"go forth; and if it be o'er stoney way
old joy can lend what newer grief must borrow,
and it was sweet, and that was yesterday.
and sweet is sweet, though purchased with sorrow."
f. thompson.
my father, sir john page wood, was descended from the woods of tiverton, and was the eldest of the three sons of sir matthew wood, baronet, of hatherley house, gloucestershire. he was educated at winchester and at trinity college, cambridge, and after entering into holy orders, before he was twenty-four years of age, was appointed private chaplain and secretary to queen caroline, performing the last offices for her at her death in 1820, and attending her body to its final resting-place in brunswick. he then became chaplain to the duke of sussex, and in 1824 was appointed by the corporation of london to the rectory of st. peter's, cornhill.
in 1820 my father married emma caroline, the youngest of the three daughters of admiral michell (and my father's uncle, benjamin wood, m.p. for southwark at the time, married the second daughter, maria, the "aunt ben" of this book). she was eighteen. my father was still at cambridge. the improvident young pair found it difficult to live on the small allowance that was {2} considered sufficient for my father at college. they appear to have been very happy notwithstanding their difficulties, which were augmented a year later by the birth of a son; and while my father became "coach" to young men of slower wit, my mother, who was extremely talented with her brush, cheerfully turned her beautiful miniature painting to account for the benefit of her young husband and son. she soon became an exhibitor of larger works in london, and the brothers finden engraved several of her pictures.
she and my father seem to have idolized their first child, "little john," and his early death, at about four years old, was their first real sorrow. the boy was too precocious, and when he was three years old his proud young parents were writing "he can read well now, and is getting on splendidly with his latin!"
constable, the artist, was a friend of my mother's, who thought highly of her work, and gave her much encouragement, and the young people seem to have had no lack of friends in the world of art and letters. of my mother, charles sheridan said he "delighted in her sparkling sallies," and the young edwin landseer was "mothered" by her to his "exceeding comfort."
my mother was appointed bedchamber woman to queen caroline, and became very fond of her. the consort of george iv. appears to have taken the greatest interest in "little john," and i had until a short time ago—when it was stolen—a little workbox containing a half-finished sock the queen was knitting for the little boy when her fatal illness began.
my parents then lived in london for some years while my father did duty at st. peter's. in 1832 my father became vicar of cressing, in essex, and he took my {3} mother and their (i think three) children there, leaving a curate in charge of st. peter's. thirteen children in all were born to my parents (of whom i was the thirteenth), and of my brothers and sisters there were seven living at the time of my birth.
there was little room for all these young people in the vicarage at cressing, and it was so extremely damp as to be unhealthy; so my parents moved to glazenwood, a charming house with the most beautiful gardens i have ever seen in a place of moderate size. i think my brother fred died here; but my first memories are of rivenhall, where my parents moved soon after my birth. rivenhall place belonged to a friend of my father's, sir thomas sutton weston, of felix hall. the beautiful old place was a paradise for growing children, and the space and beauty of this home of my youth left me with a sad distaste for the little houses of many conveniences that it has been my lot to inhabit for the greater part of my life.
in politics my father was a thoroughgoing whig, and as he was an able and fluent speaker, and absolutely fearless in his utterances, he became a great influence in the county during election times. i remember, when he was to speak at a political meeting, how he laughed as he tied me up in enormous orange ribbons and made me drive him there, and how immensely proud of him i was (though, of course, i could not understand a word of it all) as he spoke so persuasively that howls and ribald cries turned to cheers for "sir john's man."
when he went to london to "take duty" at st. peter's cornhill, he and i used to stay at the green dragon, bishopsgate street. there was a beautiful old courtyard to this hotel with a balcony, overhung with creepers, {4} running all round the upper rooms. i loved this place, and when i was too young to care much for the long service and sermons, i was quite content that my father should tuck me up safely in bed before going to evensong at st. peter's.
sometimes i was not well enough to go to london with him, and on these occasions comforted myself as much as possible with a compensating interest in the habits of the rev. thomas grosse, who took my father's place at cressing. he was very good and kind to me, and in the summer evenings, when he knew i was missing my father, he would take me out to look for glow-worms, and show me the stars, teaching me the names of the planets. years afterwards the knowledge i thus gained became a great happiness to me, as i taught mr. parnell all i knew of astronomy, and opened up to him a new world of absorbing interest.
