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Chapter 5

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the incident made headlines in the local papers.

the next day other local papers in widely scattered locations reported similar incidents.

the following day, cans began falling on chicago. st. louis was next, and then over the entire nation the cans began to rain down. they fell outdoors and indoors, usually materializing at heights that were not dangerous. the deluge followed no pattern. sometimes it would slacken, sometimes it would stop, sometimes begin heavily again. it fell in homes, on the streets, in theatres, trains, ships, universities and dog-food factories. no place was immune.

people took to wearing hats indoors and out, and the sale of helmets boomed.

all activity was seriously curtailed.

a state of national emergency was declared.

government investigators went to work and soon confirmed what was generally suspected: these were the same cans that had been opened by the piltdon super-opener.

statisticians and mathematicians calculated the mean rate of can precipitation and estimated that if all the cans opened by piltdon openers were to come back, the deluge should be over in fifteen point twenty-nine days.

super-opener sales of course immediately plummeted to zero and stayed there. anti-piltdon editorials appeared in the papers. commentators accused piltdon of deliberately hoaxing the public for his own gain. a congressional investigation was demanded. piltdon received threats of bodily injury. lawsuits were filed against him. he barricaded himself in the plant, surrounded by bodyguards.

livid with fury and apprehension, he screamed at feetch, "this is your doing, you vandal! i'm a ruined man!" a falling can caught him neatly on the tip of his nose.

"but sir," trembled feetch, dodging three spaghetti cans, "i tried to warn you."

"you're through, feetch!" raved piltdon. "fired! get out! but before you go, i want you to know that i've directed the blame where it belongs. i've just released to the press the truth about who created the super-opener. now, get out!"

"yes, sir," said feetch paling. "then you don't want to hear about my discovery of a way to prevent the cans from coming back?"

klunk! a barrage of cans hit the floor, and both men took refuge under piltdon's huge desk. "no!" yelled piltdon at feetch's face which was inches away. "no, i——what did you say?"

"a small design improvement sir, and the cans would disappear forever."

klunk!

"forever, feetch?"

"yes sir." klunk! klunk!

"you're positive, feetch?" piltdon's eyes glared into feetch's.

"sir, i never make careless claims."

"that's true," said piltdon. his eyes grew dreamy. "it can be done," he mused. "the new type super-opener. free exchanges for the old. cash guarantee that empty cans will never bother you. take a licking at first, but then monopolize the market. all right, feetch, i'll give you another chance. you'll turn over all the details to me. the patent on the improvement will naturally be mine. i'll get the credit for rectifying your blunder. fine, fine. we'll work it out. hop on production, at once, feetch."

feetch felt himself sag inwardly. "mr. piltdon," he said. "i'm asking only one favor. let me work full time on research and development, especially on the piltdon effect. hire a couple of extra men to help with production. i assure you the company will benefit in the end."

"damn it, no!" roared piltdon. "how many times must i tell you? you got your job back, didn't you?"

the prospect of long years of heavy production schedules, restricted engineering and tight supervision suddenly made kalvin feetch feel very tired. research, he thought. development. what he had always wanted. over the years he had waited, thinking that there would be opportunities later. but now he was growing older, and he felt that there might not be a later. somehow he would manage to get along. perhaps someone would give him a job working in the new field he had pioneered. with a sense of relief he realized that he had made his decision.

"mr. piltdon," feetch said. "i—" klunk!—"resign."

piltdon started, extreme astonishment crossing his face.

"no use," said feetch. "nothing you can say—" klunk! klunk! klunk!—"will make any difference now."

"but see here, the new type super-opener...!"

"will remain my secret. good day."

"feetch!" howled piltdon. "i order you to remain!"

feetch almost submitted from force of habit. he hesitated for a moment, then turned abruptly.

"good-day," said feetch firmly, sprinting through the falling cans to the door.

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