the paris papers came regularly; several editions every day, but we were no longer so ravenous for this type of nourishment. when once the period of anxiety concerning belgium's resistance and the intervention of england was over, we almost lost interest in the rest, yes, even in the first engagements in lorraine, where our men won such a glorious name for themselves. we felt that nothing of importance would take place for ten days or a fortnight.

our chief anxiety was to know what they would do with us.

the general opinion was that we would be in the second line (reservists. the idea!), that we would only look on from afar at the first terrible encounters.... when the regulars were put out of action, yes, then it would be our turn to take the field. but it was quite possible that the war would already be well advanced.

what day should we leave? and what would our destination be?

outlandish rumours were in circulation. they were hailed with a smile, and passed on in fun, but we ended by believing them. what did we know about it? the "tips" always came from such high-placed[pg 94] officials, generals, or station-masters. one persistent rumour was that we were to be sent to le havre, and from there shipped ... to what port do you think? you'd never guess, however long you went on trying! to bremen! a landing party! heavens, we stopped at nothing, with the british fleet behind us! according to another version we were to form part of a reserve force concentrated at go?tquidam brittany! the drawback was that we ran the risk of not seeing anything!

morale! what a strange factor it is in deciding the fate of nations! i failed to take it into account now. this uncertainty weighed on me. i sounded my companions.

"look here, how do you think things are going ... all right?"

"what!"

my question astounded them. on looking back it seems to me obvious that an insane optimism held sway. what could the central powers do against this gigantic coalition. the kaiser had lost his head! driven by the "junker" party, he was risking his all in a fit of despair.

how long would it go on for? the figure quoted was three months.

three months, i said to myself: three months!

fate might decide that our army corps, our regiment, was not to be engaged more than once or twice.... there would be some rough knocks to put up with! but what of that? lots would come through! for those who did it would be curiously interesting to look on at the reconstruction of the world which would follow.... would life be any the better for it? yes. in what way?[pg 95] i did not know. but i was firmly convinced of it.

in guillaumin i had a surprising source of high spirits and enthusiasm. he lived in a state of exaltation. he was the only one to read between the lines, in the daily reports, endless sensational pieces of news, extraordinarily favourable to us, withheld, he said, through an excess of modesty.

"they're afraid the public might lose their heads."

if i pretended to be alarmed:

"what's become of the concentration? look at all the regulars that are about still!"

he retorted with:

"my dear fellow, they're getting two days ahead of the estimates."

he had been to the station. he had seen any amount of trains passing crammed with troops and war material...! an inconceivable number of big guns, and ammunition waggons, and gun carriages! a store of unsuspected riches!

our staff? was admirable. joffre, the great strategist, who left nothing to chance. pau, the soldier whom the germans feared more than any one, de castelnau! since he had made it his career despite his opinions!

the government? perfection. viviani, the right man in the right place; the strong and many-sided genius that was needed. how fine,—and what a clever move—his letter to madame jaurès had been! the results of it were this solidity, and absolute unanimity; the rising en masse of the peaceful operatives, the internationalists of yesterday, claiming for their great country the right to live and be respected.

[pg 96]

guillaumin knew the text of the different official declarations and proclamations by heart; he recited scraps of them to me.

"glorious! what!"

it was not an assumed excitement. i sounded him. he really was delighted to be going. it was the ingenuous wish for the unexpected and for adventure in one who led the most dreary of lives as a civilian. and the need to expend himself in a cause he felt was just. he did not need much urging to bring out such big words as duty and patriotism!!

his fervour both lowered him and raised him in my estimation. on one side i was inclined to place him in the class of credulous boobies, like the young fool of a lawyer's clerk i had met in the railway carriage. at the same time he gave me an example of moral warmth and vigour preferable to my frivolity.

he alone seemed changed by these formidable circumstances. he was thrilled. i should like to have been thrilled.

what made the descroix and humels so unbearable to me was their peace-time point of view. the way they spent hour after hour playing stupid card games, taking no interest in anything else! it was beyond me, and it worried me. they would not be the ones to save france!

(should i be!!!)

guillaumin reassured me.

"don't you worry about that! you keep your eye on the poilus. that's all that matters!"

i tossed my head. my men? what could i know about them?

i had thirty-three roughs under me, squads 11 and 12. guillaumin had the same number, squads 9 and[pg 97] 10; lieutenant henriot was in command of the platoon.

up to now, i had tried only to avoid being unpopular. i thought i was succeeding in it. i relied entirely on my corporals, bouguet and donnadieu, who were well up in their job.

chance had thrown together in my section, judsi and lamalou, the two scoundrels whom i have already mentioned, among the stolid beaucerons who were all so much alike that they might have been brothers. they were a scurvy couple. they had already been caught by a patrol one night in town, and brought back drunk, shouting and storming, and had been in such a dangerous mood next day that henriot had not dared to haul them over the coals for it.

the impressions i had retained of the few weeks once spent on a company, before going to the "peloton," the one occasion in which i had come into contact for a short period with the lower classes, were these: the barrack was a den of wild beasts, and the peasants real brutes. the fact that the one thing they looked forward to was sunday when they could drink themselves stupid, made them lower even than the animals. beyond that the only thing that had worried me was the "promiscuousness." the days of ragging were over; i was free with my cigarettes and "drinks." i could always find someone ready to take my fatigues for me for the sake of a sixpence, and ever since then bouillon had been my guardian angel. it did not matter how much this pleb was looked down on!

