“sweet fickle love, you grow for some,
and grip them to their grief,
as sudden as the redwings come
at the full fall of the leaf.
“and sudden as the swallows go,
that muster for the sea,
you pass away before we know,
and wounded hearts are we.”
w. p. l.
“rue des lauriers, no. 5:” last thought in her head at night, first when she woke in the morning. in her dreams too the words had been constantly before her: “no fear of my forgetting the address,” said marion to herself.
breakfast over, she arranged with thérèse and charlie, to accompany them in their morning walk about twelve o’clock. and then she fidgeted about, unable to settle to anything; rather frightened, if the truth must be told, at the thought of what she was about to do.
it is a crisis in our lives, when, for the first time, we take what we believe to be an important step, entirely on our own responsibility. well for us when this crisis does not occur too soon. well too, when it is not deferred too late. of the two extremes, doubtless the latter is the more to be dreaded. better some sad tumbles and bruises; better indeed a broken limb, than the hopeless feebleness of members, stunted, if not paralysed for want of natural use. experience is truly a hard schoolmaster, but we have not yet found a better one. some day we must be self-reliant, or else be utterly wrecked and stranded. so, if for no higher motive than mere prudence and expediency, it is well not to delay too long the testing of our own powers, the trial of our individual strength.
cissy had said truly that marion was a curious mixture of simplicity and wisdom, child and woman. i wonder if in this lay her peculiar charm? but this, indeed, i cannot tell. the charm i have felt, deeply too, but like other sweet and beautiful things, i endeavoured in vain to analyse or define it.
the girl tried to read, or write or work; but all her attempts were useless. like a naughty schoolboy, who has resolution enough to plan it truant expedition, but fails to conceal his excitement beforehand, so marion was on the point a dozen times that morning, of betraying her strange intention. had cissy not been tired and sleepy when marion peeped in to wish her good morning, she would infallibly have detected some unusual signs of excitement in her young cousin’s manner. a word from her and the whole would have been in her possession, and then — marion’s life might have been more happily common-place, and this story of it would, in all probability, never have been written.
however it was not so to be. twelve o’clock came at last, and with her little cavalier and thérèse as escort, marion sallied forth. the rue des lauriers she learnt from thérèse, was about a quarter of a mile only from the street in which mme. poulin’s house was situated. anxious that charlie’s walk should not be curtailed on her account, and perhaps not sorry in her secret heart to delay, if only for half-an-hour, the task she had set herself, marion proposed that they should in the first place take a stroll beyond the town. the day was much cooler than the preceding one. indeed, it was cloudy enough to suggest the possibility of not far distant rain. marion’s beautiful mountains were all but hidden in mist, and it was difficult to believe in the blue sky of yesterday. still there were now and then breaks in the mist and clouds, showing that the loveliness was veiled only, not destroyed, charlie’s remarks apropos of everything, from the fog-covered bills to the sisters of charity with their enormous flapping caps, were amusing enough. but marion was too engrossed by her own thoughts to listen with her usual attention. as they reached the end of rue des laurier’s, a slight drizzle began to fall and marion told thérèse to hasten home with charlie, as she herself had a call to make some little way up the street.
“tell your mamma, charlie,” she cried, as they separated, “if she wants me, that i shall be home in a very little while.”
no 5 was at the other extremity of the street, avenue almost it might have been called; for it was prettily planted with trees at each side, and the gardens of the houses, standing, many of them, detached or semi-detached in villa fashion, were bright and well kept. those at the upper end were evidently of older date. no. 5 especially had a somewhat venerable air. it was built round three sides of a court laid out with turf and flower-beds, in the centre of which a little fountain was playing lazily, a damp, drizzling day, however, is hardly the occasion on which such a place is seen to advantage, and marion decided mentally that she would have been sorry to exchange the little terrace on to which rooms opened, for the quaint old court-yard, however picturesque.
