on that day when she discovered the disappearance of john matthias, joan left the house later than had been her wont, and returned earlier, after a faint-hearted and abortive attempt to interview the stage-manager of a new musical production then being assembled to rehearse against an early opening in the autumn.
the deans were out. she had no place to go other than to her bare and lonely room, and she felt uncommonly hopeless and friendless. subconsciously she had been holding in reserve, as a last hope, an appeal to the generosity of matthias. he was a playwright, an intimate of managers: surely he would be able to suggest something, no matter how poorly paid or inconspicuous. now, with the date of his return indefinite, she felt unjustly bereft of that last resource.
she spent two weary, wretched hours on her bed, harassed by a singularly fresh and clear perception of her unfitness, for the first time made conscious that she had actually possessed no reasonable excuse for her determination to go on the stage. her qualifications, which hitherto might have been expressed, according to her own estimate, by the algebraic x, now assumed a value only to be indicated by a cipher. she had a good strong voice, it's true, but no ear whatever for music; she didn't "know steps" (maizie's term, denoting ability for eccentric dancing) and of the art of acting she was completely ignorant. in fact, her theatrical ambitions had been founded more upon need of money than upon any real or fancied passion for the stage. other girls had done likewise and bettered themselves: joan knew no reason why she should fall short of their enviable achievements; but she was innocent of dramatic feeling and even of any real yearning for applause. only her looks, of which she was confident, were to be counted upon to carry her beyond the stage doors.
she thought of her home, of her mother, her father, edna and butch, with a dull and temperate regret. since that first afternoon she had never attempted to revisit them, and she felt now no inclination toward returning. still, her thoughts yearned back to the miserable flat as to an assured shelter: there, at least, she had been safe from rude weather and positive hunger.
as things were with her, another week would find her destitute, but there was still the chance that something would turn up within that week. she felt almost sure that something would turn up. in this incurable optimism resided almost her sole endowment for the career of an actress: this, and a certain dogged temper which wouldn't permit her to acknowledge defeat until every possible expedient had been explored....
toward evening she heard footsteps on the stairs. to her surprise they paused by her door, upon which fell a confident knock. jumping up from her bed in a flurry, she answered to find quard on the threshold.
no one had been farther from her thoughts. she stared, agape and speechless.
"hello, miss thursday!" said the actor genially. "can i come in?"
he entered, cast a comprehensive glance round the poor little room, deposited his hat upon the bed and himself beside it. leaving the door open, and murmuring some inarticulate response, joan turned back to her one chair.
"hope i don't intrude," quard rattled on cheerfully. "the girl told me the deans was out and you in, so i took a chance and said i'd come right up."
"i—i'm sorry maizie isn't home," stammered the girl.
"i ain't." quard's eyes looked her over with open admiration. "i didn't want to see either of 'em, really. what i wanted was a little confab with you."
"with me!"
"surest thing you know. i wanta talk business. i don't guess you've landed anything yet?"
joan shook her head blankly.
"well, i got a little proposition to make you. yunno that sketch i wrote and you liked so much the other night?"
"yes...."
"well, i got hold of schneider yesterday, and read it to him, and he says he can get me four or five weeks' booking at least, if i can put it over at the try-out. how does that strike you?"
"why—i'm glad," joan faltered, still mystified. "it must be fine to get something to do."
"well, i haven't got it yet; and of course, maybe i won't get it. one of the first things you gotta learn in this business is, never spend your pay envelope till you got it in your mitt. and in this case, a lot depends on you."
"i don't get you," joan returned frankly. "what've i got to do with it?"
quard smiled indulgently, offered her a cigarette, which she refused, and lighted one for himself.
"if i can't get you to play the woman's part," he said, spurting twin jets of smoke through his nostrils, "it's all up—unless i can hitch up with summonelse just like you."
"you mean—you want me to—to act—?"
"right, the very first time outa the box! yunno, it's this way with these cheap houses: they can't afford to pay much for a turn, even a good one—and this one of ours is going to be about as bum as any act that ever broke through: take that from me. so it's up to me to find somebody who'll work with me for little enough money to leave something for myself, after i've squared up with the agent and stage-hands, and all that. you make me now?"
"yes; but i haven't any experience—"
"that's just it: if you had, i couldn't afford you. but you gotta start sometime, and it won't do you no harm to get wise to what little i can teach you. now the most i can count on dragging down for this act is sixty a week. i want twenty-five of that for myself. fifteen, more will fix the agent and the rest. that leaves twenty for you. it ain't much, but it's a long sight better than nothing."
