon the threshold of the old mill. there, indeed, she faltered weakly, and turned back.
when at last, one evening in june, she stepped out of the train at the little station of millburn, a crowd of bitter thoughts came rushing upon her, as if they had been lying in wait there to welcome her. she had informed no one of her coming, and it was not strange that no friendly face greeted her, and yet, as she pursued her way alone through the silent, unlighted streets, her heart grew faint within her. how poor and meagre everything seemed! the unpaved streets, the plank sidewalks, the wooden houses, and yonder, across the river, the great mills, looming grim and shapeless through the dusk! the long, glorious holiday was over—there lay her future.
weary and sick at heart she entered her boarding-house. the old familiar aroma saluted her, the hard-featured landlady welcomed her with a feeble smile, the unwashed children with noisy demonstrations.
her room was at her disposal, and under the plea of fatigue she kept out of sight the whole of the succeeding day, which happened to be sunday. she lay the greater part of the day upon the old lounge, looking round upon the well-known furnishings with a weary gaze. how small and[120] shabby the room, how hideous the wall paper, how mean and prosaic everything, and the very canaries in their cage had forgotten her, and screamed shrilly at her approach!
that was a long day—the longest of her life, she thought. but the girl was made of good stuff; she made a brave fight, and this time came off conqueror. when monday morning came, she arose and dressed herself in the old gray working suit, smiling back encouragement to her reflection in the glass as if it had been that of another person. there was no use in putting off the evil day, she said to herself, it would only make it harder; and so, when the great bells clanged out their harsh summons, she went out into the beautiful june morning, joined the crowd which streamed across the bridge, and before the last brazen tone had died away, preliminaries were arranged, and thirza was in her old place again.
all through the long summer days thirza labored on at the old work, with aching limbs and throbbing pulses. the unceasing din and jar, the invisible flying filaments, the hot, oily atmosphere, the coarse chatter of the operatives, wearied and sickened her as never before. every evening she left the mill with a slower step; deep lines began to show themselves in her face, heavy shadows to settle beneath her dark, sad eyes. poor girl! it was all so much harder than she had anticipated.[121] the latent forces in her nature, which, through all those years of toil, had never been called into action, were now, since her plunge into another phase of life, fully aroused, and asserted themselves in ceaseless clamor against surroundings. besides this,—smother it, fight it, ignore it, as she might,—she was living in a state of tremulous expectancy. again and again her heart had leaped at the sight of a figure in the distance, only to sink again into a dull throb of disappointment.
the fourth sunday after her return, thirza went to church for the first time. it was early when she arrived and people were just beginning to assemble. many greeted her warmly and proffered her a seat, but she refused all, taking one far back, and at one side where she could see all who entered. the seats gradually filled, but it was not until the last strains of the voluntary were dying away that madison, senior, the great manufacturer, and his large complacent-looking wife came in, and with an air of filling the whole edifice, marched down to their pew in the front row. the music ceased. there was a rustling of silk which was audible in every part of the little church, and warren madison entered, accompanied by a stately blonde girl, elegantly attired. queen-like she swept along, and thirza saw, as if in a dream, the smile which she bestowed upon her escort as he stood aside to allow her to enter the pew, and she[122] saw also his face, looking handsomer and manlier than ever. then they were seated, and only the backs of their heads were visible. thirza's heart stood still for a moment, and then began beating so wildly that she almost feared those around her might hear it. she went through mechanically with the simple forms the service required. she even tried to follow the thread of the rev. mr. smyther's labored discourse, but there, between her and the pulpit, were the nodding white plumes and the yellow braid, and the brown shapely head and broad shoulders, and oh! so near together! interminable as the service seemed, it came to an end at last, and before the amen of the benediction had died upon the air, thirza was in the street, hastening homeward.