she rang bravely at what appeared to be the principal door, which to her surprise was opened by an old woman who informed her that the apartment of miladi severn was on the other side, au premier. the entrance opposite was open, so marion ascended a flight of stairs and rang again at the first door that presented itself. this time she felt sure she was right, for a man-servant in english-looking attire appeared in answer to her summons. in reply to her enquiry as to whether she could see lady severn on a matter of business, he said that he would ask, and ushered her into a very pretty sitting room, opening, to her surprise, on to a pleasant garden. the mystery as to how she found herself again on the ground floor without having descended any steps, was explained, when she remembered that the rue des lauriers was built on a steep hill, at the upper extremity of which stood no. 5. how it came to be number five instead number one was a problem never satisfactorily solved.
marion waited a few minutes and then the servant re-appeared, to say that lady severn would be ready to see the young lady almost immediately, if she would be so good as to give her name.
here was a poser! marion could not, yet bring herself to say “miss freer.” but a lucky compromise occurred to her.
“i have no card with me,” she said, “but lady severn will know who i am if you say i have come from mrs. archer’s.”
the name apparently was all required, for in another moment lady severn entered the room. she came in looking rather puzzled, but shook hands kindly enough with marion, saying, as she did so, that she hoped. mrs. archer was not feeling ill or that anything was wrong with little charlie.
“oh dear no, thank you,” said marion, “they are both very well. at least, my cou—mrs. archer is only a little tired still from the long journey. i should have remembered that you would be surprised at my calling so early, but i trust you excuse my having done so. the truth is i called on my own account, not on mrs. archer’s.”
“indeed!” lady severn, looking still more puzzled, when a bright idea suddenly striking her, she exclaimed “oh, perhaps you have some friend, miss freer, who you think might suit me as governess for my little girls. a sister possibly,” she continued, for the expression of the girl’s face did not seem to contradict her assumption.
profiting by cissy’s dire experience of the day before, marion took care to speak in a natural, regular tone, which she was pleased to find her companion heard perfectly. probably her voice was rounder and fuller than mrs. archer’s, but however this may have been, the result was eminently satisfactory, and very possibly, still further prepossessed lady severn in her favour.
“not exactly that,” she replied, “i have no sister. but what i have to propose is myself, as governess to your grand-daughters.”
“yourself, my dear miss freer,” exclaimed lady severn in amazement, “but how can that be? are you not engaged already to mrs. archer? i supposed that you had accompanied her from england. and, excuse me, miss freer, but i should think on no account of interfering with any arrangements mrs. archer may be depending upon, even though you may not consider yourself exactly bound to her. you must not mind my speaking plainly, miss freer. young people, and you look very young, are not always as considerate in these matters as they should be.”
in spite of herself, marion felt a little indignant. this was the first slight taste of the disagreeables and annoyances (“insults,” a hotter-tempered and less calm-judging girl would have called them) to which, by the strange and almost unprecedented steps she had taken, she had exposed herself. what is commonly called “a dependent position,”—though whose are the independent positions i have not yet, in the course of is long life, been able to discover,—has, i suppose, peculiar trials of its own. yet i am anxious in the present case not to be misunderstood as exaggerating or laying undue stress upon those attendant upon governess life. much harm has been dome already in this way, and were i desirous of entering at all upon the subject, i would much prefer to draw attention to the bright side of the picture; side which, i am happy to say, my own personal experience call vouch for us existing. it is a false position which is to be dreaded, and which is, in the evil sense of the word, a dependent one.
marion seldom, if ever, blushed. but now, when this speech of lady severn’s roused her indignation, she felt the strange tingling sensation through all her veins, which agitation of any kind produced upon her, calm and self-possessed as she appeared. she replied quietly:
“if i were capable of behaving in any dishonourable way to mrs. archer, i should not think myself fit to be entrusted with the care of your grand-daughters, lady severn. but i assure you there is no such objection to my proposal. i only came from england with mrs. archer as a friend. we are indeed very old friends. i should not think of leaving her for more than a part of the day. what i was going to propose was that i should be the little girls’ daily governess—morning governess, i should say, for i should require to spend all my afternoons with mrs. archer.”
