he had hurried so as not to keep her waiting. by the time he had brought his car round to the hotel the clocks were striking eleven. he throttled down his engine; it didn’t seem worth while shutting it off, since she might appear at any moment. its muffled throbbing in the shadowy street seemed the panting of his heart how impatient he was to see her! running up the steps, he peered into the hall.
the landlady approached him with a severe expression. “she sent word for me to tell you she’d be down directly. these—these are strange goings-on. dangerous vagaries, i call them. it’s none of my business—me not being your mother nor related; but i do hope you know what you’re doing, young gentleman.”
the young gentleman laughed. “we shan’t come to any harm,” he assured her.
the company was breaking up. the vaulted hall and passages echoed with laughter, the jingling of armor and snatches of songs. knights and ladies were bidding each other extravagant farewells, enacting the gallantries which went with their parts. men dropped to one knee and pressed their lips to slender hands. flower faces drooped above them mockingly—and not so mockingly after all, perhaps; for when the pied piper of love makes his music, any heart that is hungry may follow. those of them who were stopping at the inn caught up their lighted candles. by twos and threes, with backward glances, casting long shadows on the wall, they drifted up the wide carved stairs. others, who had cheaper quarters, sauntered out into the summer stillness. the porter, like a relentless guardian of morals, stood with his hand upon the door, waiting sourly for the last of them to be gone.
teddy followed them out. as the girls passed beneath the hotel windows, they dragged on their escorts’ arms, raising their faces and calling one final good-night to their friends who were getting into bed. heads popped out, and stared down between the stars and the pavement. all kinds of heads. heads with helmets on. close-cropped ordinary heads. heads which floated in a mist of trailing locks. some one struck up a song; there, in the medieval moonlit street, these romance people danced. away through the shadows they danced, the booming accompaniment of the men’s voices growing fainter, fainter, fainter, till at last even the clear eagerness of the girls’ singing was lost.
when teddy turned to reenter the inn, the porter had barred the door. from the steep wall of windows which rose sheer to the stars all the different kinds of heads had been withdrawn. the only sound was the throb-throb-throbbing of the engine like the thump-thump-thumping of his heart.
he sat down on the steps to wait for her. she was a terribly long while in coming. it was nearly half-past eleven. thirty minutes ago she had sent him word that she would be down “directly.”
“of course,” he told himself, “there’s no need for hurry. it’s about a hundred and forty miles to london, and we’ve all the night before us.”
he was trying to decide to ring the bell, when the door opened noisily, and the porter stumbled out, bringing her luggage. as he helped teddy strap it on the back of the car, he answered his questions gruffly: “doin’! i don’t know wot she’s doin’. said she’d be down direckly, which means whenever she chooses. the inkinsideration of these actresses beats all. hurry ’er! me hurry ’er! no, mister, she’s not the hurryin’ sort; she hurries other folk instead. i don’t know wot the world’s comin’ to, i’m sure. thank you, sir.” he slipped the half-crown into his pocket “she’s a ’andsome lady; i will say that for ’er.”
and then she appeared, standing framed in the doorway, with the weak light from the hall throwing a golden mist about her. over her head a hood was drawn, shadowing her features. her cloak was gathered round her, so that beneath its folds she was recognizable only by her slightness. he felt that, however she had disguised herself, there would have been something in her presence that would have called to him.
“have i kept you waiting long?” in the old days her apologies had always taken the interrogative form; now, as then, she hurried on, not risking an answer: “you see, i had to say ’good-by’ to everybody. it wouldn’t have been kind to have slipped off and left them. i felt sure you’d understand. and i did send down messages. you’re not cross?”
cross! she spoke the word caressingly. her voice sank into a trembling laugh, as though she herself was aware of the absurdity of such a question. her explanation was totally inadequate, and yet how adorable in its childlike eagerness to conciliate and to avoid unpleasantness!
