the second meeting with maslova.
nekhludoff went to visit his aunts because their estate lay near the road he had to travel in order to join his regiment, which had gone forward, because they had very warmly asked him to come, and especially because he wanted to see katusha. perhaps in his heart he had already formed those evil designs against katusha which his now uncontrolled animal self suggested to him, but he did not acknowledge this as his intention, but only wished to go back to the spot where he had been so happy, to see his rather funny, but dear, kind-hearted old aunts, who always, without his noticing it, surrounded him with an atmosphere of love and admiration, and to see sweet katusha, of whom he had retained so pleasant a memory.
he arrived at the end of march, on good friday, after the thaw had set in. it was pouring with rain so that he had not a dry thread on him and was feeling very cold, but yet vigorous and full of spirits, as always at that time. "is she still with them?" he thought, as he drove into the familiar, old-fashioned courtyard, surrounded by a low brick wall, and now filled with snow off the roofs.
he expected she would come out when she heard the sledge bells but she did not. two bare-footed women with pails and tucked-up skirts, who had evidently been scrubbing the floors, came out of the side door. she was not at the front door either, and only tikhon, the man-servant, with his apron on, evidently also busy cleaning, came out into the front porch. his aunt sophia ivanovna alone met him in the ante-room; she had a silk dress on and a cap on her head. both aunts had been to church and had received communion.
"well, this is nice of you to come," said sophia ivanovna, kissing him. "mary is not well, got tired in church; we have been to communion."
"i congratulate you, aunt sophia," [it is usual in russia to congratulate those who have received communion] said nekhludoff, kissing sophia ivanovna's hand. "oh, i beg your pardon, i have made you wet."
"go to your room--why you are soaking wet. dear me, you have got moustaches! . . . katusha! katusha! get him some coffee; be quick."
"directly," came the sound of a well-known, pleasant voice from the passage, and nekhludoff's heart cried out "she's here!" and it was as if the sun had come out from behind the clouds.
nekhludoff, followed by tikhon, went gaily to his old room to change his things. he felt inclined to ask tikhon about katusha; how she was, what she was doing, was she not going to be married? but tikhon was so respectful and at the same time so severe, insisted so firmly on pouring the water out of the jug for him, that nekhludoff could not make up his mind to ask him about katusha, but only inquired about tikhon's grandsons, about the old so-called "brother's" horse, and about the dog polkan. all were alive except polkan, who had gone mad the summer before.
when he had taken off all his wet things and just begun to dress again, nekhludoff heard quick, familiar footsteps and a knock at the door. nekhludoff knew the steps and also the knock. no one but she walked and knocked like that.
having thrown his wet greatcoat over his shoulders, he opened the door.
"come in." it was she, katusha, the same, only sweeter than before. the slightly squinting naive black eyes looked up in the same old way. now as then, she had on a white apron. she brought him from his aunts a piece of scented soap, with the wrapper just taken off, and two towels--one a long russian embroidered one, the other a bath towel. the unused soap with the stamped inscription, the towels, and her own self, all were equally clean, fresh, undefiled and pleasant. the irrepressible smile of joy at the sight of him made the sweet, firm lips pucker up as of old.
"how do you do, dmitri ivanovitch?" she uttered with difficulty, her face suffused with a rosy blush.
"good-morning! how do you do?" he said, also blushing. "alive and well?"
"yes, the lord be thanked. and here is your favorite pink soap and towels from your aunts," she said, putting the soap on the table and hanging the towels over the back of a chair.
"there is everything here," said tikhon, defending the visitor's independence, and pointing to nekhludoff's open dressing case filled with brushes, perfume, fixatoire, a great many bottles with silver lids and all sorts of toilet appliances.
"thank my aunts, please. oh, how glad i am to be here," said nekhludoff, his heart filling with light and tenderness as of old.
she only smiled in answer to these words, and went out. the aunts, who had always loved nekhludoff, welcomed him this time more warmly than ever. dmitri was going to the war, where he might be wounded or killed, and this touched the old aunts. nekhludoff had arranged to stay only a day and night with his aunts, but when he had seen katusha he agreed to stay over easter with them and telegraphed to his friend schonbock, whom he was to have joined in odessa, that he should come and meet him at his aunts' instead.
as soon as he had seen katusha nekhludoff's old feelings toward her awoke again. now, just as then, he could not see her white apron without getting excited; he could not listen to her steps, her voice, her laugh, without a feeling of joy; he could not look at her eyes, black as sloes, without a feeling of tenderness, especially when she smiled; and, above all, he could not notice without agitation how she blushed when they met. he felt he was in love, but not as before, when this love was a kind of mystery to him and he would not own, even to himself, that he loved, and when he was persuaded that one could love only once; now he knew he was in love and was glad of it, and knew dimly what this love consisted of and what it might lead to, though he sought to conceal it even from himself. in nekhludoff, as in every man, there were two beings: one the spiritual, seeking only that kind of happiness for him self which should tend towards the happiness of all; the other, the animal man, seeking only his own happiness, and ready to sacrifice to it the happiness of the rest of the world. at this period of his mania of self-love brought on by life in petersburg and in the army, this animal man ruled supreme and completely crushed the spiritual man in him.
