“a mother, though no infant at thy breast
was nursed, no children clung about thy knee;
yet shall the generations call thee blest,
mother of nobler women yet to be.”
to f. m. b.
just ten years after that picture of splendid vigour which had so taken captive “the timid child of seven,” we have a companion portrait in a not less lasting impression made on a shy girl of seventeen, who after the long lapse of years, thus recalls that first interview—
“you ask me what it is which stands out most clearly in my early recollections of our dear friend. it is nearly thirty-three years since i saw her first, but i always remember her as i saw her then. she was seated at her table (a round table) in what in those days was always called ‘the parlour.’ it corresponded to the ‘office’ of the present day, but with this difference, that miss buss was always to be found there whenever she was not occupied with her girls, in teaching or in superintending their work. she was her own secretary, and we all became thoroughly accustomed to seeing her writing there, but ready to lay aside her pen and give her undivided attention to any one who needed it. indeed, to the best of my recollection, the door always stood partly open. i felt there was something different about her from what i was accustomed to observe in other women. there was such a mingling of motherliness and sweetness with intense earnestness and thoroughness about her work. she was at that time in deep mourning. her mother had died shortly before, and also the 75reverend david laing, under whose wing she had begun, and for several years carried on, her school. the double grief had been felt very keenly, and she had been so ill that her hair was already mingled with grey. i remember the way she dressed it—the front hair being brought down over the ears, and the back rolled under and covered with a black net. her black dress was plainly made, but fitted well. it was long, and made her look taller than she was.
“i felt attracted to her at once, and, as i got to know her, i found that my first impressions were more than justified by experience.”
the change is very striking from the vivacious and vigorous young head of the new school of 1850 and this grave, kind woman of 1860, a change greater than the mere lapse of time can justify. but the loss of her mother, followed so closely by that of her friend mr. laing, who had been the mainstay of all her school career, must have been to her as the uprooting of her very life. to the end she spoke of her mother with the same deep tenderness. she had been friend as well as mother, a double tie that meant so much as the daughter grew to be the helper. family claims took firm grasp of this loyal nature, and the mother’s death meant also taking her place to the father, left for the time helpless without the all-pervading care that had stood between him and all the minor miseries that loom so large to the artist temperament.
how this trust was fulfilled shows in the daughter’s words when, fifteen years afterwards, this work of love was ended.
“jan. 3, 1875.
“on saturday i go away with my father to worthing. he has been growing more and more feeble, and is a constant source of anxiety. i feel that he needs me, and yet i cannot give up more time to him than can be got on sunday. but, you see, this means sunday as well as week-days. if you could peep in on me it would be a pleasure to see your dear face. i think often of you in my hurricane-speed life.”
76“feb. 11.
“my father is still very ill. it looks as if he were fading away. he is so patient, gentle, and loving to us all, and especially to me, that i can scarcely keep up.”
“feb. 20.
“my heart is wrung with grief. my dear, dear father is, we believe, sinking. i am going now to him, and shall stay in the house. he likes to have my hand in his, and to speak faintly from time to time of my mother. he tells me i alone can soothe him as she did. he is very peaceful, and suffering no pain, but he is too weak to help himself in the least.”
“mar. 10.
“i am so sorry to know you are again ill. it makes me sigh. as soon as i can i will call, but i am almost breaking down from nervous prostration.
“my liverpool journey, though likely to be useful, was trying. it is full of my dear father.
“you cannot imagine how large a blank he has left in my life. only time can fill it up. he was the one person to whom i was necessary, and to whom my presence always carried pleasure, and i cannot get into the way of remembering that he is not.”
“mar. 13.
“i am not well. some old symptoms have returned, though not in a bad form. i can get through the day, but my evenings and nights are distressing. i am in a sort of anguish which does actually seem to affect my heart. yet i would not recall my dear, dear father if i could. but nature must have some expression, and i really loved him. besides, i was nearest to him and closest to him! many things we understand better now.”
knowing so well the power of a mother’s love, this daughter had grown into that mother’s power of giving herself out, a power that is universally felt as her chief characteristic. here is a description of her as she was at the time when this portrait is drawn—
“i think, in those early days, it was her sweet and motherly way of drawing each one of us to her, and caring for each particular person’s concerns, and remembering them, which impressed me more than anything else, excepting indeed her very encouraging 77manner. she lost no opportunity of saying a loving word of praise, and it would be accompanied by a motherly hug, which warmed one’s heart for a long time. that comfortable, loving manner was a great power among teachers and pupils. many a girl who had given trouble in one department or another, would go out of the parlour, after a talk with miss buss, thoroughly softened and helped into a right frame of mind.”
this motherly kindness won the devotion of a lifetime from the lonely girl so early called to face the world, and caroline fawcett well earned her great privilege of being one of the little band whose love soothed the last hours of the friend who had been so much in their lives. her latest thought, as she writes on that sad new year’s eve, is the same as the first of so many years before—
“but, indeed, it must be a great miss for us, the never being able to go to her for motherly loving sympathy. one of the lights that will go on shining out of her life, and will kindle others, is that loving motherliness. if one could only show a little of it, following in her dear footsteps!”
