since the second year of the war fanny close had been portress at hortons. it had demanded very much resolution on the part of mr. nix to search for a portress. since time immemorial the halls of hortons had known only porters. george, the present fine specimen, had been magnificently in service there for the last ten years. however, mr. nix was a patriot; he sent his son aged nineteen to the war (his son was only too delighted to go), himself joined the london air defences, and then packed off every man and boy in the place.
the magnificent james was the last to go. he had, he said, an ancient mother dependent upon him. mr. nix was disappointed in him. he did not live up to his chest measurement. "you're very nearly a shirker," he said to him indignantly. nevertheless he promised to keep his place open for him....
he had to go out into the highways and by-ways and find women. the right ones were not easily found, and often enough they were disappointing. mr. nix was a tremendous disciplinarian, that was why hortons were the best service flats in the whole of the west end. but he discovered, as many a man had discovered before him, that the discipline that does for a man will not[pg 35] do nine times out of ten for a woman. woman has a way of wriggling out of the net of discipline with subtleties unknown to man.
so mr. nix discovered.... only with fanny close mr. nix had no trouble at all. she became at the end of the first week a "jewel," and a jewel to the end of her time she remained.
i don't wish, in these days of stern and unrelenting realism, to draw dickensian pictures of youth and purity, but the plain truth is that fanny close was as good a girl as ever was made. she was good for two reasons, one because she was plain, the other because she had a tiresome sister. the first of these reasons made her humble, the other made her enjoy everything from which her sister was absent twice as much as anyone else would have enjoyed it.
she was twenty-five years of age; the mother had died of pleurisy when the children were babies, and the father, who was something very unimportant in a post office, had struggled for twenty years to keep them all alive, and then caught a cold and died. the only brother had married, and aggie and fanny had remained to keep house together. aggie had always been the beauty of the family, but it had been a beauty without "charm," so that many young men had advanced with beating hearts, gazed with eager eyes, and then walked away, relieved that for some reason or another they had been saved from "putting the question." she had had proposals, of course, but they had never been good enough. at twenty-six she was a disappointed virgin.
[pg 36]
fanny had always been so ready to consider herself the plainer and stupider of the two that it had not been altogether aggie's fault that she, aggie, should take, so naturally, the first place. many a relation had told fanny that she was too "submissive" and didn't stand up for herself enough, but fanny shook her head and said that she couldn't be other than she was. the true fact was that deep down in her heart she not only admired her sister, she also hated her. how astonished aggie would have been had she known this—and how astonished, to be truly platitudinous for a moment, we should all be if we really knew what our nearest and dearest relatives thought of us!
fanny hated aggie, but had quite made up her mind that she would never be free of her. how could she be? she herself was far too plain for anyone to want to marry her, and aggie was apparently settling down inevitably into a bitter old-maidenhood. then came the war. fanny was most unexpectedly liberated. aggie did, of course, try to prevent her escape, but on this occasion fanny was resolved. she would do what she could to help—the country needed every single woman. at first she washed plates in a canteen, then she ran a lift outside some insurance office, finally she fell into mr. nix's arms, and there she stayed for three years.
she knew from the very first that she would like it. she liked mr. nix, she liked the blue uniform provided for her, most of all she liked the "atmosphere" of hortons, the coloured repose of st. james's, the hall of white and green, the broad staircase, the palms in the[pg 37] staircase windows, the grandfather's clock near mr. nix's office; she even liked her own little rabbit-hutch where were the little boxes for the letters, the cupboard for her own private possessions, the telephone, and a chair for her to sit upon. in a marvellously short time she was the mistress of the whole situation. mr. nix could not have believed that he would have missed the marvellous james so little. "really," he said to mrs. nix, "a great discovery, a remarkable find."
"well, i hope she won't disappoint you," said mrs. nix, who was an amiable pessimist. fanny did not disappoint; she got better and better. everyone liked her, and she liked everyone.
because she had as her standard aggie's grudging and reluctant personality, she naturally found everyone delightful. she was very happy indeed because they all wanted her assistance in one way or another. "men are helpless," was her happy comment after a year's experience at hortons. she stamped letters for one, delivered telephone messages for another, found addresses for a third, carried bags for a fourth, acted as confidential adviser for a fifth. she was not pretty, of course, but she was much less plain in her uniform than she had been in her private dress. the blue, peaked cap suited her, and managed somehow, in combination with her pince-nez, to give her quite a roguish complexion.
nevertheless she was looked upon as a serious person—"quite like a man," she reflected with satisfaction. she did not wish to waste her time with flirtations, she wanted to do her job efficiently. it needed great self[pg 38]-control not to take too active an interest in the affairs of the ladies and gentlemen in her charge. she was, for instance, deeply sorry for poor old mr. jay, who was obviously poor and helpless and had no friends. he used to ask her whether "so-and-so" had called, to tell her that he was expecting lady this, and lord that to ring up. of course, they never did. no one ever came to see him. fanny's heart simply ached for him.