"but—how do you know i can do it?"
"that'll be all right. i know all about acting—anyway, i know enough to show you how to put across anything you'll have to do in this piece. now how about it?"
"why, i'll be glad—"
"good enough. now here: i've had this dope type-written, and here's your copy. let's run through it now, and tonight you can start in learning. tomorrow we'll have a rehearsal, and just as soon's we got our lines pat, we'll let schneider have a pipe at it. don't worry. it ain't going to be hard."
thus reassured, but still a trifle dubious, joan accepted a duplicate of the manuscript, and composed herself to follow to the best of her ability quard's second reading.
this time he took less pains with his enunciation, scanned the lines more rapidly, and frequently interrupted himself in order to explain a trick of stage-craft or to detail with genuine gusto some bit of business which he counted upon to prove especially telling.
in consequence of this exposition, joan acquired a much clearer understanding of the nature of the sketch. it concerned two persons only: a remarkably successful stage dancer, to be played by joan; her convict husband, fresh from the penitentiary, by quard. scene: the dressing-room of the dancer. time: just after the dancer's "turn." joan, discovered "on", informs the audience of her fortunate circumstances through the medium of a brief soliloquy. enter quard (shambling gait, convict pallor, etc.) to inform her that she has been living in the lap of luxury during the eight years that he has been serving time: "i'm goin' to have my share now!" comedy business: humorously brutal attitude toward wife; slangy description of prison life. ("they'll simply eat that up!"—quard.) more comedy business involving a gratuitous box of property cigars and a cuspidor. suddenly and without shadow of excuse, husband accuses wife of infidelity. indignant denials; wife exhibits portrait of child born after commitment of husband, and of whose existence he has heretofore been ignorant: "it was for him i fought my way to the top of the ladder: he has your eyes!" incontinently husband experiences change of heart; kisses photograph; snuffles into cap crushed between hands; slavers over wife's hand; refuses her offer of assistance; announces he will go west to "make a man of myself!" before returning to claim his wife and child. and the curtain falls upon him in the act of going out, all broken up.
"of course," quard admitted, "it's bunk stuff, but we can put it across all right. i'm going to call it the convict's return and bill it as by charles d'arcy and company. you'll be the company. i don't want to use my name, because it ain't going to do me any good to have it known i've taken to this graft, and if i'm lucky no one's going to spot me through my make-up."
suddenly apprised by the failing light that the hour was growing late, he pocketed the manuscript and rose.
"come on out and eat—business dinner. we'll talk things over, and i'll fetch you home early, so's you can start getting up on your lines."
they dined again at the italian boarding-house. quard drank but sparingly, considerably to the relief of joan....
she was home by half-past eight, her head buzzing with her efforts to remember all he had told her, and sat up till three in the morning, conning the inhuman speeches of her part until she had them by rote; no very wonderful accomplishment, considering that the sketch was to play less than fifteen minutes, and that two-thirds of its lines were to be delivered by quard.
but once with head on pillow, it was not her r?le that she remembered, but the man: his coarsely musical tones, his eloquent white hands, the overt admiration that shone in his eyes whenever he forgot his sketch and remembered momentarily joan the woman. she felt sure he liked her. and she liked him well. of the merits of his enterprise she knew nothing, but he had succeeded in inspiring her with confidence that he knew what he was about.
she drifted off into sleep, comforted by the conviction that she had found a friend.
by the time of her return from breakfast, the next morning, quard was waiting for her at the lodging-house. he had already arranged with madame duprat for the use of the front parlour for rehearsals, pending its lease to some fortuitous tenant; and here he proceeded to work out the physical action of the sketch. his gratitude to joan for knowing her part was almost affecting; he himself was by no means familiar with his own and her prompt response to cues he read from manuscript facilitated his task considerably. when they adjourned for luncheon he announced himself persuaded that they would be ready to "open" within a week.