“oh, i see,” replied lady severn. “you must pardon my not having quite understood the state of the case at first. what i wished, however, was to meet with a residential governess for the young ladies, my grand-daughters.”
marion winced again, but pulled herself up in a moment. “certainly,” thought she, “it must sound rather free and easy my speaking these children, whom i have never seen, as the little girls.” so she answered demurely,
“i understood that a residential governess was what you wished for the young ladies, but my idea was that in the meantime, while you have not succeeded in meeting with one, i might at least be able to employ the morning hours profitably. i think any rate i could kelp them from forgetting what knowledge they have already acquired.”
“certainly, certainly,” replied lady severn graciously. “i have no doubt you could do far more than that, and i really think your idea, a very good one. i should, however, like to consult with my niece, miss vyse, before deciding anything. she takes a great interest in her little cousins, and is herself most highly accomplished. and as to terms, miss freer. have you thought what you would wish to have as compensation for your morning hours?”
wince number three! “how silly i am!” thought marion, and answered abruptly:
“thirty pounds; i mean,” she added hastily “if i were staying at altes six months, and i taught the lit—the young ladies all that time would fifteen pounds a quarter be too much?”
something in the child-like wistfulness of the sweet face appealing to her, so timidly and yet so anxiously, touched a chord in the not unkindly, though somewhat self-absorbed nature of the eider lady, and she exclaimed impulsively,
“fifteen pounds a quarter too much, my dear? no, certainly not. i should much prefer making it twenty. but, my dear, you are so very young. are you sure this is a wise step for your own sake? would not your friends prefer your making a real holiday of this little time abroad with mrs. archer?”
“my friends are not likely to interfere,” said the girl, adding sadly, “i have no mother.”
how much those few words left to be inferred! they came very close home to lady severn’s heart. “no mother!” a sad little picture, as far as possible removed from the truth, but none the less touching on that account, rose before her mind’s eye of this motherless girl’s probable home. but though somewhat curious to hear more, she made no enquiry, which for aught she knew, might have touched some tender spot. she only said very gently:
“poor child,” and then went on more briskly, “well then so far there appears no difficulty. the sum i named would quite satisfy you, miss freer? twenty pounds each quarter.”
“twenty,” repeated marion; “that would be forty pounds in six months. oh no, thank you. i would much rather have only fifteen. truly i don’t want more,” she added earnestly.
“but my dear, do you know you will never get on in the world if you are so very—the reverse of grasping?” remonstrated the old lady, half laughing at this very eccentric young governess; “your friends, even if they do not interfere with you in general, would certainly disapprove of your not taking as high a salary as is offered you, and which indeed from what i see of you, i feel sure you would do your best to deserve. besides i should look to you for a good deal. my grand-daughters” (they were no longer the young ladies) “have several masters, for music, drawing, german, and so on. but i should wish you to superintend their preparations for their masters, as much at least as you found time for, besides yourself directing their english studies. you would feel able to undertake all this i suppose?”
“oh, yes,” said marion. “i think i could do all that would be required by girls of their ages. i can play pretty well, i believe,” she said, with a pretty little air of half-deprecating any appearance of self-conceit—“at least i was well taught. i don’t draw much, but i could help them to prepare for their master, and i have studied german a good deal and italian a little.”
“do you sing too?” asked lady severn. “you should do so, and well, to judge by your voice in speaking which is peculiarly clear. indeed, it is very seldom i can hear anyone as easily as you. i should like the children to sing a little now and then. not much, of course. not so as to strain their voices while they are so young, but i should like them to learn a little. some of the simpler parts of glees, for instance. their uncle, sir ralph severn, is very fond of music, and has a remarkably fine voice. we often have little concerts among ourselves in the evenings, and it would be nice for charlotte and sybil to be able to join in them.”
“i do sing,” said marion. “not very much, though. but i could teach them in the simple way you wish, i am sure.”
“then this terrible money appears the only obstacle?” said lady severn, smiling; “but, my dear, you must really think what your friends would say.”
“i assure you,” replied marion, “l am quite free to judge for myself. indeed, when i came to altes i had no intention of making any money in this way. it was only hearing of your difficulty in meeting with a governess; it struck me i might do temporarily, for i was very anxious to make thirty pounds while here. not more, truly. my friends could not object, for it was—” she went on hesitatingly, feeling she was getting on unsafe ground, “it was for one of them, the nearest of them, that i so much wanted the money at present.”
