if it were possible to linger over the story of margaret hungerford's life--if other and later interests did not peremptorily claim attention--how much might be said concerning it? on the surface, it had many features in common with other lives; and the destruction of a fancy, the awaking to a truth, terrible and not to be eluded, is the least rare of mental processes. but the individual history of every mind, of every heart, has features unlike those of all others--features worthy, in even the humblest and simplest lives, of close scanning and of faithful reproduction. margaret hungerford was not an ordinary person; she had strongly-pronounced intellectual and moral characteristics, and her capacity, whether for good or evil time and her destiny alone could tell, was great.
the very intensity of her nature, which had made it easy for her to be deceived, easy for her to build a fair fabric of hope and love on no sounder foundation than her fancy, made it inevitable that the truth should come with terrible force to her, and be understood in its fullest extent and in its darkest meaning--that most full of terror and despair.
the external circumstances of her life subsequent to her marriage did not affect margaret hungerford so much as might have been anticipated, in consideration of her delicate nurture, her previous life of seclusion, and her habitual refinement. she was destined to encounter many vicissitudes, to endure poverty, hardship, uncertainty, solitude of the absolute kind, and of that kind which is still more unbearable--enforced companionship with the mean and base, not in position merely, but in soul.
she had to endure many actual privations--to do many things, to witness many scenes which, if they had been unfolded to her in the home of her girlhood, uncongenial as it had been, as probabilities lurking in the plan of the fixture, she would have merely regarded with unalarmed incredulity, would have put aside as things which never could have any existence.
but these things, when they came, she bore well--bore them with strength and patience, with quiet resolution and almost indifference, which, had there been any one to contemplate the girl's life, and study her character at that time, would have revealed the truth that worse things than privation and hardship had come to her, and had rendered them indifferent to her.
worse things had come. knowledge and experience, which had outraged her pride and tortured her love, crushed her faith, scattered her hopes, and left her life a desert waste, whence the flowers of youth and trust had been uprooted, and which lay bare to be trampled under foot of invading foes.
margaret's delusion had lasted so short a time after her marriage that the first feeling her discovery of the utter worthlessness of the man into whose hands she had committed her fate produced in her mind was dread and distrust of herself.
was this fading away of love, this dying out of all respect, of all enthusiasm, this dreary hopelessness and fast coming disbelief in good, was all this inconstancy on her part? was she false to her own feelings, or had she mistaken them? was she light and fickle, as men were said to be?
but this dread soon subsided: it could not long disturb margaret's clear good sense. the fault was not hers; she was not inconstant, though she no longer loved godfrey hungerford. the truth was, she had never known him; there was no such person as her fancy had created and called by his name.
she had believed herself to be doing a fine heroic thing when she married a disgraced man, a man unjustly judged of his fellows, one against whom the world had set itself--why, she did not quite know, but probably from envy--and who therefore needed her love and fidelity more than a prosperous man could need them. it was a foolish, girlish, not unnatural delusive notion of grandeur and self-sacrifice, and, added to the fascination exerted over her by godfrey hungerford's good looks and artistic love-making, it had hurried margaret to her doom.
the girl married, as she believed, a hero, with a few follies perhaps, all to be forsworn and forsaken when she should be his, to guide and inspire every moment of his life, and whose unjust penalties her love was to render harmless. what did she not believe him to be! brave, true, generous, devoted, clever, energetic, unworldly, poetical, high-minded, and pure--the ideal man who was to disprove those horrid sayings of disappointed persons, that the lover and the husband are very different beings, and that "man's love is of man's life a thing apart."
they would prove it to be their "whole existence." could any sacrifice be too great to make for such a prize as this? no. the sacrifice was made by him. who would not have loved and married godfrey hungerford? she did not believe that any one could be so bad as to believe the accusation brought against him by a low mean clique, a set of men who could not bear to know that he was cleverer at card-playing than they were--just as he was cleverer at anything else--and who did not know how to lose their money like gentlemen. of course, as he never could be secured against meeting persons of the sort, it was much better that godfrey should make up his mind, as he had done, never to touch a card after their marriage.
and then how great was his love for her! how delightful was the scheme of the future, according to his casting of it! so margaret dreamed her dream, and when the waking came she blamed herself that she could dream it no longer, and could not be lulled to sleep again.
godfrey hungerford has no place in this story, and there is no need to enter into details of the life he led, and condemned his wife to. he proved the exact reverse of all she had believed him. base, mean, cowardly, in the sense of the cowardice which makes a man systematically cruel to every creature, human and brute, within his power, though ready to face danger for bravado's, and exertion for boasting's sake, or either for that of money--a liar, a gambler, and a profligate.
