1
his kindly neighbors, who lived in the big room at the back next to his own, were roger sully and don carew, so he learned from the inscription on their mail-box in the entrance. he went in that evening after dinner to thank them.
he was surprised to find, in this dingy building, so charming a room—strikingly in contrast to his own bare and cheerless one. across one wall a blazing splash of colour—some kind of foreign-looking dyed-stuff—and a few brilliant cushions on the couch, warmed the place and made him forget what seemed the bleak chill of all the rest of the world.
roger, it appeared, was the fat little man with the air of distinction, who was making coffee in a glass bulb over an alcohol lamp. don, a long and bony youth, was stretched at ease in a big chair.
“have some coffee with us,” said roger. “it will be good coffee, i promise you. and good coffee,” he went on in his gently modulated voice, “is one of the few really important things in life.”
“and a cigarette,” said don, rising to offer him a box of queer-looking russian things with long pasteboard mouthpieces. as he offered the cigarettes with one hand, he raised the other and ran his long fingers through his fair tousled hair, reducing it to a state of more picturesque disorder. he made this gesture continually, not in mere nervousness but as if he were caressing something he liked.
the coffee was very good, and felix drank it gratefully. the two hosts drank it as though it were a rite, felix observed, a veritable and solemn ceremonial. they smoked 76cigarettes the same way—slowly, as if tasting each inhalation with a devout palate. and aside from these rather solemn sensory enthusiasms, they maintained a slightly bored air.
they referred to the incident of the night before as if it had happened a thousand years ago. it did not appear to interest them in the least, and felix found it difficult to identify them with the delightedly chattering companions who had escorted him home—until something that was said seemed to break the spell, and roger leaned forward eagerly and demanded:
“yes—now why did you call him mcfish? have you any idea?”
“yes—why?” echoed don, also alert.
felix did not know, and could not imagine why anybody should care to probe the secret of a mere drunken mistake in nomenclature.... the mcfish incident reminded them of some equally esoteric mistake made upon some similar occasion, and they spent an hour in a quite excited discussion of psychic revelations which seemed to felix both immaterial and irrelevant. he went away feeling as though he had stepped by inadvertence into a chapter by henry james, and he decided not to come again.
but he did drop in a few evenings later, in sheer boredom, and drank their coffee, and found that upon occasion they could tell a really amusing story—or was it rather that he had begun to understand the point of view from which they found things amusing?
one phrase in their talk, solemnly uttered, caught his fancy. he had seen it in books, but as used by them it seemed to have a special significance.
“the detached attitude?” he repeated inquiringly.
they smiled a little pityingly at him, and explained. the detached attitude was the proper state of mind for an artist. it was an attitude toward life which painters had learned, but which writers generally had forgotten and must re-learn if they were ever to make writing a true art again. the greeks had the detached attitude. flaubert had it.... and obviously don and roger also had it.
77felix suspected that it might be simply another name for boredom, but he did not venture to say so.
the artist, they went on—one taking up the argument languidly where the other left off—should strictly avoid personal experience. he should hold himself austerely aloof from participation in human affairs....
“but i thought,” said felix, “that what the artist was supposed to need was experience!”
“a vulgar error,” said roger scornfully.
“what an artist needs,” said don, “is background.”
and background, felix gathered from their further explanations, was something one got by being in many different places without ever settling down and belonging to any one place—by merely being there and, as roger put it, “looking on disinterestedly while other people passionately and ridiculously did things.”
the idea rather appealed to felix.... he secretly wished he had stood by and looked on while the others got drunk that night. he regretted his participation in that scene—regretted it in spite of the absence of any of the traditional unpleasant after-effects. he wished he had remained austerely aloof from the human activities of that occasion. what, after all, was the use of passionately hitting somebody in the face if you couldn’t remember afterward what it was all about?... he was inclined to think that roger and don were right; it was not the meaningless raw material of experience that one needed, but some calm, fixed point of view from which to look on and understand it.
did they have such a point of view? he began to respect and envy them.
2
it was strange—he said to himself—that he should continue to be so upset by rose-ann’s absence! he realized grudgingly and unwillingly how much the centre of his chicago she had been. without her companionship, his life seemed to have lost its significance.
his class at community house had come to seem a nuisance, 78his newspaper work mere empty trickery. and there was nothing in the outside world to turn to, no cause that seemed worth serving. socialism—it was too utopian. social reform—perhaps that was not utopian enough. the art of writing—no, he must not think of that.... he found in his life nothing to give it meaning.
rose-ann’s letters increased his sense of futility. they were friendly letters, telling of her mother’s illness, which it seemed was sufficiently real this time, and of her encounters with a family of aggressively brotherly brothers; and to these letters he had responded in equally friendly terms.
that was the trouble. he did not want to write friendly letters.... he wanted to write angry letters. he wanted to tell her to stop writing to him—to let him alone, and let him forget her, as she would soon forget him. he wanted to say: “you know, and i know, that your moment of freedom, and all it promised, is over for good now. springfield has got you, you belong to your family again, you will never come back except as the wife of some fat springfield manufacturer, to see the sights, or go to the theater with him and show off your new gowns, and—yes, you will come to community house, and visit your old class, and as you go away you will say to your husband, ‘i used to know such a quaint and interesting boy here—i wonder what has become of him!’ and your fat husband will put his fat cigar into the other corner of his fat mouth, and say, ‘yes, i suppose it’s a good thing your folks got you back to springfield when they did!’ but he will be wrong, at that; springfield is your natural habitat, you would have gone back there anyway....”
he wanted to write absurd things like that to her. instead, he wrote friendly letters, “frank” and comradely and cool, in the tone in which their whole relationship had been couched from the first, up to that insane moment on the station platform....
he was ashamed of himself for thinking so much about her. of course he was not in love with her! he was merely lonely.
