charleston, oct. 25th.
my niece is too fascinating, tiny, red, squirming! i have never been on intimate terms with so young a baby before, and cannot be content to hold her but a little while. i want to hold her for a long time and realize her individuality, but the nurse disapproves, so i continue to find her fascinating.
oct. 30th. i am having a delightful time. aunt is very good and kind. she is the widow of mamma’s brother, james l. petigru, who was a distinguished lawyer and codified the laws of this state. he died in the midst of the war, heartbroken, they said, at the suffering and distress for his own people that he saw ahead. poor mamma, it was awfully hard on her, for she simply adored uncle, and papa was as strongly in favour of secession as uncle was opposed to it. so those she loved best were absolutely opposed to each other. her opinions went with papa, but she felt intense sympathy for uncle, and felt it killed him. the yankee officers have been ordered by the government{299} to treat aunt with the greatest consideration. she has but to signify a wish for it to be gratified at once. she was a great beauty and has never forgotten it through years of terrible ill health. uncle spoiled and humoured her always, and now it seems the most natural thing in the world to have everything she wants, have officers at her beck and call and live in luxury, when every one else is almost in want. but she is most generous with her comforts and luxuries, having nannie, her maid and nurse, seek out her friends who are ill or in need and sending them baskets from her stores. she does not hesitate to say that she did not in any way sympathize with uncle’s opinion as to the war. she is always in bed, and with a much befrilled cap which only reveals a few curls of light yellow hair, receives the officers sent to her for command. she has a very small single bed quite low to the floor and looks like a child, and speaks in a high childish voice, most authoritatively. she has what she calls a “lazy scissors.” it shoots out to a length of about three feet and picks up things she wants. nannie, her black maid, rules everything and everybody, and i am thankful nannie happens to approve of me for it helps the situation. aunt has a critical eye{300} and loves beauty, and i am not pretty, but she also loves to laugh, and i can amuse her by my accounts of all my adventures when i go out, for i never stir from the house without some adventure. just now i am trying to get aunt to consent to my going to a party which is to be given by the young men at miss annie savage heyward’s house, corner of lamboll and legare. it is the first big dance given in town and i want to go, but aunt has not as yet given her consent. mamma has gone in the country for a while and there is no appeal from aunt’s decision. i have got nannie on my side. the trouble is there is no chaperone to go with me, only my cousin charley porcher will come for me and bring me home. he fought all through the war and came out alive, and i’m sure that makes him fit for anything.
nov. 5th. well, i went to the party and had a grand time, no refreshments but water, but a beautifully waxed floor, a great big cool room, that is, two opening into each other with folding doors, and a great wide piazza all round outside to walk in after dancing. but first i must tell about my getting off. there had been no question of dress, i was thankful for that. aunt{301} seemed to think of course i had a ball dress. so when i was arrayed in my best black merino skirt—i was still in half mourning for papa—and my bleached pink paper cambric baby waist, and aunt sent nannie to say she wished to see me before i went, i trembled. however, i summoned up all the diablerie in me to meet the ordeal. really, i felt most uncertain of my appearance already, but i would not show it for worlds. when i went in to the darkened room, aunt ordered nannie to light up everything, candles and lamps, and as i stood trembling inside, while the lights asserted themselves, aunt surveyed me and burst forth.
“bessie, you are a fool! my god, that is no costume for a party! you look more like a funeral than a big fashionable dance! come here and let me see that skirt. my god, it is really what i thought, black merino! plain and full! you cannot leave my house for a party dressed like that!”
