tells how i became acquainted with my wife
for two days i skulked round the pavilion, profiting by the uneven surface of the links. i became an adept in the necessary tactics. these low hillocks and shallow dells, running one into another, became a kind of cloak of darkness for my enthralling, but perhaps dishonourable, pursuit. yet, in spite of this advantage, i could learn but little of northmour or his guests.
fresh provisions were brought under cover of darkness by the old woman from the mansion-house. northmour, and the young lady, sometimes together, but more often singly, would walk for an hour or two at a time on the beach beside the quicksand. i could not but conclude that this promenade was chosen with an eye to secrecy; for the spot was open only to the seaward. but it suited me not less excellently; the highest and most accidented of the sand-hills immediately adjoined; and from these, lying flat in a hollow, i could overlook northmour or the young lady as they walked.
the tall man seemed to have disappeared. not only did he never cross the threshold, but he never so much as showed face at a window; or, at least, not so far as i could see; for i dared not creep forward beyond a certain distance in the day, since the upper floor commanded the bottoms of the links; and at night, when i could venture farther, the lower windows were barricaded as if to stand a siege. sometimes i thought the tall man must be confined to bed, for i remembered the feebleness of his gait; and sometimes i thought he must have gone clear away, and that northmour and the young lady remained alone together in the pavilion. the idea, even then, displeased me.
whether or not this pair were man and wife, i had seen abundant reason to doubt the friendliness of their relation. although i could hear nothing of what they said, and rarely so much as glean a decided expression on the face of either, there was a distance, almost a stiffness, in their bearing which showed them to be either unfamiliar or at enmity. the girl walked faster when she was with northmour than when she was alone; and i conceived that any inclination between a man and a woman would rather delay than accelerate the step. moreover, she kept a good yard free of him, and trailed her umbrella, as if it were a barrier, on the side between them. northmour kept sidling closer; and, as the girl retired from his advance, their course lay at a sort of diagonal across the beach, and would have landed them in the surf had it been long enough continued. but, when this was imminent, the girl would unostentatiously change sides and put northmour between her and the sea. i watched these manoeuvres, for my part, with high enjoyment and approval, and chuckled to myself at every move.
on the morning of the third day, she walked alone for some time, and i perceived, to my great concern, that she was more than once in tears. you will see that my heart was already interested more than i supposed. she had a firm yet airy motion of the body, and carried her head with unimaginable grace; every step was a thing to look at, and she seemed in my eyes to breathe sweetness and distinction.
the day was so agreeable, being calm and sunshiny, with a tranquil sea, and yet with a healthful piquancy and vigour in the air, that, contrary to custom, she was tempted forth a second time to walk. on this occasion she was accompanied by northmour, and they had been but a short while on the beach, when i saw him take forcible possession of her hand. she struggled, and uttered a cry that was almost a scream. i sprang to my feet, unmindful of my strange position; but, ere i had taken a step, i saw northmour bareheaded and bowing very low, as if to apologise; and dropped again at once into my ambush. a few words were interchanged; and then, with another bow, he left the beach to return to the pavilion. he passed not far from me, and i could see him, flushed and lowering, and cutting savagely with his cane among the grass. it was not without satisfaction that i recognised my own handiwork in a great cut under his right eye, and a considerable discolouration round the socket.
for some time the girl remained where he had left her, looking out past the islet and over the bright sea. then with a start, as one who throws off preoccupation and puts energy again upon its mettle, she broke into a rapid and decisive walk. she also was much incensed by what had passed. she had forgotten where she was. and i beheld her walk straight into the borders of the quicksand where it is most abrupt and dangerous. two or three steps farther and her life would have been in serious jeopardy, when i slid down the face of the sand-hill, which is there precipitous, and, running half-way forward, called to her to stop.
she did so, and turned round. there was not a tremor of fear in her behaviour, and she marched directly up to me like a queen. i was barefoot, and clad like a common sailor, save for an egyptian scarf round my waist; and she probably took me at first for some one from the fisher village, straying after bait. as for her, when i thus saw her face to face, her eyes set steadily and imperiously upon mine, i was filled with admiration and astonishment, and thought her even more beautiful than i had looked to find her. nor could i think enough of one who, acting with so much boldness, yet preserved a maidenly air that was both quaint and engaging; for my wife kept an old-fashioned precision of manner through all her admirable life — an excellent thing in woman, since it sets another value on her sweet familiarities.
