1
rose-ann came to the hospital that afternoon—when he first saw her, she was walking down the aisle with the young hospital doctor, and he was pointing casually in felix’s direction. she nodded, said something to the doctor, and ran quickly over to felix’s bedside.
“are you really all right, felix?” she asked, sitting down on the bed and taking both his hands.
he spoke without premeditation: “oh, rose-ann, i’m so glad you’ve come!”
“why?” she asked breathlessly.
“because i love you,” he said. it was an immense relief to have said it.
“do you?” she said. “i’m so glad.” they looked at each other a moment, and then she bent and kissed him softly.
they were presently aware of the smiling doctor standing beside the bed. rose-ann turned to him.
“i want to take him away,” she said.
“you’re welcome to him,” said the doctor. “he’s perfectly well.”
“can he leave—right away?”
“this moment, if you like.”
“good. i’ll go and call a taxi. be ready as soon as you can, felix.”
“but where are we going,” felix asked. he did not want to go back to the settlement, which he felt that he had in a way deserted; and he had an idea that rose-ann would not let him go back to canal street.
“i don’t know. i forgot—” said rose-ann, sitting down on the bed again with a helpless air. then she burst out 106laughing. “i was going to take you home—i was under the impression for the moment that we were married!”
“we can get married,” said felix, uncomfortably, feeling that an important matter was being disposed of rather cursorily.
she laughed again. “we can, yes. and i’m afraid that is what is going to happen to us; aren’t you, felix?”
the doctor smiled and left them.
“i know,” she said. “it’s an unfair advantage to take of an invalid. but what else can we do?”
“i only want to be sure—” said felix.
“of what?”
“you read my letter, didn’t you—that terribly long letter, about that girl back in iowa....”
“yes, dear.”
“well, you can see from that—i mean, i’m afraid you will think i’m not the sort of person who—”
“who what, felix?”
“who makes a good husband. but, rose-ann—”
“oh, i know that, felix dear. and—i don’t want a good husband. i want you.”
“but—” he wanted to tell her that that was all over now—that he would try to be all that she wished....
“i understand,” rose-ann was saying. “you told me in that letter that there was something in you that rebelled against reality. irresponsible—unstable—you used those words. ‘too unstable for ordinary domestic happiness,’ i think you said. well ... who wants ordinary domestic happiness?”
“but,” felix said earnestly, raising himself up on one elbow, “a girl wants—more than an interesting lover. she wants ... some certainties in her life. a home, children, and the promise of security for them. i—”
he wanted to be brave—to offer those certainties. but it was too rash, too bold a promise. how did he know he could fulfil it?
“i’d have to become very different, wouldn’t i?” he said hesitantly.
107rose-ann spoke very quietly. “i don’t want you to be different, felix. i’m not that girl back in iowa. i’m—me. i don’t want to be supported—i don’t need to be; i told you i’ve a tiny but sufficient income of my own now. and i don’t want the kind of home you speak of, felix—i want to go on living my own life outside the home. and—i think, felix ... that perhaps there are enough children in the world without—without vagabonds and dreamers like us taking on such—interesting but unnecessary—responsibilities.... i really don’t want us to be married at all, felix; but i’m not brave enough to dispense with the—rigmarole. i want you to have your freedom, and i mine. i don’t ask any promises of you—any at all. i know what we are like. freedom—for each other and ourselves—that’s what we want, felix. isn’t it?”
2
he pressed her hand, and remained silent. he had not dreamed of this....
“isn’t that what we want, felix?” she asked softly.
“i guess so,” he replied dully, looking away from her.... he knew he ought to be grateful to her; but he was sad rather, with the wish that he had had the courage to promise rash, mad, impossibly beautiful things.
instead, he was to give her—uncertainty, insecurity....
did she understand?
“do you remember,” he asked, staring outward as if into the darkness, “what garibaldi offered his soldiers? ‘danger and wounds’”—
he paused. “that seems a queer sort of offer for a man to make to the girl he loves,” he said grimly. “but, rose-ann—”
“i enlist,” she said softly.
they pressed each other’s hand, looking away from each other, silently each in a separate world of dream. then she smiled, coming back a little bewildered to the world of immediate fact. “i must call that taxi,” she said.
