it is this part of the story that makes me saddest of all. for i ask myself unceasingly, my mind going round and round in a weary, baffled space of pain—what should these people have done? what, in the name of god, should they have done?

the end was perfectly plain to each of them—it was perfectly manifest at this stage that, if the girl did not, in leonora's phrase, "belong to edward," edward must die, the girl must lose her reason because edward died—and, that after a time, leonora, who was the coldest and the strongest of the three, would console herself by marrying rodney bayham and have a quiet, comfortable, good time. that end, on that night, whilst leonora sat in the girl's bedroom and edward telephoned down below—that end was plainly manifest. the girl, plainly, was half-mad already; edward was half dead; only leonora, active, persistent, instinct with her cold passion of energy, was "doing things". what then, should they have done? worked out in the extinction of two very splendid personalities—for edward and the girl were splendid personalities, in order that a third personality, more normal, should have, after a long period of trouble, a quiet, comfortable, good time.

i am writing this, now, i should say, a full eighteen months after the words that end my last chapter. since writing the words "until my arrival", which i see end that paragraph, i have seen again for a glimpse, from a swift train, beaucaire with the beautiful white tower, tarascon with the square castle, the great rhone, the immense stretches of the crau. i have rushed through all provence—and all provence no longer matters. it is no longer in the olive hills that i shall find my heaven; because there is only hell... .

edward is dead; the girl is gone—oh, utterly gone; leonora is having a good time with rodney bayham, and i sit alone in branshaw teleragh. i have been through provence; i have seen africa; i have visited asia to see, in ceylon, in a darkened room, my poor girl, sitting motionless, with her wonderful hair about her, looking at me with eyes that did not see me, and saying distinctly: "credo in unum deum omnipotentem.... credo in unum deum omnipotentem." those are the only reasonable words she uttered; those are the only words, it appears, that she ever will utter. i suppose that they are reasonable words; it must be extraordinarily reasonable for her, if she can say that she believes in an omnipotent deity. well, there it is. i am very tired of it all....

for, i daresay, all this may sound romantic, but it is tiring, tiring, tiring to have been in the midst of it; to have taken the tickets; to have caught the trains; to have chosen the cabins; to have consulted the purser and the stewards as to diet for the quiescent patient who did nothing but announce her belief in an omnipotent deity. that may sound romantic—but it is just a record of fatigue.

i don't know why i should always be selected to be serviceable. i don't resent it—but i have never been the least good. florence selected me for her own purposes, and i was no good to her; edward called me to come and have a chat with him, and i couldn't stop him cutting his throat.

and then, one day eighteen months ago, i was quietly writing in my room at branshaw when leonora came to me with a letter. it was a very pathetic letter from colonel rufford about nancy. colonel rufford had left the army and had taken up an appointment at a tea-planting estate in ceylon. his letter was pathetic because it was so brief, so inarticulate, and so business-like. he had gone down to the boat to meet his daughter, and had found his daughter quite mad. it appears that at aden nancy had seen in a local paper the news of edward's suicide. in the red sea she had gone mad. she had remarked to mrs colonel luton, who was chaperoning her, that she believed in an omnipotent deity. she hadn't made any fuss; her eyes were quite dry and glassy. even when she was mad nancy could behave herself.

colonel rufford said the doctor did not anticipate that there was any chance of his child's recovery. it was, nevertheless, possible that if she could see someone from branshaw it might soothe her and it might have a good effect. and he just simply wrote to leonora: "please come and see if you can do it."

i seem to have lost all sense of the pathetic; but still, that simple, enormous request of the old colonel strikes me as pathetic. he was cursed by his atrocious temper; he had been cursed by a half-mad wife, who drank and went on the streets. his daughter was totally mad—and yet he believed in the goodness of human nature. he believed that leonora would take the trouble to go all the way to ceylon in order to soothe his daughter. leonora wouldn't. leonora didn't ever want to see nancy again. i daresay that that, in the circumstances, was natural enough. at the same time she agreed, as it were, on public grounds, that someone soothing ought to go from branshaw to ceylon. she sent me and her old nurse, who had looked after nancy from the time when the girl, a child of thirteen, had first come to branshaw. so off i go, rushing through provence, to catch the steamer at marseilles. and i wasn't the least good when i got to ceylon; and the nurse wasn't the least good. nothing has been the least good.

