"here," said mrs. earlforward frigidly to elsie, handing her two coins. "slip out now and buy half a pound of bacon and the same quantity as before of that cheese. and please hurry back so as you can take your turn in the shop. not that you're in a state to be in charge of any shop. you're a perfect sight and a fright. however, they do say it's an ill-wind that blows nobody any good."
mrs. earlforward called elsie a perfect sight and a fright because of her countenance, swollen and blotched with violent weeping. she had not deigned to share with elsie her fearful anxieties. elsie was unworthy to share them. she had indeed said not a single word to elsie about the condition of the sick man. she rarely confided in a servant; servants could not appreciate a confidence, could not or would not understand that it amounted to an honour.... do elsie good to believe for a bit that her master was dying! serve her right! (and supposing henry really was dying!) nevertheless, mrs. earlforward could not be, did not desire to be, too harsh with a girl of elsie's admirable character. elsie, even when convicted of theft, inspired respect, willing or unwilling. she had never read the sermon on the mount, but without knowing what she was doing she practised its precepts. no credit to her, of course; she had not reasoned her conduct out; it was instinctive; she had little consciousness of being righteous, and much consciousness of sin; and the notion of behaving in such and such a way in order to get to heaven simply had not occurred to her.[pg 206]
it was humiliating for her to go shopping with such a woe-puffed face as she had. but she went, and the mission was part of her penance. the shop-keeping community of the neighbourhood, though they held mr. and mrs. earlforward in scorn, and referred to them with contumely and even detestation, were friendly to elsie, and privately sympathized with her because she had to do mr. and mrs. earlforward's dirty little errands. not that elsie was ever in the slightest degree disloyal to her master and mistress! on the contrary, her loyalty touched the excessive.
"anything wrong?" the cheesemonger's assistant murmured to her in a compassionate tone, as he was cutting the bacon.
elsie did not take the inquiry amiss. but unfortunately in her blushing answer she lapsed from entire honesty. she ought to have said: "i've been crying partly because i'm a thief, and partly because mr. earlforward is very seriously ill." but with shameful suppression of truth she replied in these words:
"master's that ill!"
and her tears fell anew.
within an hour the district had heard that the notorious old skinflint earlforward of riceyman steps was dying at last!
elsie ate no dinner. she tried to eat but could not. then it was that she devised an expiatory scheme for fasting until the total amount of her thefts should be covered. she had admitted to mr. earlforward that she got enough to eat. she could not possibly deny that her employers allowed her more food, or at any rate more regular food, than many of her acquaintances managed to exist on from day to day. with an empty stomach and a tight throat she toiled upon her routine conscientiously, and more than conscientiously, because she felt herself in the presence of final calamity. for her the house and shop had become "the pale court of kingly death"; though she was as ignorant of the mighty phrase as of the sermon on the mount, and even less[pg 207] capable of understanding it. the bedroom was sealed against her. mrs. earlforward herself went out to purchase special light food. afterwards she cooked some of the light food and carried it into the bedroom—and carried it out again untouched. only towards evening did mrs. earlforward leave the mysterious and terrible bedroom with an empty basin. elsie could not comprehend why the doctor had not come, or why, not having come, he had not been fetched. and she dared not ask. no! and she dared not ask how mr. earlforward was going on. and mrs. earlforward vouchsafed nothing. this withholding of news was violet's punishment for elsie. she wore a mask, which announced to elsie all the time that elsie was for the present outside the pale of humanity. elsie had an intense desire to share fully violet's ordeal, to suffer openly with her; she admitted that the frustration of this desire was no more than her deserts.
at five o'clock, in a clean apron, she was put into the shop. the stove was black out. the shop was full of the presence and intimidation of death. customers seemed to have avoided it that day, as if they had been magically warned to keep away. business had been negligible. elsie hoped much that none would come in the last hour. she had lost the habit of serving in the shop, and was uncertain of her capability to handle the humblest customer without making a fool of herself. then an old gentleman entered and stood silent, critically surveying her and the shop.
