just a shoot no taller than his waist. the kind of thing a man would cut to whip his horse. song-murder and the aspen. he stayed alive to sing songs that murdered life, and watched an aspen thatconfirmed it, and never for a minute did he believe he could escape. until it rained. afterward,after the cherokee pointed and sent him running toward blossoms, he wanted simply to move, go,pick up one day and be somewhere else the next. resigned to life without aunts, cousins, children.
even a woman, until sethe.
and then she moved him. just when doubt, regret and every single unasked question was packedaway, long after he believed he had willed himself into being, at the very time and place he wantedto take root — she moved him. from room to room. like a rag doll. sitting on the porch of a dry-goods church, a little bit drunk and nothing much to do, he could have these thoughts. slow, what-if thoughts that cut deep but struck nothing solid a man could hold on to. so he held his wrists.
passing by that woman's life, getting in it and letting it get in him had set him up for this fall.
wanting to live out his life with a whole woman was new, and losing the feeling of it made himwant to cry and think deep thoughts that struck nothing solid. when he was drifting, thinking onlyabout the next meal and night's sleep, when everything was packed tight in his chest, he had nosense of failure, of things not working out. anything that worked at all worked out. now hewondered what-all went wrong, and starting with the plan, everything had. it was a good plan, too.
worked out in detail with every possibility of error eliminated.
sixo, hitching up the horses, is speaking english again and tells halle what his thirty-milewoman told him. that seven negroes on her place were joining two others going north. that thetwo others had done it before and knew the way. that one of the two, a woman, would wait forthem in the corn when it was high — one night and half of the next day she would wait, and if theycame she would take them to the caravan, where the others would be hidden. that she would rattle,and that would be the sign. sixo was going, his woman was going, and halle was taking his wholefamily. the two pauls say they need time to think about it. time to wonder where they will end up;how they will live. what work; who will take them in; should they try to get to paul f, whoseowner, they remember, lived in something called the "trace"? it takes them one evening'sconversation to decide.
now all they have to do is wait through the spring, till the corn is as high as it ever got and themoon as fat.
and plan. is it better to leave in the dark to get a better start, or go at daybreak to be able to see theway better? sixo spits at the suggestion. night gives them more time and the protection of color.
he does not ask them if they are afraid. he manages some dry runs to the corn at night, buryingblankets and two knives near the creek. will sethe be able to swim the creek? they ask him. it willbe dry, he says, when the corn is tall. there is no food to put by, but sethe says she will get a jugof cane syrup or molasses, and some bread when it is near the time to go. she only wants to be surethe blankets are where they should be, for they will need them to tie her baby on her back and tocover them during the journey. there are no clothes other than what they wear. and of course noshoes. the knives will help them eat, but they bury rope and a pot as well. a good plan. theywatch and memorize the comings and goings of schoolteacher and his pupils: what is wanted whenand where; how long it takes. mrs. garner, restless at night, is sunk in sleep all morning. somedays the pupils and their teacher do lessons until breakfast. one day a week they skip breakfastcompletely and travel ten miles to church, expecting a large dinner upon their return.
schoolteacher writes in his notebook after supper; the pupils clean, mend or sharpen tools. sethe'swork is the most uncertain because she is on call for mrs. garner anytime, including nighttimewhen the pain or the weakness or the downright loneliness is too much for her. so: sixo and thepauls will go after supper and wait in the creek for the thirty mile woman. halle will bring setheand the three children before dawn — before the sun, before the chickens and the milking cowneed attention, so by the time smoke should be coming from the cooking stove, they will be in ornear the creek with the others. that way, if mrs. garner needs sethe in the night and calls her,sethe will be there to answer. they only have to wait through the spring.
