wapping old stares.
one night, as a prominent instance, about twelve o’clock, he rang the alarm bell so violently, at the same time proclaiming conflagration, that the law of preservation became our paramount duty, and, as a consequence, we all escaped in a state of dishabille only to be ambiguously hinted at, by saying that time did not allow to put on my best lutestring to meet the neighbouring gentry—and must add, with indignation, in the full blaze of a heap of straw, thought proper to be set on fire by mr. davis in the fore-court. i trust your ladyship will excuse a little warmth of language, in saying it was highly reprehensible; but i have not depictured the worst. i, one evening, lighted up what i conceived to be a mould candle, and your ladyship will imagine my undescribable fright when it exploded itself like a missile of the squib description, an unwarrantable mode, i must say, of
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convincing me, as mr. davis had the audaciousness to own to, that we may be made to be actors in our own combustion. to suppose at my years and experience, i can be unsensible of the danger of fire, must be a preposterous notion; but all his subsequent acts partake an agreeable character. for fear of being consumed in our beds, as he insidiously professed, he exerted all his influential arguments to persuade the females to set up nocturnally all night, a precaution of course declined, as well as his following scheme, being almost too much broached with absurdity to enumerate. i mean every retiring female reposing her confidence on a live goose in her chamber, as were purchased for the express purpose, but need not add were dispensed with by rational beings. i trust your ladyship will acquit of uncharitableness if i suspect it was out of vindictive feelings at their opposition to the geese that mr. davis insinuated a strict inquiry into every individual that came into the house, as far even as requiring to be personally present at all that passed between the dairymaid and her cousin. it escaped memory to say that when the feminine department refused to be deprived of rest, the male servants were equally adverse to go to bed, being spirited up by mr. davis to spend the night together, and likewise being furnished with the best strong ale in the cellar by his im
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perious directions, which, by way of climax to assurance, was alleged to be by order of sir jacob himself. i say nothing reflectively on his repeatedly discharging his artillery at unseasonable hours, the shock principally concerning my own nervous constitution, which was so vibrated as to require calling in physical powers: and doctor tudor, considering advanced age and infirmity, is of opinion i may require to be under his professional hands for an ensuing twelvemonth. of startling effects upon other parties i may make comments more unreserved, and without harsh extenuation must say, his letting off reports without due notice, frequently when the females had valuable cut glass and china in their hands, or on their trays, was blamable in the extreme, to express the least of it. another feature which caused much unpleasantness, was mr. davis persisting to scrutinise and rummage the entire premises from top to bottom, but on this characteristic tediousness forbids to dwell, and more particularly as mainly affecting himself, such as the flow of blood from his nose, and two coagulated eyes, from the cellar door, through a peculiar whim of looking for every thing in a state of absolute obscurity. i may add, by way of incident, that mr. davis walks lame from a canine injury in the calf of his leg, which i hope will not prove rabid in the end,—but the animals he has on his own responsibility introduced on the premises, really resemble, begging your ladyship’s pardon for the expression, what are denominated d.’s incarnate.
such, your ladyship, is the unpropitious posture of domestic affairs at the shrubbery, originating, i must say, exclusively from the unprecedented deviations of mr. davis. a mild construction would infer, from such extraordinary extravagance of conduct, a flightiness, or aberration of mind in the individual, but i deeply lament to say a more obvious cause exists to put a negative on such a surmise. for the last week mr. davis has betrayed an unusual propensity to pass his evenings at the
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george tavern, and in consequence has several times exhibited himself in a bacchanalian character to our extreme discomforture, and on one occasion actually trespassed so far beyond the bounds of modesty, as to offer me the rudeness of a salute. i blush to impart such details to your ladyship; but justice demands an explicit statement, however repulsive to violated reserve and the rules of virtue. amongst less immoral actions, i must advert to the arrival of two new engines with a vast number of leathern buckets, i fear ordered by mr. davis at my honoured master’s expense, and which are periodically exercised in pumping every day, by the gardeners and the hinds, being induced thereto by extra beverages of strong beer. by such means the aquatic supply of the well is frequently exhausted by playing upon nothing,—and at this present moment i am justified in stating we have not sufficient water to fulfil culinary purposes, or the demands of cleanliness. i feel ashamed to say there is not a strictly clean cap in the whole household.