but when he saw katusha and experienced the same feelings as he had had three years before, the spiritual man in him raised its head once more and began to assert its rights. and up to easter, during two whole days, an unconscious, ceaseless inner struggle went on in him.
he knew in the depths of his soul that he ought to go away, that there was no real reason for staying on with his aunts, knew that no good could come of it; and yet it was so pleasant, so delightful, that he did not honestly acknowledge the facts to himself and stayed on. on easter eve, the priest and the deacon who came to the house to say mass had had (so they said) the greatest difficulty in getting over the three miles that lay between the church and the old ladies' house, coming across the puddles and the bare earth in a sledge.
nekhludoff attended the mass with his aunts and the servants, and kept looking at katusha, who was near the door and brought in the censers for the priests. then having given the priests and his aunts the easter kiss, though it was not midnight and therefore not easter yet, he was already going to bed when he heard the old servant matrona pavlovna preparing to go to the church to get the koulitch and paski [easter cakes] blest after the midnight service. "i shall go too," he thought.
the road to the church was impassable either in a sledge or on wheels, so nekhludoff, who behaved in his aunts' house just as he did at home, ordered the old horse, "the brother's horse," to be saddled, and instead of going to bed he put on his gay uniform, a pair of tight-fitting riding breeches and his overcoat, and got on the old over-fed and heavy horse, which neighed continually all the way as he rode in the dark through the puddles and snow to the church.
聂赫留朵夫这次到姑妈家去，是因为他所在的部队已开赴前方，他中途要经过她们的庄园，而且两位姑妈热情邀请他去，但主要的原因是他很想看看卡秋莎。也许在灵魂深处他已受到那如今脱缰的兽性的冲动，对卡秋莎起了歹念，但这一点他自己并没有意识到。他只是想重游他曾快乐地生活过的地方，看看两位对他一向十分慈爱和赞赏、可笑而又可亲的姑妈，看看给他留下愉快回忆的天真可爱的卡秋莎。
他是在三月底耶稣受难日1到达的。当时冰雪初融，道路泥泞，而且下着倾盆大雨，把他淋得浑身湿透，身子冻僵，但他还是生气蓬勃，精神焕发——在那个时候，他总是这样的。“她是不是还在她们家里？”马车到达姑妈家熟识的旧式地主庄园时，他心里想。庄园院子里堆着从屋顶上掉下来的积雪，周围砌着一道矮墙。他满心希望，她一听见他的铃铛声就会跑到台阶上，但只看见两个裙裾掖在腰里的赤脚女人提着水桶从边门出来，她们显然正在擦地板。正门入口处也没有她的人影子，只见听差吉洪一人出来。他系着围裙，看来也在打扫房子。索菲雅姑妈身穿丝绸连衣裙，头戴睡帽，来到了前厅。
