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Chapter 12

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anti looked up at the dome. it was all she could see with comfort. stars changed less than she would have believed. the patterns were substantially the same as on earth. brightness varied with rotation, that was the main difference. now those overhead were brilliant and that meant she was facing the direction they were travelling. she wondered which was alpha and which proxima centauri. she never had been able to recognize them.

she extended one arm, splashing acid. lately there were times she had to keep moving if she didn't want to freeze. it wasn't pleasant but she could endure it for the sake of walking some day. there were degrees of helplessness and no one else, even here, was completely immobilized, confined completely to a specialized environment. she had forgotten much of the past and couldn't see far into the future. perhaps it wasn't worth looking into.

"quiet, you'll scare the fish."

she paddled around until she could see jordan. "if you find fish who can live in this, throw them in. i'll welcome any kind of company."

"maybe cameron can mutate fish to stand the cold," suggested jordan. "or if that fails he can always transfer the fungus to them."

"i don't wish it on anything, even a fish."

"it wouldn't hurt. besides, it might make them immortal."

"thanks. i like fish, but not as playmates. they're better on a plate."

"barbaric," said jordan. "i prefer scientific food, synthetics. wholly removed from the taint of the living creature. something that didn't die in quick agony so that you could smack your lips. germ free, compounded of balanced elements."

"came from nature myself," said anti. "uncivilized though it is, i prefer nutrition from the same source."

"you're confusing yourself," commented jordan. "synthetics contain everything necessary for life. when was the last time jeriann ate?"

"longer than she cares to remember. besides you're quibbling. she gets concentrates, which is not the same as synthetics."

"a minor point," conceded jordan, coming closer. "however i didn't intend to talk about food."

"i don't care what it is as long as you talk. i need conversation too."

"there's nona," began jordan.

"exceptions, exceptions. what do i care except that i get tired of staring up at nothing? sometimes i wish they'd planted the tank at the entrance to the hospital. people'd have to stop and talk."

"for a while i was thinking of that."

"no you don't," said anti. "there are useful things that have to be done."

"i abandoned the idea when i considered what your viewpoint would be. but we did move the tank once."

"never again. anyway geepees are scarce and who else could do it?"

"i could," said jordan. he added quickly: "it's a joke." he swung along the tank until he was as close as he could get without toppling in. "instead of something you'd forget once i left, i brought a gift."

"what is it? i can't see from this angle."

"it's a belt."

"you doll. it's beautiful."

"no it's not—merely wonderful."

"i know. save it for me, till later. it will go swoosh if acid touches it."

"it positively will not react. i took care of that. there are some metals that are just about inert. it wasn't easy to cover it but i did."

"you made it for me. you shouldn't have."

jordan puzzled himself with it. he hadn't much to do with it. at the most he'd made a protective covering for it. nona was solely responsible for the way it functioned. and there was no doubt whom she intended it for; that was why he hadn't hesitated taking it. and yet, why hadn't she turned it over to anti? it was working perfectly the first time he saw it.

the logical answer was that it wasn't in operating condition, that she couldn't make it work and had laid it aside for further inspiration. but this led to nonsensical conclusions involving the repair robot. he refused to accept the conclusions. "let's say i didn't make it entirely. i added to what was existing." he swung the belt out to her.

"are you sure it will fit? i'm quite big."

"originally it wouldn't. i had to make it longer."

anti examined the belt at length. "hammered link effect. primitive but striking."

jordan blushed. "i thought it was a pretty smooth job. i had to do it by hand."

"it is," exclaimed anti. "you have a strong unconscious sense of design." with trepidation she lowered it in the acid and when nothing happened she fastened it. "there," she said in triumph. "the first piece of jewelry in years. i feel like a new woman."

"you are, anti. believe me, you are."

she laughed giddily. "it's silly, but i do believe it. it's amazing what jewelry will do for a woman."

"it's not exactly jewelry." jordan tried to think of how to explain it. anti was unscientific, or better—prescientific. "think of it as a complicated machine that's remotely connected to your mind."

