colonel hayward was in waiting on the platform at edinburgh when the morning express came in from the south. it was a lovely morning. the unconventional freshness, as of a day still in its childhood and doubting nothing, was in the air, even in the grimy precincts of the railway station, where all was black below, yet all fresh above, the sun shining, the air full of that keen sweetness which, even in a july morning, breathes in the air of the north. the platform was already full of people waiting for their friends; and when those friends arrived, and came pouring from all the carriage doors, with the noise combined of a crowd and a train, the colonel was confused by the din and numbers. though he had the habit of command, and could have made his authority felt in a moment had they been soldiers under him, he was pushed out of his way by women and children and railway porters, without power of asserting himself; and therefore it was not till most of the passengers had poured out of the train, that he got to the particular object of his search—a small, very bright-eyed woman, who stood in the door of the carriage she had travelled in, looking out calmly upon the confused scene. she was not grimy, as most of the passengers were, or untidy with the night’s travelling, or hurried and flustered as everybody else was. she stood calmly looking down from the height of the doorway, quite patient and composed. she knew that the colonel would come: she knew that he was not very good at pushing his way: therefore she possessed her soul in patience, making no fuss, showing no anxiety about her box, calm, commanding the situation. ‘ah, here you are,’ she said quietly, as he came up to her, stepping lightly down.
‘have you been waiting long, my dear?’
‘oh no; it didn’t matter. i knew you would come. i have one box, and i know exactly where it is. don’t let us hurry. i don’t suppose there is any hurry.
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’
‘no—perhaps not,—but something very serious, very serious, elizabeth.’
‘i suppose so, or you would not have sent for me. wait till we get out of the noise. i could not hear you, so what would be the use? we are going to a hotel, i suppose?’
‘we are going to bellendean, where i am staying. don’t be surprised.’
‘but i am surprised, henry. to the great house you wrote to me about? full of ladies? you forget——’
‘i—forget? no; i forget nothing—all you have done for me, your kindness, your patience.’
the little lady took him by the arm, with a look of alarm in her face. she had already sighted her box, and in the course of her dialogue with her husband, had managed telegraphically to secure a porter and a cab. evidently she was of the order of women who take care of others, and do not expect to be taken care of. she led him towards the cab, as if a little afraid of his sanity. ‘where is he to drive to? tell him,’ she said, keeping a close hold to the colonel’s arm. she held him fast still, when they were seated together, until they had got clear of the tumult of the railway station. ‘now,’ she said, ‘tell me. it must be something very much out of the ordinary when you talk of my kindness, henry. my kindness!’ in this mrs. hayward resembled old janet matheson. it was an offence to her to be praised in that way.
‘my dear,’ he said, ‘i am more perplexed than i can tell you. you will say i have often been perplexed before, when you saw little cause for it; and this is why i sent for you so suddenly; for if anybody can bring light out of darkness, it is you.’
‘what is it? i am very willing to be sent for, henry; the only difficulty is going to this house, when you know my principle, and how long i have kept out of all invitations and acquaintances.’
‘you that would shine anywhere!’ said the colonel, with the water in his eyes, ‘and all for my sake.’
she looked at him again for a moment with a sort of consternation. ‘there you are making a mistake, my dear—for my own. because i did not choose that there should ever be a remark.’
he put his hand upon her arm with a heavy pressure. ‘elizabeth, i am dreadfully perplexed; but i think, if i am not wrong, that i have come upon the settlement of all that question; of everything—of what has hung over us. i think, my dear, that all is right—that all has been right from the very beginning.
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’ he stopped a little, and then added, drawing a long breath, ‘i never had any doubt of it myself.’
a gleam, half of anger, half of fun, darted up into her bright eyes, and flashed like an arrow of light at him, which the good man did not even see, and which ended, on her part, with a quick laugh, in which there was a little amusement, a little excitement, though not very much expectation. ‘you never had any doubt!’ she said. then she added, with a half sigh of impatience— ‘tell me all about your new discovery, and we’ll pull it to pieces and see if there’s anything in it. have we a long drive before us? is there time to get it all out?’