"yes, sir? what can i——"
the old gentleman saw a fat, fairly sensible face, and young, timid, kind eyes, and was rather attracted and mollified by the eyes; but he did not allow elsie's gaze to soften more than a very little his just resentment at the spectacle of an aproned charwoman, or at best a general servant, in charge of a bookshop.
"you can't!" he said sharply, moving his ancient head slowly from side to side in a firm negative. "i see mr. earlforward."[pg 208]
"the master isn't very well, sir."
"oh! then mrs. earlforward."
"missis is looking after master, sir."
"you don't mean to say he's ill?"
"yes, sir."
"ill in bed?"
"yes, sir."
"good god! i've known him for over twenty years, and never knew him ill yet. what's the matter? what's the matter with him?"
"i couldn't exactly say, sir."
"what do you mean—you couldn't exactly say?"
"he's very ill indeed, sir."
"not seriously ill?"
elsie drooped her head and showed signs of crying.
"not in danger?"
elsie replied with a sob:
"he'll never get up again, sir."
"good god! good god! what next? what next? er—i—er—i'm sorry to hear this. i'm—er—tell him, tell mrs. earlforward, i——" and, murmuring to himself, he walked rapidly out of the dim shop. he was at an age when the distant shuffling and rumbling of death could positively frighten. in an instant he had seen the folly, the futility, of collecting books. you could not take first editions with you when you—went. death loomed enormous over him, like a whole firmament threatening to fall.
elsie heard a footfall on the stairs, and mrs. earlforward came with deliberation down to such light as there was, her fixed eyes glinting and blazing on the sinner submissive in disgrace. elsie stood tremulous before those formidable eyes. she could scarcely believe that they were the same eyes which had melted in confidences to her on the previous morning. and they were not the same eyes. they were the eyes of an old woman with harsh, implacable features, petrified and incapable of mobility.
"what were you saying to that gentleman?"[pg 209]
"i was only telling him he couldn't see you or master because master was ill, 'm."
"but didn't i hear you say your master would never get up again?"
elsie quivered and made no response, no defence.
"what do you mean by saying such a thing? how dare you say such a thing? it isn't true; it isn't true! and even if it was true, do you suppose i want everybody to know about our private affairs? you must have gone out of your mind!"
she waited for an answer from elsie. none came. elsie could not articulate. then mrs. earlforward finished, abrupt and tyrannical:
"shut the shop!"
elsie found speech:
"it's only a quarter to six, 'm. there's a quarter of an hour yet," she said weakly, but bravely.
"shut the shop, i tell you!"
elsie went outside and began to wheel in the bookstand. a vision of joe leaped up in her mind, and she gazed east and west to see if by chance he might be arriving a day late at that moment. the vision of joe vanished from her mind. she thought: "this will be the last time i shall ever wheel in the bookstand." then, from habit, she raked down the ashes from the stove.
"what's the good of raking the stove when you know it's out!" mrs. earlforward exclaimed. "nothing can burn away if it's out. where are your brains, wasting time?" mrs. earlforward marched across the shop, banged the door to, and fastened it violently, definitely. and elsie thought: "that door'll never open for master's customers again."
"get upstairs!" ordained mrs. earlforward. within ten seconds the shop and the office were in darkness.
that evening elsie had none but strictly official communication with mrs. earlforward, who never once removed her mask, nor by any sign invited elsie to come back within the warm pale of humanity. the girl did not even know whether she was at liberty to retire to[pg 210] bed, or whether, in the exceptional circumstances, she ought to stay up on the chance of being needed. at last, in the soundless house, her common sense told her to go to her room. if she was required she could dress in a minute, and it would be just as easy for mrs. earlforward to call her in the bedroom as in the kitchen. she had certainly no clear intention, as she closed the bedroom door, of disturbing the ashes of her passion for joe; and it was almost mechanically, or subconsciously, that she got his letter from its safety in a drawer. of late she had not been reading it so often. the envelope was no longer an envelope, but two separate pieces of paper held together only by the habit of association. the letter itself was very dirty and worn out at all the creases, some of which were no longer creases but rents. as she held it gingerly in her hands, one of the squares into which the creases divided it fell off from the main body, and sank with flutters to the floor. for weeks she had feared that this would happen. necessarily she took it for an omen. something had to be done at once if destiny was to be countered. her thoughts ran down to the office for aid. but the office was two floors away, and in the night, off duty, she had no right to leave the top-floor. still less had she the right to leave the top-floor in order to commit a theft. and she might be heard by the sharp, exasperated ears of her mistress and caught. but the letter was so pathetic that she could not resist its appeal. she seized the candle, and in stockinged feet, slowly and with every precaution against noise, descended the stairs like the thief she was.