he laughed at her credulity when she quoted his promises to her, and ridiculed her amazement and disgust as ignorance of life, girlish folly, and squeamishness. in a fitful, "worthless" sort of way, he liked and admired her to the end; but the truthfulness that was in her prevented margaret from taking advantage of this contemptible remnant of feeling to obtain easier terms of life. she had ceased to love him, and she never disguised the fact--she let him see it; when he questioned her, in a moment of maudlin sentiment, she told him so quite plainly; and her tyrant made the truthfulness which could not stoop to simulation a fresh cause of complaint against her.
what margaret suffered, no words, not even her own, could tell; but the material troubles, the grinding anxieties of her life, deadened her sense of grief after a time. they were always poor. money melted in the hands of her worthless, selfish husband. sometimes he made a little, in some of the numerous ways in which money was to be made in colonial life, sometimes he was quite unemployed. he was always dissolute and a spendthrift.
it was hard training for margaret, severe teaching, and not more full of actual pain, privation, and toil than of bitter humiliation. they moved about from place to place, for at each godfrey hungerford became known and shunned.
villany and vice were loud and rampant indeed in the new world then, as now; but he was not so clever as the superior villains, and not so low, not so irretrievably ruffianly, as the inferior ruffians, and it fell out, somehow, that he did not find any permanent place, or take any specific rank, among them. of necessity, suffering, both moral and material, was his wife's lot, and it was wonderful that such suffering did not degrade, that it only hardened her. it certainly did harden her, making her cold, indifferent, and difficult to be touched by, or convinced of, good, or truth, or honesty.
of necessity, also, her life had been devoid of companionship. too proud to tell her sorrows, and unable to endure the associations into which her husband's evil life would have led her had she been driven by loneliness to relax in her resolute isolation, she had neither sympathy nor pity in her wretchedness. but at length, and when things were going very hard and ill with her, she found a friend.
time, suffering, and disenchantment had taught margaret hungerford many hard and heavy, but salutary, lessons, before the days came which brought her fate this alleviation; and she did not regret it, because it had been procured for her by the care and solicitude of james dugdale.
her love had died--more than died; for there is reverence and pious grief, with sweetness in its agony, and cherished recollections, to modify death and make it merciful--it had perished. so had her dislike of james dugdale. he had been right, and she had been wrong; and though he could never be her friend, because she never could admit to him the one fact or the other, she thought gently and regretfully of him, when she thought of her old home and of the past at all, which was not often, for the present absorbed her usually in its misery and its toil.
when, in the course of their wanderings, the hungerfords went to the then infant town, now the prosperous city, of melbourne, margaret sent home one of her infrequent letters to her father. thus james dugdale learned that the woman whose fate he had so unerringly foreseen--the woman he loved with calm, disinterested, clear-sighted affection--was at length within reach of his influence, of his indirect help.
an old friend, schoolfellow, and college chum--one hayes meredith, a younger man than james dugdale by a few years--had been among the first of those tempted from the life of monotonous toil in england by the vast and exciting prospects which the young colony offered to energy, industry, ability, and courage.
hayes meredith possessed all these, and some capital too. he had settled at port phillip, and was a thriving and respected member of the motley community when godfrey and margaret hungerford arrived to swell the tide of adventure and misery. to him james dugdale wrote, on behalf of the woman whose need he divined, whose unhappiness he felt, with the instinct of sympathy.
hayes meredith responded nobly to his old friend's appeal. he befriended margaret steadily, with and without her husband's knowledge; he won her affection, conquered her reserve, softened her pride, and, though her fate was beyond amelioration by human aid, he succeeded in making her actual, everyday life more endurable.
when margaret was sought out by hayes meredith, release was drawing near, release from the tremendous evil of her marriage. godfrey hungerford, by this time utterly incapable of any steady pursuit, and seized with one of the reckless, restless fits which were becoming more and more frequent with him, joined a party of explorers bound for the unknown interior of the continent, and, regardless of margaret's fears and necessities, left her alone in the town.
for months she heard nothing of him, or the fate of the expedition; months during which she was kept from destitution only by hayes meredith's generous and unfailing aid.
at length news came; a few stragglers from the party of explorers returned. godfrey hungerford was not among them; and the remnant related that he had been murdered, with two others, by a tribe of aborigines.
hayes meredith told margaret the truth; he sustained and comforted her in the early days of her horror and grief; he counselled her return to england, and provided money for her voyage. he secured her cabin and the services of rose moore. it was he who bade her farewell upon the deck of the boomerang--he of whom she thought as her only friend.
margaret had little power of feeling, love, or gratitude in her now, as she believed, and that little was exerted for the alert, kindly-voiced, gray-haired, keen-eyed man who left her with a heavy heart, and said to himself, as the boat shot away from the ship's side, "poor girl! she has had hard lines of it hitherto. i wonder what is before her in england!"