‘plenty of time; and, oh, the comfort to know that you are here, and to be able to tell you! i will do what you like best, elizabeth. i will tell you all the facts, and then you can judge for yourself. i came to bellendean, you know, nearly a week ago. there has been all sorts of things going on. great dinners, and all the fine people of the county—and then the tenantry. it is a—a tidy estate—a number of tenants—not small farms like what we are used to, but men, you know, whom really i should have taken for country gentlemen—men paying big rents, and able to make speeches—and—and that sort of thing.’
mrs. hayward kept her eyes upon her husband’s face. she was used, it was evident, to long explanations, and expected them, and had learned that patience which comes of necessity. he knew this fact, that she always heard him out, and never interrupted him, as other people did. but what he did not know, was that a thrill of natural impatience, never altogether overcome, was in the veins of the little woman who sat by him, keeping him to the point with her eyes, never interrupting him in any other way. ‘yes,’ she said, when he paused to take breath: but that was all.
‘yes; and then, last of all, there was a supper to the labourers and cottagers. well, no, not exactly last of all, for the last was the children’s entertainment—the school-feast we should have called it, but they don’t say school-feast here—a sort of gathering in the afternoon, you know, with a band and games, and tea in a great tent, and—you know?’
‘yes, i know what a school-feast is.’
‘well!’—he drew a long breath now, and settled himself down in a manner which betokened, as his wife by long experience knew, that he was about coming to the point; but she could scarcely believe it after so short a preamble. ‘the first thing that happened was at the labourers’ supper: we were all walking about, and i for my part said a word now and then, while they were
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cheering norman bellendean—that he was a good fellow, you know, and all that—the sort of thing one would say at an affair of the kind, when you do think well of the fellow, you know, and get into the swim——’
‘yes?’ said mrs. hayward again.
‘well then. i had the very words in my mouth, when at the end of one of the tables, between an old man and an old woman, evidently cottagers, i saw—i declare to you, elizabeth, my heart leapt into my mouth—i was choked, i could not say another syllable. i saw her as clear as i see you.’
‘whom did you see, henry?’
‘joyce!’ he got out the word with difficulty, and, taking out his handkerchief, fanned himself, puffing forth a hot breath of excitement. his bronzed face took a coppery tone in the heat of his reawakened feelings; and this time mrs. hayward did not retain her usual calm. she repeated the cry, ‘joyce!’ with a tone of mingled astonishment and dismay— ‘joyce!—then why in the name of heaven did you bring me here?’
‘stop a minute, stop a minute, elizabeth: you have not heard all; and how is it possible you could understand? i have described her to you often. it was as if i saw her, exactly as i had seen her last—the same looks, the same age.’
‘you must be dreaming,’ cried his wife, almost with anger. ‘if she is living, according to all you have always said, she must be as old as i am——’
sudden indignation seemed to burst from her in these words. she grew red, she grew pale. the impatience, so entirely concealed before, showed now in every finger, in every limb, mingled with angry surprise. ‘if you have sent for me, disturbed me, exposed me, only to tell me this at the end—that you saw her—the same age as you saw her last! i hope she has a good reason to give for all the misery she has caused—but the same age!’ mrs. hayward gasped, and said no more.
‘ah,’ said the colonel, shaking his head, ‘you don’t see, you don’t see! no more did i. i couldn’t say a word—i just stopped and stared—a young lady, clearly a lady, between the two old cottagers—and that look. well! i came to myself, elizabeth, and i thought it is just some chance resemblance, and i left the place: but disturbed—disturbed beyond what words could say. i got little sleep—you know how little sleep i get when i am upset.’
‘i know you think so,’ said his wife, in an undertone.
‘but in the morning i felt calm. i said to myself that it must
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be some chance—— of course there are people who are like each other all over the world. i knew myself, up in the punjaub, a man—but that is neither here nor there. however, next day i was quite easy. i thought nothing more of it. and then there came the school-feast i told you of—well, the thing that was the same as a school-feast, though they didn’t call it a school-feast, you know. i was walking about, thinking of nothing in particular, and of course it was daylight, and everything quite clear—when i saw that girl again.’
‘oh, you call her a girl now!’ mrs. hayward said, with that air of resentment which he did not understand. he paused and looked at her with sudden anxiety.