the doctors said, at kandy, that if nancy could be brought to england, the sea air, the change of climate, the voyage, and all the usual sort of things, might restore her reason. of course, they haven't restored her reason. she is, i am aware, sitting in the hall, forty paces from where i am now writing. i don't want to be in the least romantic about it. she is very well dressed; she is quite quiet; she is very beautiful. the old nurse looks after her very efficiently.

of course you have the makings of a situation here, but it is all very humdrum, as far as i am concerned.

i should marry nancy if her reason were ever sufficiently restored to let her appreciate the meaning of the anglican marriage service. but it is probable that her reason will never be sufficiently restored to let her appreciate the meaning of the anglican marriage service. therefore i cannot marry her, according to the law of the land.

so here i am very much where i started thirteen years ago. i am the attendant, not the husband, of a beautiful girl, who pays no attention to me. i am estranged from leonora, who married rodney bayham in my absence and went to live at bayham. leonora rather dislikes me, because she has got it into her head that i disapprove of her marriage with rodney bayham. well, i disapprove of her marriage. possibly i am jealous.

yes, no doubt i am jealous. in my fainter sort of way i seem to perceive myself following the lines of edward ashburnham. i suppose that i should really like to be a polygamist; with nancy, and with leonora, and with maisie maidan and possibly even with florence. i am no doubt like every other man; only, probably because of my american origin i am fainter. at the same time i am able to assure you that i am a strictly respectable person. i have never done anything that the most anxious mother of a daughter or the most careful dean of a cathedral would object to. i have only followed, faintly, and in my unconscious desires, edward ashburnham. well, it is all over. not one of us has got what he really wanted. leonora wanted edward, and she has got rodney bayham, a pleasant enough sort of sheep. florence wanted branshaw, and it is i who have bought it from leonora. i didn't really want it; what i wanted mostly was to cease being a nurse-attendant. well, i am a nurse-attendant. edward wanted nancy rufford, and i have got her. only she is mad. it is a queer and fantastic world. why can't people have what they want? the things were all there to content everybody; yet everybody has the wrong thing. perhaps you can make head or tail of it; it is beyond me.

is there any terrestial paradise where, amidst the whispering of the olive-leaves, people can be with whom they like and have what they like and take their ease in shadows and in coolness? or are all men's lives like the lives of us good people—like the lives of the ashburnhams, of the dowells, of the ruffords—broken, tumultuous, agonized, and unromantic, lives, periods punctuated by screams, by imbecilities, by deaths, by agonies? who the devil knows?

for there was a great deal of imbecility about the closing scenes of the ashburnham tragedy. neither of those two women knew what they wanted. it was only edward who took a perfectly clear line, and he was drunk most of the time. but, drunk or sober, he stuck to what was demanded by convention and by the traditions of his house. nancy rufford had to be exported to india, and nancy rufford hadn't to hear a word of love from him. she was exported to india and she never heard a word from edward ashburnham.

it was the conventional line; it was in tune with the tradition of edward's house. i daresay it worked out for the greatest good of the body politic. conventions and traditions, i suppose, work blindly but surely for the preservation of the normal type; for the extinction of proud, resolute and unusual individuals.

edward was the normal man, but there was too much of the sentimentalist about him; and society does not need too many sentimentalists. nancy was a splendid creature, but she had about her a touch of madness. society does not need individuals with touches of madness about them. so edward and nancy found themselves steamrolled out and leonora survives, the perfectly normal type, married to a man who is rather like a rabbit. for rodney bayham is rather like a rabbit, and i hear that leonora is expected to have a baby in three months' time.

so those splendid and tumultuous creatures with their magnetism and their passions—those two that i really loved—have gone from this earth. it is no doubt best for them. what would nancy have made of edward if she had succeeded in living with him; what would edward have made of her? for there was about nancy a touch of cruelty—a touch of definite actual cruelty that made her desire to see people suffer. yes, she desired to see edward suffer. and, by god, she gave him hell.

she gave him an unimaginable hell. those two women pursued that poor devil and flayed the skin off him as if they had done it with whips. i tell you his mind bled almost visibly. i seem to see him stand, naked to the waist, his forearms shielding his eyes, and flesh hanging from him in rags. i tell you that is no exaggeration of what i feel. it was as if leonora and nancy banded themselves together to do execution, for the sake of humanity, upon the body of a man who was at their disposal. they were like a couple of sioux who had got hold of an apache and had him well tied to a stake. i tell you there was no end to the tortures they inflicted upon him.