“cross! why, of course not. i was only anxious—a tiny bit afraid that you weren’t coming.”
he sounded so friendly that he convinced her. she sighed contentedly. “has it seemed very long?”
he looked up from inspecting his lamps. she had come down the steps to the pavement. the porter had entered the hotel; inside he was shooting the last bolt into its socket.
he held his breath. in the moon-washed street after all these years he was alone with her.
“without you, waiting would always seem long.”
she started. glanced back across her shoulder. the sounds on the other side of the door had stopped. there was no retreat. turning to him with girlish dignity, she said: “it’s very kind of you to have offered to help me, but—— i don’t want you to say things like that. we’ll enjoy ourselves much better if we’re sensible.”
he felt a sudden shame, as though she had accused him of taking advantage of her defenselessness. all the things he had been on the point of telling her—he must postpone them. presently she would remember; her own heart would tell her.
“it was foolish of me,” he said humbly.
she laughed softly and shook back her head. her hair lay upon her shoulders like a schoolgirl’s. “there now, we understand each other. why do men always spoil things before they’re started by making stupid love?”
“do they?”
“well, don’t they?” she smiled tolerantly. “let’s be friends. if we’re sensible, we can have such a jolly trip to london—such a lark. no more sentimentals—promise—— shake hands on it.”
as she held out both her hands, the cloak fell open, revealing her pageant costume. she noticed that his eyes rested on it. “yes, i kept my bargain—even to the sandals.” the glimmer of her feet peeped out for a second beneath the hem of her skirt. “now, how about making a start?”
he helped her into the seat which, up to now, had reproached him with its emptiness. he didn’t have to imagine any longer.
he climbed in beside her. “are you warm?”
“very comfy.”
“what time do you want to get there? i can get you there by seven or eight, doing twenty an hour—that’s to say, if nothing goes wrong.”
“do me splendidly. i ought to tell you while i remember: i think this is awfully decent of you.”
“not decent at all” he hesitated. “it’s not decent because—well, because i always told myself that i’d do something like this some day.”
“remember your promise.” she held up a warning finger.
“you didn’t let me finish. what i meant to say was that, ever since i was a little kid, i’ve played at rescuing princesses.”
she looked up at him searchingly, then bit her lip to keep back her thoughts. “what a queer game to play!” that was all.
like a robber bee, seeking honey while the garden of the world slept, the car sped humming through the silver town. gray, shuttered houses faded upon the darkness like a dream that was spent. they were in the open country now, the white road before them, trees and hedges leaping to attention like lazy sentinels as the lamps flared on them, and throwing themselves down to rest again before the droning of the engine was gone.
“‘the island valley of avilion, where falls not hail, or rain, or any snow.’ know that?”
she nodded. “it sounds so peaceful, doesn’t it? like a cold hand laid on an aching forehead. that’s the way those words have felt to me sometimes in the glare and bustle of new york. they’ve come to me when i’ve been walking up fifth avenue, and it’s been like a door opening into a green still orchard, somewhere inside my head.”
“you’re sorry to leave it? why should we leave it? let’s turn back.”
he slowed down the car.
“oh, you foolish! i’ve got to catch my boat to-morrow. and besides——” she paused and reflected. “besides, i’m never so very sorry to leave anything. i’m an odd girl” (the same old phrase, “d’you think i’m an odd child, teddy?”) “i’m never too sorry to say good-by. i want to push on and on. i’m always looking ahead.”
“to what?”
“things.” she glanced away into the vagueness of the ghostly meadows. “the kind of things that people do look forward to.”
he wanted to get her to talk about herself—about her past. he could make sure, then, and tell her—tell her everything without frightening her. so he said: “i don’t mean people. i mean girls. what kind of things do girls look forward to?”
had she shared his hours of remembering? had it really been her thoughts that had touched him in that little room in eden row? he stooped his head nearer to listen. it seemed to him that, above the throbbing of the engine, he could hear the blood dripping in his heart.
she stared into his eyes with her old suspicion—the veiled stare, half hostile, which a girl gives a man when she fears that he is going to kiss her.