within that period joan learned many things. she was a tractable and docile student, keen-set to profit by the scraps of dramatic chicanery which formed the major part of quard's stage intelligence. he himself had a very fair memory and had been drilled by more than one competent stage-director whose instructions had stuck in his mind, forming a valuable addition to his professional equipment. joan soon learned to speak out clearly; to infuse some little semblance of human feeling into several of her turgid lines; to suffer herself to be dragged by one wrist round the room on her knees, by the romantical convict; to time her actions by mental counting; to "feed lines" to her partner in a rapid patter through the passages of putative comedy. she learned also to answer to "dearie" as to her given name, and to submit to being handled in a way she did not like but which, from all that she could observe, was considered neither familiar nor objectionable as between people of the stage. and she learned, furthermore, that may dean's opinion of the venture was never to be drawn beyond a mildly derisive "my gawd!" while maizie's ran to the sense that it was all a chance and joan a little fool if she didn't grab it—and anyway joan was old enough to take care of herself with charlie quard or any man living!
and it was maizie who was responsible for insisting that joan wheedle an advance of ten dollars from quard, ostensibly toward the purchase of costume and make-up. but when this had been successfully negotiated, the dancers advised joan to save it against an emergency, and between them provided her with an outfit composed of cast-offs: a black satin décolleté bodice, an accordion-pleated short skirt of the period of 1890, wear-proof silk stockings, a pair of broken-down satin slippers with red heels, a japanned tin make-up box with a broken lock, and a generous supply of cheap grease-paint and cold cream.
joan's début occurred within the time-limit set by quard and before an audience of two, not counting a few grinning stage-hands. the two were the agent schneider, and the manager of a small moving-picture house in the twenty-third street shopping district; on the half-lighted stage of which their "try-out" took place at half-past ten of a rainy and disheartening morning. the judges sat in the darkened auditorium, staring apathetically and chewing large cigars. joan, though a little self-conscious, was not at all nervous, and remembered her lines perfectly; better than this, she looked very fetching indeed in her makeshift costume. quard forgot several of his speeches, floundered all over the stage, and in a frantic effort to redeem himself clowned his part outrageously. nevertheless they were engaged.
convinced of their failure, joan had only succeeded in removing her make-up and struggling into her shabby street clothing, when quard knocked at the door of her dressing-room. he had played without make-up, and consequently had been able to catch the manager and agent before they could escape. lounging in the doorway, he breathed a spirit of congratulation strongly tainted with fumes of whiskey.
"we're on!" he declared exultantly. "what'd i tell you? you needn't have changed, because we're going to stick here, and open today. one of the turns on this week's bill fell down at the last minute, and so we cop this chance to fill in. we go on after the first films—about a quarter of one; and then at four-thirty, seven-thirty, ten-forty-five. now whadda yunno about that?"
joan gulped and shook her head, her eyes a little misty. for the first time she began to perceive that she had counted desperately on success.
"i think—we're awful' lucky!" she said faintly.
"lucky nothing! i knew i could get away with it—always providing i had you to play up to."
"me!"
"that's right. after we'd fixed things up i took schneider down to the corner and bought him a drink. he said—i dunno as i ought to tell you this, but anyway—he said the sketch was punk (god knows it is) and never would've gone if it hadn't been for you. he said all the women would go crazy about you—you'd got the prettiest shape he'd seen in a month of sundays. yunno they get most of their afternoon houses from the women shoppers down here."
he paused and after a moment added meditatively: "of course, you can't act for shucks."
joan, looking down, said nothing. quard dropped a hand intimately across her shoulder and infused a caressing note into his voice.
"i guess i'm a bad little guesser—eh, dearie?"
joan stood motionless for an instant. his hand seemed as if afire, as if burning through her shirtwaist the flesh of her shoulder. and she resented passionately the intimacy of his tone. of a sudden she shook his hand off and moved a pace or two away.
"let me alone," she said sullenly.
quard started and jerked out a "what?"
"i said, let me alone," she repeated in the same manner, looking him steadily in the face.
he coloured darkly, mumbled something indistinguishable, and flashed into a short-lived fit of temper.
"what's the matter with you, anyway?" he demanded hotly.
"nothing," she replied quietly; "only i don't want to be pawed."
"no?" he exclaimed with sarcasm. "is that straight?"
"yes, that's straight—and so'm i!"
recollecting himself, quard attempted to carry off his discomfiture with a shrug and a laugh: "oh, all right. don't get huffy. i didn't mean anything."
"i know you didn't, but don't do it again."
he turned out into the corridor; hesitated. "well—let it go at that, can't you?"