"my mind? am i supposed to be telepathic now? is that what it is? can i talk with anyone, no matter at what distance they are?"

"no, you're not telepathic except well maybe in a certain way."

jordan was silent, trying to sort the explanation. it never occurred to her that machines operated at different levels, many of them simultaneously, electrical or electromagnetic, others more subtle. jordan gave up. "think of what you'd most like to do."

"it's no use, jordan. i won't torment myself. i know how long it's going to take."

he should have kept it and demonstrated. that would have convinced her. he would never forget the first time he had worn it—and nearly frightened himself off the ceiling. he cast about for other ways but nothing else was necessary. anti was thinking of what she'd forbidden herself to contemplate.

"there," said jordan, his voice rough with pride. "i knew you'd get the hang of it."

"why didn't you say so?" said anti. "the gravity computer. my mind and that mind."

for a prescientific person she'd grasped the essentials quickly. "jordan, maybe you should keep it," she called. "you can use it as well as i can."

"i don't need it," he said. "nobody's heard me complaining. and you can't, or couldn't move." he gazed at her in alarm. "come on down," he shouted. "you can't catch the stars by yourself."

"you think i can't?" said anti. "i'll come closer to it than anyone who ever lived."

nevertheless she obeyed his instructions, sinking slowly until her feet touched the ground. the grass crackled and smouldered, though it was green, bursting into flame where she walked as the acid dripped down. and it was walking, though her legs carried only a fraction of her real weight. the rest of the weight was destroyed for her convenience by the gravity computer as it responded continually and repeatedly to her unspoken commands.

"the doctor will be surprised," muttered jordan.

"not as much as i am," said anti. "i can fly if i want, but do you know, i'd rather walk."

docchi teetered on the chair. not much; if he fell he had no way of stopping himself, and there was the devil's own time getting up. "i'm speechless," he said.

"so was cameron," said anti.

"i imagine. he didn't expect his prognosis to be disproved so soon." docchi righted the chair. "this is the thing jordan's been working on."

"he said he didn't have much to do with it. he would." anti moved warily. the acid soaked robe had stopped dripping but there was enough left to react with subdued violence if she came into contact with the wrong substance. "the best is i'm already stronger—using my muscles more. i don't have an exact way of knowing since there aren't gadgets and dials in my mind but it seems to me i can support a lot more of my weight. maybe i can walk unaided at quarter gravity."

docchi let the calls, of which there were several, go unattended. it was the first big personal victory for any accidental and it was heartening amidst the general uncertainties. "fine, fine. but how long can you continue? won't you revert?"

"cameron says i won't. he made several tests which indicate the virulence of the fungus. he says the body conquers."

and for her it had. the biological mechanism had reached the point of strength wherein it could contain the attenuated invasion with little outside help. after some indefinite period the menace would be reduced, finally vanquished, utterly and forever. the body conquered.

"cameron says it will be enough to sleep in the tank. i don't mind, though i won't get much sleep. i feel the cold now, though not as much as anyone else would.

"for the rest i'll increase the weight on my legs as much as i can. it's almost automatic; no buttons to push except mentally. if i get tired i think myself lighter."

the mechanism couldn't be improved on. it was a portable null gravity field that fit neatly around her and touched nothing else. and if anti had reported jordan's views correctly, it was impossible to build another like it because they didn't have the parts. it was an excellent device but not of great importance except to anti. jordan could use one too and so could a number of others though they wouldn't get it. it replaced legs and was more efficient in all respects save appearance.

there was nothing, however, that was a substitute for hands.

"now that you're up and moving, what do you want to do?" he said. "you must be anxious to get busy."