this aspect of her character impressed even those who had to do with miss buss outside her own work. mr. garrod, secretary to the teachers’ guild, who knew her in her public life, says of her: “to me she seemed to be one who was born to shine as head of a family, and to have the domestic rather than the public excellencies.”
her school can fairly be regarded as her family, for she may be said to have “mothered” them all—teachers as well as pupils—even in the later days, when public work took so much of her attention. miss emily hickey, one of the visiting professors, who came so much less into contact with her than did the teaching staff, puts this well, as she says of her intense “motherliness”—
78“there is no other word for it. no one brought into any emotional contact with her, could fail to realize this, and one can see how much it must have had to do in binding so fast to her so many women so much younger than she, both in years and in experience.”
mrs. marks says also—
“i remember when i saw her again some years afterwards, and i remember how like a mother she seemed to me who wanted a mother so dreadfully. always after that i thought of her as a sort of universal mother. there are few women like that!”
on reading these words, a pupil of later years adds to them—
“i, too, wanted a mother, and found so much of what i wanted in her. these might have been my own words, and are, indeed, almost identical with what i have said.”
and yet another—
“i have every reason to remember her with tender regard, and to deeply regret her loss. from the fact that i was motherless, she took an especial interest in my studies and health, making my father and myself deeply grateful to her. i more than ever feel what a friend i have lost. camden town is very lonely without her.”
mrs. marks continues—
“and then the general impression of geniality and life which was always so conspicuous! she was so warm, everything about her was infused with warmth. there was no cold impersonality in any of her thoughts. they were all alive. i need not say how kind she was.”
this kindness was all-inclusive, going down to the least as well as rising to the highest. among the hundreds of letters of condolence received by miss buss’ family was one from the firm which undertook the charge of the school clocks, speaking strongly of the kind and gracious way in which their employés had always been treated.
79and there is a characteristic story of her in connection with her old cabman downes, who drove her, year after year, to school and to church. on one occasion, hurrying to catch the train to cambridge, downes upset his cab, and miss buss was extricated without having time to decide whether she was hurt or not, her business being too important to admit of delay. her first act on reaching her destination was to telegraph to downes to assure him that she was not hurt.
all records go to show how lasting was her interest in all who made any claim on her, confirming the words of another of her staff, when she says, “girls, as soon as they left school, felt that they had a friend ever ready to sympathize with them in sorrow or in joy. a happy marriage was a delight to her”—a remark confirmed by a passage in one of miss buss’ letters, where she says, “i wish ada would bring mr. z—— to myra. i like to see my sons-in-law. he cannot be shyer than mr. q——.”
here is a note just after the opening of the new buildings by the prince and princess of wales, written for the wedding-day of one of her pupils—
“dear mary,
“just a line to express my love and good wishes for you and yours to-morrow.
“may god bless you in your new state of life! i shall be with you in spirit, and think of you all.
“i hope you have received the little tea-table. the mats for it have been delivered i know, but i am not sure about the table.
“i hope eleanor will send me a short note to say where you have gone, and to give me some account of to-morrow’s ceremony.
“with my dear love and good wishes,
“believe me, yours affectionately,
“frances m. buss.”
to “meet the glad with joyful smiles” would always 80have been easy to her, but she was more often called “to wipe the weeping eyes;” for the words of another of the recent pupils was curiously true—
“of late years it has often struck me as melancholy that the most successful and happiest of her old pupils, settled in homes of their own, or teaching in schools at a distance, could do little more than send an occasional letter, or pay a flying visit, while numbers of the unsuccessful, the weak and helpless, came back to her for the advice and help she never failed to give. seeing, as she did, numbers of these, she was very strongly impressed by the absolute necessity for young girls to be trained to some employment by which they might, if necessary, earn a livelihood. for women to be dependent on brothers and relations, she considered an evil to be avoided at all costs, and she tried to keep before us the fact that training for any work must develop a woman’s intellect and powers, and therefore make her—married or single—a better and a nobler being.”
another friend adds on this point—
“she was so kind and unprejudiced by unconventionality, that she was just as interested and sympathetic and helpful towards an old pupil, who came to her about trying to set up a business (such as dressmaking or millinery), as she was to one going to girton or trying for a head-mistress-ship.”
as instance of the thoroughness that characterized her efforts to help the girls, one of them gives a little experience which will come home to many a mother, as she recalls the solicitude with which miss buss went to any medical consultation needed by delicate girls under her care—
“i left school to become a governess myself, and during my first holiday she made an opportunity for a quiet talk with me, entering into all my plans and difficulties, and helping me greatly by her wise and loving counsel. no effort was too great for her to make, if she could thereby help or benefit any of us. many years later, when my sister had been under dr. playfair’s treatment, he ordered her abroad, and she was to be accompanied by a companion of whom he should approve. miss buss not only 81offered to let her join her party, shortly to start for marienbad, but went herself to see dr. playfair at eight a.m. (the only time she was free during term-time), in order that he might be satisfied with her as an escort. this meeting proved a mutual pleasure to them.”
