kuni remained under the spell of these delusions for many days and nights. when she at last regained her senses, she was lying on a plain couch in a long, whitewashed hall. the well-scoured floor was strewn with sand and pine needles. other beds stood beside hers. on one wall hung a large wooden crucifix, painted with glaring colours; on the other a touching picture of the mater dolorosa, with the swords in her heart, looked down upon her.
beside kuni's pallet stood a gray sister and an elderly man, evidently a physician. his long black robe, tall dark cap, and gold headed cane bore witness to it. bending forward, with eyeglasses on his prominent nose, he gazed intently into her face.
her return to consciousness seemed to please him, and he showed himself to be a kind, experienced leech. with tireless solicitude he strove to cure the numerous injuries which she had received, and she soon learned through him and the nun, that she had fallen from the rope and escaped death as if by a miracle. the triumphal arch under her, and the garlands which decorated the wooden structure, had caught her before she touched the pavement. true, her right leg was broken, and it had been necessary to amputate her left foot in order to save her life. many a wound and slash on her breast and head also needed healing, and her greatest ornament, her long, thick, dark hair, had been cut off.
why had they called her, the ropedancer, back to a life which henceforward could offer her nothing save want and cruel suffering? she uttered this reproach to her preservers very indignantly; but as the physician saw her eating a bunch of grapes with much enjoyment, he asked if this pleasure did not suffice to make her rejoice over the preservation of her existence. there were a thousand similar gifts of god, which scarcely seemed worthy of notice, yet in the aggregate outweighed a great sorrow which, moreover, habit daily diminished.
the sister tried, by other arguments, to reconcile her to the life which had been preserved, but the words her devout heart inspired and which were intended for a pious soul, produced little influence upon the neglected child of the highroad. kuni felt most deeply the reference to the sorely afflicted mother of god. if such sorrow had been sent to the noblest and purest of mortals, through whom god had deigned to give his divine son to the world, what grief could be too great for her, the wandering vagabond? she often silently repeated this to herself; yet only too frequently her impetuous heart rebelled against the misery which she felt that she would encounter. but many weeks were to pass before she recovered; a severe relapse again endangered her life.
during the first days of illness she had talked to lienhard in her fevered visions, called him by name, and warned him against the spiteful elf who would ruin him. frequently, too, oaths and horrible, coarse imprecations, such as are heard only from the mouths of the vagrants among whom she had grown to womanhood, fell from her burning lips. when she improved, the leech asked in the jesting tone which elderly men are fond of using to young women whose heart secrets they think they have detected, what wrong her lover had done her. the sister, nay, even the abbess, wished to learn what she meant by the wicked witch whom she had mentioned with such terrible curses during the ravings of the fever, but she made no reply. in fact, she said very little, and her nurses thought her a reserved creature with an obdurate nature; for she obstinately rejected the consolations of religion.
only to her confessor, a kind old priest, who knew how to discover the best qualities in every one, did she open her heart so far as to reveal that she loved the husband of another and had once wished evil, ay, the very worst evil, to a neighbour. but since the sin had been committed only in thought, the kindly guardian of her conscience was quickly disposed to grant her absolution if, as a penance, she would repeat a goodly number of paternosters and undertake a pilgrimage. if she had had sound feet, she ought to have journeyed to santiago di compostella; but, since her condition precluded this, a visit to altotting in bavaria would suffice. but kuni by no means desired any mitigation of the penance. she silently resolved to undertake the pilgrimage to compostella, at the world's end,—[cape finisterre]—in distant spain, though she did not know how it would be possible to accomplish this with her mutilated foot. not even to her kind confessor did she reveal this design. the girl who had relied upon herself from childhood, needed no explanation, no confidante.
therefore, during the long days and nights which she was obliged to spend in bed, she pondered still more constantly upon her own past. that she had been drawn and was still attracted to lienhard with resistless power, was true; yet whom, save herself, had this wounded or injured? on the other hand, it had assuredly been a heavy sin that she had called down such terrible curses upon the child. still, even now she might have had good reason to execrate the wearer of the wreath; for she alone, not lienhard, was the sole cause of her misfortune. her prayer on the rope that the saints would destroy the hated child, and the idea which then occupied her mind, that she was really a grown maiden, whose elfin delicacy of figure was due to her being one of the fays or elves mentioned in the fairy tales, had made a deep impression upon her memory.
whenever she thought of that supplication she again felt the bitterness she had tasted on the rope. though she believed herself justified in hating the little mischief-maker, the prayer uttered before her fall did not burden her soul much less heavily than a crime. suppose the sister was right, and that the saints heard every earnest petition?
she shuddered at the thought. the child was so young, so delicate. though she had caused her misfortune, the evil was not done intentionally. such thoughts often induced kuni to clasp her hands and pray to the saint not to fulfil the prayer she uttered at that time; but she did not continue the petition long, a secret voice whispered that every living creature—man and beast—felt the impulse to inflict a similar pang on those who caused suffering, and that she, who believed the whole world wicked, need not be better than the rest.
meanwhile she longed more and more eagerly to know the name of the little creature that had brought so much trouble upon her, and whether she was still forcing herself between lienhard and his beautiful wife.
as soon as she was able to talk again, she began her inquiries. the sister, who was entirely absorbed in her calling and never left the scene of her wearisome toil, had little to tell; but the leech and the priest, in reply to her questions concerning what had happened during the period of her unconsciousness, informed her that the emperor had ordered that she should receive the most careful nursing, and had bestowed a donation upon the convent for the purpose. he had thought of her future, too. when she recovered, she would have the five heller pounds which the generous sovereign had left for her as a partial compensation for the injuries sustained while employing her rare skill for the delight of the multitude and, above all, himself. a wealthy nuremberg honourable, lienhard groland, a member of the council, had also interested himself in her and deposited the same amount with the abbess, in case she should recover the use of her limbs and did not prefer to spend the remainder of her life here, though only as a lay sister. in that case he would be ready to defray the cost of admission.
