“i be one of they sailors who think 'tis no lie
that for every wherefore there should be a why,
that by fortune's strange weather a calm or a squall,
our births, good or bad are chalk'd out for us all:
that the stays and the braces of life will be found
to be some of 'em rotten, and some of 'em sound.
thus the good we should cherish, the bad never seek,
for death will too soon bring each anchor apeak.”
it was half past eleven o'clock before our friends approaching the breakfast parlour, had an opportunity of congratulating each other on the amusements of the previous evening, when the hon. tom dashall ever upon the active look-out for the most pleasureable amusements to occupy the mind and attention of his cousin, observing it was a very tine morning, proposed a ride to greenwich, and with this object in view all being prepared, it was not long before they were seated in the curricle.
“greenwich,” said tom, “is not a very long journey, nor do i know, speaking of the town itself, independent of its surrounding attractions, particularly to be admired, though it is a neat town, about five miles from london bridge, in the county of kent, with a market on wednesdays and saturdays. it is however, famous for an hospital for decayed seamen, the brave defenders of their native soil, who have fought and bled for their king and country; thought to be the finest structure of the kind in the world, and for an observatory built by charles ii. on the summit of a hill, called flamstead hill, from the great astronomer of that name, who was here the first astronomer royal: and we compute the longitude from the meridian of this place. it is also a place of great resort at holiday time, for being so near london. the lads and lasses move off in groups to greenwich fair, and the amusements at those times are of so varying a kind as almost to defy description.
“the hills and dales are lined
with pretty girls all round.”
[156]and there are but few who have had an opportunity, but have occasionally enjoyed a roll down this hill. the roads leading to the sporting spot are to be seen clogged with coaches, carts, and waggons, decorated with laurel, and filled with company, singing their way down or up to participate in the frolics of greenwich fair. it is however, much more celebrated for its once having been a royal palace, in which edward vi. died, and queen mary and queen elizabeth were born. on a part of the site of it, now stands the house belonging to the ranger of the park at greenwich, also a college called the duke of norfolk's college, for the maintenance of 20 decayed housekeepers, and another called queen elizabeth's, as well as a royal naval asylum for the orphans of sailors and marines; and although we are going down when there is no fair to attract multitudes to the spot, i can still promise you more solid entertainment in a review of these truly splendid and useful national establishments, besides which, the town affords plenty of good accommodation for refreshment and comfort.”
by this time they had passed westminster bridge on their road. bob thanked his cousin for the information he had imparted, but as the objects and subjects directly under his eye generally engrossed his immediate attention, he could not resist the impulse of the moment, as they turned the corner of the asylum wall, to remark that he had witnessed in many instances before, a practice which appeared in and about london, of chalking the walls, and perceiving in large letters “dr. eady 32 dean street soho,” enquired what was meant by it.
“that,” replied his cousin, “is one of the most ingenious modes of advertising, hit upon in the metropolis, and the doctor at all events deserves credit for the industry and perseverance he has manifested in making his name known. it is not altogether new, for it has been successfully practiced in popular elections. men are sent out at night to chalk the names of candidates on walls and other places, to keep their interest alive; but in all probability no one has ever before carried the system to so great a length as this doctor eady, for it is scarcely possible to travel ten miles round the metropolis without meeting with his name, which naturally excites enquiry into the object and pretensions of the chalked up hero. you will also find in many cases that the proprietor of the bonassus has [157]lately adopted the same system. it is a species of puffing which can hardly fail of producing notoriety, and i have before observed, it matters but little to the parties themselves by what means this is produced save and except the avoidance of expence.”
“it is a curious scheme however,” replied bob, “and i have two or three times before intended to enquire its meaning.”
“there are numerous instances,” returned tom, “in which the eccentricities of an individual have blown him into notice, and puff'd fortune into his pocket. packwood of gracechurch street, had many whims and fancies, and acted upon the idea, that when a man's name is once up, he may go to bed, or take a nod elsewhere. by making razor strops and a certain paste for sharpening razors, he pasted his name on public credulity, and pocketed the proceeds. his advertisements were frequently laughable, and he caught his customers in their risible moments, wisely taking care never to laugh himself, 'till he had realized the possibles. i remember in the year 1807, he published a book, price “two good tower shillings,” containing his advertisements, entitled “packwood's whim, packwoodiana, or the goldfinches nest, or the way to get money and be happy.” and to make the publication worth the money, and that there might be no grumbling, an half crown was according to the title-page, placed between the leaves.”
“that was no laughing matter, however,” said bob, “he could not have got rich by such means.”
“you must not trust the title-pages of books,” replied tom, “no more than the advertisements of quacks, or the looks of persons. the half crown was not visible, or at least not tangible. it proved to be an anecdote related in the work. he however managed to circulate many copies, and it is generally understood, gained considerable money by his pursuits. he has left the benefit of his invention to his daughter, who now lives in bride lane, fleet street. but a more prominent character of recent times was the late celebrated martin van butchell, whose name and fame are well known to newspaper readers, and whose personal appearance at all times, excited in london the attention of the spectators. he was rather a tall man with a very long beard, and used to ride a short pony sometimes, spotted all over with a variety of colours.”