“girls look forward to—what kind of things?” she echoed. “i can’t tell. the same kind of things that men look forward to, i expect. the surprise things, and—yes, the excitements, most of all.”
“like our meeting—it was a surprise thing, wasn’t it?”
“i suppose so.” she slipped back her cloak from her white shoulders. “heaps of things are surprise things like that.”
it was as though she had said, “this meeting of ours—it’s of no importance.” he loved her for the way she was treating him. he knew now why she had dared to risk herself with a man who, so far as her knowledge went, was a complete stranger.
they both fell silent. he felt that there was only one thing that he could talk about, and he didn’t know when or where to start. he wanted above all things to say nothing only to take her in his arms; to kiss her lips, her hair, her hands and to kneel to the little sandaled feet that peeped out from below her queenly robe. he hardly dared to look at her lest, then and there, he should leave the wheel and do it. all that his heart asked was to be allowed to touch and reverence her.
as he stared between the rushing eyes of the car, watching the road ahead, his imagination painted pictures on the darkness. he saw her lifting her arms about his neck. he saw her lying close against his breast. he heard her whispering broken phrases—words which said so much by leaving so much unsaid. but whenever he stole a glance at her, he saw her gray eyes closed like a statue’s and her white hands folded.
he was wasting time—it would so soon be morning. she was going to america. she must not go, and yet he was helping her. if he could only find words to tell her. he had never thought it would be so difficult. ah, but then he had imagined a child-desire, just grown a little taller. but this desire was different—so self-possessed and calm, with so many new interests and unknown friends estranging her from the faery-desire of the farmhouse garden.
they passed through wells, where the cathedral lay like a gigantic coffin beneath the stars. having panted up the steep ascent beyond the town, they commenced the twenty-mile downhill run to bath.
he heard a stirring beside him. her eyes were open, quite near to his and shining with friendliness.
“what’s the matter? we’ve both gone silent.”
“i thought you were tired, so i didn’t disturb you.”
“tired! perhaps i was. but i’m all right now. isn’t it magic with all the stars, and the mist and the being away from every one? don’t you want to smoke? here, i’ll hold the wheel while you light a cigarette. yes, i know how.”
she leant across him to do it, her shoulder resting against his arm. the wind of their going fluttered her hair against his cheek. for a moment he was possessed with a mad longing to crush her to him.
“haven’t you a match?”
she seemed utterly unconscious of her power to charm; yet instinctively she used it.
“all right?” she asked. “i wonder whether you’d mind——” her finger went up to her mouth and her gray eyes coaxed him.
“i shouldn’t mind anything.”
she shook her head emphatically. “no. i won’t do it. people remember first impressions. you’d think me fast.”
“i shouldn’t i couldn’t ever think that.”
“are you sure? well, may i——?” she made a gesture imitative of withdrawing a cigarette from her lips. “i don’t smoke often—only when i feel like it. and, oh, i do feel so happy to-night.”
she lit her cigarette from his, steadying herself with her hand on his shoulder. then she lay back, staring up at the fleecy sky where the moon tipped clouds to a silver glory. she began to sing softly between her puffs:
the night has a thousand eyes,
and the day but one;
yet the light of a whole world dies
with the dying sun.”
she sang the same verse over three times, pausing between each singing as if she were repeating a question.
“don’t you know the second verse?” he asked unsteadily.
“yes, i know it.”
“won’t you sing it? the whole meaning of life and everything is in the last two unes.”
“d’you really want me to? i don’t care for it so much because it’s about love. i don’t think love ever made anybody happy.”
for a moment he was tempted to argue this heresy. “but sing it,” he urged.
in a soft sleepy voice she sang:
“the mind has a thousand eyes,
and the heart but one;
yet the light of a whole world dies
when love is done.”
he waited for her to repeat it when she remained silent, he stopped the car. she turned to him lazily: “something gone wrong with the engine?”
he was certain she knew what had gone wrong, and was equally certain that she was wilfully pretending to misunderstand him. far below in the valley, like a faeryring, the lights of bath winked and twinkled. the silence, after the sound of their going, breathed across the country like a prolonged sighing. how should he tell her? how did men speak to the women they loved? he turned aside from his purpose and procrastinated. “sing it again,” he pleaded, “the last verse. now, that everything’s quiet.”