night after night he would hear them talking; talking; maddened, sweating, seeking oblivion in drink, he would lie there and hear the voices going on and on. and day after day leonora would come to him and would announce the results of their deliberations.

they were like judges debating over the sentence upon a criminal; they were like ghouls with an immobile corpse in a tomb beside them.

i don't think that leonora was any more to blame than the girl—though leonora was the more active of the two. leonora, as i have said, was the perfectly normal woman. i mean to say that in normal circumstances her desires were those of the woman who is needed by society. she desired children, decorum, an establishment; she desired to avoid waste, she desired to keep up appearances. she was utterly and entirely normal even in her utterly undeniable beauty. but i don't mean to say that she acted perfectly normally in this perfectly abnormal situation. all the world was mad around her and she herself, agonized, took on the complexion of a mad woman; of a woman very wicked; of the villain of the piece. what would you have? steel is a normal, hard, polished substance. but, if you put it in a hot fire it will become red, soft, and not to be handled. if you put it in a fire still more hot it will drip away. it was like that with leonora. she was made for normal circumstances—for mr rodney bayham, who will keep a separate establishment, secretly, in portsmouth, and make occasional trips to paris and to budapest.

in the case of edward and the girl, leonora broke and simply went all over the place. she adopted unfamiliar and therefore extraordinary and ungraceful attitudes of mind. at one moment she was all for revenge. after haranguing the girl for hours through the night she harangued for hours of the day the silent edward. and edward just once tripped up, and that was his undoing. perhaps he had had too much whisky that afternoon.

she asked him perpetually what he wanted. what did he want? what did he want? and all he ever answered was: "i have told you". he meant that he wanted the girl to go to her father in india as soon as her father should cable that he was ready to receive her. but just once he tripped up. to leonora's eternal question he answered that all he desired in life was that—that he could pick himself together again and go on with his daily occupations if—the girl, being five thousand miles away, would continue to love him. he wanted nothing more, he prayed his god for nothing more. well, he was a sentimentalist.

and the moment that she heard that, leonora determined that the girl should not go five thousand miles away and that she should not continue to love edward. the way she worked it was this:

she continued to tell the girl that she must belong to edward; she was going to get a divorce; she was going to get a dissolution of marriage from rome. but she considered it to be her duty to warn the girl of the sort of monster that edward was. she told the girl of la dolciquita, of mrs basil, of maisie maidan, of florence. she spoke of the agonies that she had endured during her life with the man, who was violent, overbearing, vain, drunken, arrogant, and monstrously a prey to his sexual necessities. and, at hearing of the miseries her aunt had suffered—for leonora once more had the aspect of an aunt to the girl—with the swift cruelty of youth and, with the swift solidarity that attaches woman to woman, the girl made her resolves. her aunt said incessantly: "you must save edward's life; you must save his life. all that he needs is a little period of satisfaction from you. then he will tire of you as he has of the others. but you must save his life."

and, all the while, that wretched fellow knew—by a curious instinct that runs between human beings living together—exactly what was going on. and he remained dumb; he stretched out no finger to help himself. all that he required to keep himself a decent member of society was, that the girl, five thousand miles away, should continue to love him. they were putting a stopper upon that.

i have told you that the girl came one night to his room. and that was the real hell for him. that was the picture that never left his imagination—the girl, in the dim light, rising up at the foot of his bed. he said that it seemed to have a greenish sort of effect as if there were a greenish tinge in the shadows of the tall bedposts that framed her body. and she looked at him with her straight eyes of an unflinching cruelty and she said: "i am ready to belong to you—to save your life."

he answered: "i don't want it; i don't want it; i don't want it."

and he says that he didn't want it; that he would have hated himself; that it was unthinkable. and all the while he had the immense temptation to do the unthinkable thing, not from the physical desire but because of a mental certitude. he was certain that if she had once submitted to him she would remain his for ever. he knew that.

she was thinking that her aunt had said he had desired her to love him from a distance of five thousand miles. she said: "i can never love you now i know the kind of man you are. i will belong to you to save your life. but i can never love you."

it was a fantastic display of cruelty. she didn't in the least know what it meant—to belong to a man. but, at that edward pulled himself together. he spoke in his normal tones; gruff, husky, overbearing, as he would have done to a servant or to a horse.

"go back to your room," he said. "go back to your room and go to sleep. this is all nonsense."

they were baffled, those two women.

and then i came on the scene.