then there was young mr. torby—the hon. clive torby. fanny thought him the most wonderful figure in london. he was in france and was wounded, went back and was wounded again, this time losing an arm. he had the d.s.o. and m.c., and was simply the most handsome young man in london—but fanny feared that he was leading a very idle life. he was always happy, always good-tempered, always laughing, but fanny shivered at the thought of the money that he spent. lord dronda, his father, used to come and see him and "remonstrate with him," so the hon. clive told fanny after the interview. but what was the good? all the young ladies came just the same, and the flowers and the fruit and the wine——
"we can only love once, fanny," the young man declared one day. "and i've been so near kicking the bucket so many times lately that i'm going to make the most of the sunshine."
how could you blame him? at any rate, fanny couldn't.
there were many others into whose histories and personalities this is neither the time nor place to enter.[pg 39] fanny felt as though she were living at the very heart of the great, bustling, eventful world. when she saw edmund robsart, the famous novelist, whose flat was no. 20, go up in the lift, when he said "good-evening" to her and smiled, he whose picture was quite often in the daily papers, whose books were on the railway book-stalls, whose name was even mentioned once in fanny's hearing by t. e. dunville at the victoria palace—well, there was something to be proud of. true, he was over fifty, and fat and a little pompous—what did that matter? fanny had taken messages to him in his rooms and seen him once in a purple silk dressing-gown.
she did not consider herself overworked. she had to be on duty at eight-thirty every morning, and she remained until six-thirty in the evening. she had every saturday afternoon and every other sunday. she did every kind of thing in between those hours. the whole warm pulsing life of the twenty chambers seemed to radiate from her. she fancied herself sitting there in her little office, taking the messages from the flats and distributing them to the different valets and servants in the kitchen, watching everyone who came in and out, detecting suspicious people who wanted to see "so-and-so on very urgent business," attending to mr. nix when he had anything to say or wanted anything ... and sometimes in the hot summer weather she would sit and look out upon the white and shining street, feeling the heat play in little gleaming waves upon the green staircase behind her, hearing the newsboys shout their war-news, watching stout mr. newbury, of the picture-shop, as he stood in his door[pg 40]way and speculated on the weather. how cool here, and how hot out there!—and in the winter how warm the flats and how cold the dusky blue-green street!
she sometimes wondered whether it were not wicked of her to care for her life at hortons so much when it all came to her from the horrible war, which did indeed seem to her the most dreadful thing that had ever happened.
she had not known many young men, but there had been mr. simmons and mr. frank blake and his brother tom blake—nice young men, and most amusing in the evening after supper or on an evening out at the music hall—all gone.... tom blake dead, frank blake without a leg, mr. simmons gassed.... oh, she hated this war, she hated it—but she loved hortons.
the fly in the ointment was the old familiar fly of family comment. the war had not had a good effect upon aggie. she sat at home and grew more and more pessimistic. there never was such pessimism. germany was to aggie a triumphing, dominating force that nothing could stop. "what's the use of our fighting?" she would say when fanny would arrive home to supper, exhausted but cheerful. "what's the use? that's what i want to know. here we are at their mercy—can step over any time they like and just take us."
nothing made fanny so angry as this. it was all she could do to control herself; nevertheless, control herself she did.
"what about our army?" she would say. "and the[pg 41] submarines? what about kitchener?" and later, "what about haig?"
"haig!" sniffed aggie. "haig!" the air-raids finished aggie. a bomb was dropped quite close to their upper-part in bloomsbury. aggie was ill for weeks—she recovered, but rose from her bed a soured, injured, vindictive woman. it was exactly as though the whole of the war, and especially the bomb-dropping part of it, had been arranged simply for the annoyance of aggie close. she always said that she hated the germans, but to hear her talk you'd think that she hated the english a great deal more. our incompetence, our cowardice, our selfishness, our wickedness in high places—such were her eternal topics. fanny, sitting in her hutch at hortons, saw the evening waiting for her—the horrible evening with their little stuffy, food-smelling, overcrowded room, with the glazed and grinning sideboard, the pink-and-white wool mats, the heavy lace curtains over the window, the hideous oleographs, the large, staring photographs. unlike most of her kind she knew that all this was ugly, and in the midst of the ugliness was aggie, aggie with her square, short, thick-set figure, her huge flat feet, her heavy, freckled hands. she would have escaped to a place of entertainment had there been anybody to take her—just now there was nobody. she could not walk about the streets alone.
at first she had tried to interest aggie in the exciting events of her day, in poor mr. jay, and magnificent mr. robsart, and funny, fussing mrs. demaris, and the hon. clive. but aggie had a marvellous way of turn[pg 42]ing everything, however cheerful and bright it might seem, into sin and sorrow and decay. if fanny was happy, it was: "how can you laugh when the world's in the state it's in?" if fanny sighed, it was: "i should have thought it was one's duty to be as cheerful as possible just now. but some people think only of themselves."
if fanny argued against some too outrageous piece of pessimism, it was: "really, fanny, it's such as you is losing us the war."