“no.” she sat up determinedly. “it’s very beautiful; especially that part about light dying when love is done. but it isn’t true. people love heaps of times, and each new time they get more sensible. it’s like climbing a ladder: you see more as you go higher. besides, that last verse makes me cry.”
“love makes people happy.” his voice was low and trembling. “you shouldn’t pretend to be a cynic. you’re too beautiful.”
“oh, well, perhaps you are right, but——” she threw away her cigarette. “please be nice. you don’t know what things i’ve had done to me to make me talk like that” she touched him on the arm ever so lightly: “when we’re traveling, we talk so much better. hadn’t we better be going?” and then, when they were again humming down the long hill, with the white lamps scything the shadows: “this really is fun. it’ll be something to remember.”
“something to talk about together,” he said.
she cuddled herself down into the seat. “not much time for that with me sailing for america. but you’ve not told me what you think of my telegram. wasn’t it a quaint, jumpy message? that’s just like fluffy to decide a problem in five minutes that other people would take five months over. if she finds that anything’s worrying her, she moves away from it this horace, he’s horace overbridge, the playwright, and he’s in love with her. ever since we landed in april they’ve been going about together, having motor-trips into the country and picnics on the river, and—oh, so many good times. of course i’ve been there, too, to take care of her. but the trouble is he wants to marry her and, if he did, he’d never let her do what she likes. he can’t understand that it means just as much to her to be an actress as it does to him to be a playwright men aren’t very understanding. of course, while they’re not even engaged, he raves about her acting and helps her all he can. but she knows perfectly well that all that would end with marriage. and then she doesn’t love him. so you see——”
“but you said she’d let him take her about and give her good times.”
“why, certainly. if a man chooses to do that it’s his own affair. and then fluffy’s very dear and beautiful, and she wouldn’t let many men be in love with her. you did sound shocked when you said ‘but!’”
“i was thinking that she hadn’t played fair. she must have led him on. you don’t think that’s fair, do you?”
“fair!” she pursed her lips. “he enjoyed himself while it lasted, and it’s his own fault if he’s spoilt it.” she threw back her head and trilled gayly. “oh, i can see her stamping her little foot and saying, ’no. no. no, horace.’ and then, i expect, she jumped straight into a cab and booked our berths on the very first ship that was sailing. you—you don’t approve of her?”
“i don’t know her. it wasn’t very thoughtful of her to give you such short notice.”
“but if i don’t mind—you see, it’s my business.”
he shrugged his shoulders. “then i have no right to mind. but i’m wondering where you’d have been if i hadn’t turned up.”
“i! oh, i’d have hired a car, i suppose, and fluffy’d have had to pay for it, or horace, or somebody.—i wish i could remember who it was shrugged his shoulders the way you do.”
“perhaps it was——”
he glanced at her and broke off. this didn’t seem the propitious time to assist her memory. she was frowning. he had displeased her. the flippancy of fluffy’s way of loving had cheapened all passion for the moment.
they were coming into bath, with its narrow streets and wide spaces, its fluted columns and georgian mansions.
“when we get into the country on the other side,” he thought, “i’ll tell her.”
but on the other side he found that her eyes were shut she lay curled up, with her child’s face turned towards him and her cheek pillowed against her hand.
“desire,” he whispered. “desire.”
she sighed, but her eyes did not open.
“it’s teddy. don’t you remember?”
she did not stir.
very tenderly, lest he should wake her, he tucked her cloak closer, and buttoned it across her breast. by degrees he pulled the hood up over her ears and forehead. he stooped to kiss her, but drew back at the last moment to kiss her, sleeping, seemed too much like theft; “i love you, dearest,” he whispered. “i love you.”
she made no answer.
he drove on, dreaming, through the summer night.