[158] “he must have cut a curious figure,” said bob, “certainly, but what building have we here?”
“that,” replied his communicative cousin, “is the new bethlem for the care and cure of lunatics. bethlem was formerly situated on the south side of moorfields, but as that building was hastening to decay, this elegant receptacle for its inmates has been prepared. it is not a little curious to remark, that it now occupies a part of that ground which was formerly devoted to mirth and revelry, the dog and duck tea gardens, the scene of many a frolic. the structure was designed by mr. lewis, and executed at an expence of ￡95,000. it is 580 feet in length, and capable of receiving in this front 200 patients. another line of building extending to the south, is designed to admit an equal number, as well as 60 lunatics, the charge of which latter department, exclusively belongs to government. the ground around it, occupying twelve acres, is devoted to the exercise of the patients.”
they were now dashing along the road towards the elephant and castle, when bob was attracted by the appearance of the philanthropic chapel and school, which his cousin dismissed in a few words, by observing it was the school of reform, which he had alluded to, when last in the vicinity of blackfriars, and which deserved more attention than he could just then give it. so touching up the tits in prime twig, they pushed on to the originally proposed place of destination.
having arrived at greenwich, and partaken of some refreshment, our heroes proceeded immediately to the hospital; the magnificent appearance of which had an evident effect upon tallyho, as he gazed upon its exterior, and some of its venerable inhabitants taking their peaceable walks before it, while others were seated on accommodating benches, viewing the vessels passing up and down the river.
“why,” said bob, “this hospital is more like a palace.”
“it is,” replied tom, “a noble monument of national gratitude to its defenders, who deserve to be protected and assisted when disabled for service. here the lame, the wounded, and the aged, are enabled to spin out the thread of a useful existence, in comfortable retirement. it was founded by william and mary for invalid seamen, and many an old commodore and gallant hardy tar is [159] preserved in this establishment, after being doused from his pins, to puff old sorrow away and sing,
“yet still i am enabled
to bring up in life's rear,
although i'm quite disabled
and lie in greenwich tier.
the king, god bless his majesty,
who sav'd me from the main,
i'll praise with love and loyalty,
but ne'er to sea again.”
“you perceive,” continued he, “that the costume of the place is a suit of blue, with proper distinctions of rank and station allotted to each.”
“but,” inquired bob, “some of them appear to have their coats turned inside out; is that according to choice?”—“not so,” replied tosi, “that is a mark of disgrace, by way of punishment, for some errors or improprieties of which they have been guilty; and there are some, in spite of misfortune, who cannot forget former times, and occasionally verify the words of the song—
“so in misfortune's school grown tough,
in this same sort of knowledge,
thinking mayhap i'd had enough,
they sent me here to college.
and here we tell old tales and smoke,
and laugh while we are drinking;
sailors, you know, will have their joke,
e'en though the ship were sinking.
for i while i get grog to drink
my wife, or friend, or king in,
?twill be no easy thing, i think,
d—— me to spoil my singing.”
and although used to severe discipline on board a ship, they do sometimes forget what they are subject to here, and “slip the cable upon an ocean of grog,” grow dizzy over the binnacle, unship the rudder, lose their calculations, and stand too far out to sea to reach the intended port; but more of this presently. you perceive this magnificent structure consists of four grand buildings, completely separated from each other; yet forming a very entire and most beautiful plan—especially viewed from the river, which runs in the front of it. here the comforts and [160] conveniences of the hardy veterans, who have faced the enemies of their country in many fearful encounters, are studied, when they can no longer give the word of command, or answer it in such active services. the four different buildings you now see, contain accommodations for bed and board for about 2600 persons of different ranks and stations; and you may perceive by those you have before you, that the ranks they have formerly held in his majesty's employ are still visible in their outward habiliments.”
they were now in the centre of the building, approaching the edge of the thames, on whose bosom were seen sundry small vessels, gliding in majestic pride; and perceiving a seat capable of holding four or five persons, in the corner of which sat an old weather-beaten tar, in a gold-laced hat and coat, with a wooden leg, who was watching with apparent delight one of the larger vessels, with all her sails set to catch the breeze; they took a seat alongside of him.
“come,” said the hon. tom dashall, “we may here at ?ase survey the exertions of such as still retain the power, and contemplate the comforts of those who no longer have powers to exert.” the pensioner remained in mute attention to the moving scene on the river, occasionally smiling and squirting from his jaws the accumulating essence of his quid, seeming at the same time to enjoy in retrospection scenes similar to what he had formerly been engaged in, but without bestowing one look on our heroes. “there is a fine fresh breeze down the river,” continued tom, addressing the wooden legged warrior; and then a pause ensued—but no reply.