79clive was still preoccupied with that troublesome girl to whom he had darkly and allusively referred in their infrequent luncheons together.
he needed other friends. he called on roger and don one sunday afternoon, and they were primping to go out to a tea, and urged him to come along. “it’s at doris’s—you know doris, don’t you? doris pelman. you’ll like her.”
doris pelman’s apartment, somewhere on the north side, was like don’s and roger’s in having a certain impressive charm which consisted precisely in its being un-homelike. it was meant, somehow, to be looked at, rather than lived in. the chairs were thin-legged and rickety, but doubtless genuine antiques; the rugs were hung on the walls instead of on the floor; and on the walls, too, were dim chinese paintings to whose beauty felix was dense; yet altogether the place had an effect of being somewhere quite out of the world, and felix liked it for that.
he was introduced at once to half-a-dozen young men and women, and in the course of the afternoon to half-a-dozen more. the young men greeted don and roger with a languid enthusiasm, and the young women with a sort of boisterous camaraderie. felix was struck by something at once delicate and artificial about these young men, something which he had at first noted and then became oblivious to in roger and don. among them, he felt somehow coarse and brutal.... he had an impulse to swear, or spit on the floor.
don and roger and two other young men were talking about travel. a nostalgia for foreign parts seemed to afflict them all. they had, it seemed, been everywhere in europe; and most of them knew, with an especial and fond intimacy, the geography of france, italy, and spain. they had all been somewhere, if not east of suez, at least somewhere exotically remote, last year; and they were going somewhere even more strange and distant, next year. with don and roger the question was, tunis or tahiti?—they could not decide which.
felix had accepted this travel-mania as part of don’s and 80roger’s interesting scheme of life. sometimes he had even envied them, for they boasted that they did all this travelling “on their wits”; they insisted that one could go anywhere and live well, without money—and felix had felt rather ashamed of his own singular lack of nomadic enterprise. but today he felt annoyed with them. he remarked to himself that though he had not ostensibly travelled, he had actually spent his life in changing his place of habitation, from house to house and from town to town; and even if these places were only the same middle-western town all over again each time, yet he felt that he had never stayed long enough to get really acquainted with it! he observed aloud, challengingly, that he thought one might stay in a city like chicago the whole of one’s life without quite exhausting its interest.
the four young men raised their eyebrows, and uttered impressively the names of the great capitals of europe; and even more unctuously the names of little out-of-the-way foreign towns of which he had never heard.
“the trouble with writers,” don remarked—he and roger paid felix the compliment of regarding him as a fellow-writer—“is that they try to write before they have sufficient background.”
evidently, felix reflected, don and roger had not made that mistake! they had been acquiring background for years, according to their own testimony—roger for some ten years, and don for perhaps five. and neither of them had, so far as he could discover, written anything yet!... and when would they begin, with so much background still left to be acquired? tunis and tahiti!
he turned impatiently to the young women.... they seemed at first much more congenial spirits. and yet there was something odd about them, too—something odd in their very friendliness. his hostess, doris pelman, a strikingly handsome girl, tall and fair, was the one with whom he had what most nearly resembled a conversation—a thing difficult enough to achieve at a tea. what immediately impressed him was that she did not seem at all conscious of her looks—she might, from her behaviour, not have been possessed of 81any; or rather, the mysterious barrier across which two strangers, man and woman, must communicate, seemed not to be there for her; she was apparently unaware of herself and him, in a way that even old mrs. perk, a grandmother, never could be. there was in her manner an utter absence of shyness, an apparent perfect ease in this contact of personalities. but in her easy unembarrassed friendliness there was something steely and aloof—a fundamental untouchableness. she talked fluently, about his work and hers—she was an interior decorator, it appeared,—about the new books and plays, and, with an especial zest, about people.... a peculiar zest, too: she had a way, which at first gave him an uncanny feeling, of talking about human beings as though they were insects. the only things of which she spoke with visible affection were the fabrics and materials of her profession—and art in general.
but they were all, he felt, rather like this. the tea had become a kind of family gathering, in which only felix felt out of place. dusk fell, tall candles were lighted, and everyone became anecdotal. it would seem that they had spent their lives in collecting these anecdotes, and they related them and heard them with an inexhaustible relish—each one being rehearsed at full length with a loving care for the minutest psychological details. some of these stories were apparently precious gems in their collection, worthy of being taken out and enjoyed over and over again. other stories they laughed over uproariously, chokingly, helplessly—though to felix the point of these seemed frequently rather obscure, and seldom very funny.
he went away feeling surprised, and not knowing quite whether he was disappointed or grateful at the absence of any challenge in these new feminine acquaintanceships. he had never consciously realized, except now in its absence, that undercurrent of vague questioning, at once delightful and disconcerting, as to just what there might be in a new “friendship”—what rich and beautiful possibilities it might hold in store: all the familiar and foolish day-dreaming that follows the most casual meeting of masculine with feminine 82youth. but here there was no question whatever; imagination took no hold on this extraordinarily self-possessed, this imperturbable young womanhood.... here was, indeed, the “detached attitude”!