"oh! i hate aggie!—i hate aggie!" fanny would sometimes cry to herself in the heart of her hutch, but she could not summon to herself sufficient resolution to go off and live by herself; she had a terror of solitary evenings, all the terror of one who did not care for books, who was soaked in superstition and loved lights and noise.
during the first two years of the war she did not consider the end of the war. she never doubted for a single moment but that the allies would win, and for the rest she had too much work to do to waste time in idle speculations. but in the third year that little phrase "after the war" began to drive itself in upon her. everyone said it. she perceived that people were bearing their trials and misfortunes and losses because "after the war" everything would be all right again—there would be plenty of food and money and rest "after the war."
her heart began to ache for all the troubles that she saw around her. mr. nix lost his boy in france and was a changed man. for a month or two it seemed as[pg 43] though he would lose all interest in hortons. he was listless and indifferent and suffered slackness to go unpunished. then he pulled himself together. hortons was its old self again—and how fanny admired him for that!
then came the armistice, and the world changed for fanny. it changed because, in a sudden devastating horrible flash of revelation, she realised that the women would all have to go! the men would come back.... and she?
that night when she perceived this gave her one of her worst hours. she had allowed herself—and she saw now how foolish she had been to do so—to look upon the work at hortons as the permanent occupation of her life. how could she have done otherwise? it suited her so exactly; she loved it, and everybody encouraged her to believe that she did it well. had not mr. nix himself told her that he could not have believed that he could miss the magnificent james so little, and that no man could have filled the blank as she had done? moreover, in the third year of the war james had been killed, and it would take a new man a long time to learn all the ins-and-outs of the business as she had learnt them. so she had encouraged herself to dream, and the dream and the business had become one—she could not tear them apart. well, now she must tear them apart. mr. nix was dismissing all the women.
with teeth set she faced her future. no use to think of getting another job—everywhere the men were returning. for such work as she could do there would[pg 44] be a hundred men waiting for every vacancy. no, she would have to live always with aggie. they would have enough to live on—just enough. their brother allowed them something, and an aunt had left them a little legacy. just enough with a perpetual sparing and scraping—no more of the little luxuries that fanny's pay from hortons had allowed them. certainly not enough for either of them to live alone. tied for ever together, that's what they would be—chained! and aggie growing ever more and more bitter.
nevertheless she faced it. she went back to hortons with a smile and a laugh. her gentlemen and ladies did not know that she was looking upon them with eyes of farewell. miss lois drake, for instance, that daring and adventurous type of the modern girl about whose future fanny was always speculating with trembling excitement, she did not notice anything at all. but then she thought of very little save herself. "however she can do the things she does!" was fanny's awed comment—and now, alas, she would never see the climax to her daring—never, never, never!
she said nothing to aggie of her troubles, and aggie said nothing to her. the days passed. then just before christmas came the marvellous news.
by this time all the girl valets had been dismissed and men had taken their places. they would congregate in the hall of a morning, coming on approval, and fanny would speculate about them. mr. nix even asked her advice. "i like that one," she would say; "i wouldn't trust that man a yard," she would decide. then one day albert edward came. there was no[pg 45] doubt about him at all. he was almost as good as the late lamented james. handsome, although short—but fanny liked the "stocky" kind, and with such a laugh! fanny delighted in his jet-black hair cut tight about his head, his smiling black eyes, his round, rosy cheeks. she admired him quite in the abstract. he was far too grand for any personal feeling.... at once, when he had been in the place two days, she allotted him to mrs. mellish's maid, annette, such a handsome girl, so bold and clever! they were made for one another.
albert edward was valet on the second floor; he shared that floor with bacon. fanny did not like bacon, the one mistake she thought that mr. nix had made.
well, just before christmas the wonderful hour arrived.
"fanny," said mr. nix one evening. "do you realise that you're the only woman left in a man's job?"
"yes," said fanny, her heart beating horribly.
"well," said mr. nix, "you're going to continue to be the only woman unless you've any objection."
"oh, mr. nix," said fanny, "i'm sure i've always tried——"
"yes, i know," said mr. nix, "that's why i want you to stay—for ever if you like—or at any rate so long as i'm here."
"oh, mr. nix," said fanny again. tears were in her eyes; the familiar green staircase, the palm and the grandfather's clock swam before her eyes.
it was aggie, of course, who killed her happiness almost as soon as it was born.