“very well, then,” said lady severn, “very well. as you wish it, we will leave it so at present:” adding to herself, “though you shall be no loser by it in the end, poor child,” and then aloud, “if you will call here to-morrow at the same time, i will give you my decision, and introduce your pupils to you. as to references, there need be no delay,” (fortunate that lady severn was thus easily satisfied, for references hail never entered poor marion’s head) “for your being a friend of mrs. archer’s, is quite enough. and at your age, you cannot have had much former experience of teaching.”
“no,” replied marion, “i never taught anyone regularly before.”
“i thought so, but i do not regret it. the children will probably be all the happier with you, than if you had been older and more experienced. and, for so short a time, it will be no disadvantage.”
so, with a cordial good morning from lady severn, and a kindly message or remembrance to mrs. archer, marion took her departure. with a curious mixture of feelings in her heart, she slowly descended the flight of stairs to the courtyard, so wholly absorbed in her own cogitations, that she all but ran against a gentleman just entering the doorway, whose attention on his side was engrossed by the endeavouring to shut a rather obstreperous umbrella. a hasty “pardon,” and he passed her, quickly running up the stair. she noticed only that he was slight and dark, and that he had on a very wet “macintosh;” in those days, when but recently invented, not the pleasantest of attire, unless one had a special predilection for the odour of tar and melted india-rubber combined. “how can anyone wear those horrible coats?” said marion to herself. but very speedily she was forced to confess that she would not be sorry were she to find herself magically enveloped in such a garment; for it was pouring, literally pouring, with rain. no longer drizzle, but good, honest, most unmistakable rain; and, of course, with her head full of blue sky and brilliant sunshine, as the normal condition of weather at altes, she had brought no umbrella. there she stood, rather despondently staring at the fountain, which seemed to her in a much brisker mood than when she had observed it on entering. as far as she herself was concerned, marion really was by no means afraid of a wetting, but then she knew the sight of her with drenched garments would seriously annoy cissy, whom at this present time she was most especially anxious to conciliate. she thought of turning back and borrowing au umbrella from lady severn, but she felt rather averse to doing so, and had just made up her mind to brave it when a voice behind her made her start.
“pardon, mademoiselle,” it said, “il parait que vous n’avez pas de parapluie, et il pleut à verse. permettez moi de vous ofrir le mien.”
the french was perfectly correct, the accent irreproachable, but yet a certain something, an undefinable instinct, caused marion to hesitate in her reply, as she turned towards the speaker. she stopped in the “je vous remercie” she had all but uttered, and for it substituted a hearty “thank you,” as her glance fell on the gentleman who had a few minutes before passed her on his way in.
“thank you,” she repeated, “you are very kind indeed.”
“ah,” he said, with, she fancied, a slight expression of amusement on his quiet, grave face, “my accent still betrays me, i see. but i am not sorry it is so in the present ease, as nothing is more ridiculous than forsaking one’s native tongue unnecessarily. i think,” he added, “my umbrella is a good-sized one, and will protect you pretty well, opening it he spoke. this was more easily managed than the shutting had been, and, with repeated thanks, marion had turned to go, when suddenly recollecting that she was in ignorance of the name and address of the owner of the umbrella, she stopped and asked if she should return it to number five.
“yes, if you please,” he replied, “i live here. you will see my name on the handle. but do not trouble about sending it back at once. any time in the next few days will do. i believe i have another somewhere. and, indeed, i much prefer being without one. these charming coats are much better things,” he added, regarding his attire with supreme satisfaction.
“charming they may be to the wearer, but assuredly not becoming, mr. whatever-your-name-is.” said marion to herself, as she crossed the courtyard under the shelter of the friendly umbrella. “i do think it was very kind of him, though, to lend me this, so i should not laugh at his queer appearance in that hideous coat, by-the-bye, i wonder what his name is.” by this time she was in the street, and stopped for a moment to decipher the letters on the handle: “r. m. severn.”
