1
on the tenth day of felix’s stubborn waiting, a letter came from rose-ann. it was at the studio when he returned there early in the afternoon, lying on the floor where the postman had stuck it under the door.
he picked it up, and sat down at his desk. at the very sight of it, of her large undisciplined handwriting on the square envelope, her presence seemed suddenly to fill the room, like a perfume of flowers—seemed to touch and envelope and caress him. he breathed deeply, and the constraint that had held him tense, that had held him rigid all these days and nights, flowed from him. it was as if she had returned herself—and all at once all that had passed was like a nightmare, terrible and queer, but already vanishing into oblivion with the daylight.
he could feel her presence, hear her voice, sweet and familiar; she was as if beside him in the room. all that their marriage had been flooded his mind, memories of peace and happiness and lovely companionship.
nothing—nothing could break that bond. she knew it as well as he. as if a mere moment could hurt that lifetime of theirs together!
he tore open the letter.
dear felix fay—
that was the way it began....
dear felix fay—what has happened of course makes it necessary for us to make a decision—a decision which i cannot make alone. we have many things in common—tastes, ideas, a love of beauty—and it seems that it would be a pity if we were to lose the opportunity for companionship altogether. we cannot, of course, go on as before—i mean living together so intimately. 349i can find another studio, perhaps near yours.—but i do not know if i am making myself clear. it may sound as if i were proposing to break off our relationship altogether. i have considered that, too; but that is, after all, in your hands. what i am suggesting is that each of us retain our freedom, and live in such a way that we can use that freedom without hurting each other’s feelings—but not pretending to be married any more. only the situation must be quite clear to both of us. please tell me whether you agree definitely to these terms. if so, i think everything can be arranged in detail so that we both will be happy.
rose-ann.
2
felix’s first feeling, oddly enough, when he read this letter, was a sense of rose-ann’s disloyalty to their studio—the studio which they had made together.... his imagination, stunned and shocked, clung bitterly to this one point, as if that were the crux of the matter.... that she should not want to live in this studio, this studio whose walls she had kalsomined, whose very floor she had painted! why, every part of it spelled her! as if he could take her studio, and let her go and live in another! if there was any moving to be done, he would do it. he would get another place. she could live here—she must live here.... he would take a few books—no, he would take nothing. it was all hers....
some obliquity of the imagination helped him, like a drug, anaesthetizing his emotions, during the first few minutes after reading that letter. his mind was actually busy with the practical details of taking up a new residence, as if that were all that mattered.
and then his mind began to feel the pain of what had happened, slowly, increasingly, terrifically.... she had repudiated their marriage.
he felt knocked down, trampled, stamped upon, hurt all over.
so this was what she had been thinking of! not of coming home to him—but of living apart from him.
350he read the letter again, with a rising anger that mingled with his pain. what was it she said? “we have many things in common—tastes, ideas, a love of beauty.”—“pity if we were to lose the opportunity for companionship altogether”—“not pretending to be married any more.” so it meant nothing to her, then, this marriage? she could end it so easily? and companionship, mere companionship—that did mean something to her? that was what she wanted to keep! “everything can be arranged in detail so that we both will be happy.”
what could he reply to a letter like that? what could he say to a girl who told him that her happiness lay in their not being married any more? “everything could be arranged in detail.” what detail? where she was going to live? what did that matter to him? why should she think that she had to live near him? she need not be so kind. if their marriage meant nothing to her, he could give her up altogether. “companionship.” the dead body of their love for consolation? no, she need not have offered him that.... she might have spared that touch.
“whether you agree definitely to these terms.” how could she think he would want anything like that? had she only written that to torture him? she did not insist on breaking off the relationship “altogether.” he stared at the words. was that what she thought of him? that he would be happy—that was her word—happy ... if—
verses from a poem, bitter verses, came into his mind:
“a kiss is but a kiss now! and no wave
of a great flood that whirls us to the sea.
but as you will! we’ll sit contentedly
and eat our pot of honey on the grave.”
he laid his head on his arms, bent over the table, shivering with a fit of cold anger and disgust. then he roused himself, and wrote quickly an answer to rose-ann’s letter.
it was only a few lines. he read them over, sealed the envelope, and went out to mail it in the box on the corner ... where he had gone so often to mail his criticism, so 351that he could return and talk the night through at rose-ann’s side.
3
rose-ann had composed her letter with difficulty. at the last moment, interfering with a perfectly clear statement of the case to him, had come a distaste for proposing herself as any man’s mistress—even her husband’s.... she must put it in such a way that he would understand her willingness. he would understand, too, why she had failed before. it was her apologia.... and if they lived apart, and—didn’t want to have other love-affairs, then they would both be sure that it wasn’t her fault. doubtless she had been rather silly about it. he hadn’t really been in love with phyllis....
it would be possible to go back to him, now. by that letter she had exorcised that ghastly cry that had kept ringing in her ears, night and day—“you didn’t mean it after all!” she could sleep, now.
she slept.... but why didn’t his answer come? the mails were uncertain. his letter might be in the post-office now. it would be delivered tomorrow morning.
she packed for her return journey, and slept again, peacefully.
his letter came, and her father presented it to her with his wise smile. she took it to her room and tore it open.
rose-ann, i think it had better be all over for good. i want you to have the studio. i will go somewhere else.
felix.
4
incredulous, with that letter burning her flesh, tearing and rasping at her heart where she had thrust it into the bosom of her dress, she made the journey to chicago.
“all over ... all over ... all over....” she could not understand it.
felix was not in the studio. she called him up at the office. he was not there.
352was he with phyllis?
she waited. three days.
“well,” she said aloud to the empty studio. “it’s true. it is all over.”
she went back to the motion picture world, gave some explanation of her absence, and started in making up the magazine.
“you know,” said bodger, the editor, “we’re considering moving out to california in the course of the next few months. los angeles. might as well be on the spot.... i don’t suppose you’d consider coming along with us?”
“oh, i might!” said rose-ann.