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1复活节前最后一个礼拜五。
“啊，你到底来了，太好了！”索菲雅姑妈一边吻他，一边说。“玛丽雅姑妈有点不舒服，她刚才去教堂累了。我们领过圣餐了。”
“恭喜你，索菲雅姑妈，”聂赫留朵夫吻了吻索菲雅姑妈的手说，“对不起，我把您弄湿了。”
“快到房间里去。你浑身都湿透了。瞧你已经有胡子了……卡秋莎！卡秋莎！快给他拿咖啡来。”
“我这就来！”走廊里传来熟识的好听声音。
聂赫留朵夫高兴得心都怦怦直跳。“她还在这儿！”好象太阳从云端里露出脸来。聂赫留朵夫兴高采烈地跟着吉洪到他以前住过的房间里去换衣服。
聂赫留朵夫很想向吉洪打听一下卡秋莎的情况：她身体好吗？过得怎么样？是不是快出嫁了？可是吉洪的态度是那么毕恭毕敬，庄重严肃，并且一定要亲自给他用水冲手，弄得聂赫留朵夫不好意思向他打听卡秋莎的事，只能问问他的孙子们好不好，那匹被唤作“哥哥的老马”和看家狗波尔康怎么样。原来孙子们和老马都很好，挺强壮，只有波尔康去年疯了。
聂赫留朵夫脱下身上的湿衣服，刚要穿上干净衣服，忽然听见急促的脚步声，接着是敲门声。聂赫留朵夫从脚步声和敲门声中听出是谁来了。只有她才是这样走路和敲门的。
他披上潮湿的军大衣，走到门口。
“请进！”
果然是她，是卡秋莎。还是同原来一样，但出落得越发俏丽可爱了。那双纯洁的略带斜睨的黑眼睛仍旧那么笑盈盈地从脚到头打量人。她仍旧系着洁白的围裙。姑妈让她送来一块刚剥去包装纸的香皂和两条手巾：一条是俄国式大浴巾，一条是毛巾。不论是没有用过的字迹清楚的香皂，还是那两条手巾，或者卡秋莎本人，都是那么洁净、新鲜、纯朴、惹人喜爱。她那两片线条清楚的可爱红唇，象上次看见他时一样，由于内心难以抑制的喜悦而皱了起来。
“欢迎您，德米特里·伊凡内奇！”她好不容易才说出口，脸涨得通红。
“你好……您好，”聂赫留朵夫不知道对她说话用“你”好还是用“您”好，脸涨得象她一样红。“身体好吗？”
“感谢上帝……您瞧，姑妈叫我给您送您喜爱的玫瑰香皂来了，”她说着把肥皂放在桌上，把手巾往椅子扶手上一搭。
“人家侄少爷自己有，”吉洪夸耀客人的阔气说，得意扬扬地指指聂赫留朵夫那个打开的大梳妆箱。箱子里放着许多银盖的瓶子、刷子、发蜡、香水和其他化妆用品。
“您给我谢谢姑妈。我来到这里，真高兴，”聂赫留朵夫说，觉得心里象上次一样开朗和温暖。
她听了这话只微微一笑，就走了。
两位姑妈一向宠爱聂赫留朵夫，这次见到他格外高兴。德米特里出去打仗，可能负伤，也可能阵亡。这就使两位姑妈格外疼他。
聂赫留朵夫原定在姑妈家只停留一天一夜，但见了卡秋莎，他就决定多待两天，过了复活节再走。于是他给他的朋友和同事申包克打了个电报，请他也到姑妈家来。他们原先约定在敖德萨会合。
聂赫留朵夫第一天看到卡秋莎，对她就燃起了旧情。他象上次一样，看见卡秋莎的白围裙就兴奋，听见她的脚步声、说话声和笑声就快乐，看见她那双水汪汪象乌梅子一样的眼睛，特别是当她微笑的时候，他就心醉，主要是当他们相遇的时候，他一看见她满脸红晕的模样，就心慌意乱。他发觉自己在恋爱了，但不象以前那样觉得恋爱是个谜，他连自己都不敢承认他在恋爱，并且认为人的一生只能恋爱一次。现在他又在恋爱了，并且意识到这一点，还因此感到高兴。他隐隐约约地知道，恋爱是怎么一回事，结果会怎么样。
聂赫留朵夫也象所有的人那样，身上同时存在着两个人。一个是精神的人，他所追求的是那种对人对已统一的幸福；一个是兽性的人，他一味追求个人幸福，并且为了个人幸福不惜牺牲全人类的幸福。在目前这个时期，彼得堡生活和部队生活唤起的利己主义在他身上恶性发作，兽性的人在他身上占了上风，把精神的人完全压倒了。不过，他看见了卡秋莎，旧情复发，精神的人又抬头了，并且重新支配着他的行动。在复活节前的这两天里，聂赫留朵夫身上一刻不停地展开着连他自己都不清楚的内心斗争。
他心里明白他该走了，他没有理由留在姑妈家里，知道留着不会有什么好事，但待在这里实在太快乐了，他不愿正视这种危险，就留了下来。
在复活节前一天，礼拜六傍晚，司祭带了助祭和诵经士乘雪橇赶来做晨祷。他们说，他们千辛万苦才穿过水塘和干地，走完从教堂到姑妈家的三里路。
聂赫留朵夫同姑妈和仆人站在一起做完晨祷，同时目不转睛地盯住卡秋莎，看她站在门口，送来了手提香炉。他同司祭和两位姑妈互吻了三次，正要到房里去睡觉，忽然听见玛丽雅姑妈的老女仆玛特廖娜同卡秋莎一起在走廊里，正准备到教堂去行复活节蛋糕和奶饼的净化礼。他暗暗打定主意：
“我也去。”
去教堂的路，马车不能通行，雪橇也不好走。聂赫留朵夫在姑妈家一向象在自己家里一样随便，他吩咐仆人把那匹叫“哥哥的公马”备好鞍子，自己不上床睡觉，却穿上漂亮的军服和紧身马裤，披上军大衣，跨上那匹不住嘶叫的膘肥体壮的老公马，摸黑穿过水塘和雪地向教堂跑去。