the next day she stood at her loom, listlessly watching the shifting cloud-pictures in the midsummer sky, the glittering river, and the distant meadows and woods, and wishing herself away from the noise and the close air, and alone in some deep nook, where she could hide her face and think. a loud, confused mingling of voices, among which a high-pitched, girlish one was most conspicuous, rose above the clatter of the machinery, and drew her attention. she turned involuntarily toward the sound, and as quickly back again. that one glance had sufficed to show her warren madison, escorting a party of ladies[123] through the mill. the blonde girl was there, looking, in her white dress, like a freshly-gathered lily. the party passed near her. she heard young madison's voice warning the ladies to keep their draperies from the machinery; she heard the girlish voice in laughing answer, and, as they passed by, the same voice exclaiming, "why, warren, what a nice girl, for a mill-girl! the dark one, i mean, by the window." then there came a little whiff of violet perfume, and they had gone—he had gone! and, even in the midst of her humiliation and anger and self-pity, she could not but be thankful that he had thus passed her by, without a word. she could not have borne it—there.
the machinery roared and clattered and groaned, the air grew closer and hotter, the silvery clouds grew denser and blacker, and little puffs of wind blew in and fanned her feverish temples; and at last the bell sounded, and she could go. away! no matter where, so that she were out of sight of everything and everybody, so that she could be alone with her own torn, wrathful, tortured soul. straight through the town she went, up the hill beyond, and into the old burying-ground, where her parents rested. it was the only place, alas! where she was sure of being left alone; for there is no place so given over to loneliness and solitude as a country grave-yard. here, among the quiet[124] sleepers, where the grass and brier-roses grew rank and tall, and undisturbed, except now and then to make room for a new-comer,—here she dared look herself in the face. and oh, the shame and scorn and loathing which that self-inspection produced! she threw herself down by the graves,—her graves,—and buried her face upon her arms. she lay there until shadows gathered about her, so still that the small brown sparrows hopped fearlessly across the folds of her dress and nestled in the grass beside her. at last she started up, and pressed her hands against her temples.
"i cannot bear it!" she cried aloud. "i thought i could; but i cannot! i must leave this place—this hateful, dreadful place——"
was there a footstep near her in the dry grass, and was some one standing there in the dusk? she sprang to her feet and would have fled; but the figure came rapidly toward her. it was warren madison.
"you must pardon my following you, thirza," he said. "i went to the house, and they told me you had come up this way. i came after you, because i have something i must say to you."
it was light enough for thirza to see that he was very pale, and that his eyes were fixed eagerly upon her face. trembling, bewildered, she made another attempt to pass him; but he seized her wrist and detained her.
[125]
"thirza," he cried, "do not run away from me until you have heard what i have to say. let me look in your face, and see if i can find what i thought i saw there when we parted that evening, more than a year ago."
he drew her toward him, and compelled her to meet his gaze. she tried to meet it with coldness and scorn; but she was weak and unnerved, and there was such pleading tenderness in his voice! she trembled, and sought feebly to withdraw her hand.
"thirza, won't you listen? i love you! i have loved you so long—i never knew it until you went away; i never knew how much until i saw you to-day. i did not even know you had returned. oh, thirza, i could not have spoken a word to you before those people for worlds; but how i longed to snatch you up in my arms! if you had only looked at me, proud little statue in a gray dress!"
he compelled her to turn her face toward him.
"thirza, was i mistaken? no, i was not!" and his voice was full of exultation. "i see the same look in your eyes again. you love me, my darling! there!" he cried, releasing her hands, "proud, cruel little woman, go! leave me! run away from me! i do not keep you; but, thirza, you are mine, for all that!"
hardly conscious of herself, thirza stood before him, making no use of her liberty.
[126]
"come, thirza," said the shaking, passionate voice, "leave all the work and all the worry—your own words, darling; how often i have thought of them! leave it all behind, and come here, to me!"
the clouds had parted, and the stars flamed out, one after another; and, as they were going home together through the starlight, the young man said:
"and did you live the 'real life' you anticipated, thirza?"
she raised her shining face to his.
"it has just begun," she said.