“what does this mean?” she asked.
“you were walking,” i told her, “directly into graden floe.”
“you do not belong to these parts,” she said again. “you speak like an educated man.”
“i believe i have right to that name,” said i, “although in this disguise.”
but her woman’s eye had already detected the sash. “oh!” she said; “your sash betrays you.”
“you have said the word betray,” i resumed. “may i ask you not to betray me? i was obliged to disclose myself in your interest; but if northmour learned my presence it might be worse than disagreeable for me.”
“do you know,” she asked, “to whom you are speaking?”
“not to mr. northmour’s wife?” i asked, by way of answer.
she shook her head. all this while she was studying my face with an embarrassing intentness. then she broke out —
“you have an honest face. be honest like your face, sir, and tell me what you want and what you are afraid of. do you think i could hurt you? i believe you have far more power to injure me! and yet you do not look unkind. what do you mean — you, a gentleman — by skulking like a spy about this desolate place? tell me,” she said, “who is it you hate?”
“i hate no one,” i answered; “and i fear no one face to face. my name is cassilis — frank cassilis. i lead the life of a vagabond for my own good pleasure. i am one of northmour’s oldest friends; and three nights ago, when i addressed him on these links, he stabbed me in the shoulder with a knife.”
“it was you!” she said.
“why he did so,” i continued, disregarding the interruption, “is more than i can guess, and more than i care to know. i have not many friends, nor am i very susceptible to friendship; but no man shall drive me from a place by terror. i had camped in graden sea-wood ere he came; i camp in it still. if you think i mean harm to you or yours, madam, the remedy is in your hand. tell him that my camp is in the hemlock den, and to-night he can stab me in safety while i sleep.”
with this i doffed my cap to her, and scrambled up once more among the sand-hills. i do not know why, but i felt a prodigious sense of injustice, and felt like a hero and a martyr; while, as a matter of fact, i had not a word to say in my defence, nor so much as one plausible reason to offer for my conduct. i had stayed at graden out of a curiosity natural enough, but undignified; and though there was another motive growing in along with the first, it was not one which, at that period, i could have properly explained to the lady of my heart.
certainly, that night, i thought of no one else; and, though her whole conduct and position seemed suspicious, i could not find it in my heart to entertain a doubt of her integrity. i could have staked my life that she was clear of blame, and, though all was dark at the present, that the explanation of the mystery would show her part in these events to be both right and needful. it was true, let me cudgel my imagination as i pleased, that i could invent no theory of her relations to northmour; but i felt none the less sure of my conclusion because it was founded on instinct in place of reason, and, as i may say, went to sleep that night with the thought of her under my pillow.
next day she came out about the same hour alone, and, as soon as the sand-hills concealed her from the pavilion, drew nearer to the edge, and called me by name in guarded tones. i was astonished to observe that she was deadly pale, and seemingly under the influence of strong emotion.
“mr. cassilis!” she cried; “mr. cassilis!”
i appeared at once, and leaped down upon the beach. a remarkable air of relief overspread her countenance as soon as she saw me.
“oh!” she cried, with a hoarse sound, like one whose bosom has been lightened of a weight. and then, “thank god you are still safe!” she added; “i knew, if you were, you would be here.” (was not this strange? so swiftly and wisely does nature prepare our hearts for these great life-long intimacies, that both my wife and i had been given a presentiment on this the second day of our acquaintance. i had even then hoped that she would seek me; she had felt sure that she would find me.) “do not,” she went, on swiftly, “do not stay in this place. promise me that you will sleep no longer in that wood. you do not know how i suffer; all last night i could not sleep for thinking of your peril.”
“peril?” i repeated. “peril from whom? from northmour?”
“not so,” she said. “did you think i would tell him after what you said?”
“not from northmour?” i repeated. “then how? from whom? i see none to be afraid of.”
“you must not ask me,” was her reply, “for i am not free to tell you. only believe me, and go hence — believe me, and go away quickly, quickly, for your life!”
an appeal to his alarm is never a good plan to rid oneself of a spirited young man. my obstinacy was but increased by what she said, and i made it a point of honour to remain. and her solicitude for my safety still more confirmed me in the resolve.
“you must not think me inquisitive, madam,” i replied; “but, if graden is so dangerous a place, you yourself perhaps remain here at some risk.”
she only looked at me reproachfully.
