the next moment soldiers came running through the wood, at firstin twos and threes, then ten or twenty together, and at last in such crowdsthat they seemed to fill the whole forest. alice got behind a tree, for fearof being run over, and watched them go by.
she thought that in all her life she had never seen soldiers souncertain on their feet: they were always tripping over something orother, and whenever one went down, several more always fell over him, sothat the ground was soon covered with little heaps of men.
then came the horses. having four feet, these managed ratherbetter than the foot-soldiers: but even they stumbled now and then;and it seemed to be a regular rule that, whenever a horse stumbled therider fell off instantly. the confusion got worse every moment, and alicewas very glad to get out of the wood into an open place, where she foundthe white king seated on the ground, busily writing in his memorandum-book.
`i've sent them all!' the king cried in a tone of delight, on seeingalice. `did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you camethrough the wood?'
`yes, i did,' said alice: `several thousand, i should think.'
`four thousand two hundred and seven, that's the exact number,' theking said, referring to his book. `i couldn't send all the horses, you know,because two of them are wanted in the game. and i haven't sent the twomessengers, either. they're both gone to the town. just look along theroad, and tell me if you can see either of them.'
`i see nobody on the road,' said alice.
`i only wish _i_ had such eyes,' the king remarked in a fretful tone.
`to be able to see nobody! and at that distance, too! why, it's as muchas _i_ can do to see real people, by this light!'
all this was lost on alice, who was still looking intently along theroad, shading her eyes with one hand. `i see somebody now!' sheexclaimed at last. `but he's coming very slowly--and what curious attitudes he goes into!' (for the messenger kept skipping up and down,and wriggling like an eel, as he came along, with his great hands spreadout like fans on each side.)`not at all,' said the king. `he's an anglo-saxon messenger-- andthose are anglo-saxon attitudes. he only does them when he's happy.
his name is haigha.' (he pronounced it so as to rhyme with `mayor.')`i love my love with an h,' alice couldn't help beginning, `becausehe is happy. i hate him with an h, because he is hideous. i fed himwith--with--with ham-sandwiches and hay. his name is haigha, and helives--'
`he lives on the hill,' the king remarked simply, without the leastidea that he was joining in the game, while alice was still hesitating forthe name of a town beginning with h. `the other messenger's calledhatta. i must have two, you know--to come and go. once to come,and one to go.'
`i beg your pardon?' said alice.
`it isn't respectable to beg,' said the king.
`i only meant that i didn't understand,' said alice. `why one tocome and one to go?'
`didn't i tell you?' the king repeated impatiently. `i must havetwo--to fetch and carry. one to fetch, and one to carry.'
at this moment the messenger arrived: he was far too much out ofbreath to say a word, and could only wave his hands about, and make themost fearful faces at the poor king.
`this young lady loves you with an h,' the king said, introducingalice in the hope of turning off the messenger's attention from himself-but it was no use--the anglo-saxon attitudes only got more extraordinaryevery moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from side to side.
`you alarm me!' said the king. `i feel faint--give me a hamsandwich!'
on which the messenger, to alice's great amusement, opened a bagthat hung round his neck, and handed a sandwich to the king, whodevoured it greedily.
`another sandwich!' said the king.
`there's nothing but hay left now,' the messenger said, peeping intothe bag.
`hay, then,' the king murmured in a faint whisper.
alice was glad to see that it revived him a good deal. `there'snothing like eating hay when you're faint,' he remarked to her, as hemunched away.
`i should think throwing cold water over you would be better,' alicesuggested: `or some sal-volatile.'
`i didn't say there was nothing better,' the king replied. `i saidthere was nothing like it.' which alice did not venture to deny.
`who did you pass on the road?' the king went on, holding out hishand to the messenger for some more hay.
`nobody,' said the messenger.
`quite right,' said the king: `this young lady saw him too. so ofcourse nobody walks slower than you.'
`i do my best,' the messenger said in a sulky tone. `i'm surenobody walks much faster than i do!'
`he can't do that,' said the king, `or else he'd have been here first.
however, now you've got your breath, you may tell us what's happened inthe town.'