friends of my brother evelyn frequently stayed at rivenhall, and one of them, a colonel of light dragoons, was engaged to one of my elder sisters. this gentleman appealed to my youthful mind as being all that a hero should be, and i used to stick a red fez on my golden curls and gallop my pony past the dining-room windows so that he might see and admire the intrepid maiden, as the prince in my fairy book did!
i loved the winter evenings at rivenhall when my brothers were not at home. my father used to sit by the fire reading his times, with his great white cat on his knee, while i made his tea and hot buttered toast, and my mother and sister anna read or sketched. i used to write the plots of tragic little stories which my "pip"[1] used to read and call "blood-stained bandits," owing to the {5} violent action and the disregard of convention shown by all the characters concerned.
however, these childish efforts of mine led to greater results, as one evening my mother and sister laughingly offered to buy my "plot" in order to "write it up" into a novel. i was, of course, very proud to sell my idea, and thenceforth both my mother and sister wrote many successful novels, published by chapman and hall—and, i believe, at prices that are rarely realized by present-day novelists.
i was thus the unwitting means of greatly relieving my parents' anxiety of how to meet, with their not very large income, the heavy expense of educating and maintaining my brothers, and the responsibilities of their position.
my brothers loved to tease me, and, as i was so much younger than they, i never understood if they were really serious or only laughing at me. evelyn was specially adroit in bewildering me, and used to curb my rebellion, when i was reluctant to fetch and carry for him, by drawing a harrowing picture of my remorse should he be killed "in the next war." the horror of this thought kept me a ready slave for years, till one day, in a gust of temper, i burst out with: "i shan't be sorry at all when you're killed in a war cos' i didn't find your silly things, and i wish you'd go away and be a dead hero now, so there!" i remember the horrified pause of my mother and sister and then the howl of laughter and applause from evelyn and charlie. evelyn was very good to me after this, and considered, more, that even little girls have their feelings.
as a matter of fact, my mother was so entirely wrapped up in evelyn that i think i was jealous, even though i {6} had my father so much to myself. my mother was most affectionate to all her children, but evelyn was her idol, and from the time when, as a mere lad, he was wounded in the crimean war, to the day of her death, he was first in all her thoughts.
of my brothers and sisters i really knew only four at all well. clarissa had died at seventeen, and fred when i was very young; frank was away with his regiment, my sister pollie was married and away in india before i was born, and my sister emma married sir thomas barrett-lennard while i was still very young. she was always very kind to me, and i used to love going to visit her at her house in brighton. visiting sir thomas barrett-lennard's country seat, belhus, i did not like so much, because, though belhus is very beautiful, i loved rivenhall better.
my mother was a fine musician, and as i grew older, i began to long to play as she did. there was a beautiful grand piano in the drawing-room, and i used to try to pick out tunes upon it. my mother had spent much money on her eldest daughter's—maria's (pollie)—musical education. at the end of this pollie said she detested it, and would never play a note again if she could help it. when i asked that i might be taught to play my mother said, "no. there is the piano; go and play it if you really want to learn." in time i could play very well by ear, and began to compose a little and seek for wider knowledge. my love of music led me to try composition, and i used to set to music any verses that took my fancy. among these i was much pleased with longfellow's "weariness," and was so encouraged by my mother's praise of the setting that i sent the poet a copy. i was a very happy girl when he wrote to thank me, {7} saying that mine was the best setting of his poem he had ever heard.
armed with the manuscript of this music and some others, the next time i went to london with my father i went to boosey's, the musical publishers, and asked their representative to publish them.
"quite impossible, my dear young lady," he answered at once. "we never take beginners' work!" i plaintively remarked that even mozart was a "beginner" once, and could not understand why he laughed. still, with a smile, he consented to look at the manuscript, and to my joy he ceased to laugh at me and tried some of it over, finally agreeing, much to my joy, to publish "weariness" and a couple of other songs.
i remember my father's pleasure and the merry twinkle in his eye as he gravely assented to my suggestion that we were a very gifted family!
while my brother frank (who was in the 17th foot) was stationed at aldershot he invited my sister anna and myself down to see a review. he was married, and we stayed with him and his wife and children in the married officers' quarters, which appeared to us to be very gay and amusing.
i greatly enjoyed seeing the cavalry, with all the officers and men in full dress.
many of the officers came over to call after the review, and among them was willie o'shea, who was then a cornet in the 18th hussars. there was a small drama acted by the officers in the evening which my brother's wife took us to see, and there were many of the 18th hussars, who paid us much attention, though, personally, i found the elderly and hawk-eyed colonel of the regiment far more interesting than the younger men.
