the queen has recently presented new colors to the first battalion of the seaforth highlanders. there was a great parade at osborne, half the royal family being present to witness her majesty perform the one piece of business to which she takes kindly in her old age. she has long been, as lord beaconsfield said, physically and morally unfit for her many duties; but she is always ready to inspect her troops, to pin a medal or a cross on the breast of that cheap form of valor which excites such admiration in feminine minds, or to thank her brave warriors for exhibiting their heroism on foreign fields against naked savages and half-naked barbarians. the ruling passion holds out strong to the last, and the respectable old lady who is allowed to occupy the english throne because of her harmlessness can still sing, like the grand duchess in offenbach's opera, "oh, i dote on the military."

but the queen is not my game. i am "going for" the priests behind her, the mystery-men who give the sanction of religion to all the humbug and hypocrisy, as well as to all the plunder and oppression, that obtain amongst us. those new colors were consecrated (that is the word) by the dean of windsor. the old colors were consecrated forty-two years ago by the venerable dr. vernon harcourt, archbishop of york, who was probably a near relative of our pious home secretary, the fat member for derby. if i were a courtier, a sycophant, or an ordinary journalist, i might spend some time in hunting up the actual relationship between these two harcourts; but being neither, and not caring a straw one way or the other, i content myself, as i shall probably content my readers, with hazarding a conjecture.

consecrating the colors! what does that mean? first of all it implies the alliance between the soldier and the priest, who are the two arms of tyranny. one holds and the other strikes; one guards and the other attacks; one overawes with terror and delusion, and the other smites with material weapons when the spiritual restraints fail. the black and the red armies are both retainers in the service of privilege, and they preach or fight exactly as they are bidden. it makes no real difference that the soldier's orders are clear and explicit, while the priest's are mysteriously conveyed through secret channels. they alike obey the mandate of their employers, and take their wages for the work.

in the next place it shows the intimate relation between religion and war. both belong to the age of faith. when the age of reason has fairly dawned both will be despised and finally forgotten. they are always and everywhere founded on ignorance and stupidity, although they are decorated with all sorts of fine names. the man of sense sees through all these fine disguises. he knows that the most ignorant people are the most credulous, and that the most stupid are the most pugnacious. educated and thoughtful men shrink alike from the dogmas of religion and the brutalities of war.

further, this consecration of the colors reminds us that the christian deity is still the lord of hosts, the god of battles. his eyes delight to look over a purple sea of blood, and his devotees never invoke his name so-much as when they are about to emulate his sanguinary characteristics. the dean of windsor does not shock, he only gratifies, the feelings of the orthodox world, when he blesses the flag which is to float over scenes of carnage, and flame like a fiend's tongue over the hell of battle, where brothers of the same human family, without a quarrel in the world, but set at variance bv thieves and tricksters, maim and mangle and kill each other with fractricidal hands, which ought to have been clasped in friendship and brotherhood. yet these hireling priests, who consecrate the banners of war, dare to prate that god is a loving father and that we are all his children. what monstrous absurdity! what disgusting hypocrisy i surely the parent of mankind, instead of allowing his ministers to mouth his name over the symbols of slaughter, would command them to preach "peace, peace!"

until the war-drums beat no longer and the battle-flags are furled

in the parliament of man, the federation of the world.

of course there is a comic side to this, as to almost everything else. the priests of the various nations consecrate rival banners, pray for victory for their own side, and swear that god almighty is sure to give it them if they trust in him. now what is the lord to do when they go on in this way on opposite sides? he is sure to disappoint one party, and he is likely to get devilish little thanks from the other. a wise god would remain neutral, and say, "my comical little fellows, if you will go knocking out each other's brains because they are not strong enough to settle your differences by peaceful means, by all means get through the beastly business as soon as possible; but pray don't trouble me with your petitions for assistance; both sides are fools, and i wash my hands of the whole affair."

i have heard of an old dutch commander who actually prayed the lord to remain neutral, although from a different motive. on the eve of battle he addressed the deity in this fashion: "o lord, we are ten thousand, and they are ten thousand, but we are a darned sight better soldiers than they, and, o lord, do thou but keep out of it, and well give them the soundest thrashing they ever had."

our prayer book pays a very poor compliment to the god of battles. "give peace in our time, o lord," says the preacher. "because there is none other that fighteth for us but only thou o god," responds the congregation. the compilers of the prayer book evidently blundered, unless they secretly felt that the lord of hosts was used up, and not worth a keg of gunpowder or an old musket.

consecrating colors, like consecrating graveyards, is after all only a trick of trade. the dean of windsor only practises the arts of his profession, and probably laughs in his sleeve at his own public performance. perhaps he knows that god, as napoleon said, is on the side of the big battalions; just as, probably, every bishop knows that church corpses rot exactly like dissenting corpses, although they lie in consecrated ground. priestly mummeries will last as long as there is a demand for them. it is of little use to quarrel with this supply. the freethinker's duty is to lessen the demand.