“how funny!” thought she, “really my introductions to this family are rather peculiar. how amused cissy will be!”
but, with the thought of cissy, came hack rather uneasy sensations. marion’s satisfaction at the success of her visit to lady severn, had for the moment caused her to forget the still more awful business before her: the confessing all to cissy, and extorting from her a promise of co-operation, without which her scheme must infallibly fail. the part of the whole which she least liked to think of, was the being known under a false name. and yet this very mistake of lady severn’s had been one of the strongest inducements to her to offer herself as governess to these children; for, as miss vere, she felt that she could not have ventured on so bold and unusual a proceeding. now, however, that the rubicon was passed, it appeared to her that the turning back would entail greater annoyances and mortification on both herself and her cousin, than they could possibly be exposed to by perseverance in her intention. this she hoped to be able to demonstrate to cissy, and thus to induce her to refrain from opposition. but the more she thought of it, the more she dreaded the coming interview. no use, however, in delaying it. she had hardly made up her mind as to how she should enter upon the awful disclosure, when she found herself at their own door, which was standing open, cissy anxiously looking out for her.
“oh, marion,” she exclaimed, “how very naughty you are to stay out it the rain! i have been in such a fuss about you.”
“oh, cissy,” replied the delinquent, “how very naughty you are, to stand at the door catching cold!”
“don’t be impertinent, miss, but come in and take off your wet things, and then tell me what you have been about. oh, i see, you had an umbrella. what a great, big one! is that your own one?”
“no i got the loan of it,” said marion hastily closing the conspicuous umbrella before cissy had time to observe it more particularly. “go into the drawing-room, cissy, and i’ll be with you in five minutes, and tell you all my adventures in the rain.”
the five minutes had hardy elapsed when marion rejoined her cousin. the damp day had rendered a tiny fire acceptable. cissy was seated near it, and marion knelt down on the rug before her, looking up into her face with a curious, half-anxious expression on her own.
“what is the matter, may? have you really any adventures to tell me?” asked mrs. archer.
“yes,” replied the girl quietly, “at least i have a confession to make to you. what do you think i have done, cissy?”
“what do i think you have done? how can i think till i know? don’t frighten me, may: tell me quickly what you mean.”
“well, then, i will tell you quickly, cissy. what i have done is this: i have engaged myself as daily governess to lady severn’s grand-daughters, for three months certainly, and, if possible, for six.”
“marion,” said cissy excitedly, “you are joking. you don’t mean that you have really done such a mad, unheard-of thing. you, marion vere, a daily governess! you uncle vere’s daughter! no, nonsense, you can’t be in earnest.”
“yes, cissy, i am, thoroughly and entirely in earnest. it came into my mind yesterday, when lady severn mistook me for charlie’s governess. i saw before me a simple, easy way of making the money i required to pay back poor harry’s debt, and i determined to carry out my scheme without telling you of it till it was done.” and then she gave her cousin a full account of her interview with lady severn, and the arrangements proposed; and without giving cissy time to make any remarks, or to urge any objections, she went on to show her how easily and naturally the thing might be managed without anyone’s ever being in their secret. how lady severn’s mistaking her name, and the fact of her being a perfect stranger in altes, would effectually prevent her identity with the daughter of the well-known mr. vere ever being suspected.
“and after all,” she continued, “it is such a very thrilling thing. i shall only be away for a few hours in the morning, and often indeed shall be home almost before you are dressed. the work itself, such as it is, will be exceedingly good for me in every way. i am really looking forward to it with the greatest pleasure.”
“it is not that part of it i am thinking of so much,” said cissy gravely, “it is the disadvantage it may be to you in a hundred indirect ways, which you are too childish to think of. even supposing, as may be the case, that the truth is never suspected, there is something very anomalous and undesirable about the whole affair. especially the being known under a name that is not yours. fancy, in after life, if it came out in the queer way that things do, that you had spent six mouths abroad under an assumed name! you must own, marion, that it is enough to startle me to think of what you may be exposing yourself to; and to think it is all for the sake of that wretched money! as if i would not twenty times rather have lent you six times as much, whether you ever repaid it or not.”
