permit me, and i will quite briefly relate

the sad story of algernon croker.

take warning, good friends, and beware of the fate

of this asinine practical joker,

who early in life caused the keenest distress

to his uncle, sir barnaby tatton,

by affixing a pin in the form of an s

to the chair which sir barnaby sat on.

his uncle had often been heard to declare

that to make him his heir he was willing;

but the point of this joke made sir barnaby swear

that he'd cut the boy off with a shilling.

their anger his parents took means to express,

tho' i may not, of course, be exact on

the particular spot—though you'll probably guess—

that young croker was properly whacked on.

his pranks, when they presently sent him to school,

resulted in endless disasters,

and final expulsion for playing the fool

(he made "apple-pie" beds for the masters).

nor was he more fortunate later in life,

when courting a lady at woking;

for he failed to secure this sweet girl for his wife

on account of his practical joking.

to her father—a person of eighteen-stone-two,

in a round-about coat and a topper—

he offered a seat; then the chair he withdrew,

and, of course, the old chap came a cropper.

such conduct, the father exceedingly hurt,

and he wouldn't consent to the marriage;

so the daughter she married a person named birt,

and she rides to this day in her carriage.

but these are mere trifles compared with the fate

which o'ertook him, and which i'm recalling,

when he ventured to joke with an old potentate,

with results which were simply appalling.

'twas in some foreign country, far over the sea,

where he held a small post ministerial

(an ambassador, consul, or something was he.

what exactly is quite immaterial).

he told the old potentate, much to his joy,

that king edward had sent him a present,

and handed a parcel up to the old boy,

with a smile which was childlike and pleasant.

the potentate he, at the deuce of a pace,

at the string set to fumbling and maulin';

then croker laughed madly to see his blank face—

for the package had nothing at all in.

the potentate smiled—'twas a sad, sickly smile;

and he laughed—but the laughter was hollow.

"ha! a capital joke. it doth greatly beguile;

but," said he, "there is something to follow.

i, too, wish to play a small joke of my own,

at the which i'm remarkably clever."

then,—a man standing by, at a nod from the throne,

croker's head from his body did sever.