on the desk in the office was a small cardboard box in which somebody at some time in history had once received false teeth from a dentist. this box was the receptacle for stamp-paper. in the shadowy and reproachful and menacing office elsie slid open the box and stole from it quite six good inches of stamp-paper. contrition for sin had perished in her. she was the hardened sinner. she could not learn from experience. it seemed to her that she sinned nightly now. here her[pg 211] master was dying, her mistress ill and in misery, and she was thieving stamp-paper! she arrived upstairs again without discovery. her nerves were as shaken as if she had crossed niagara on a tight-rope.
mr. earlforward could do marvels of repair with stamp-paper, but elsie had not his skill. working on the emptied toilet-table, she did little but make the letter adhere to the surface of the table. then through a too brusque movement she seriously tore the letter, and not in the line of a crease either. the paper was worn out by use, and had no virtue left. this was too much for elsie's self-control. she had stood everything, but she could not stand the trifling accident. she scrunched the pieces of the letter in her powerful hand. why should she keep the letter? she was a perfect fool to keep the letter, reminding her and reminding her.... she held the ball of paper to the candle. it lit slowly, but it lit. the paper spread a little with the heat. she could read: "i know i shall get better." she dropped the burning letter, and it smoked and blackened and writhed on the floor, and nothing survived of it save some charred corners, a lot of smoke, and a strong smell of fire.
elsie now had the sensation of being alone in the world. the reaction was hunger. hunger swept over her like a visitation. for twenty-four hours she had not eaten enough to satisfy a cat, to say nothing of a robust and active young woman. her fancy could taste the lovely taste of bacon. she thought of all other lovely tastes, and there were many. she thought obscurely, perhaps not in actual words: "eating is my only joy now. all else is vain, but eating is real." she thought of the cage and its contents. but mr. earlforward was dying, and mrs. earlforward in misery. and death was waiting to spring out from some dark corner of the house. the house was peopled with the mysterious harbingers of death. still, the idea of the bacon bewitched her.
she raised the candlestick again. she passed out of the bedroom and crept, guilty and afraid, towards the kitchen. she knew the full enormity of her offence,[pg 212] could never, afterwards, offer the excuse that she did not realize it. on the other hand, she was helpless in the grip of the tyrannical appetite which drove her on. at the open door of the narrow kitchen she listened intently, with a guilty and fearful eye on the shadowy staircase, trying to see what was not there. not a sound. not a vibration. the last tram-car and the last underground train had gone. she entered the kitchen, closed the door softly, and shut herself up with her sin. "i will not do it. i cannot do it!" she thought, but she knew that she would do it, and that she was appointed to do it. her mouth watered; her stomach ravened within her like a tiger.
ten minutes later the door opened suddenly. mrs. earlforward, a mantle over her night-dress, stood in the doorway. in the flickering light of the candle mrs. earlforward caught the gluttonous, ecstatic expression on elsie's face and the curve of her pretty lips before the corners of the lips fell to dismay, and the rapt expression changed to despairing delinquency. mr. earlforward's grand bluff had failed after all. apparently not the atmosphere of death could cure elsie of her vice. mrs. earlforward, on the top of her other thrilling woes, was horrified to see elsie not merely eating bacon, but eating bacon raw. but in this particular mrs. earlforward was unreasonable. the girl could not cook the bacon. to do so would have caused throughout the house a smell to wake even the dead. she had no alternative but to eat the bacon raw. moreover, it was very nice raw. mrs. earlforward tried to speak about the bacon, but failed. elsie, with her mouth full and no chance of emptying it, could not speak either. the tap, dripping much faster now than aforetime, talked alone. at last mrs. earlforward gasped:
"you're dressed. run for the doctor."