[pg 46]
"and what about the demobilised men?" aggie had asked with her cold, acid smile. "i should have thought that if there were any jobs going a patriotic girl like you would have been the first to stand aside."
fanny's heart seemed to leap into the air and then fall—stone dead at her feet. men! demobilised men! she had not thought of that. but for the moment the only thing she could see was aggie's spite—her old, eternal spite.... she felt the tears rising. in a moment they would break out.
"you would like to spoil it if you could!" she cried. "yes, you would. it's what you've always done—spoilt everything. yes, you have—since we were children. any little bit of happiness...."
"happiness!" interrupted aggie; "that's what you call it? selfishness! cruel selfishness, that's what some would name it."
"you don't care," cried fanny, her words now choked with sobs. "you don't care as long as i'm hurt and wounded—that's all you mind!... always ... tried to hurt me ... always!" the tears had conquered her. she rushed from the room.
she escaped—but she was haunted. it was not because aggie had said it that she minded—no, she did not care for aggie—it was because there was truth in what aggie had said. fanny was precisely the girl to feel such a charge, as aggie well knew. all her life her conscience had been her trouble, acute, vivid, lifting its voice when there was no need, never satisfied with the prizes and splendours thrown it. in ordinary[pg 47] times fanny surrendered at once to its hideous demands—this time she fought.
aggie herself helped in the fight. having succeeded in making fanny miserable, it was by no means her intention that the silly child should really surrender the job. that did not at all suit her own idle selfishness. so she mocked at her for staying where she was, but made it plain that having given her word, she must stick to it. "you've made your bed and must lie on it," was her phrase.
fanny said nothing. the light had gone from her eyes, the colour from her cheeks. she was fighting the sternest battle of her life. everywhere she saw, or fancied she saw, demobilised men. every man in the street with a little shining disc fastened to his coat was in her eyes a demobilised man starving and hungry because she was so wicked. and yet why should she give it up? she had proved her worth—shown that she was better than a man in that particular business. would mr. nix have kept her had she not been better? kind though he was, he was not a philanthropist.... and to give it up, to be tied for life to aggie, to be idle, to be unwanted, to see no more of hortons, to see no more—of albert edward. yes, the secret was out. she loved albert edward. not with any thought of herself—dear me, no.... she knew that she was far too plain, too dull. she need only compare herself for an instant with mrs. mellish's annette, and she could see where she stood. no, romance was not for her. but she liked his company. he was so kind to her.[pg 48] he would stand, again and again, in her little hutch and chatter, laughing and making silly jokes.
she amused him, and he admired her capacity for business. "you are a one!" was his way of putting it. "you'd be something like running a restaurant—business side, you know."
how proud she was when he said these things! after all, everybody had something. annette, for all her bows and ribbons, was probably poor at business.
however, she included albert edward in the general life of hortons, and refused to look any closer. so day and night the struggle continued. she could not sleep, she could not eat, everyone told her that she was looking ill and needed a holiday. she was most truly a haunted woman, and her ghosts were on every side of her, pressing in upon her, reproaching her with starving, dark-rimmed eyes. she struggled, she fought, she clung with bleeding hands to the stones and rafters and walls of hortons.
conscience had her way—fanny was beaten. the decision was taken one night after a horrible dream—a dream in which she had been pursued by a menacing, sinister procession of men, some without arms and legs, who floated about her, beating her in the face with their soft boneless hands....
she awoke screaming. next morning she went to mr. nix.
"i'm afraid i must give you my notice, mr. nix," she said.
of course he laughed at her when she offered her reason. but she was firm.
[pg 49]
"you've been terribly good to me, mr. nix," she said, "but i must go."
she was firm. it was all that she could do not to cry. he submitted, saying that he would leave her a day or so to reconsider it.
she went into her hut and stared in front of her, in stony wretchedness. that was the worst day of her life. she felt like a dead woman. worst of all was the temptation to run back to mr. nix and tell him that it was not true, that she had reconsidered it....
all day she saw aggie in her green stuff dress, her eyes close to the paper, the room so close, so close....
in the afternoon, about five, she felt that she could bear it no longer.
she would get the hall-boy to take her place and would go home.
albert edward came in for a chat. she told him what she had done.
"well," he said, "that's fine."
she stared at him.
"i want you to marry me," he said; "i've been wanting it a long time. i like you. you're just the companion for me, sense of humour and all that. and a business head. i'm past the sentimental stuff. what i want is a pal. what do you say to the little restaurant?"
the grandfather's clock rose up and struck fanny in the face. she could have endured that had not the green and white staircase done the same. so strange was the world that she was compelled to put her hand on albert edward's arm.
[pg 50]
behind the swimming, dazzling splendour of her happiness was the knowledge that she had secured a job from which no man in the world would have the right to oust her.