“aunt,” i said, “if you say another word i will begin to cry and then my costume will be lighted up with a red nose to please you.” this made her laugh and i went on. “you have not looked at the exquisite lace on my bodice. mrs. pringle said this was an ideal young girl’s waist.{302}”
she looked, examined the lace, and relented. “nannie, open that top drawer to the left and get out that set of old mexican silver. this child must have something to relieve this stern effect.”
nannie arrived with a box and aunt took out and had me put on a pair of broad silver bracelets like manacles of fish scales, a string of silver beads round my neck which though not plump is called pretty, and in my ears carved silver earrings about three inches long and weighing about a ton apiece. then aunt surveyed me once more, gave me a little push and said, “now go, all this excitement has made me feel very ill. do behave yourself and don’t cry if you don’t get a partner.”
thankfully i escaped and went down to charley, who was tired waiting for me. he was all admiration of my appearance, but aunt had injected a new and fearful thought to my mind. “not get a partner,” what an awful thought! i had always had my choice of partners, but now that i came to think, i had been away from town all the years of the war. papa and mamma had never allowed me to accept invitations to stay with my friends who had remained in charleston. it was said that society was too informal and too gay for them to be willing for me to join it. most{303} of the dear boy friends whom i used to dance with had been killed or disabled, and i really was going into an unknown company. i suppose it was well that aunt’s words had made me realize this, for it might have come with too great a shock without that. as we went in, charley gave me my only pair of well worn slippers which he had carried, and i went into the dressing room and, taking off my walking boots, (an awful pair of english shoes, miles too big for me and stuffed with cotton, which i had worn for two years, we having been lucky to get them through the blockade), put them on. then i braced myself up and went upstairs with charley. miss annie heyward received us and put me at my ease at once by asking if i could play a galop, for none of the girls who could play had arrived yet, and so she had to ask me etc., etc. i was delighted and went with alacrity to the piano, which was arranged most considerately, so that you faced the dancers, and you could enjoy watching them as you played. this was my forte, dance music. in plantersville they said i could make any one dance, and it gave me almost as much pleasure as dancing itself. soon the floor was full of whirling couples, and i had a chance to see how many of them i knew and how many{304} i didn’t know. alas, the latter were vastly in the majority, but, i reflected with joy, when ever i had no partner, i could play. so when miss heyward came to relieve me i was in a gale of spirits, and c. came to claim a promised dance; so i went through that, though with reluctance, for he was not as good a dancer as he had been fighter. i got on tant bien que mal, until glasses of water were handed round and people began to settle for “the german.” this was unknown to me, and i watched the bringing in of chairs and the happy couples placing themselves around the big room. mr. joe manigault, a great society man and exquisite dancer from “before the war,” was to lead. nearly all the chairs were filled and i was still at the piano. then i saw mr. m. take one young man after another into the piazza and walk them up and down, and i knew he was trying to induce them to let him present them to me so that they could ask me for the german. i could see them glance at me surreptitiously through the window, while walking. one after another returned to the room, not having yielded to mr. m. at last, he found one who valiantly came forward, was introduced and asked for the pleasure, and i accepted with great alacrity, and never began to{305} tease him about having ignominiously allowed mr. m. to choose his partner for him until the german was well under way. and then i pointed to the row of “stags,” as they were called who would not take partners, relying on being “taken out,” being all good dancers. then between times they could retire to the piazza and smoke. he was bright and able to answer my ungracious attacks, so that i got quite as good as i gave. add to this that, as soon as any one danced with me, being thrown together in the figures of the german, they always wanted to dance with me again, and soon all the stags came up and were introduced, eager to be “taken out” by me; but nay, nay, i let them ornament the wall as far as i was concerned. and oh i had a glorious time, mr. m. himself selecting me very often to lead the figures with him. he had to tell me just what to do, but i soon learned, and when it was my turn to play he would not let me, but suggested to one sweet quiet girl that played very well that she should take my turn, saying i had played twice my share earlier in the evening. we broke up at 12 exactly, as all the men are working hard and must get their sleep. they have formed a cotillion club and are going to give a dance once a month{306} and i have been asked by three men for the next german. my ears are so sore from my adornments that i don’t think i will wear them again, though they are beautiful. aunt was delighted with my account of the party, and laughed and chuckled over my first german partner, saying, “men are fools, and always will be.”