"it's a funny thing but i'm not," she said. "it sounds queer but i want to look around. i haven't seen anything except what i could glimpse from the tank."

docchi rocked back; he'd always thought of her as knowing more about the asteroid than anyone else. in a personal sense she did, having been there longer than anyone he could name. it was said she may even have been responsible for the building of the asteroid, so they'd have some place to put her. it might be true. "go ahead. jordan will show you around. you don't have to be in a hurry to take a job."

anti rose a few inches to show that she could. "first i want to visit the laboratory nona has. i want to see the ship that's after us. i know they haven't given up just because they can't land."

he felt so too though he hadn't figured out what they could do. "let me know if anything occurs to you."

when she left, walking by preference, the responsibilities came back, maureen and other deficients with various degrees of disability, the ship with undetermined resources behind them, stars and planets ahead of them, unknown or vaguely guessed at, mysterious. they'd reach their goal but all of the accidentals might not survive.

anti alone was better off but there were others who were not. it was depressing at times, so much freedom and so little to show for it. docchi went back to work but the image of the ship kept rising up out of the countless important and unimportant decisions he had to make. what did they plan to do?

late the following day anti returned. she marched in determinedly and sat down. it was no longer remarkable that a few chairs would fit her. she'd never be mistaken for someone else, but her bulk had diminished considerably and her weight was whatever she wanted. that the chair didn't collapse in a soggy mass or burst into flame was an indication that jordan had found a way to neutralize the acid that clung to her without reducing the medical effectiveness. "nice place we have," she remarked. "didn't realize it was so pretty."

"there are others who disagree."

"they don't really see it. the only thing i don't like is the ship."

"neither do i. what do you think?"

"well——" anti hesitated. "what did it look like to you?"

he described it as he remembered, answering the questions with which she kept interrupting. after he finished she was silent, nodding to herself as if he wasn't there. "you know what i think," she said. "you saw it three quarters, from the front. when i looked it was flatter. they're gaining."

docchi glanced out the window. "anti, they can't land here unless we let them—and we won't. what else can they do?"

"it's a military ship. they've got the force to stop us."

"not without shattering the dome, or blowing the place apart. and they won't. you don't cure a sick person by killing him, and for their own peace of mind they've convinced themselves that we're sick."

"so we're safe there," commented anti dubiously. "they figured at first they'd sneak up and land before we knew it. the scanner squashed that. but they had other plans from the very beginning, what they'd do if we discovered them in time." she nodded and nodded. "well, if it was me and i couldn't stop somebody, i'd try to get where they're going before they did. it ties right in, doesn't it? they don't want us to contact aliens. all they have to do is get there first."

of course. it was very plain, but anxiety had prevented his seeing it. fearfulness was often next door to stupidity. whoever got there first controlled the situation even more than anti realized. he began to suspect the depth of preparation that was against them, the intense fury and careful planning they had to overcome. mankind was capable of more hatred for its own kind than it ever expended against outsiders. methodically docchi began kicking open switches.

"you're right, anti," he said. "but i think there are ways to see that they don't get there first." he was lying blithely, perhaps as much because he didn't want to face what he foresaw. "if those don't work, and there's a chance they won't, we have an unexpected ally."

"who?"

"not who, what. distance." it was a most preposterous untruth. "if we don't get there in time we'll let them have both of the centauris. we'll go on to the next star."

"you can always think of some way out," said anti as tiny lights began to flash on the panel. the flickering confusion there matched his emotions.

"jordan?" he said urgently when the latter appeared on the screen. and after that there was webber and anyone else who knew something about electronics or could be taught with a minimum of instruction. they were willing to drive themselves to exhaustion but there was no substitute for technical superiority.

"now don't worry," said anti after he'd finished summoning everyone who could help. "i have a feeling they can't stop us no matter what they do."

"that so?" he said. "which toe tells you that, or is it an ache in your bones? think it will rain tomorrow?"

"don't laugh," said anti, rising and leaving with him as he hurried out. "i have confidence in what we're able to do together."

it was a good thing someone did.

"maureen's getting worse," said jeriann. "i need more power." there was a tiny bead of sweat on her temple, the first docchi had seen since ordinarily she didn't perspire.

