elsie, straight from the street, sat down on the edge of her creaking bed on the second-floor and looked at her best boots, which had lost their polish during the course of the afternoon and were covered with dust. she had paid various brief calls, and in her former home in riceyman square she had taken off her jacket and put on a pinafore-apron and vigorously helped with housework in arrear. but most of the time she had spent in walking certain streets. though she ought to have been tired—what with the morning's labour, the calls, the episode in the pinafore, the long walking—she had almost no sensation of bodily fatigue. her mind, however, was exhausted by the monotony of thinking one importunate thought, which refused to be dismissed, and which indeed she did not sincerely want to dismiss.
when, on her way upstairs, she had spoken to mrs. earlforward at the door of the dining-room, she had hoped that her employer would say: "there's someone been inquiring for you," or, "elsie, that man has come pestering again." but no! nothing but a colourless, preoccupied "good night." an absurd hope, naturally! she knew it was an absurd hope—and yet would not let it go. she had had the same silly hope upon entering each of the houses which she had visited. she had had it constantly as she walked the streets, examining every distant male figure. the silence of dr. raste had nearly killed it, but it could not be killed; it had more lives than a cat.
she had been sitting on the bed for a century when a church clock struck. eleven! still another hour! why exactly an hour? well, midnight was midnight. she[pg 198] must give him till twelve. an hour was an enormous period, full of chances. suddenly she bent to take off her boots. they were not comfortable, never had been, but she took them off for another reason: so that she might move about noiselessly. she extinguished the candle and passed into the empty front-room, and after some struggles with the front window posted herself at the side window. it was unfortunate that the window giving on to riceyman steps simply would not open on just this night, for if joe came he would probably come by way of the steps, having first called at the house in the square to get news of her. nevertheless, he might come along king's cross road en route for the square.
king's cross road was preparing to go to sleep for the night. no lorries. not a taxi—even in the day-time taxies were few in king's cross road. a tram-car, two tram-cars crammed with passengers. a few footfarers, mostly couples. the nell gwynn tavern was dark, save for a window in the top storey where the barmaids slept. down to the left a cold, vague glare showed the locality of the loading yard of the big post office. she could not see the pavement beneath the window; thus she might miss him. cautiously and silently she opened the window wider. the bulb-pots were on the sill. mrs. earlforward had forgotten to bring them in. elsie brought them in. (a transient, sympathetic thought for mrs. earlforward in her trouble.) she leaned her body out of the window, and felt the modest feather of her hat brush against the window-frame. she could see everything perfectly now—north and south. no wanderer could escape her vision. at intervals, not a sign of either vehicle or footfarers! the road would be utterly deserted, and the street lamps seemed to be wasted. then a policeman; he never looked up, never suspected that elsie had her eye on him. then a tram-car, empty save for a few woeful figures, a vast waste of tram-car.
she fancied she saw him approaching from the direction of the police-station. no, not a bit like him. she[pg 199] fancied she heard a sound in the room behind her. incredible that her first notion should be that joe had somehow entered the house and meant to surprise her with a long hug; and that the far more obvious explanation of surveillance by mr. or mrs. earlforward should come to her only second! but so it was. neither was correct. in the excited tension of her nerves she had merely imagined the sound. this delusion made her ashamed of her infatuated vigil. she had withdrawn into the room, but after a moment, despite shame, she resumed her post.
the night was calm and not very cold, but no frost would have driven her inside. the sky was thickly clouded; she did not raise her eyes to it. weather did not exist for her. another tram-car thundered past; she did not hear it—only saw it. and, as a fact, nobody in the house ever heard the tram-cars nor felt, save rarely, the vibrations which they caused. elsie was far gone now in her madness, and yet more sane every minute. she felt herself in joe's arms, heard herself murmuring to him—and he mute and passionate; and at the same time she well realized that she was merely indulging herself in foolishness. she was happy in the expectation of bliss, and wretched in the assurance of its impossibility.
the church clock began to strike. could a whole hour have gone by? it seemed more like a quarter of an hour. she had her great sorrow, and superimposed on it a childish regret that the expectant watching was over; she had enjoyed the vigil, and it appeared now that no balm whatever remained to her. reluctantly she drew in her body and shut the window softly, shutting out the last vestige of hope, and carrying with her, as she padded back to her bedroom, the full sense of her unbelievable silliness. her mind swerved round to mrs. earlforward's ordeal; her heart overflowed with benevolence towards mrs. earlforward, and with a sublime determination to stand by mrs. earlforward in any crisis that might arise. she forgot herself for a space, and became tranquil and cheerful and uplifted.
then she felt hungry. since midday she had eaten[pg 200] little, having refused offers of meals on her visits, and accepted only snacks, lest she might deplete larders already very inadequate. she took the candle into the kitchen cautiously, but also with a certain domination; for at nights the entire second-floor was her realm. she opened the kitchen window and the cage, and procured for herself more of the diminished cheese and one or two cold potatoes and a piece of bread crust. then she arranged the side-flap of sacking on the cage to protect it against possible rain. she ate slowly, enjoying with deliberation each morsel. after all, she had one positive pleasure in life. she knew she was wicked; she knew she was a thief; she did not defend herself by subtle arguments. of late she had been stealing more and more, and had received no reproach. she thought "they" had given up taking stock of the larder. she was becoming a hardened criminal.