“but cissy, you couldn’t, and that settles the matter. you couldn’t have lent it, and i certainly wouldn’t have borrowed it without repaying it properly. the choice lay between my doing what i have done, or applying to papa; and rather than go to him for it, i really think i would be a governess all my life. besides,” she added, “seeing that so much is done, can it be undone? it seems to me the attempting to undo it, would entail all manner of disagreeable things; explanations of private matters to lady severn, a perfect stranger to me, and personally hardly better known to you. one thing i am quite sure of, and that is, that she would not forgive the part i have acted in the matter. indeed i myself should feel dreadfully small! as far as my chances of enjoying my visit to altes are concerned, which you, dear cissy, think so much of, i assure you i am more likely to do so, as miss freer, lady severn’s daily governess, than as marion vere. i couldn’t get over the mortification, at having appeared so cunning. if i really earn the money, i shall feel that i am working for harry, and somehow that prevents my feeling as if i were deceitful or scheming.”
and the more they talked it over, the more awkward appeared the complication. or at least, marion talked cissy into thinking there was nothing for it but to go on with the plan.
“for indeed,” said marion, by way of triumphantly summing up her argument, “i am under promise to lady severn to undertake the post, if she thinks me suitable. and i couldn’t go back from a promise.”
so, tired of discussion and rather bewildered by marion’s eloquence, poor cissy gave in, sorely against her will.
“it really will be great fun, putting every thing else aside,” said marion. “remember, cissy, you must never call me ‘my cousin,’ or ‘miss vere.’ fortunately we have no english servants with us, and charlie always calls me may. then all my letters, which won’t be many, come under cover to you. it will all answer beautifully.”
”i am sorry i can’t join you in seeing anything beautiful about the whole affair from beginning to end,” said cissy,” but having given in, i must not be cross about it. i know you did it from the best of motives, but all the same it was fearfully rash. i believe it’s leaving off raining,” she added, as a sudden gleam of sunshine entered the room, “that reminds me, may, where did you borrow that great umbrella? did lady severn lend it you?”
“no,” replied marion, and then, not sorry to distract her cousin’s thoughts, she related her little adventure.
“yes,” said mrs. archer, “that must certainly have been sir ralph. but don’t feel flattered by his civility, marion. at this moment i have no doubt he has not the slightest idea if the person he lent it to was an ugly old woman or a pretty young girl. very probably he would have lent it all the more heartily had you been the former.”
“very likely,” said marion, laughing, “outward appearance evidently does not trouble him much.”
and then, as it had really cleared up wonderfully, they set of for a walk.
“remember, cissy,” said marion, “that dr. bailey is coming this afternoon.
“yes,” replied mrs. archer, “i had not forgotten it. but marion, if i give in to this mad scheme of yours, you must instruct me what i am to do. must i introduce you on all occasions in this new character of yours?”
“there will very seldom be any necessity for introducing me at all. you can speak of me and to me as you always do, which will seem quite natural. i told lady severn we were very old friends, and that i had just come abroad with you for the pleasure of the visit.”
“very well,” said cissy, “you shall hear me introduce you to dr. bailey, as a deserving young person whom i have a very good opinion of.”
but this introduction proved to be unnecessary. dr. bailey had hardly sat down before he remarked to mrs. archer, how pleased he was to hear that her young friend had undertaken, temporarily, the charge of the studies of the little misses severn. “an excellent arrangement,” he pronounced it, “your new pupils, miss freer,” (he had heard the name even!) “are charming children. the younger one especially is a great friend of mine. she has been far from strong, poor child, but is now much better. i should not, however, advise her being pressed forward in her lessons. time enough for that, time enough.” and so he chattered on in a kindly, uninteresting way; told mrs. archer the names of the principal families, english, french, russians, and germans, who intended this year wintering at altes; advised her by all means occasionally to dine at the table d’h?te of the “lion d’or,” as the variety would be good for her and the cooking excellent; and then took his leave with the promise of a speedy visit from the ladies of his household.