"all right," she said sulkily: "you let it go at that."
quard tramped off without saying anything more, and, whatever his resentment and disappointment, schooled himself to control them, and met her half-way to a reconciliation when the approaching hour of their first public appearance brought them together in the wings.
and by this time joan had been sufficiently diverted by other experiences to have regained her normal poise. the dingy, stuffy, and evil-smelling dressing-room to which she had been assigned had suffered an invasion of three other women: two worn and haggard clog-dancers and a matronly ballad-singer who, having donned an excessively soiled but showy evening gown, had settled down calmly to her knitting: an occupation which had interfered not in the least with her flow of animated and not unkindly gossip. joan gathered that her voice was the main support of a small family, consisting of a shiftless husband and three children, for the younger of whom the mother was knitting a pair of small, pink bootees. these last had immediately enlisted the sympathetic interest of the clog-dancers, one of whom boasted of the precocity of her only child, a boy of eight living with his grandmother in omaha, while the other told simply of the death of two children, due to neglect on the part of those to whom she had been obliged to entrust them while on the road....
joan was the first to reach the entrance to the dingy "kitchen-set" which was to figure as a star dressing-room for the purposes of their sketch (and, for the purposes of subsequent offerings, as the drawing-room of a mansion on fifth avenue and the palm room of a fashionable hotel). about ten times the size of any dressing-room ever constructed, it was still atmospherically cheerless and depressing. she looked it over momentarily to make sure that the various simple properties were in place, and turned to find quard approaching. beneath the jaunty assurance which even his hang-dog make-up couldn't wholly disguise, she was able to detect traces of some uneasiness and anxiety.
it was a fact that he had grown a trifle afraid of her.
the discovery impressed her as so absurd that she smiled; and instantly the man was himself again. he thrust out a hand, to which with covert reluctance she entrusted her own.
"all right now?" he asked cheerfully.
she nodded: "all right."
"good enough. let's see what kind of a house we've got."
he found a peep-hole near the proscenium arch and peered intently through it for a moment or two; then beckoned joan to take his place. but she could make but little of what seemed a dark well filled with flickering shadows. she turned away.
"only a handful out there," quard assured her. "it's too early for much of a crowd. no good getting nervous about this bunch."
"i'm not," she asserted quietly.
and she wasn't; no less to her own surprise than to quard's, she was conscious of no trace of the stage-fright she had heard so much about. indeed a singular feeling of indifference and disappointment oppressed her; it was all so unlike what she had looked forward to as the setting for her first appearance in public. the dreary and tawdry atmosphere behind the scenes of the dilapidated little theatre; the weary and subdued accents in which her dressing-room associates had discussed their offspring; the tinkle-tankle-tinkle-whang of a painfully automatic piano in the orchestra-pit; her own shabby second-hand costume; the brutal grotesqueness of quard's painted countenance at close range—these owned little in common with those anticipations roused by the glitter and glamour of that fleshy show on the new york theatre roof garden. she felt cheated; in perspective, even the stocking-counter seemed less uninviting....
a muffled outbreak of laughter and brief murmur of applause filtered through the curtain. the piano stopped with a crash. quard nodded and, touching her elbow, urged her toward the entrance.
"film's finished. ready and steady, old girl."
"i'm all right," she said sullenly. "don't you worry about me."
she heard the curtain rise with a rustling as of mighty wings penetrated by the shrill squeal of an ungreased block; held back a moment; and walked on, into a dazzling glare of footlights, conscious of no emotion whatever beyond desire to get finished with her part and return to the dressing-room. at the designated spot, near the centre of the stage, she paused, faced the audience with her trained smile and mouthed the opening lines with precisely the proper intonation....
the curtain fell at length amid a few, scattering hand-claps that sounded much like faint-hearted firecrackers exploding at a distance. joan rose from the chair in which she had been seated in a posture simulating abandonment to tears of joy, and walked soberly off the stage—barely anticipating a few stage-hands, who rushed on to make the changes necessary for the next act.
quard was waiting for her.
"well," he said, "it didn't go so bad, did it?"
"no," she agreed listlessly.
"anyhow, they didn't throw things at us."
"no." she endeavoured to smile, with indifferent success.
"i got a lot more laughs with that spittoon business than i thought i would," he continued thoughtfully as they turned back toward the dressing-rooms.
joan made no reply, but when she stopped at the door of her dressing-room, quard added tentatively:
"anyway, it beats clerking in a department store, doesn't it?"
with some hesitation she replied: "i don't know...."