attached to my original company during the man?uvres, reports had reached the ears of the reserve officer to the effect that i was already well up in my work, and i had at once been made a non[pg 98]-commissioned officer, a distant and unapproachable being.

my energetic "command" ensured my authority, on the drill-ground at all events. elsewhere?... there was no elsewhere. as for taking a personal interest in each of the men, and searching into, and investigating their characters, as guillaumin tried to induce me, and forced himself to do,—the idea had never entered my head. to-day it seemed an idle fancy outside the realms of realisation. i felt that this mass of men was too remote from, and, in all probability, hostile to us. no, they did not count at all as individual souls! i listened to guillaumin as he extolled their sound good sense, and sturdy morale. it was too much to ask of this poor food for cannons.

but one thing struck me, nevertheless; the small, the infinitesimal number of men who "groused." not a sign of "shirkers." it was astounding to me to note, in the days that followed, how this spirit had spread. i did not see any great enthusiasm, but rather determination, or perhaps it was resignation. there was at all events, no reluctance, no little underhand plots, elaborated with a view to remaining at the dep?t. i have quoted our friend belloeil; but even he would willingly have gone with us, i think, but for his asthma, which made him pant like a seal, merely at having to go up into billets.

one drama, i remember, caused a sensation: a reservist who had thrown himself successively through a window, under a cart, and under a train. he was hard to kill, that fellow!

how set he was on doing away with himself! at the inquest, a letter which had been discovered established the fact that the only motive for this act[pg 99] had been ... fear. yes, simply the stupid fear of going to the front.... poor wretch. what a fine funeral ovation they gave him. good-for-nothing, rotter, and funk were the mildest terms employed. if he had accounted for a bosche, his skin would have been of some use.

on the fourth day, friday, the order arrived in the morning to assemble for field-parade.

guillaumin was triumphant.

"there now, you see! didn't i tell you so? they're coming all right—even to us!"

the men were taking their valises. and what about us; no, we agreed not to.

we started off. a fig for marching at attention! that was not expected of us. we followed the railway lines. a train was just passing, the carriages decorated with flowers. soldiers were laughing at the windows.

the 104th argentan.

"halloa, you chaps! wait for us! we're going on foot to have a look at the bosches!" judsi shouted.

we halted farther on in a field by the roadside. suddenly a whistle was blown, and the word was passed round that the captain was there!

in the twinkling of an eye we were formed up again and got into line as well as might be.

delafosse, the first lieutenant, gave the order:

"present ... arms!"

captain ribet rode up, mounted on a beautiful grey mare. he was a tall spare man with a crisp moustache and very bright eyes. an ex-officer in the regulars; we knew he had retired when quite young after having won the légion d'honneur.

[pg 100]

he saluted, and without any preliminaries pointed imperiously at the first section.

"skirmishing order," he shouted.

we had about fifty yards to cover at a double.

"kneel!"

we knelt down.

"advance!"

we stood erect, and then immediately had to operate a change of front. the words of command and evolutions followed each other in rapid and varied succession. the captain gave the order and looked on coldly at the execution of it without uttering a word. we all lacked enthusiasm but it did not go badly, all the same. our covering sergeants knew what they were about, and henriot slipped in the necessary explanations. i acquitted myself passably in my thankless r?le of supernumerary. the men charged and deployed, and then returned to their first formation, their movements facilitated by their long experience in former days. during the short intervals of respite, reflections were heard:

"how's that for man?uvres!"

"we are having a dose."

at last arms were piled and while the men amused themselves by pulling out pipes or chunks of bread, the captain blew his whistle again.

"the non-commissioned officers!"

the first thing he did was to find fault with us.

"why haven't you got your valises?"

the subaltern opened his mouth....

"that will do. we'll consider it as said!"

he had a few words of praise for the way we drilled.

"there was a little hesitation in the third though."

"among us! really!"

[pg 101]

he added a few commonplace remarks on our duties which played such an important part in the field. we must prove the value of the material entrusted to us. it was for us to make the most of it.

seizing the opportunity afforded by a brief silence, playoust thought he might ask him what the probable date of our departure would be.... sunday was talked of.

"i am not here to answer questions, sergeant!"

he warned us that he would inspect us next morning at nine o'clock.

"service marching orders. ready to leave. and mind you see that nothing is missing!"

he dismissed us with a salute.

directly we had got away guillaumin exclaimed:

"a queer fish that!"

"you like him?"

"yes, i do. it's men like that that we want!"

i protested. my impression of him, on the contrary was an unpleasant one. who did the man think he was, to treat us as little boys?

when we got back into quarters, i made fun of the sudden zeal consuming my comrades. the prospect of this inspection next day scared them. each one rushed off to put his men on their mettle. guillaumin especially was quite off his chump. i, for my part, contented myself with warning my corporals that everything must be in order at the time fixed! i should hold them responsible!

that done, i did not worry any more! i spent the afternoon resting in my hay-loft.

the best of it was that i was sergeant of the day. i ought to have gone and put myself at the disposi[pg 102]tion of the adjutant. bah! he could do without me, without the world coming to an end.

my predecessor, belloeil, had told me that i should have to take the men who had been given orders the day before to the barracks on the stroke of five o'clock. they would draw their pay there, and i should countersign the register.... the list was handed over to me. they watched for me at the exit, but i arranged to escape them; de valpic would take them to-morrow.

one of them accosted me in the town; i snubbed him, and he went off cursing and swearing. guillaumin blamed me for it.

"poor fellow! suppose he had some purchase to make!"

"oh rot! i'm doing him a good turn; he'll drink a drop less than usual, that's all!"