not the way he had beat off the baby's ghost — all bang and shriek with windows smashed andicily iars rolled in a heap. but she moved him nonetheless, and paul d didn't know how to stop itbecause it looked like he was moving himself. imperceptibly, downright reasonably, he wasmoving out of 124.
the beginning was so simple. one day, after supper, he sat in the rocker by the stove, bone-tired,river-whipped, and fell asleep. he woke to the footsteps of sethe coming down the white stairs tomake breakfast.
"i thought you went out somewhere," she said.
paul d moaned, surprised to find himself exactly where he was the last time he looked.
"don't tell me i slept in this chair the whole night."sethe laughed. "me? i won't say a word to you.""why didn't you rouse me?""i did. called you two or three times. i gave it up around midnight and then i thought you went outsomewhere."he stood, expecting his back to fight it. but it didn't. not a creak or a stiff joint anywhere. in facthe felt refreshed. some things are like that, he thought, good-sleep places. the base of certain treeshere and there; a wharf, a bench, a rowboat once, a haystack usually, not always bed, and here,now, a rocking chair, which was strange because in his experience furniture was the worst placefor a good-sleep sleep.
the next evening he did it again and then again. he was accustomed to sex with sethe just aboutevery day, and to avoid the confusion beloved's shining caused him he still made it his business totake her back upstairs in the morning, or lie down with her after supper. but he found a way and areason to spend the longest part of the night in the rocker. he told himself it must be his back —something supportive it needed for a weakness left over from sleeping in a box in georgia.
it went on that way and might have stayed that way but one evening, after supper, after sethe, hecame downstairs, sat in the rocker and didn't want to be there. he stood up and realized he didn'twant to go upstairs either. irritable and longing for rest, he opened the door to baby suggs' roomand dropped off to sleep on the bed the old lady died in. that settled it — so it seemed. it becamehis room and sethe didn't object — her bed made for two had been occupied by one for eighteenyears before paul d came to call. and maybe it was better this way, with young girls in the houseand him not being her true-to-life husband. in any case, since there was no reduction in his before-breakfast or after-supper appetites, he never heard her complain.
it went on that way and might have stayed that way, except one evening, after supper, after sethe,he came downstairs and lay on baby suggs' bed and didn't want to be there.
he believed he was having house-fits, the glassy anger men sometimes feel when a woman's housebegins to bind them, when they want to yell and break something or at least run off. he knew allabout that — felt it lots of times — in the delaware weaver's house, for instance. but always heassociated the house-fit with the woman in it. this nervousness had nothing to do with the woman,whom he loved a little bit more every day: her hands among vegetables, her mouth when shelicked a thread end before guiding it through a needle or bit it in two when the seam was done, theblood in her eye when she defended her girls (and beloved was hers now) or any coloredwomanfrom a slur. also in this house-fit there was no anger, no suffocation, no yearning to be elsewhere.
he just could not, would not, sleep upstairs or in the rocker or, now, in baby suggs' bed. so hewent to the storeroom.
it went on that way and might have stayed that way except one evening, after supper, after sethe,he lay on a pallet in the storeroom and didn't want to be there. then it was the cold house and itwas out there, separated from the main part of 124, curled on top of two croaker sacks full of sweetpotatoes, staring at the sides of a lard can, that he realized the moving was involuntary. he wasn'tbeing nervous; he was being prevented.
so he waited. visited sethe in the morning; slept in the cold room at night and waited.
she came, and he wanted to knock her down.
不是他打跑婴儿鬼魂的那种方式———又摔又叫，砸碎了窗户，果酱罐滚作一堆。可她仍然赶走了他，而保罗·d不知道怎样制止她，因为看起来像是他自己搬走的。不知不觉地，完全合情合理地，他在搬出124号。
事情的开头简单极了。一天，晚饭以后，他坐在炉边的摇椅上，腰酸腿疼，出汗出得好像刚从水里捞出来，就那样睡着了。塞丝走下白楼梯来做早饭的声音吵醒了他。
“我以为你到外头什么地方去了。
”她说。
保罗·d哼了哼，吃惊地发现自己还待在原来待的地方。
“别跟我说我在这张椅子上睡了一整夜。
”
塞丝笑了起来。
“我吗？我什么也不会跟你说的。
”
“你怎么没把我叫起来？
”
“我叫了。叫了你两三遍呐。到了半夜我才决定拉倒，我以为你上外头什么地方去了。
”
他站起来，以为后背会很难受。可是没有。哪里都没有咯吱作响，也没感到关节麻木。实际上他倒觉得振奋。有些东西就是那样，他想，真是个睡觉的好地方。随便什么地方的树脚下；一个码头，一条长椅，有一次是只小船，通常是一垛干草堆，不总是床；可现在这回，居然是一把摇椅，很是莫名其妙，因为凭他的经验，要睡个好觉，家具可是最糟糕的地方了。
第二天晚上他又这样睡了，接着又睡了一夜。他已经习惯了几乎每天和塞丝性交，为了避免自己被宠儿的光芒迷惑，他仍然自觉地每天早晨回到楼上与塞丝云雨一番，或者晚饭以后和她一起躺倒。然而为了在摇椅上过夜，他找到了一个办法，一个理由。他告诉自己，肯定是因为他的后背———在佐治亚的匣子里落下的后遗症，使它需要什么东西支撑。
这种状况继续着，而且本可以一直保持下去，可是一天晚上，晚饭后，他跟塞丝性交后走下楼梯、坐到摇椅上，却不想在那儿待着了。他站起来，发觉自己也并不想上楼去。他心烦意乱又渴望休息，便打开门进了贝比·萨格斯的房间，到老太太死去的那张床上倒头便睡。事情就这么结了———看来如此。它成了他的房间，塞丝并不介意———她的双人床在保罗·d来到之前的十八年里都是她一个人睡。也许这样更好，家里有年轻姑娘，而他又不是自己的结发丈夫。不管怎么说，因为他并没有就此减少早饭以前和晚饭以后的欲望，所以他一直没听见她有过怨言。
这种状况继续着，而且本可以一直保持下去，可是一天晚上，晚饭后，他与塞丝性交过后走下楼梯，躺到贝比·萨格斯的床上，却不想在那儿待着了。他以为自己患了那种房屋恐惧症，当一个女人的房子开始束缚男人，当他们想吼叫、砸点东西或者至少跑掉的时候，他们有时会感觉到那种呆滞无神的愤怒。他了解得一清二楚———感受过许多回———比如在特拉华女织工的房子里。然而，他总是把房屋恐惧症和房子里的女人联系起来。这次的紧张可跟这个女人毫无关系，他一天比一天更爱她：她那双收拾蔬菜的手，她那在穿针之前舔一下线头或者缝补完以后把线咬成两段的嘴，她那保护她的姑娘们（宠儿现在也是她的了）或者任何黑人妇女不受侮辱时充血的眼睛。
还有，这次的房屋恐惧症里没有愤怒，没有窒息，没有远走他乡的渴望。他只是不能、不愿睡在楼上、摇椅上，还有现在，贝比·萨格斯的床上。于是他去了贮藏室。
这种状况继续着，而且本可以一直保持下去，可是一天晚上，晚饭后，他享用了塞丝后走下楼梯，躺到贮藏室的地铺上，却不想在那儿待着了。然后就是冷藏室，它在外面，与124号的主体分开。蜷曲在两个装满甘薯的麻袋上，盯着一个猪油罐头的轮廓，他发觉他搬出来是身不由己的。不是他神经过敏；是有人在驱逐他。
于是他等着。早晨去找塞丝；夜里睡在冷藏室里，等着。
她来了，而他想把她打翻在地。