"how much worse? i'd like to see her."

jeriann made a final adjustment on the machine but didn't straighten up immediately as if it disturbed her to contemplate what went on in her own mind. she snapped the synthesizer on and turned around, brushing the hair away from her eyes. "do you think your diagnosis is better than cameron's?"

"i wasn't doubting his ability."

"you'll have to take our word for it. i can see her because i'm a woman and she hardly reacts to me. cameron can visit her because she's been conditioned to accept him. even so he has to take precautions. the hypnotics control only the surface of her mind."

"what precautions?"

"sprays that plasticize his skin. by now her senses are far keener than ours. the doctor has a cosmetic technician recreate his face, something impersonal with which she had no association."

"i'll take your word for it. i don't want to see her under those conditions. but you didn't answer my question: how much worse?"

the smock was clearly a laboratory garment to protect the wearer from chemical irritation and the chemicals from human contamination. it was only incidental there was a certain light in which it was almost transparent. jeriann became aware she was standing in such a light and swished the smock angrily around her and moved out of the illumination. "i can tell you this: neither cameron nor i will be responsible for keeping her alive longer than three weeks, unless i get that power."

"is this what cameron said?"

"it's my own idea. i know more about this machine than he does. but you can ask him. he'll back me up."

docchi didn't doubt her but there was more to think of than the fate of one individual. "you're just guessing, aren't you? there's a chance, if you experiment wildly enough, you'll find the right compounds."

"please," said jeriann. "it will only be for a few weeks. less than that if it works the way i think it will."

"what about the other deficients? they need biologicals too."

"they can wait and maureen can't."

reluctantly he gave consent. "then you can have all the power you need, for the next few days anyway. after that we'll see."

"you're a dear." jeriann walked through the lab, inspecting it critically from every angle. "of course i'll need help. part of the trouble is that we can't get enough power to the machine, we're not using it to the full capacity. with larger power connections we'll be able to turn out stuff we haven't touched on before."

he shook his head. "that wasn't in the bargain. you can have all the power the existing lines will take. but we can't spare men to install new lines. the technicians we have are busy elsewhere."

"it's such a little thing," she coaxed. "the machine's not a sledge hammer that smashes molecules apart and then crushes them into a new chemical alignment. it's a keen instrument, an ultramicrosize knife that slits delicately here and there and then slides the separated atoms together to form a different molecule."

"i'm not arguing about power," he said adamantly. "i said you can have it and you can. trained men you can't. i'll see if i can spare them after what they're working on is finished."

she stopped as if she'd stumbled into a taut wire she hadn't noticed. she looked at him thoughtfully and strolled back to the synthesizer, under the light that shone down and provocatively through the smock. she wore other clothing but that too seemed almost to vanish. "for me, won't you? just a few men for a few days. it means a lot to maureen."

"i can't let you have technicians now," he said obstinately.

she glanced at him curiously, sauntering closer as if to get a better look. "i forgot. cameron has nona, hasn't he? they're going to get married as soon as he can figure out a simple ceremony. and now you hate women, don't you? that's why you won't give maureen the same chance you'd give a man."

he rocked back under the cold hatred. he had no idea she was capable of such venom. "you're reading into my emotions something that was never there. i'm glad nona found someone she can respond to. but why are you so concerned with maureen? you never liked her."

"what rationalization," she said bitterly. "it makes no difference what i thought about her. she's going to die if i don't help her, and i will. i'd expect the same from anyone else."

"jeriann," he said but she was gone, tearing the smock off and thrusting it on a hook, leaving him alone beside a machine that alternately hummed and purred in oily accents. he stared at it with complete lack of interest as the cycle changed. the synthesizer grunted with satisfied pride and three drops of a colorless fluid were discharged into a retort.

if there was no other way they could save maureen by contacting the expedition behind them. they had the supplies jeriann was trying vainly to duplicate. but that was surrender and the only alternative was to go ahead as planned.

docchi left the laboratory, taking the long way around to avoid the doctor's office. cameron wouldn't put the same pressure on him that jeriann had—no one could. why did she have to think he was responsible?

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