‘you are not feeling poorly, elizabeth? you are not over-tired? you are not——?’ he could not say angry, it seemed ridiculous; but his attention was roused, and nothing but her health could be the cause, he thought, of her change of tone.
‘go on,’ she said, ‘go on. i am not feeling anything—but a wish to know what you mean.’
there was a difference in her for all that. and if elizabeth was going to fail him, what would become of him? he gave her a serious, anxious, inquiring look. then, in reply to an impatient movement on her part, continued—
‘that’s not all. i went and asked mrs. bellendean who she was—though i had scarcely breath to ask. elizabeth—conceive what i felt when she turned round and called joyce!’
‘joyce!—well i suppose you did not expect she had changed her name?’ she said this sharply; then added, with an evident effort, ‘my dear, i beg your pardon. i don’t wonder you were upset. joyce—and it is a name one never hears. did she—know you?’
‘know me? she had never seen me, nor heard of me—how should she know me? and i was left for a long time in a state i can’t describe—wondering whether it could be a relation—god knows what i didn’t think! everybody knew the girl. she was the schoolmistress, as it turned out, but a lady every inch of her. everybody liked her, consulted her, clustered about her. i heard nothing but joyce, joyce, wherever i turned.’
mrs. hayward’s impatience seemed to have died away. she patted his arm with her small hand, saying, ‘poor henry!’ with a tone of compunction in her pity. she had done him wrong, or else she had done wrong to joyce. to joyce—the very name, though she had heard it so often, was like an arrow quivering in her heart.
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‘elizabeth, all that is as nothing to what i am going to tell you now. i want all your attention. i have waited till you came: i haven’t even tried to think: i have said to myself, elizabeth will know. now you must give your mind to it, and tell me what to do. elizabeth, this is the story i heard. twenty years ago, just the date i’ve often told you—the date i remember so well—you know, my dear, you know——’
‘yes, i know.’
‘well!—just then this girl’s mother came to bellendean—all by herself, going north, it was thought. she was going to have a baby——’ the old colonel here fell a trembling, and his wife took his hands and held them in her own, caressing them—two large brown tremulous hands—between her small white nervous ones. he leant back on her shoulder too, which was not half broad enough to support him. ‘the short and the long is this: she had her baby, and she died. and the baby is joyce—named after her mother; and there are clothes and letters to prove who she was——’
‘my poor henry! god help you, my dear! you have seen them? it was—she?’
‘no—i haven’t seen them. i hadn’t the courage. i could think of nothing but you. you’ll do it for me, elizabeth? you’ll see what you think. i—i couldn’t look up the old things. i—couldn’t—decide—i couldn’t——’
he could do nothing but tremble, it seemed, and falter out these broken words, and lean back upon her, the colour going out of his face. she thought he was about to faint.
‘come, henry, this will never do,’ she said quickly. ‘rouse yourself, my dear fellow—rouse yourself up. we will bear it together, whatever it may be. and it doesn’t seem, so far as i can see, as if there would be anything new to bear.’
‘if it was so. she never told me, elizabeth—that anything like that could happen.’
‘perhaps she did not know. you have always said she was young and inexperienced. oh, poor thing! poor thing!’
he loosed his hands from hers, and suddenly threw his arms round her, enfolding her, with something like a sound of sobbing. ‘if it was fault of mine, god forgive me! god forgive me! but, elizabeth, my dear! it has always been all right between you and me—as i felt sure all along.’
her bright eyes were for a moment dimmed too. she gave him a sudden light kiss upon his old cheek, and then softly detached herself. ‘we will say no more about that just now. if
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all this is as you think, henry, there is something more important even than you and me—the girl.’
‘ah, the girl!’ he spoke vaguely, as if his attention had been distracted from that part of the subject. ‘you will see her,’ he said, ‘the very living image—and then the name—just as she was the last time i ever saw her. elizabeth: you will understand the kind of creature she was—the—the impetuosity—the——’
‘don’t dwell on all that, or you will upset yourself again. see her! of course i shall see her. you don’t seem to realise what a wonderful change for her—and us too. but don’t you think it is you who ought to see her first and tell her—you who are, after all, the chief person——’
‘i!’ he cried with dismay, interrupting her. ‘why the chief person? did i ever set myself up as the chief person? we have gone along with each other, elizabeth, in everything that has been done.’