“you and your father — “ i resumed; but she interrupted me almost with a gasp.
“my father! how do you know that?” she cried.
“i saw you together when you landed,” was my answer; and i do not know why, but it seemed satisfactory to both of us, as indeed it was the truth. “but,” i continued, “you need have no fear from me. i see you have some reason to be secret, and, you may believe me, your secret is as safe with me as if i were in graden floe. i have scarce spoken to any one for years; my horse is my only companion, and even he, poor beast, is not beside me. you see, then, you may count on me for silence. so tell me the truth, my dear young lady, are you not in danger?”
“mr. northmour says you are an honourable man,” she returned, “and i believe it when i see you. i will tell you so much; you are right; we are in dreadful, dreadful danger, and you share it by remaining where you are.”
“ah!” said i; “you have heard of me from northmour? and he gives me a good character?”
“i asked him about you last night,” was her reply. “i pretended,” she hesitated, “i pretended to have met you long ago, and spoken to you of him. it was not true; but i could not help myself without betraying you, and you had put me in a difficulty. he praised you highly.”
“and — you may permit me one question — does this danger come from northmour?” i asked.
“from mr. northmour?” she cried. “oh no; he stays with us to share it.”
“while you propose that i should run away?” i said. “you do not rate me very high.”
“why should you stay?” she asked. “you are no friend of ours.”
i know not what came over me, for i had not been conscious of a similar weakness since i was a child, but i was so mortified by this retort that my eyes pricked and filled with tears, as i continued to gaze upon her face.
“no, no,” she said, in a changed voice; “i did not mean the words unkindly.”
“it was i who offended,” i said; and i held out my hand with a look of appeal that somehow touched her, for she gave me hers at once, and even eagerly. i held it for awhile in mine, and gazed into her eyes. it was she who first tore her hand away, and, forgetting all about her request and the promise she had sought to extort, ran at the top of her speed, and without turning, till she was out of sight.
and then i knew that i loved her, and thought in my glad heart that she — she herself — was not indifferent to my suit. many a time she has denied it in after days, but it was with a smiling and not a serious denial. for my part, i am sure our hands would not have lain so closely in each other if she had not begun to melt to me already. and, when all is said, it is no great contention, since, by her own avowal, she began to love me on the morrow.
and yet on the morrow very little took place. she came and called me down as on the day before, upbraided me for lingering at graden, and, when she found i was still obdurate, began to ask me more particularly as to my arrival. i told her by what series of accidents i had come to witness their disembarkation, and how i had determined to remain, partly from the interest which had been wakened in me by northmour’s guests, and partly because of his own murderous attack. as to the former, i fear i was disingenuous, and led her to regard herself as having been an attraction to me from the first moment that i saw her on the links. it relieves my heart to make this confession even now, when my wife is with god, and already knows all things, and the honesty of my purpose even in this; for while she lived, although it often pricked my conscience, i had never the hardihood to undeceive her. even a little secret, in such a married life as ours, is like the rose-leaf which kept the princess from her sleep.
from this the talk branched into other subjects, and i told her much about my lonely and wandering existence; she, for her part, giving ear, and saying little. although we spoke very naturally, and latterly on topics that might seem indifferent, we were both sweetly agitated. too soon it was time for her to go; and we separated, as if by mutual consent, without shaking hands, for both knew that, between us, it was no idle ceremony.
the next, and that was the fourth day of our acquaintance, we met in the same spot, but early in the morning, with much familiarity and yet much timidity on either side. when she had once more spoken about my danger — and that, i understood, was her excuse for coming — i, who had prepared a great deal of talk during the night, began to tell her how highly i valued her kind interest, and how no one had ever cared to hear about my life, nor had i ever cared to relate it, before yesterday. suddenly she interrupted me, saying with vehemence —
“and yet, if you knew who i was, you would not so much as speak to me!”
i told her such a thought was madness, and, little as we had met, i counted her already a dear friend; but my protestations seemed only to make her more desperate.
“my father is in hiding!” she cried.
“my dear,” i said, forgetting for the first time to add “young lady,” “what do i care? if he were in hiding twenty times over, would it make one thought of change in you?”
“ah, but the cause!” she cried, “the cause! it is — “ she faltered for a second — “it is disgraceful to us!”