“it is a beautiful situation for retirement in old age,” said bob. “i should think, sir,” said he, “that you must be very comfortable under this protecting roof,” determined, if possible, to elicit something from the hardy old pensioner, approaching a little closer to him, and at the same time to take his attention, respectfully moving his hat.
tins address, however, was received with nearly the same effect as the previous observations, except that the veteran moved his hat in return. “he is a churlish old blade,” said tom; thinking by this remark to rouse and animate the blood of their taciturn companion.—“there seems to be no intelligence in him. pray, sir,” continued he, “may i be so bold as to inquire, laying his hand upon [161] his knee, what is the name of that vessel on which you appear to bestow so many anxious looks?”
roused by the touch, he darted a hasty look at tom, and then at bob, started hastily from his seat, held up his stick, as they supposed, in a menacing attitude, then shouldering it, he marched, or rather hobbled, on his wooden pin some paces from them, and, with an air of commanding authority, returned in front of them, took off his hat, and began to describe two lines on the gravel, but which was to them perfectly unintelligible.
however, in a few minutes, the arrival of a younger pensioner, with one arm and a wooden stump, in breathless haste, informed them that the old gentleman was deaf and dumb.
“god bless you, my worthy masters,” said the interpreter, who first paid his respects to the old commodore, “you have started my revered commander on his high ropes; he is as deaf as the top-lights, and as dumb as a stantion: two and twenty years ago, your honors, he and i were both capsized together on board; the shot that took off his leg splintered my arm, and the doctor kindly took it off for me afterwards.”
“that was a lamentable day for you,” said tom. “why aye, for the matter of that there, d'ye see, it disabled us from sarvice, but then we both of us had some consolation, for we have never been separated since: besides, we were better off than poor wattie the cook, who had his head taken off by a chain-shot, and was made food for sharks, while we are enabled to stump about the world with the use of our remaining limbs, and that there's a comfort, you know.”
during this introductory conversation, the old commodore was intent upon the work he had began, which, upon inquiry, was a sort of practical description of the situation in which the ships were placed at the period when he lost his limb. “he is now pouring in a broadside, and in imagination enjoying a part of his life over again. it is a sorry sight, my worthy sirs, and yet upon the whole it is a cheerful one, to see an old man live his time over again; now he is physicing them with
grape-shot—bang—bang—like hail—my eyes how she took it—go it again, my boys, said the old commodore—ditto repeated, as the doctor used to say. d——m the doctor; the words were scarcely out of his mouth, when down he [162] went; and as i stood alongside him, ready to attend to his orders, i was very near being sent down the hatchway stairs without assistance; for the same shot that doused my old master, carried away my arm just here.—” d——me,” said the old man, to his brave crew, as they carried us down to the cockpit—“i shall never forget it as long as i live—that was a pepperer—once more, my boys, and the day's your own.—my eyes, he had hardly said the words, before—bang, bang, went our bull dogs—and sure enough it was all over. they cried piccavi, and went to the doctor; but after that i know no more about the matter—we were a long while before we got the better of our wounds; and as for him, he has never spoken since—and as to hearing, i believe he never wished to hear any more, than that the enemies of his country had got a good drubbing.”
by this time the old gentleman having gone through his manouvres, with perhaps as much accuracy as my uncle toby did the siege of dendermond—having blown up the enemy with a flourish of his stick, made a profound bow, and hobbled away.—“thank you, my friend,” said the hon. tom dashall, “for your information; we should never have understood him without your assistance, for which accept of this, and our best wishes—giving him a couple of half-crowns, with which, after thanking the donors, he made the best of his way in search of the old commodore, who put our heroes forcibly in mind of the following lines:
“what a d——d bad time for a seaman to sculk,
under gingerbread hatches on shore;
what a d——d hard job that this battered old hulk,
can't be rigg'd out for sea once more.”
“thus you see,” said dashall, “how our habits become rooted in us: the old commodore, though unable to give the word of command, or to hear the thunder of the cannon, still lives in the midst of the battle, becomes warmed and animated by the imaginary heat of the engagement, and
“thrice he routed all his foes,
and thrice he slew the slain.”
“but come, we will now proceed to a view of the chapel, the painted hall, and the other curiosities of the [163] interior; which done, we will take our refreshment at the crown, and pursue our way home.”
they now took another cursory survey of this magnificent pile of buildings, the grandeur and effect of which is scarcely to be imagined; the beauty and variety being heightened by the grand square, and the area beyond terminating with a view of the observatory, which stands on a hill in greenwich park.
tallyho was next delighted with a view of the chapel, which is 111 feet long, and 52 broad, and capable of conveniently accommodating 1000 pensioners, nurses, and boys, exclusive of pews for the directors, the several officers of the establishment, &c—the altar-piece, painted by west, representing the escape of st. paul from shipwreck on the island of malta, and the paintings between the cornice and the ceiling of the ascension, by the same artist, claimed particular attention. the splendid decorations of the great hall, with its variety of paintings and statues, were also objects of peculiar admiration, the effect of which must be seen to be duly appreciated. after these gratifications, according to the proposal of dashall, they retired, to the crown, where having partaken of à good dinner, and a glass of wine, they returned to town, fully satisfied with their excursion, and arrived in piccadilly without any occurrence worthy of further remark.