"that the lofty convent walls might rise between him and the sight of me!" kuni said to herself at this information, with a bitter smile. on the—other hand, her eyes filled with tears of genuine emotion and sincere shame, when she learned from the leech that herr lienhard groland's lovely wife had come daily to the convent to inquire about her, and had even honoured her couch with a visit several times. she did not remain absent until one day, in the noble lady's presence, kuni, when her fever was fiercest, loaded the wearer of the wreath, whom her delirium often brought before her as a nightmare, with the most savage and blasphemous curses. the gracious young wife was overwhelmed with horror, which had doubtless prevented her return, unless her absence was due to departure from the city. besides, she had committed the care of inquiring about her convalescence to an aristocratic friend in augsburg, the wife of the learned city clerk, doctor peutinger, a member of the famous welser family of augsburg. the latter had often inquired for her in person, until the illness of her own dear child had kept her at home. yet, in spite of this, her housekeeper had appeared the day before to inform the abbess that, if the injured girl should recover and wished to lead a respectable life in future, she might be sure of a welcome and easy duties in her own household. this surely ought to be a great comfort to kuni, the physician added; for she could no longer pursue rope-dancing, and the peutingers were lavishly endowed with worldly goods and intellectual gifts, and, besides, were people of genuine christian spirit. the convent, too, would be ready to receive her—the abbess had told him so—if herr groland, of nuremberg, kept his promise of paying her admission dues.
all these things awakened a new world of thoughts and feelings in the convalescent. that they ought, above all, to have aroused sincere gratitude, she felt keenly, yet she could not succeed in being especially thankful. it would be doing lienhard a favour, she repeated to herself, if she should enter a convent, and she would rather have sought shelter in a lion's den than under the peutinger roof. she had been informed the day before that the city clerk's wife was the mother of the child upon whom she had called down misfortune and death.
the keeper of an augsburg bath-house, who had burned herself with boiling water, occupied the next bed. she was recovering, and was a talkative woman, whose intrusive loquacity at first annoyed kuni, nay, when she could not silence it, caused her pain. but her conversation soon revealed that she knew every stick and stone in her native city. kuni availed herself of this, and did not need to ask many questions to learn everything that she desired to know about the little beggar-landed elf.
she was juliane, the young daughter of herr conrad peutinger, the city clerk—a girl of unusual cleverness, and a degree of learning never before found in a child eleven years old. the bath-house keeper had many wonderful stories to relate of her remarkable wisdom, with which even highly educated men could not vie. in doing so, she blamed the father and mother, who had been unnatural parents to the charming child; for to make the marvel complete, and to gratify their own vanity, they had taxed the little girl's mind with such foolish strenuousness that the frail body suffered. she had heard this in her own bath-house from the lips of the child's aunt and from other distinguished friends of the welsers and peutingers. unfortunately, these sensible women proved to have been right; for soon after the close of the reichstag, juliane was attacked by a lingering illness, from which rumour now asserted that she would never recover. some people even regarded the little girl's sickness as a just punishment of god, to whom the constant devotion of the father and his young daughter to the old pagans and their ungodly writings must have given grave offence.
this news increased to the utmost the anxiety from which kuni had long suffered. often as she thought of lienhard, she remembered still more frequently that it was she, who had prayed for sickness to visit the child of a mother, who had so kindly offered her, the strolling player, whom good women usually shunned, the shelter of her distinguished house.
the consciousness of owing a debt of gratitude to those, against whom she had sinned so heavily, oppressed her. the kind proposal of the sick child's mother seemed like a mockery. it was painful even to hear the name of peutinger.
besides, the further she advanced toward recovery, the more unendurable appeared the absence of liberty. the kind efforts of the abbess to keep her in the cloister, and teach her to make herself useful there by sewing, were unsuccessful; for she could not turn the spinning wheel on account of her amputated foot, and she had neither inclination nor patience for the finer branches of needlework.
those who charged her with a lamentable lack of perseverance were right; the linen which she began to hem fell into her lap only too soon. when her eyes—which could see nothing here except a small walled yard—closed while she was working, the others thought that she was asleep; but her mind remained awake, though she had lowered her lids, and it wandered restlessly over valleys rivers, and mountains through the wide, wide world. she saw herself in imagination travelling along the highway with nimble jugglers merry musicians, and other care-free vagrant folk, instead of plying the needle. even the whirling dust, the rushing wind, and the refreshing rain outside seemed desirable compared with the heavy convent air impregnated by a perpetual odour of lavender.
when at last, in the month of march, little afra, the fair-haired niece of the portress, brought her the first snowdrop, and kuni saw a pair of starlings enter the box on the budding linden before her window, she could no longer bear her imprisonment in the convent.
within these walls she must fade, perhaps die and return to dust. in spite of all the warnings, representations, entreaties, and promises of those who—she gratefully perceived it—meant well toward her, she persisted in her desire to be dismissed, to live out of doors as she had always done. at last they paid her what was due, but she accepted only the emperor's bounty, proudly refusing lienhard groland's money, earnestly as she was urged to add it to the other and to the viaticum bestowed by the nuns.