`i'll whisper it,' said the messenger, putting his hands to his mouthin the shape of a trumpet, and stooping so as to get close to the king's ear.
alice was sorry for this, as she wanted to hear the news too. however,instead of whispering, he simply shouted at the top of his voice `they're atit again!'
`do you call that a whisper?' cried the poor king, jumping up andshaking himself. `if you do such a thing again, i'll have you buttered!
it went through and through my head like an earthquake!'
`it would have to be a very tiny earthquake!' thought alice. `whoare at it again?' she ventured to ask.
`why the lion and the unicorn, of course,' said the king.
`fighting for the crown?'
`yes, to be sure,' said the king: `and the best of the joke is, that it'smy crown all the while! let's run and see them.' and they trotted off, alice repeating to herself, as she ran, the words of the old song:-`the lion and the unicorn were fighting for the crown:
the lion beat the unicorn all round the town. some gave themwhite bread, some gave them brown; some gave them plum-cakeand drummed them out of town.'
`does--the one--that wins--get the crown?' she asked, as well asshe could, for the run was putting her quite out of breath.
`dear me, no!' said the king. `what an idea!'
`would you--be good enough,' alice panted out, after running alittle further, `to stop a minute--just to get--one's breath again?'
`i'm good enough,' the king said, `only i'm not strong enough.
you see, a minute goes by so fearfully quick. you might as well try tostop a bandersnatch!'
alice had no more breath for talking, so they trotted on in silence,till they came in sight of a great crowd, in the middle of which the lionand unicorn were fighting. they were in such a cloud of dust, that atfirst alice could not make out which was which: but she soon managedto distinguish the unicorn by his horn.
they placed themselves close to where hatta, the other messenger,was standing watching the fight, with a cup of tea in one hand and a pieceof bread-and-butter in the other.
`he's only just out of prison, and he hadn't finished his tea when hewas sent in,' haigha whispered to alice: `and they only give themoyster-shells in there--so you see he's very hungry and thirsty. how areyou, dear child?' he went on, putting his arm affectionately round hatta'sneck.
hatta looked round and nodded, and went on with his bread andbutter.
`were you happy in prison, dear child?' said haigha.
hatta looked round once more, and this time a tear or two trickleddown his cheek: but not a word would he say.
`speak, can't you!' haigha cried impatiently. but hatta onlymunched away, and drank some more tea.
`speak, won't you!' cried the king. 'how are they getting on with the fight?'
hatta made a desperate effort, and swallowed a large piece of bread-and-butter. `they're getting on very well,' he said in a choking voice:
`each of them has been down about eighty-seven times.'
`then i suppose they'll soon bring the white bread and the brown?'
alice ventured to remark.
`it's waiting for 'em now,' said hatta: `this is a bit of it as i'meating.'
there was a pause in the fight just then, and the lion and theunicorn sat down, panting, while the king called out `ten minutesallowed for refreshments!' haigha and hatta set to work at once,carrying rough trays of white and brown bread. alice took a piece totaste, but it was very dry.
`i don't think they'll fight any more to-day,' the king said to hatta:
`go and order the drums to begin.' and hatta went bounding away like agrasshopper.
for a minute or two alice stood silent, watching him. suddenlyshe brightened up. `look, look!' she cried, pointing eagerly. `there's thewhite queen running across the country! she came flying out of thewood over yonder--how fast those queens can run!'
`there's some enemy after her, no doubt,' the king said, withouteven looking round. `that wood's full of them.'
`but aren't you going to run and help her?' alice asked, very muchsurprised at his taking it so quietly.
`no use, no use!' said the king. `she runs so fearfully quick. youmight as well try to catch a bandersnatch! but i'll make a memorandumabout her, if you like--she's a dear good creature,' he repeated softly tohimself, as he opened his memorandum-book. `do you spell "creature"with a double "e"?'
at this moment the unicorn sauntered by them, with his hands in hispockets. `i had the best of it this time?' he said to the king, just glancingat him as he passed.
`a little--a little,' the king replied, rather nervously. `you shouldn'thave run him through with your horn, you know.'