‘yes, but in the case of—joyce.’ she made a little pause before she said the name. ‘henry, joyce, whether living or dead, must be yours—yours alone. she would have a right to complain if you left her to me.’
he caught her again, with an alarmed look, by her arm. ‘is there anything mine that is not yours too? has there ever been anything of mine that was not yours? don’t go and make a separation just when—just when——’
‘separation! it is likely that i should make a separation,’ she cried, with a laugh in which there was, though he was unconscious of it, a great deal of nervous excitement. then she looked out of the carriage with a little cry of admiration: ‘what is this? have we got to bellendean already? what beautiful trees! i did not know there were such fine trees in the north. and now i must think of meeting mrs. bellendean. isn’t it rather bold of you to bring me here?’
‘not bold at all. the invitation was from her. i did not ask for it. it was she herself—entirely she——’
‘i know what you did,’ said mrs. hayward, with a smile. ‘you said, i wish elizabeth were here. and she heard it, and suggested that you send for me. most likely she was a little amused about elizabeth. i know your way, and what the young fellows say, that you always want elizabeth, whatever happens.’
‘so i do—so i do; though i can’t tell how they know, the jackanapes. here we are at the door.’
‘you must smuggle me upstairs before anybody sees me, for
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i’m very untidy; and i know how fresh they will all look in their morning things,’ cried mrs. hayward, with a shade of disquietude in her eyes.
‘oh yes, you shall be smuggled upstairs,’ cried the colonel, confident in the security of the early hour. and presently the pair found themselves in the cheerful room prepared for the newcomer, with tea set out upon a table. elizabeth took at once the command of the position. she gave him some tea, then dismissed him to an easy chair in his own room, which communicated with hers, where, as he began to doze, he could see her little figure moving about, appearing and disappearing, as she unpacked her things and made herself comfortable. she looked, he thought, as if she had been there all her life. it was a faculty peculiar to her. she made the barest barrack-room look like herself somehow, before she had been half an hour in it. wherever she was, the place began to appear like home directly. he had the immense sense of relief which a man in charge of a difficult post feels on the arrival of his commanding officer who takes over the responsibility, and that delightful loosening of moral tension filled him with pleasant drowsiness. his eyes, half shut, half open, were conscious of her, and that everything was being looked after; and, as a matter of fact, he had not slept well for two or three nights, though elizabeth had scoffed at this. he had a most refreshing doze while she dressed and made herself look as fresh as the morning. as for her having been untidy, even after the night-journey, that was a thing impossible to elizabeth. but he knew that she would come out looking fresher than the day.
she was a little woman of about forty-five, with the complexion of a girl, and eyes that were as blue as an infant’s, but with the quality of brightness which belongs more frequently to a darker hue. not soft and dreamy as blue eyes should be, but keen and clear, dancing with light—eyes which saw behind as well as before, and which nothing could elude. there was no sleep or weariness in them, but there was, visible to her own perception as she looked at herself in the glass, a keener glitter of uneasiness, a little curve of anxiety in the lids. he seemed to think only of this possible revelation of the past—which, no doubt, was important, very important; but of the future, which she saw so distinctly opening upon them, a future entirely new, distracting, for which neither she nor he had any preparation, he seemed to take no thought. that was henry’s way, she said to herself, to be overwhelmed by one view of a question, which had half a dozen other aspects more important, and to make himself quite comfort
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able about it when the first shock was over, without an idea of what the consequences might be: dear old stupid that he was! she, too, glanced at him as she passed and repassed the doorway, with a tenderness in which there was a mixture of amusement and partial irritation and fun and sympathy, all mingled together. his goodness, his strength, his helplessness and confusion of mind, his high courage and authority and judgment, and his complete dependence and docility, were all so evident to those keen eyes of hers, which adored him, laughed at him, smote him with keen shafts of criticism, made haloes of glory about him all at one and the same moment. he had brought her many a ravelled skein to disentangle, but never any so serious as this. joyce dead had been a shadow often discouraging upon her life, but joyce living filled her lively soul with a shrinking of dismay. and of this he did not seem to have a thought.