it is pleasant to know that, out of this special thoughtfulness, there came to miss buss, not only the companionship in travel, but frequent resting in the happy home of these girls; and also—a very great satisfaction—the gift to the school of the “crane scholarship,” to mark their mother’s appreciation of this motherly care of her children.
but the help given so kindly was by no means limited to inspiration, instruction, or advice, carefully and considerably as this might be thought out for each separate case. where the means of acting on her suggestions were wanting her sympathy expressed itself in more tangible terms. i remember, one day, after discussing ways and means in some instance of this sort, stopping short, and saying to her, “do you know how many girls you are helping at this moment?” in the most matter-of-fact way she answered reflectively, “well, i could scarcely say, without going into the question!” occasionally she would ask help of some one of a little band of friends willing to give it—often of miss laura soames—so soon to follow her—and of miss edith prance, and others. but more often than not she said nothing about it, generally taking it on herself. when the school had been her own this was easy enough, but in a public school the fees must be paid even by the head-mistress herself. she was, however, free to please herself as to the help she gave at myra lodge, and those who may have made calculations of the income derived from the pupils there, might, if they had known all, have found themselves far from accurate in their sum total.
82here is a little story from far-away times, showing not only her burdens, but that still rarer gift, her unwavering steadfastness to an obligation once taken up—
“among her friends was one family whose means were not in full proportion to the large-heartedness which made the good mother decide to keep as her own a little motherless baby, which she had taken in during its mother’s fatal illness. not only did her own little daughters welcome the baby sister, but even the over-worked father accepted without a murmur the sleepless nights which were a small part of his contribution to the new-comer. as soon as miss buss heard the story she said at once, ‘and i must do my part. her education shall be my care!’”
—a care that lasted beyond school-days, and included the finding of a fitting occupation for later life.
still another record may be added as typical of so many more; a story none the less touching for the humorous way in which it is told—
“a short tribute from ‘a lame dog.’
“the work of ‘helping lame dogs over stiles’ is not recognized publicly or read on the list amongst the various names of the good works and societies with which our dear miss buss was connected, and probably only the ‘lame dogs’ themselves know what a kind strong hand helped them to climb the dreaded barrier; but surely among the many thousands who call themselves ‘old north londoners,’ or ‘bussites,’ there is a long roll-call of such silent work, deeply graven upon the hearts of those who, like myself, know.
“the first morning on which i took my place in the class-room among several other new-comers introduced me individually to miss buss, for on hearing my name mentioned she called me to her and asked how it was spelt. this impressed me very much at the time, as i was the only one upon whom this honour was conferred, and my surname was hardly one to deserve special attention.
“as time went on, however, the little extra notice was sufficiently explained, for i discovered that another family in the school bore 83a name nearly similar to my own, and indeed, throughout my school-life, i was constantly being congratulated upon honours never won, and credited with talents really possessed by the happy bearer of the other name.
“this incident doubtless might appear to be trivial and insignificant to many, but to one nervously entering a new sphere of life this was not so; from that moment i felt i was known to the head-mistress as having a separate individuality, although insignificant enough among so many.
“a few years went on, and school-days passed happily enough, without my having any special intercourse with miss buss, until, owing to an unexpected crisis in affairs at home, it was suddenly arranged for me to leave.
“then it was that i really began to know our dear head-mistress, and to realize what she was to her girls, and how much she cared individually for each one.
“on a memorable morning for the second time she called me out to have a chat with her, and fully discussed my future. she pointed out the drudgery incumbent upon one who was only inefficiently educated, and upon finding that my personal desire was to have studied more thoroughly, she insisted most strongly upon my remaining at school for another year.
“i held no scholarship, neither, as affairs then stood, could i receive any help from home.
“all remonstrance was immediately swept aside. miss buss offered to pay all school fees from her own pocket until i had earned at least a matriculation certificate. she also insisted upon my joining the gymnasium classes, which at that time were enjoyed by those only who paid additional fees.
“how could such kindness be refused? from that time work was sacred, and as the terms flew by and the examination loomed in the near future, failure became the one evil in the world most to be dreaded. when the good news at last came out, and miss buss, as excited over the result as the expectant candidates, warmly congratulated us, she seemed to let each one know, in a way peculiarly her own, what the pleasure or pain really meant to her; to myself, having worked under high pressure, her silent sympathy may be better understood than explained.
“she trusted us so thoroughly.
“my debt was never mentioned in any way by her, and it was only on repaying the loan she told me she was glad to have the money back, as she could then help others in a similar way.”
84and there are so many who, like the writer of this story, also know, though what they know is known to themselves alone. but still, even from such vague hints as have come to them, many intimate friends can echo eleanor begbie’s exclamation, as she ended an interesting talk about the early days, “no one will ever know, on this side of the day of judgment, how many girls owe all their education to miss buss!”