`it didn't hurt him,' the unicorn said carelessly, and he was going on,when his eye happened to fall upon alice: he turned round ratherinstantly, and stood for some time looking at her with an air of the deepestdisgust.
`what--is--this?' he said at last.
`this is a child!' haigha replied eagerly, coming in front of alice tointroduce her, and spreading out both his hands towards her in an anglo-saxon attitude. `we only found it to-day. it's as large as life, and twiceas natural!'
`i always thought they were fabulous monsters!' said the unicorn.
`is it alive?'
`it can talk,' said haigha, solemnly.
the unicorn looked dreamily at alice, and said `talk, child.'
alice could not help her lips curling up into a smile as she began:
`do you know, i always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters, too! inever saw one alive before!'
`well, now that we have seen each other,' said the unicorn, `ifyou'll believe in me, i'll believe in you. is that a bargain?'
`yes, if you like,' said alice.
`come, fetch out the plum-cake, old man!' the unicorn went on,turning from her to the king. `none of your brown bread for me!'
`certainly--certainly!' the king muttered, and beckoned to haigha.
`open the bag!' he whispered. `quick! not that one-- that's full of hay!'
haigha took a large cake out of the bag, and gave it to alice to hold,while he got out a dish and carving-knife. how they all came out of italice couldn't guess. it was just like a conjuring-trick, she thought.
the lion had joined them while this was going on: he looked verytired and sleepy, and his eyes were half shut. `what's this!' he said,blinking lazily at alice, and speaking in a deep hollow tone that soundedlike the tolling of a great bell.
`ah, what is it, now?' the unicorn cried eagerly. `you'll neverguess! _i_ couldn't.'
the lion looked at alice wearily. `are you animal--vegetable --ormineral?' he said, yawning at every other word.
`it's a fabulous monster!' the unicorn cried out, before alice couldreply.
`then hand round the plum-cake, monster,' the lion said, lyingdown and putting his chin on this paws. `and sit down, both of you,' (tothe king and the unicorn): `fair play with the cake, you know!'
the king was evidently very uncomfortable at having to sit downbetween the two great creatures; but there was no other place for him.
`what a fight we might have for the crown, now!' the unicorn said,looking slyly up at the crown, which the poor king was nearly shaking offhis head, he trembled so much.
`i should win easy,' said the lion.
`i'm not so sure of that,' said the unicorn.
`why, i beat you all round the town, you chicken!' the lion repliedangrily, half getting up as he spoke.
here the king interrupted, to prevent the quarrel going on: he wasvery nervous, and his voice quite quivered. `all round the town?' he said.
`that's a good long way. did you go by the old bridge, or the marketplace? you get the best view by the old bridge.'
`i'm sure i don't know,' the lion growled out as he lay down again.
`there was too much dust to see anything. what a time the monster is,cutting up that cake!'
alice had seated herself on the bank of a little brook, with the greatdish on her knees, and was sawing away diligently with the knife. `it'svery provoking!' she said, in reply to the lion (she was getting quite usedto being called `the monster'). `i've cut several slices already, but theyalways join on again!'
`you don't know how to manage looking-glass cakes,' the unicornremarked. `hand it round first, and cut it afterwards.'
this sounded nonsense, but alice very obediently got up, andcarried the dish round, and the cake divided itself into three pieces as shedid so. `now cut it up,' said the lion, as she returned to her place withthe empty dish.
`i say, this isn't fair!' cried the unicorn, as alice sat with the knife inher hand, very much puzzled how to begin. `the monster has given the lion twice as much as me!'
`she's kept none for herself, anyhow,' said the lion. `do you likeplum-cake, monster?'
but before alice could answer him, the drums began.
where the noise came from, she couldn't make out: the air seemedfull of it, and it rang through and through her head till she felt quitedeafened. she started to her feet and sprang across the little brook in herterror,* * * * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * * *and had just time to see the lion and the unicorn rise to their feet,with angry looks at being interrupted in their feast, before she dropped toher knees, and put her hands over her ears, vainly trying to shut out thedreadful uproar.
`if that doesn't "drum them out of town,"' she thought to herself,'nothing ever will!'
