the doctor

i must now relate, however briefly, the event which once for all determined the conditions of my present life. for the last six months of my professional work i had been feeling indefinitely though not decidedly unwell. i found myself disinclined to exertion, bodily or mental, easily elated, easily depressed, at times strangely somnolent, at others irritably wakeful; at last some troublesome symptoms warned me that i had better put myself in the hands of a doctor. i went to a local practitioner whose account disquieted me; he advised me to apply to an eminent specialist, which i accordingly did.

the verdict

i am not likely to forget the incidents of that day. i went up to london, and made my way to the specialist’s house. after a dreary period of waiting, in a dark room looking out on a blank wall, the table abundantly furnished with periodicals whose creased and battered aspect betokened the nervous handling[87] to which they had been subjected, i was at last summoned to the presence of the great man himself. he presented an appearance of imperturbable good-nature; his rosy cheeks, his little snub nose, his neatly groomed appearance, his gold-rimmed spectacles, wore an air of commonplace prosperity that was at once reassuring. he asked me a number of questions, made a thorough examination, writing down certain details in a huge volume, and finally threw himself back in his chair with a deliberate air that somewhat disconcerted me. at last my sentence came. i was undoubtedly suffering from the premonitory symptoms of a serious, indeed dangerous complaint, and i must at once submit myself to the condition of an invalid life. he drew out a table diet, and told me to live a healthy, quiet life under the most restful conditions attainable. he asked me about my circumstances, and i told him with as much calmness as i could muster. he replied that i was very fortunate, that i must at once give up professional work and be content to vegetate. “mind,” he said, “i don’t want you to be bored—that will be as bad for you as to be overworked. but you must avoid all kinds[88] of worry and fatigue—all extremes. i should not advise you to travel at present, if you like a country life—in fact i should say, live the life that attracts you, apart from any professional exertions; don’t do anything you don’t like. now, mr. ——,” he continued, “i have told you the worst—the very worst. i can’t say whether your constitution will triumph over this complaint: to be candid, i do not think it will; but there is no question of any immediate risk whatever. indeed, if you were dependent on your own exertions for a livelihood, i could promise you some years of work—though that would render it almost impossible for you ever to recover. as it is, you may consider that you have a chance of entire recovery, and if you can follow my directions, and no unforeseen complications intervene, i think you may look forward to a fairly long life; but mind that any work you do must be of the nature of amusement. once and for all, strain of any sort is out of the question, and if you indulge in any excessive or exciting exertions, you will inevitably shorten your life. there, i have told you a disagreeable truth—make the best of it—remember that i see many people every week who have to bear far[89] more distressing communications. you had better come to see me every three months, unless you have any marked symptoms, such as”—(there followed medical details with which i need not trouble the reader)—“in that case come to me at once; but i tell you plainly that i do not anticipate them. you seem to have what i call the patient temperament—to have a vocation, if i may say so,” (here he smiled benevolently) “for the invalid life.” he rose as he spoke, shook hands kindly, and opened the door.